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RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 1:46:23 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: raiken

i am just me, no matter who i am with or where.  i see no reason to insult or malign another.  i don't like to leave a negative trail of energy behind me. i enjoy diversity and accept folks for who they are AND who they are not.  However, i get ornery and very playful at times, and do enjoy light hearted poking and exchanging of wit and humor with others, but always with respect.  My personal line of integrity just won't allow me to be otherwise. 
 
In regard to being a reflection of our partner(s), i agree that there is some truth in this, for we do become the company we keep.


Well said, Raiken! I agree that we do reflect the company we keep, but less so if we have to be constantly told by someone how to reflect them.

I strive to always be my best, because, as my mother pointed out, why would anyone of value want to be with you if you are rude, arrogant, selfish, or otherwise?

By being the best that I can be I attract good people into my life. Not vice versa. I don't attract good people into my life so they can make me be the best I can be.

(I'm fairly certian this isn't what the OP meant with this post, but this idea of needing a partner in order to get fixed is an ongoing issue in D/s.)

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 2:21:55 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It wasn't my intent to state that people need others to tell them how to behave, that being said we do want to please our Doms don't we? I want my behavior to be pleasing, asked how it could be displeasing, and he told me what would be displeasing. I would alter my behavior in many ways for the right person, and he is not all that demanding of me.  I do not see the difference in biting my tongue here, and not embarassing him elsewhere, I think it is good practice.

If he found me to be an embarassment I would expect to be dumped, I think it is much easier not to be one, don't you? It is ultimately my choice to behave myself. I see no difference in doing this rather than dressing a certain way, or walking a certain way, or serving a certain way.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 3:00:09 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

It wasn't my intent to state that people need others to tell them how to behave, that being said we do want to please our Doms don't we?


I feel the need to be pleasing to all my loved ones. Family, friends...even, or especially, myself. And yes, to a higher degree my dominant partner.

quote:


I want my behavior to be pleasing, asked how it could be displeasing, and he told me what would be displeasing. I would alter my behavior in many ways for the right person, and he is not all that demanding of me. 


To a degree, I might alter small behavioural traits, naturally. The way i answer a phone, how I make a bed, etc... But in general, I expect that the dominant I'm in a relationship found me pleasing before he even decided to embark on a relationship with me.

quote:


I do not see the difference in biting my tongue here, and not embarassing him elsewhere, I think it is good practice.


It's good social skills to be able to bite one's tongue on occasion. Not embarrassing myself, is, in the long run, a measure of not embarrassing my partner. I strive not to embarrass myself.

quote:


If he found me to be an embarassment I would expect to be dumped, I think it is much easier not to be one, don't you?


Absolutely. I guess I just don't feel that by my age I need someone to tell me how not to embarrass myself. I believe I am a pleasing person with good social graces. If he finds me displeasing in this way then we are perhaps not suited. (This is just my preference, I'm not trying to judge anyone else's beliefs on this.)

quote:


It is ultimately my choice to behave myself.


In essence this is what I was saying. I don't feel my partner should have to make these choices for me. They are choices I have been making for a long time as a mature responsible adult. Ultimately only I can continue to make them.

I'm not really disagreeing with what you are saying, I just see it as a set of behaviours I expect to have in place, with or without a dominant partner to set out the guidelines.

quote:


I see no difference in doing this rather than dressing a certain way, or walking a certain way, or serving a certain way.


I do see a difference. There are many other places where I would prefer he put his attention, as you say, clothing, sexual behaviour, etc etc... My basic social skills aren't one of those things.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 3:55:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		wow, I didn't know how to dress myself, act, or anything until I got a dom... not even how to serve OR have sex... what did I do before he came along!

I was doing all these things before I was a submissive, and if I had no social graces I doubt I would have a dom that was educated, kind, and was good to animals... but that is just me and I could be wrong.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 4:05:18 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
To a degree, I might alter small behavioural traits, naturally. The way i answer a phone, how I make a bed, etc... But in general, I expect that the dominant I'm in a relationship found me pleasing before he even decided to embark on a relationship with me.


I suspect that many Dominants would like it that their submissives found them to be pleasing before a collar is tossed around the submissive's neck

To be found pleasing is not sole domain of submissives.  As well to be pleasing to ones partner is just as possible of occuring regardless if the person is submissive or Dominant.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/17/2006 12:24:09 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

wow, I didn't know how to dress myself, act, or anything until I got a dom... not even how to serve OR have sex... what did I do before he came along!

I was doing all these things before I was a submissive, and if I had no social graces I doubt I would have a dom that was educated, kind, and was good to animals... but that is just me and I could be wrong.


Exactly! I've watched your posts for a long time. Often you say exactly what I was about to say, and I'm always impressed. You're one of the most articulate, reasonable posters here.

I have no doubts, from what I've read of Sinergy, that he knows what he is doing. He appears to me to be a very reasonable, intelligent man and not the type to waste energy on silly things, so I'm not questioning either one of you on your choices. (It wouldn't be my place, even if I was.)
 
I really am just speaking for myself. This is how I perceive myself, and my needs, not about anyone else.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/17/2006 12:30:53 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
To a degree, I might alter small behavioural traits, naturally. The way i answer a phone, how I make a bed, etc... But in general, I expect that the dominant I'm in a relationship found me pleasing before he even decided to embark on a relationship with me.


I suspect that many Dominants would like it that their submissives found them to be pleasing before a collar is tossed around the submissive's neck

To be found pleasing is not sole domain of submissives.  As well to be pleasing to ones partner is just as possible of occuring regardless if the person is submissive or Dominant.


Kinky or vanilla, choosing someone who is not pleasing to you, is a disaster. It usually means someone is hoping to change the other person.

I don't think this is the case in this thread, and I do think there are things a dominant would choose to change in his partner. Perhaps a sub likes to wear a lot of black, and the dom prefers colours...Perhaps the sub works at a job that is not a good fit, and the dom will decide to assist the sub in making a move to a happier situation.

For myself, the way I interact with people is healthy and respectful. If I met someone wanting to change the way I deal with people, I would have to question that. That being said, if a dom prefers a sub follow certian rituals, protocols or standards of behaviour that's up to the couple to decide the worthiness of, not me. Live and let live.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 67
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