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Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:30:03 AM   
JHLuvsfeet


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		Hello,

Although I am new to this particular board, group or lifestyle, I am not new to living a bohemian, pagan or open-minded (to the point of being too far out and deep) style in the way I live life. My particular bend is having a foot fetish (just for women's feet), but open to just about anything with the right woman.

That said, why does there seem to be so much animosity towards people by certain individuals in here? For example, I've read a few dozen posts by doms who are so adamant about anyone who is switch, however, I know for myself, I can get into either role quite easily as my mind and persona can go there.

Besides that, what is up with the cliquishness of certain groups of individuals and the ego that develops or gets inflated in the way they talk, brag and carry on about this particular aspect of this lifestyle of theirs? I can see why there is still an underlying turn-off by the mainstream because I have found similar behavior in New Age circles, the gay community, political groups, peace and protest groups... you name it. It's this sad "stereotype" kind of behavior and one of trying to "fit in" so to speak.

To give you an example, I remember going into a health food store and asking the woman behind the counter, "So if I go vegan or vegetarian, does it mean I have to stop bathing, grow my hair out, wear sandals and patchuoli?" She laughed and said, "Yeah, it seems that way, doesn't it?" She knew what I was talking about. Or those individuals in other groups who might know the "lingo" and industry standards and then walk around with this air of being so "above" anyone who is just entering the same lifestyle, this blase attitude of superiority which reaks of "you have to get over yourself. It's sad that this facade you carry on is put up with only by the rest of the people as phony as yourself... pa-lease."

Maybe I'm seeing things wrong, but I doubt it. I can allow my mind to bend in any direction. I just never understood aligning myself with any one thought, focus or lifestyle to the point that it set me apart so greatly from others who might be unlike myself that I would not be able to relate to them or harbor ill feelings as well. It's the reason why so many groups will never champion their own cause because they get myopic in their view and tend to even become angry or on the offensive (and defensive) about it, when people merely question it in trying to understand it for themselves.

Sorry, but I am living life and trying to enjoy it with as many as I can, but I'm not going to lose myself in order to do so.

Pax

< Message edited by JHLuvsfeet -- 8/19/2006 6:32:36 AM >
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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:33:41 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		that would be reeks.........

Um, seems like you have settled in nicely.  A rather self-indulgent post.

Hope you get some feet today, pal.

LMCAO,
Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:36:38 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I suspect what you're seeing and/or referring to is simply human nature.  Cliques occur in all walks of life.  Not everyone, however, is necessarily part of a clique.  I personally ignore those who I find obnoxious and listen to those that I observe intelligence and good sense from.  I may not always agree with them, but that's okay.  A reasonable person is someone who doesn't insist that they are ALWAYS right.  Sometimes there's room for different opinions.
 
zuma

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:37:13 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I think the answer is because obnoxious and cliquish argumentative people are the loudest and easiest to see.  We other folks who aren't like that don't stand out but we're here.  ~peace~

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:43:02 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I always hate cliques, especially when I'm not part of one.

They're everywhere, though....schools, churches, work, social and civic organizations.  It must be some basic human primordial need.

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:52:13 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

Although I am new to this particular board, group or lifestyle,

So you decide that the best way to introduce yourself is with a little rant calling people out, or was the real intention to have it be a personal ad that describes how wonderfully open minded YOU are so someone will decide to stick their feet in your face?

It is humorous, though, that you have made the observation that kinksters can be cliquish and opinionated just like any other group, yet for all the seemingly thoughtful banter you simply fail to accept them just as human traits. Perhaps you are hoping to find some utopian paradise where everyone is just like you; I personally hope to never find such a place because I think it would be terribly boring.

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 6:56:40 AM   
WetHotGoddess


Posts: 128
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		well if you don't go to this club and hold the flogger like this and know so-and-so, you ain't SHIT, buddy!  I did a scene with Queen Glory overinthe Castle dungeon of Gore and Master Bator filmed at and now my shit no longer stinks and I am someone.. LMAO! 
 
Everyone has a need for validation, Pax.  Be yourself.  If you don't like the clique, do not play the game.  But then, like Zuma says, maybe you see the ones who are a pin because they ARE a pain.  I always try to remember when I see and idiot on the highway that there are many more good drivers than bad ones- you just focus on the bad ones.
 
Welcome and I hope the wolves do not devour you!
 
Arielwhodoesn'tgiveashitaboutfittingin
 

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 7:13:55 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		People are people are people are people... Why do you expect them to be any different just because they are kinky?

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This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 7:25:13 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		human nature

often people gather together & bay in harmonious unison like sheep

then there are the few that carry on solo like the eagle gliding high in the sky

Which are you? The eagle or the sheep?

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MstrssPassion


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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 7:36:43 AM   
NYMaster101


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		I dissagree.  I think it is becaue people are drawn to those with the same interests and mind set.

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 7:37:20 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		Just human nature. Doesn't matter what group there will always be cliques. Kinky people are just as cliquey (is that a word?) as anyone else.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 7:57:22 AM   
Kree


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		I haven't found that people nest in cliques in real life like I see on the boards.  This board, like most, has an in-crowd that posts to each other over and over on every topic.  We could be discussing nanotechnology and we would discover that 5 people have suffered nanotechnology and time space warps, 10 would express their regrets over and over and add empathy, while a comment from that  newbie, Steven Hawking, would sit there without any comments being made.  In real life, people tend to accept their differences and embrace their similarities without the need to ignore each other or add their life story to every dialogue.  When reading threads, I often think of the old dog food song, "My dogs better than your dog" etc etc etc, when I read that someone has had their wooden leg stolen and the next 20 posts are: "well I dont have a wooden leg, but I once stepped in chewing gum and messed up a shoe".  Then the thread follows the in group's comments and the original poster is left to find their wooden leg with little advice from others.  Just the nature of the beast.

There is some good advice offered here, but for the realities of personal exchanges, look to the real world for less of the clique mentality.

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Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 8:00:56 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Why are "lifestylers" so cliquish? Simple really, its because "lifestylers" are human.

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 8:02:50 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Is this another one of those 'waaah, nobody wants me' posts?  At least this one is disguised a little better (words words words waaah waah words words waaah words.)

To the OP: Some of us don't do fetishists because it objectifies us.  We're humans, not carriers for (the feet/whip/desired-object.)  Others don't do fetishists because we've got RT experience with them and they are selfish and annoying.  Some of us fem doms actually want submissives who are seeking a dominant, not someone to tell us what they want and how they want it and when. 

Whining and crying about how you're persecuted and how people don't want or even get what you want isn't going to get you anything but negative attention.  (Some say any attention is good attention, but I disagree.)  As you've so clearly illustrated, folks are SELECTIVE in all areas of life, be it religion, politics or sex.  I'd say when the ratio is something like 20 to 1 in favor of the women, we have every RIGHT to pick and choose and to wait for the right fit.  I don't need to compromise what I seek to entertain your kinks, especially when they don't match with my own.  Make sense?

What I am sure about is that for every one foot guy, there is a foot gal willing to entertain your interest.  So persevere.....keep fighting the good fight, and you'll find what you want, eventually.  Just do the dom fems a favor, and clue us in if you're going to be needy, whiny and NOT submissive.  You'll save your own time and aggravation by looking elsewhere!!!!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 8:33:03 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		<fast reply>

Well... this should get interesting... you'll learn if you stick around here... you're either in.. or not.. given to time to get in.. or be thrown out. Hell you might even get in and be thrown out again...LOL

As far as on line.. best to get off here.. go local... and live it...and not worry about online.

Good luck there..

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MisPandora)
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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 9:01:51 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		spot on post

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 10:08:06 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Hi there,
 
     I agree with you whole-heartedly.   Whatever group I am part of, I always feel
like an outsider because I am never popular enough to be part of the inner circle
or clique.  I am all about inclusion.  Other people are all about exclusion.
 
     In bdsm you are not considered "real" if you are not into the scene 24 / 7 / 365
Switches are looked down upon, just like bi sexual females are looked down upon
by lesbians.   Just like voters and politicians in the center are looked down upon
party purists.   Lieberman is not considered a true Democrat.  When Gore ran for
president he was not considered a true liberal.  Vegetarians call me a murderer
because I am a "pesco-vegetarian."  Atheists call me a liar for Jesus.  Christians
call me a heathen destined to Eternal damnation.  Big business calls me a
tree-huging enviromentalist.   Enviromentalists call me a shill for big business.
Everyone calls me a troll.
 
    In bdsm there are too many males and not enough females, so some Doms
want to keep the competition as low as possible.  The easiest way to do this
is by instilling fear in subs.  Once a Dom finds a sub, he doesn't want to
lose her, so he thinks by limiting her contacts he will make her completely
dependant on him.
 

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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 10:08:06 AM   
JHLuvsfeet


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		Hello again,

I appreciate the feedback and sorry if I offended some of you. This is your forum, so a degree of decorum is in order, so please forgive me as I learn the rules.

I am curious as to why one of you in particular, MisPandora, took this post so personal and directed? Why do you generalize about my particular kink when it is also a lifestyle choice for myself as well? Sorry to disappoint you, but I am not whining or crying here. I posed an honest question and have been chatting in forums since 1983, on those old B.B.S. systems thanks. I've come to accept the fact that although many people can read, it doesn't necessarily mean they can comprehend as well... two different skill sets, right?

That said, having a foot fetish is only 1% an aspect of my life, ok maybe 2%, lol. I've enjoyed a lot of variety and play. The issue I am addressing is that some people are more immersed with particular aspects of their life so that it becomes the entirety of who they are. I am just trying to understand this aspect of human nautre. I am far from needy and enjoy plenty of women's feet on a regular basis (without paying before you ad any quip remarks). I could very well make a "glaring" generalization about many dominant women but then, although stereotypes can hold true (and therefore keep many comedians employed); I tend not to generalize as I know each person is an individual beyond what is merely apparent (ok, you're dressed like a dom and look the part, but it's really YOU that makes the way you do things different than any other dom) and that's the person I try to be with, not just the mere presentation and surface level stuff.

I honestly respect and admire the roles we take on in life, even if they are a facade on occasion. I think living life is a brave thing to do in many respects. Nobody said it would ever be easy, at least not when I grew up.

Again, my apologies to those offended, but I have also found that those who can be playful, (dom or sub), who express themselves creatively, are also more intellectual (maybe too cerebal and type-A, hence the need to be a sub, huh?) but also always good for an heated debate (albeit, egocentric on many occasion).

Looking forward to more discussion with you all... : )

(in reply to JHLuvsfeet)
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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 10:11:31 AM   
Inhibitor


Posts: 73
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		...Because when you win teh intranetz, They give you a really great silly hat.



There are unoriginal people everywhere. Unless you'd like to use conformist techniques to siphon them into your own personal zombie armada, ignore 'em and move on. Or waste more minutes of your life ranting about it...your choice.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
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RE: Why is this lifestyle so cliquish like so many others? - 8/19/2006 10:20:36 AM   
JHLuvsfeet


Posts: 17
Status: offline 		Hello WhipTheHip,

I just noticed your post after I replied and would like to address one thing that you said that is spot on.
Please forgive me for being verbose, but typing 150-170wpm can do that to you... lol.

I remember when I was 19, very much into my sprirituality and Kundalini and such. I knew this guy who
ran a new age bookstore and who was gay. Very effeminate and out at that time. He was 24.

Although we were friends, there was something he said one day that really struck me as odd, and hurt on
a deeper level as it brought the realization to me that peace is something that will never be achieved on this
planet at least.

He said, "I don't know how some people can be bi-sexual. It's so wrong. They are just confused and can't
admit that they are gay." I sat there, held my tongue and just let him continue. He was so spiteful about it and
it turned out that it was because of some guy who turned him down for a date and who was bi-sexual I later
found out. But this is what got me most.

For someone who is gay and saw the ugliness of discrimination by some who are heterosexual or fundmental
and attacking homosexuals, how could he be so angry against someone whose own lifestyle choice was more
progressive (in my opinion) in that they could simply "be" with anyone they were physically or emotionally
attracted to, with no limitation to sexual orientation? From a spiritual perspective, I would think bi-sexuality
would be a higher evolution of the human species as our masculine and feminine roles are becoming merged
primarily do to information awareness (like the internet) and the automation and progress of technology to
which we are not limited by our perspective roles and physical limtations. That is, 150-200 years ago, I would
have worked the fields simply because I am built like a linebacker, maybe a sawmill or blacksmith even. My
girlfriend (who is feminine and even says, "I'm a girl"), would definitely be a homemaker, raising children and
keeping us surviving (as it was hard to live back then without people sharing responsibilities). My male position
wouldn't be one to place myself out there and her at home, with the children and in the kitchen, as much as it
would have been purely a physical necessity and need to survive. Does that make sense?

So too, whereas it might have been necessary for men and women to also be married, to have children, whatever,
in order to produce children and continue the life cycle, we are at that stage where it simply isn't necessary. I think
we are also able to live more vicariously though one another (through media and share experiences related) and it
is serving to raise our intellectual awareness as well. Think of it in simple terms as the cavemen finding fire, there
might just come a point (shudder the thought) where we trandscend sex all together, simply because there will be
no limbic or other driving force to want to do so. Who knows what the future holds.

Thanks WTH for understanding my post as not being from "whiney" place.

(in reply to JHLuvsfeet)
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