Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Questioning Dominants


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Questioning Dominants Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 1:50:16 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

First of all, juliaoceana, I have yet to read anything from you that is less than respectful.  Often times I read a post of yours and marvel at how you can get your point across in the nicest possible manner. 
Thank you, but I have shown my rear end a time or two, just usually not when it comes to how people conduct their relationships. I will refer you to an archived thread about a submissive guy that wanted to know how to stay out of the way of his new mistress when she brought over  dominant men, and they discussed locking him in the basement, although this was an extreme case, nevertheless, my Dom said it was no excuse to show my ass..smiles.

quote:

Since your dominant has made this a rule for you, I would suggest several things.
One:  How do you show your respect to your dominant when you have an opposing opinion?  Use that same strategy here, couching your words in respectful terms.
Two: If its something that just makes your blood boil and you can't refrain, type it in a word document, get it out of your system, and delete it.  That has worked for me anyway! 
He tells me I can tell him anything I like about a dominant we meet in the real world or I see posting on this board, and I have sounded outraged a time or two.. he doesn't like this either as he doesn't want what someone else posts controlling my emotional states.. it has taught me a lot about being distant from other people's dramas and not troubling my mind with them. I thank him for that..although I am not perfect and still am reactionary at times. I think it is valuable to think twice about what I post, although I too often do not.

quote:

Communication in the written form like this can always be misunderstood.
People will get insulted, even when the intention was never there.
I speak as I feel and if someone has a problem with that, that is their decision.  Personally, I do not believe in fakes, wannabees or words to that effect. 
I agree, and it is him that judges whether I insulted someone, not them. I am usually not trying to affect people in a negative way, but I am not responsible if I do although I will apologize if I have inadvertantly hurt someon's feelings.
 
 
quote:

The next rule on this is I treat everyone (regardless of their "status") with the respect they deserve. This, as he explained it to me, means that I don't have to show respect to someone who does not treat me with it. He trusts my instinct on this and will call it to my attention if I am wrong...thus far, though, that has never happened. I fight my own battles should I need to, and he's there for assistance should I need it as well. Submissive does not mean "doormat" to either of us. Picking fights is not so much my style, so I try to avoid it, but I am by the same token unafraid to have an opinion.
If you have read me much on here, I pull no punches in presenting a viewpoint, and I have even insulted people (usually for picking on another poster for their weight or looks or making outlandishly rude prouncements to the board), it is in regard to insulting somone's dynamic and their methods of dominating that I am to be respectful. This board has many other outlets to be rude if that is what I wanted to be outside of these guidelines, but I try not to be rude...smiles
 
basically I asked him how he wanted me to behave because I would cringe at the idea that my behavior would reflect badly on him, and at the same time I am not the type to walk on eggshells. I do not mean it to sound like he made these pronouncements like Moses settting down the 10 Commandments.  I just would hate to embarass him, it was almost like asking for guidelines to make sure I didn't do so.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 1:56:57 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I have a similar rule, in so far as I do fall into the camp of "the slave is a reflection of Me".  Therefore, I would expect good manners and not being baited into any sort of pissing match.  I am guilty Myself, on occasion, but I do feel there is always a way to make a point without being rude.  And if there isn't, then best to just leave it alone.
Admittedly, I do judge those identifying as submissives or slaves, based upon their opinions.  Whether I agree or not, doesn't matter.  It is how they present themselves that makes all the difference. Sometimes things can get lost in the medium of pure text, but usually a nasty or sarcastic or "poor me" tone comes through loud and clear.
And I will add, that goes for any poster.  Not just submissives/slaves.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 4:46:30 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I know everyone has different rules for themselves and for their submissive in how they handle the above, and I am interested in hearing if there are those who live by similar constraints or enforce them on someone else that posts here. If you do have these sorts of constraints are they hard for you to follow?


I live by one rule consistently whether I am in service or alone. It is my sincerest belief that just because a thought comes to mind, doesn't imply that we should utter it aloud. Some things simply aren't worth repeating. I am accountable for my actions and speech regardless of the station I hold. If I cannot exercise self control without constraint or direction, rules and protocol will do little to change these things. No one is worth the personal cost of sacrificing my morality or principles. Be it master, friend, or foe, I simply will not lower myself under any circumstances regardless of the situation.

Of course it can be difficult to maintain at times and life will offer challenges virtually and in our day to day interactions. However, the small triumphs and control exhibited give me a great sense of personal achievement and satisfaction. Which reinforces my beliefs and provides a gentle reminder that service is a constant that takes effort and patience to develop and master.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 5:26:05 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I will refer you to an archived thread about a submissive guy that wanted to know how to stay out of the way of his new mistress when she brought over  dominant men, and they discussed locking him in the basement, although this was an extreme case, nevertheless, my Dom said it was no excuse to show my ass..smiles.


Hi julia
I remember that thread, because I was the one who started it about locking him in the backroom. The reason I said it was, they had post after post of great advice, all they wanted to do was argue with it all. So in sarcasm or if you will , my way of saying, you got all this great advice and just want to argue about it, make it simple and lock yourself in the back room.

_____________________________

WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 5:32:10 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
There are a few posters I am not permitted to respond to.  And there are some posters my Dom has placed on "block" (under my cookie) for various reasons. 
I try not to judge other's relationships because my own relationship is not traditional in the sense of how many here would define a D/s relationship.  


Very sad.    Sounds like a very insecure Dom.    Sounds like one of the those cult leaders
who try to control the mind's of their followers.  George Bush comes to mind.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 5:33:28 PM   
DanielsHeart


Posts: 39
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		I have one rule here

I am to post as though he is reading every word.

Which for me means BEHAVE..LOL

Is it hard?  yes, at times I want to respond in a way that would not be pleasing to him.   I don't do it though.

Daniel's heart


_____________________________

His heart for His pleasure always

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 7:17:10 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		There are many posts that Thorns has had me re-word.  I also can attest to the fact that i am no where near politically correct when i type, when i talk.  What you see here, is what you would see in r/l.  I feel when i type, i feel when i talk.  I am usually passionate about what i have to say, i have been told that i am brutally honest, sometimes i understand that is not what other's want to hear.  I also have to say that i do hold back, type out replies, then completely erase them...sometimes over and over again.  Why?  because sometimes it only makes sense to me.
Believe it or not..........i do have manners that show from time to time.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 7:35:32 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
There are a few posters I am not permitted to respond to.  And there are some posters my Dom has placed on "block" (under my cookie) for various reasons. 
I try not to judge other's relationships because my own relationship is not traditional in the sense of how many here would define a D/s relationship.  


Very sad.    Sounds like a very insecure Dom.    Sounds like one of the those cult leaders
who try to control the mind's of their followers.  George Bush comes to mind.

That's a bit hard for us to judge, isn't it?  Maybe such posters have upset her and he is protecting her from getting sucked in.  I have a friend in a similar boat and her Master is one of the most secure men I know.  He simply knows how sensitive his slave is and is sparing her from drama.  To judge and insult one's Dominant without knowing the circumstances seems worse to me than anything he might be doing.  How do you think she might feel when she comes back to read about her "insecure Dom?" 

Sorry, but posts like this tend to disturb me a little.

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 8:09:06 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
There are a few posters I am not permitted to respond to.  And there are some posters my Dom has placed on "block" (under my cookie) for various reasons. 
I try not to judge other's relationships because my own relationship is not traditional in the sense of how many here would define a D/s relationship.  


Very sad.    Sounds like a very insecure Dom.    Sounds like one of the those cult leaders
who try to control the mind's of their followers.  George Bush comes to mind.

That's a bit hard for us to judge, isn't it?  Maybe such posters have upset her and he is protecting her from getting sucked in.  I have a friend in a similar boat and her Master is one of the most secure men I know.  He simply knows how sensitive his slave is and is sparing her from drama.  To judge and insult one's Dominant without knowing the circumstances seems worse to me than anything he might be doing.  How do you think she might feel when she comes back to read about her "insecure Dom?" 

Sorry, but posts like this tend to disturb me a little.


I agree, we cannot judge why a dominant has chosen something for his submissive, it could be because those posters have attacked her in some way, and being this is the internet one cannot do anything about that but block and move on.

My Dom encourages me very strongly not to block anyone, but instead to be able to block them in my mind, it is hard, but I haven't blocked one person here or on the other side. I have mentally blocked them if they are poisonous. But different people have different ways of handling things, his way is not necessarily the right way for someone else... I have been tempted to block many people and haven't done so because of what he thinks about it. I think that has been somewhat of a growing experience, and I am glad I haven't blocked anyone... yet.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 8:20:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
There are a few posters I am not permitted to respond to.  And there are some posters my Dom has placed on "block" (under my cookie) for various reasons. 
I try not to judge other's relationships because my own relationship is not traditional in the sense of how many here would define a D/s relationship.  


Very sad.    Sounds like a very insecure Dom.    Sounds like one of the those cult leaders
who try to control the mind's of their followers.  George Bush comes to mind.

That's a bit hard for us to judge, isn't it?  Maybe such posters have upset her and he is protecting her from getting sucked in.  I have a friend in a similar boat and her Master is one of the most secure men I know.  He simply knows how sensitive his slave is and is sparing her from drama.  To judge and insult one's Dominant without knowing the circumstances seems worse to me than anything he might be doing.  How do you think she might feel when she comes back to read about her "insecure Dom?" 

Sorry, but posts like this tend to disturb me a little.

I agree- that's like saying if my dom orders me not to spend money at Fredericks then he's insecure about the relationship.

We've all got weaknesses, I like that a partner is willing to step in and lay down the law to help someone create healthier habits for themselves.

Yes, rules LIKE THIS can become excessive and unhealthy, but simply telling someone to mind their posting and a few good mannerful guidelines doesn't come near that limit IMO.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 8:48:49 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		All I know is that I have been the recipient of critical words about my Master from people who have never had a conversation with him, and it made me feel defensive and very uncomfortable.  But mostly I felt offended by someone thinking they could possibly know what I need, better than my Master does.

I have since learned to not really give a damn, but I do hate to see others being put in a similar situation.

Anyway, sorry for the hi-jack.  But hey - here's a prime example of me being allowed to exercise the right to share my opinions with a Dominant personality.  So it really wasn't much of a hi-jack at all! 

~Edited since I had apparently forgotten how to spell Master, lol.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 8/15/2006 8:49:54 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 8:56:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

All I know is that I have been the recipient of critical words about my Master from people who have never had a conversation with him, and it made me feel defensive and very uncomfortable.  But mostly I felt offended by someone thinking they could possibly know what I need, better than my Master does.

I have since learned to not really give a damn, but I do hate to see others being put in a similar situation.

Anyway, sorry for the hi-jack.  But hey - here's a prime example of me being allowed to exercise the right to share my opinions with a Dominant personality.  So it really wasn't much of a hi-jack at all! 

~Edited since I had apparently forgotten how to spell Master, lol.

Actually I do not think it was a hijack since the thread was about not insulting dominants in how they choose to lead their submissives within a relationship. I found your statement totally on topic

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/15/2006 8:58:15 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 9:16:42 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I give E/everyone respect,they dont need to earn it first either,its a common courtesy as far as I am concerned.Before anyone is either a Dom or a submissive
they are a Human Being first and should IMO be treated as such.

Being different is what makes this world a neat place to be...I see no reason why people cant be civil in posting opinions.
Instead of saying your a idiot I say I disagree with that and then give a reason why.
Which is really only MY own opinion doesnt mean they have to agree it.

I think agreeing to disagree on some issues is the best thing and most civil thing
you can do.And there is nothing wrong with it.It really means your just accepting someone else has a point view...what is so bad about that.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/15/2006 10:52:43 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
 
quote:

The next rule on this is I treat everyone (regardless of their "status") with the respect they deserve. This, as he explained it to me, means that I don't have to show respect to someone who does not treat me with it. He trusts my instinct on this and will call it to my attention if I am wrong...thus far, though, that has never happened. I fight my own battles should I need to, and he's there for assistance should I need it as well. Submissive does not mean "doormat" to either of us. Picking fights is not so much my style, so I try to avoid it, but I am by the same token unafraid to have an opinion.
If you have read me much on here, I pull no punches in presenting a viewpoint, and I have even insulted people (usually for picking on another poster for their weight or looks or making outlandishly rude prouncements to the board), it is in regard to insulting somone's dynamic and their methods of dominating that I am to be respectful. This board has many other outlets to be rude if that is what I wanted to be outside of these guidelines, but I try not to be rude...smiles
 
basically I asked him how he wanted me to behave because I would cringe at the idea that my behavior would reflect badly on him, and at the same time I am not the type to walk on eggshells. I do not mean it to sound like he made these pronouncements like Moses settting down the 10 Commandments.  I just would hate to embarass him, it was almost like asking for guidelines to make sure I didn't do so.



I agree with not wanting to embarass my Dom! I have read quite a few of your posts- I swear this place is becoming an addiction, haha.
In speaking about other's practices, you will notice I do not get in those conversations at all- instead I prefer to address themes of the thread and chime in my opinion, more or less undirected. I figure the relationship I share with my Dom works for me, but to others it would be completely incompatible- I can't determine that for anyone but myself so I read and just keep my nose out of their relationship needs/wants/issues, what have you. I'm such a newbie here I figure I can learn by seeing what is around me- which is my first and foremost duty on this site- I was told to learn everything I can so I can better know my own personal needs.

This has been an interesting thread.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 12:25:58 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		eh. Just fyi that's more than one rule (as I see it ;-) and yes they are hard for her to follow. Which rule comes first the chicken or the egg. Symbiosis. It takes 10 years for someone to learn something well - assuming they want to.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 12:28:39 AM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		I make every effort to treat everyone on these boards, off these boards, at work, at play etc, the way my mother taught me to. With common courtesy, manners, and as much tolerance as I can ethically ascribe to.

Personally, I don't feel I should need to have rules about such things given to me, I should already be acting in a way that would make someone, anyone, proud to say they know me.

I'm a mature responsible adult, I've refined my social skills. If I can't control the effect someone has on me I need to remove myself, or change my attitude, rapidly. I don't like it when I get ugly; I won't allow it to continue.

I stumble, I make mistakes, and I beat my self up about it. But I always resolve to try harder.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 4:17:18 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Interesting question.  I am to protect his property first and foremost above all else.  While he wishes me to be a respectful human being to people, and to be kind and forgiving (when warranted, which I suppose is subjective), should I find myself under "attack" by any person - submissive, dominant, vanilla, or otherwise, I am allowed, expected, and required to say anything he himself would say.  My #1 rule from the day he began training me, is I submit to him and no one else. 


Owned, this sounds very much like my situation as well. It was never set down as a hard and fast rule, it is what i have always done, i guess i knew they expected this as well.

Though there comes a point when dealing with those who just want to argue or name call i just block those individuals.

There are those on the boards who feel it is their right because they call themselves dom/domme to correct any sub/slave they choose, perhaps this is one reason for the rule your owner set.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 4:36:12 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		My girl knows that whilst I may not spot a post straight away, I WILL see it.

she is expected (And it is her nature mostly anyhow) to be generaly polite to all, in fact she tends to be TOO polite in some cases where I deem the person not to be worth the effort.

If she chooses to post on the Gorean board, she WILL stick to their protocol of respectful address to the free, such as refering to IB as Master Ironbear.

However, she is MINE, answers to ME, follows MY instruction no-one elses. If anyone else has a problem with her behaviour they can bring it to me and discuss it.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 5:19:22 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

However, she is MINE, answers to ME, follows MY instruction no-one elses. If anyone else has a problem with her behaviour they can bring it to me and discuss it.


You really are a cute and cuddly grizzled Scot aren't you? Yours is a lucky girl..... 

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 5:47:57 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Very sad.    Sounds like a very insecure Dom.    Sounds like one of the those cult leaders who try to control the mind's of their followers.  George Bush comes to mind.


He would certainly find it insulting to be compared to George W.!  And I'm sure he would laugh at the thought of someone finding him "insecure."

To clarify:  My Dom and I sometimes discuss various threads here.  Sometimes I use thread topics as blogging material.  There are some posters whom I have the habit of complaining about because I found them excessively stupid.  He had me block them because they are all noise and no signal and add nothing to the good of the conversations.  And he didn't want to hear me complaining about them.  He feels that repeated cluelessness should lead to blocking. 

Making broad generalizations like you did represents that sort of cluelessness.





_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Questioning Dominants Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125