Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Questioning Dominants


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Questioning Dominants Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 6:15:10 AM   
MsEmma


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: IndigoDadesi
If that means that he is rude to some members of the comunity they must have deserved to be treated as such by their treatment of him.

For me, someone else's forgetting their manners is never an excuse to forget my own.  I treat people politely because it is the standard of behavior I have for myself- not based on whatever behavior the people is around me. that would give them far too much control over my behavior.  Except for extreme cases, there's never a reason to deviate from this standard.


Well said  Albatross,  If  we are rude and have the same behavior as the instigator or troublemaker, we only bring ourselves down to their level. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 6:34:21 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		When I was being trained by a Dom, I once started a thread on how we had played with wax and I had pretty much hated it, seeking advice for how to make it a better experience.  I was not critical of my Dom, but a few posters' comments could have been read as critical of the choices he made in introducing it to me.  While I found the thread immensely helpful, he was embarrassed by it, and said I'd put him in a bad light, and that perhaps we shouldn't play any more.  He also made a rule shortly after that he read all my posts before I post them, which effectively silenced me, because by the time I was able to get them approved by him, they were no longer timely.  (Eventually he saw the deleterious effect of this rule and lifted it, and we also began playing together again.)

I learned a big lesson from this, though.  Even though my intent was not to put him in a bad light nor to embarrass him, it had that effect, and I began running anything even the least bit questionable or controversial by him in advance.  And later, when I was involved with another Master, I asked his permission before starting a thread relating to our relationship and difficulties I was having adapting to his sadism. 

I have learned a lot about 'place' in my slave training.  Having always been very outspoken and articulate, now that I am a slave (although presently unowned), I look at things differently, and am always concerned about respect.

sp

< Message edited by sapphirepleasure -- 8/16/2006 6:36:02 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 6:39:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
I learned a big lesson from this, though.  Even though my intent was not to put him in a bad light nor to embarrass him, it had that effect, and I began running anything even the least bit questionable or controversial by him in advance.  And later, when I was involved with another Master, I asked his permission before starting a thread relating to our relationship and difficulties I was having adapting to his sadism. 

I have learned a lot about 'place' in my slave training.  Having always been very outspoken and articulate, now that I am a slave (although presently unowned), I look at things differently, and am always concerned about respect.

sp

Sadly this is why, despite the large numbers of posts we get on relationship issues, it's really only about 20% of them.  There's enormous pressure to put up appearances and make like things are amazing and perfect.  While I have no desire to work out someones personal drama online- a thread like yours was a perfect example of how the boards can actually give some perspective and allow the light of reality to come through rather than maintain the fantasy of "No no, everythings GREAT, of course it was perfect"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 7:00:30 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Sadly this is why, despite the large numbers of posts we get on relationship issues, it's really only about 20% of them.  There's enormous pressure to put up appearances and make like things are amazing and perfect.  While I have no desire to work out someones personal drama online- a thread like yours was a perfect example of how the boards can actually give some perspective and allow the light of reality to come through rather than maintain the fantasy of "No no, everythings GREAT, of course it was perfect"


Yes, I was rather frustrated by the backlash because I felt that at least part of it was an unrealistic desire to present everything in a rosy light, whereas I'm about being transparent and realistic, and hadn't felt that I'd been critical or dramatic about it in the least.  My mistake though, I feel, was in not at least running it by him in the first place.  Also, he probably already felt bad because the experience hadn't been very good for me and to have everyone else step in and point out why, well it just wasn't a good scene and I learned a subtle but hard lesson.

So the next time, with a different Master, I wanted to start a thread that was about a problem we were having (me accepting his sadism), I asked his permission first and was very careful to make it about *me* and my issues, which at least one person posted was extremely helpful to them, and made it very worthwhile for me.  I think you're right, LA, that we do a disservice to the community when we paint everything in a rosy glow and act as if there are no issues to be worked out, and I believe it can be done in a way that is respectful and doesn't ask others to sort out a personal drama.

sp

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 8:08:07 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
I learned a big lesson from this, though.  Even though my intent was not to put him in a bad light nor to embarrass him, it had that effect, and I began running anything even the least bit questionable or controversial by him in advance.  And later, when I was involved with another Master, I asked his permission before starting a thread relating to our relationship and difficulties I was having adapting to his sadism. 

I have learned a lot about 'place' in my slave training.  Having always been very outspoken and articulate, now that I am a slave (although presently unowned), I look at things differently, and am always concerned about respect.

sp

Sadly this is why, despite the large numbers of posts we get on relationship issues, it's really only about 20% of them.  There's enormous pressure to put up appearances and make like things are amazing and perfect.  While I have no desire to work out someones personal drama online- a thread like yours was a perfect example of how the boards can actually give some perspective and allow the light of reality to come through rather than maintain the fantasy of "No no, everythings GREAT, of course it was perfect"


Some of us were raised that we do not take our troubles in public and air our dirty laundry. I prize loyalty to my family above everything else, unless it could harm an innocent. I prize loyalty to my lover/Dom just as highly. I would never want to embarass him, make him feel uncomfortable, or any of that. Many people feel this way and this is why so many "first time" posters are actually familiar faces in disguise. I do not personally believe that people that post here have perfect lives, but I do think they operate under the same "rule" I do, you do not say personal things that may embarass your loved ones.

Some dominants might be embarassed that their submissive started this thread, partially because people misunderstood the question. I was wondering if other dominants had rules about insulting other doms in public.. not if they had to babysit their submissives into not insulting other people, or making sure they were not rude...

It was my understanding that many dominants would not approve of their submissives going around telling others that such and such dom is a wanker. a player, a wannabe.. he doesn't belive it is my place.

He doesn't read all my posts, he doesn't babysit me, he just doesn't think I should be questioning the dominance of others. He doesn't care I am aggressive or argumentative in off topic whatsoever, or if anyone thinks I insulted them... although I doubt highly if he would want such a one, he hasn't censored me EVER. I just wanted to make that point.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/16/2006 8:09:49 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 8:28:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Some of us were raised that we do not take our troubles in public and air our dirty laundry. I prize loyalty to my family above everything else, unless it could harm an innocent. I prize loyalty to my lover/Dom just as highly. I would never want to embarass him, make him feel uncomfortable, or any of that. Many people feel this way and this is why so many "first time" posters are actually familiar faces in disguise. I do not personally believe that people that post here have perfect lives, but I do think they operate under the same "rule" I do, you do not say personal things that may embarass your loved ones.

There's a distinct difference between "taking troubles public/airing dirty laundry" and "getting perspectives on a situation."

You've seen Kyra, Knight, myself and many other well known long term CM posters post about things in their relationship to get perspectives on it.  We've all said "Hey, here's something going on with us, I'm laying it out here, what do you all think and what can you offer?"

Yet you've never before (and likely never will) seen us post about personal relationship beef.  I think mostly because we know that there's nothing CM can really offer when it comes to that sort of stuff, and indeed because a public forum isn't the place for that sort of stuff.

But the problem is when doms can't see the difference and simply ban their slave (explicitly or implicitly) from bringing ANYTHING other than "He's wonderful and it's great" in public....as well as the peer pressure from so many other subs who are DOING that and thus making the other subs feel they need to be doing that as well and as though they are doing something wrong or bad by not being all shiny and perfect as "everyone else" appears.

One can easily balance between being realistic and sharing about one's relationship open and honestly to portray a full view without bringing the dirty laundry onto the lawn or embarassing people.  I wish more people knew how to do that.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 8:32:10 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

I was wondering if other dominants had rules about insulting other doms in public..

Julia,
This is precisely the reason I wrote what I did in the other thread about the posters critisizing simplegirl's Master. I don't believe it is ANYONE'S place to insult someone's dominant on these boards when he/she has been sent to ask advice about something. It was totally rude and uncalled for. I would hate it if pup came here and asked a question and people started calling me an idiot and an asshole to HIM. They don't know my reasoning behind it, maybe I am testing his obedience to me, maybe I am testing his commitment to details, if I want him to spend countless time on here or any other website doing research, then that is my business. It is not up to the readers of this board to tell my submissive that *I* am wrong about what I have asked him to do. The point is, it is MY reasoning, and my submissive should not have to read what an idiot I am for asking him to do this for me. That is the only pet peeve I have on these boards. It would be different if you called the dominant an idiot because of something HE/SHE wrote, (Hell, I have done that, myself) but to tell a submissive that their beloved Master is an idiot, is beyond rude.
The question that MH asked about "What happened to.."  could just as easily been asked "What happened to MANNERS?" But I guess those are things of the past too.

_____________________________





(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 8:43:20 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
There are those on the boards who feel it is their right because they call themselves dom/domme to correct any sub/slave they choose, perhaps this is one reason for the rule your owner set.

Twice, he set that rule because when he found me I was in very bad shape, and was under the mindset that just because a human had a penis, meant some degree of submission should be observed toward him. And there were plenty of humans with penises who encouraged such thinking.  It was that kind of thinking which helped me become tangled in life to begin with.  Master was teaching me to get out of my own way.  He also feels that if a girl is submissive to everyone, then her submission to him does not have as much value to him as one who sees herself as an equal in the world but who will drop to the floor at his feet in a heartbeat.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 8:55:14 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You've seen Kyra, Knight, myself and many other well known long term CM posters post about things in their relationship to get perspectives on it.  We've all said "Hey, here's something going on with us, I'm laying it out here, what do you all think and what can you offer?"

Yet you've never before (and likely never will) seen us post about personal relationship beef.  I think mostly because we know that there's nothing CM can really offer when it comes to that sort of stuff, and indeed because a public forum isn't the place for that sort of stuff.

You can add me to the list of not ever posting personal relationship beef. 

However, while your comment is about Dominants wanting their subs to put on a happy face and spread sunshine all over the world, I think one of the discussion points here was about those who will make an innocent comment or pose a question, only to turn around and get clobbered, or see posts clobbering their Dom/mes.   I remember once writing in a post that when Master and I first conversed I was not allowed IMs with Doms who I was not previuosly friends with (I was in chat a lot back then).  Whoa boy did I hear how insecure he must have been back then.  But if you see what I just posted to Twicehappy a moment ago, you may see he was only trying to corral me in, until my thinking was clearer and I was much stronger on my own two feet.  He saw potential in me but knew I could jeopardize that by reverting to thoughts and ideas that had been conditioned in me.

Katie made a comment about having to block and whamo, suddenly her Dom is a jackass.  It happens a lot, and is unfortunate.

I think your issue about only expressing happiness, even if there are troubles, is a separate issue.  Maybe I connected the two in error.  Lack of sleeps invites confusion :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 8:55:47 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Julia,
This is precisely the reason I wrote what I did in the other thread about the posters critisizing simplegirl's Master. I don't believe it is ANYONE'S place to insult someone's dominant on these boards when he/she has been sent to ask advice about something. It was totally rude and uncalled for.

I have seen this happen a lot lately and it is partially the reason why I started this thread, not to "stop" people from doing it, but to see if there were dominants that had these rules, because seeing others do it made me wonder.

 
quote:

It is not up to the readers of this board to tell my submissive that *I* am wrong about what I have asked him to do.
 Well we may disagree on this because I tell dominants I do not agree with what they do all the time, but I try to be respectful of the relationship, and of what they are trying to accomplish. I figure they sent their submissive off to ask questions, they must not be insecure about the answers their submissives may get that conflict with their ideas. You can disagree with the idea, and not demonize the dominant or undermine his authority.


 
quote:

The point is, it is MY reasoning, and my submissive should not have to read what an idiot I am for asking him to do this for me.
Absolutely agree! I am more direct with submissives that are not yet collared by a dominant than I am ones that have been. I figure if they haven't made that commitment then they should think about EVERYTHING involved. I do not feel I am undermining the authority of a dominant with his property at that point. I figure I am helping someone that may end up in a bad situation and not thought it through. But calling a collared submissive's One an idiot is over the top, especially for a fellow submissive (just my opinion).

 
 
quote:

It would be different if you called the dominant an idiot because of something HE/SHE wrote, (Hell, I have done that, myself) but to tell a submissive that their beloved Master is an idiot, is beyond rude
It is beyond rude because it sets up the submissive to defend their dominant, and they may have behavior constrictions on the board which preclude them from answering in a forceful manner, which is metaphorically like hitting an unarmed person.

Im not talking about specific instances as you are, but I think you understood the part of the reason I posted this.. thanks for the insight.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/16/2006 9:01:18 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 9:11:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
However, while your comment is about Dominants wanting their subs to put on a happy face and spread sunshine all over the world, I think one of the discussion points here was about those who will make an innocent comment or pose a question, only to turn around and get clobbered, or see posts clobbering their Dom/mes. 

Oh I agree, my postings have been a different fork on this thread, more a "meta topic on why people should post about their lives without posting about their drama."  Sad to say, partly due to peer pressure and partly due to projection, when a person DOES post anything other than "happy shiny perfection" then they are almost definitely going to get a "your dom sucks" or "You're doing something wrong" response back.  This only reinforces the "don't post anything less than wonderful" issue.  And then you have the ones who post things and get responses they perceive as critical and harsh and wrong and then cry that it's the board being all meany and bad on them. 

quote:

  I remember once writing in a post that when Master and I first conversed I was not allowed IMs with Doms who I was not previuosly friends with (I was in chat a lot back then).  Whoa boy did I hear how insecure he must have been back then. 

Well the reality is that a huge majority of doms who have that rule are just being insecure. 

quote:

 But if you see what I just posted to Twicehappy a moment ago, you may see he was only trying to corral me in, until my thinking was clearer and I was much stronger on my own two feet.  He saw potential in me but knew I could jeopardize that by reverting to thoughts and ideas that had been conditioned in me.

Heh, those were the days.  You were fun.

quote:

I think your issue about only expressing happiness, even if there are troubles, is a separate issue.  Maybe I connected the two in error.  Lack of sleeps invites confusion :)

It is a separate but connected issue. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 9:18:59 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

Well we may disagree on this because I tell dominants I do not agree with what they do all the time, but I try to be respectful of the relationship, and of what they are trying to accomplish.

Yes, but the point is, you tell dominants that you do not agree with them. But do you tell their submissives that their dominants are wrong? Or do you call a slaves owner an idiot? There is a huge difference in telling a dominant straight up that you think they are wrong, and telling a slave/submissive that their Master is wrong. You are right, it is almost the same as hitting an unarmed person. If the submissive has been given orders not to "talk back" or "defend" the Master/Mistress, then the only thing that they can do, is show the comments to their dominants.
I kind of had the feeling that this thread was started because of what I had written <hugs> Thank you for creating it, I didnt want to start a thread based on my knee-jerk reaction.

_____________________________





(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 9:23:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Well I have asked them to ask their dominants questions, on that specific thread, I will admit that i felt as others did, just didn't state it the same way. I try not to denigrate anyone's relationship, it isn't my place.. although if they are not collared, all bets are off and I am going to say how I feel minus the name calling.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 9:29:20 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear sapphirepleasure, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In writing, when there has been an issue of technique, skills, styles or tools, I have found it works well to make a short beginning paragraph, as to focus readers, that this is not about the dominant person but, of this particular style, tactic, technique, skills and such.
 
By laying a good foundation, keeping the focus on the issue and not the person, that will not be offensive in my dominant's mind's eye.
 
Most dominants have self-taught themselves or, had bits and pieces of suggestions given.  Sometimes, what people see looks effortless but there is a techinque a person uses to make it look so.
 
Humans are curious creatures indeed.  If we were not, humans would not have invented the things we have today.  Needs are the mother of invention.  But, humans are territorial and for men, they have been placed in a position of having to "act" as the big rooster in the hen house per se.
 
I had a male dominant who was extremely frustrated by other male dominants, as to learn skills and the like.  Knowing the pool of male dominants he was seeking from, most had just one skill and they wouldn't share with some young buck coming into their group.  So, seeing this so often I have come to the conclusion that those who have most to share will do so.  I personally showed this dominant 'how to.'  The rest was on him to practice.  The months went by and visited the group, seeing him more popular than those who snubbed him was lovely.  He remained humbled by my 'take' on things.  He shared with those who snubbed him.  The whole group was elevated.
So, why do I share this "snap shot" of events.
 
People who do not have much to offer, will keep close to the vest and won't share and are scared of loosing all.  People who do not have much to offer but, share what they have will lift everybody and nobody looses.  The lessons like this play out in our most impoverished areas of our nation, where people are economically depressed.  Yet, these very people give all they have from their hearts to see that others are lifted.  Perhaps this is why, I cherish the mentality and spirit of the impoverished members of this community.  And, why I rather spend my time with them rather, than spending time with big groups who snub those who don't have much but, may have much in the way of material goods, toys, fame, etc.
 
Dominants have pride.  That is a fact.  The lifestyle peer pressure is huge, as to cause any 'slight' to create a big wound.  People being so judgmental by nature, amplifies in the lifestyle so, regardless how others frame the question, if the words have any glimmer of the insulting suggestion, it creates the dominant wounds.  When a dominant is wounded, it wounds the slave/submissive also.  That said, there are some dominants who wound extremely easy.  Unfortunately, as a dominant you have to develop a thicker skin.  However, I always question the motives or intent if you will, of dominants who attack other dominants regardless.  Some dominants feel the need to do so as some sort of vigilante but, really I do find that they are controllers, immature, insecure so they have to insult as to put others down.  We have such sorts all over the globe, so it is not a new behavior.
 
In addition, I am not thrilled by having a slave to put things before me for approval constantly.  Yes, I can understand if it is some convention or public speaking venue but, I wish my slave to speak from the heart and freely without my looking over their shoulder.  This review process tears away the 'trust' between them both.  Perhaps a new writing style/system is better but, not editing and stripe the heart out of the question or interaction.  Perhaps, I embrace the slave as an individual, flaws and all.  Then, give them the tools to become their own problem solver when it comes to questioning/approaching other dominants.  All of us would benefit indeed.  Learning from each other is what networking and asking and or answering questions is all about.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 11:06:30 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		Lady Hugs,

Thanks so much for your insight into the mind of a dominant and his/her pride. 

And you're right, when he was wounded, the backlash from it wounded me, and the new rules (no play for a while and no posting without approval) stifled and limited our relationship and my growth.  Fortunately, he was wise enough to see this and notice that I had just shut down under the new system and amend it accordingly.  And I was much more careful in the future to take his feelings into consideration when I posted about anything of a personal nature.

sp

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 11:33:54 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		i am just me, no matter who i am with or where.  i see no reason to insult or malign another.  i don't like to leave a negative trail of energy behind me. i enjoy diversity and accept folks for who they are AND who they are not.  However, i get ornery and very playful at times, and do enjoy light hearted poking and exchanging of wit and humor with others, but always with respect.  My personal line of integrity just won't allow me to be otherwise. 
 
In regard to being a reflection of our partner(s), i agree that there is some truth in this, for we do become the company we keep.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 11:46:26 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Issues between property and myself are for us to decide and comment upon.

Not a bunch of random perverts on a public message board. It's not about being cast in a bad light. I could care less. It's about trusting my good judgement enough to come to me FIRST.

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 1:04:36 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Issues between property and myself are for us to decide and comment upon.

Not a bunch of random perverts on a public message board. It's not about being cast in a bad light. I could care less. It's about trusting my good judgement enough to come to me FIRST.


amen to that.  this slave hasn't had any "issues" with Master, but IF she did, she wouldn't come here with it.
 
to the OP:   according to the rules this slave operates under, this slave could be disrespectful, condescending and just plain assy to everyone here.
 
But then, how would they tell us apart?

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/16/2006 1:34:26 PM >

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 1:17:48 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
There's a distinct difference between "taking troubles public/airing dirty laundry" and "getting perspectives on a situation."


I completely agree... unfortunately... many can't appreciate the difference.... and fortunate for a few.. they learn the difference from their mistakes.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Questioning Dominants - 8/16/2006 1:22:57 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But the problem is when doms can't see the difference and simply ban their slave (explicitly or implicitly) from bringing ANYTHING other than "He's wonderful and it's great" in public....as well as the peer pressure from so many other subs who are DOING that and thus making the other subs feel they need to be doing that as well and as though they are doing something wrong or bad by not being all shiny and perfect as "everyone else" appears.



unfortunately sometimes these same Dominant not only convey that a sub should "speak all is great from the mountain top" to others... But the Dominant want the same thing directed towards themselves.

All is great... and they keep sweeping the problems under the rug.  Sooner or later this will back fire.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Questioning Dominants Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.105