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Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/16/2006 3:00:09 PM)
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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
It wasn't my intent to state that people need others to tell them how to behave, that being said we do want to please our Doms don't we?
I feel the need to be pleasing to all my loved ones. Family, friends...even, or especially, myself. And yes, to a higher degree my dominant partner.
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I want my behavior to be pleasing, asked how it could be displeasing, and he told me what would be displeasing. I would alter my behavior in many ways for the right person, and he is not all that demanding of me.
To a degree, I might alter small behavioural traits, naturally. The way i answer a phone, how I make a bed, etc... But in general, I expect that the dominant I'm in a relationship found me pleasing before he even decided to embark on a relationship with me.
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I do not see the difference in biting my tongue here, and not embarassing him elsewhere, I think it is good practice.
It's good social skills to be able to bite one's tongue on occasion. Not embarrassing myself, is, in the long run, a measure of not embarrassing my partner. I strive not to embarrass myself.
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If he found me to be an embarassment I would expect to be dumped, I think it is much easier not to be one, don't you?
Absolutely. I guess I just don't feel that by my age I need someone to tell me how not to embarrass myself. I believe I am a pleasing person with good social graces. If he finds me displeasing in this way then we are perhaps not suited. (This is just my preference, I'm not trying to judge anyone else's beliefs on this.)
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It is ultimately my choice to behave myself.
In essence this is what I was saying. I don't feel my partner should have to make these choices for me. They are choices I have been making for a long time as a mature responsible adult. Ultimately only I can continue to make them.
I'm not really disagreeing with what you are saying, I just see it as a set of behaviours I expect to have in place, with or without a dominant partner to set out the guidelines.
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I see no difference in doing this rather than dressing a certain way, or walking a certain way, or serving a certain way.
I do see a difference. There are many other places where I would prefer he put his attention, as you say, clothing, sexual behaviour, etc etc... My basic social skills aren't one of those things.
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