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Noah -> RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? (8/19/2006 11:49:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: indigo302
To me, that's exactly what a Daddy Dom is, Popeye. He nurtures, protects, and guides his "little girl". To me, one doesn't need to engage in ageplay to be a Daddy Dom, just as one doesn't need to engage in age play to be someone's "little girl". Heck, she doesn't even need to be little (but that's a different topic well beaten in other threads).
indigo
BDSM often (all to often in my view) involves black leather and purple posturing. That hardly means it is about those things. Still I think the uninitiated can readily get the impression that "it's all that whips and chains stuff," and little or nothing more.
I'd hate to see a general notion of the Daddy-Daughter dynamic calcify into the lovey-dovey-fluffy-bunny thing described over and over again here. I mean I'm all for two people getting into it that way if they want to but ...
I can attest that not all Daddy Doms are so uniformly lovey-dovey-fluffy-bunny as those weighing in here seem to be.
There are all kinds of ways that one can act in an actual parental role or in an actual filial role. Are all actual Daddies really as maternal as all this emphasis on nurturing would suggest? I don't think so.
Are all actual daughters in life just gaga-eyed adorers of he-who-spawned them? No again.
The daughter/Daddy dynamic in life can differ widely from that adoring/nurturing model in a number of directions. Let's allow room for that in the fantasy role too. After all we are talking about a fantasy role here in any case where the dom and sub are not actually engaged in an unmentionable relationship.
The closest thing to an exception would be case where the use of the word Daddy is just interchaneable with "Sir" or "Honey" or any other term of endearment or respect, which would not be an instance of D/d dynamics at all in my view. Just a nickname.
So a certain D/d relationship might go strongly and solely into the nurture and protect thing but in that case, beyond the possible use of the words "Daddy" and "daughter" I don't see anything special about it as a dynamic since any dom, top or master can nurture and protect, if that is his thing, without throwing the D words around.
Then again just the use of those terms might serve as a sort of quasi-magical invocation, pressing certain buttons in the psyches of the partners and even if nothing more than this "glow"is present to distinguish the relationships as D/d, that's enough for me to recognize it as such if the people involved do.
In other cases a D/d relationship might involve a large or small measure of the above in addition to some other things modeled upon phenomena recognized in actual filial relationships.
In still other cases that whole cootchie-coo doll-baby thing might be absent, just as it is in some actual relationships between Ds and ds, while entirely other aspects of actual D/d relationships are explored.
One aspect I seldom see mentioned is the existential nature of the Daddy/daughter model. A master buys a slave, or breaks her to saddle himself or what-have-you. A dom and sub can come together in ways nicely analogous to the ways vanilla couples come together, lots of different ways. But an actual filial relationship arises in a very special way, ulike all of those. It arise in a way that is uniquely constitutive of the persons involved.
She doesn't have to "have a slave heart"--whatever that means--to be a daughter. She just has to--and she really does have to as she has no choice in it--she just has to be the person she is. More simply put: she just is and always was and always will be. Full stop. There is a given-ness to the D/d relationship which isn't found just anywhere. This can be explored in role-taking.
Now some people may never reflect on this, may carry on wonderful D/d relationships based on nothing but that nurture and protect business and that's fine. Other people might explore this existential aspect of the roles, or entirely other aspects instead.
But please, while we celebrate the "nurture and protect" model for the good thing that it is let's not fall into a carelessly seeing this as synonymous with the D/d dynamic overall which is actually a many-splendored thing.
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