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RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 7:32:32 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

I think profiles are, generally, a waste of time. As often as not, they turn out to be bullshit anyway. Mine was.

Yes, I couldn't agree more sisyphus2000...For the love of GOD, how hard is it to let us know what town you're in?!?

And don't even get me started on the omission of certain body stats.

With love...

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 21

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 7:33:39 PM

chgosubmale

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/9/2004
Status: offline

I would have to second the idea that the more specifics you have to offer about what you want and don't want, the better. What is your acceptable age range? Do you care about race, weight, etc? What about location? Above all, if you are a pro-domme and only interested in pro sessions, please state so explicitly. A face picture is always appreciated of course. If there is anything about you that you think might be a deal killer for potential subs, or conversely, make you more attractive, I'd include that as well. My goal in my own profile is to give any prospective domme enough information to screen me out quickly if I'm not someone she would be interested in. That way I don't end up taking any more of her precious time than absolutely necessary.

Beyond that, it would be great to see some specifics about what you are seeking in a submissive, what you want in a BDSM relationship, and what you are all about as a person. Too often I read profiles and don't get any sense at all about what the person is actually looking for. There are just vague generalities. Or sometimes there's a list of things domme's don't want, but nothing about what they do want.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 22

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 7:43:22 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

This is a good point. What say you Dommes about this?

Is it acceptable for a malesub to send you a brief message asking for clarification about something basic and critical (age, location, etc.) to validate whether he fits into your criteria box instead of him potentially wasting time and effort composing a full approach only to have it quickly discarded because he is outside your box?

I think an e-mail such as the above would be perfectly acceptable, if it was clear.

I.E. "I read your e-mail and I am interested, but Idaho is a big state. I am located (landmark, driving distance from a landmark, geographical area of state). May I ask where you live?"

But then, I think that volunteering your information first is the best thing. Don't say your address, and if you are in a small town, just say "northern Idaho" or something so that you are protecting your location as well. I have written to ask "Where is Devotion, Texas? I'm in San Antonio" and learned that devotion was a statement of comitment not actually a city. In Texas, you NEVER know ~lol~

Another possible would be "I'm not sure what part of the state ____ is in. Are you close to ___?" But making it clear that you are interested, and are asking to check compatibility - well, some people will bitch at anything, but just because 20 Dommes jump down your throat for asking their locations doesn't mean that it's wrong to do - just that those Dommes aren't compatible with you.

Good hunting...

~from Central Texas~

~E

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 23

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 7:43:26 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

I'm curious -- and I ask this without rancor -- if profiles are a waste of time, how does one get to know someone in a written medium? The only thing I see about a person online is their words. I agree that someone can BS with a narrative, but no narrative doesn't seem like a useful alternative.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 24

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:09:15 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

quote:

ORIGINAL: sisyphus2000

Since most Mistresses don't like one line messages you take the time to write a fairly complete description of yourself and your interests. This takes time. Time to write and time to read.

This is a good point. What say you Dommes about this?

Is it acceptable for a malesub to send you a brief message asking for clarification about something basic and critical (age, location, etc.) to validate whether he fits into your criteria box instead of him potentially wasting time and effort composing a full approach only to have it quickly discarded because he is outside your box?

I'm ok with answering a specific question if he qualifies that he would like to approach but respectfully asks _____ question before he takes up more of my time. What annoys me is when the question IS clearly answered and he was just trying to get me to talk to him.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 25

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:10:51 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

In my workplace, we talk a lot about setting expectations for our customers and letting them know what will be happening next in the process. I think these skills would be perfect in this situation.

I've been trying to find the time to start a thread on this very same topic on the Mistress board. It's going to address expectations and how have your expectations been failed.....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 26

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:16:59 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

A thread about expectations seems like an interesting idea.

A thread about failed expectations seems like a way to stay jaded and annoyed. I say this not as criticism, but because I fall into this state of mind on occasion and dislike that. Too often the boards seem to devolve into acrimony and finger pointing.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 27

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:17:34 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

I think profiles are, generally, a waste of time. As often as not, they turn out to be bullshit anyway. Mine was.

Yes, I couldn't agree more sisyphus2000...For the love of GOD, how hard is it to let us know what town you're in?!?

And don't even get me started on the omission of certain body stats.

With love...

Oh, please. If the profile is b.s., who's to say the stats are any better? And no, I'm not interested in answering questions from submissives about my vital statistics. That's why I have a picture, of sorts...

...unlike some people. lol

On a more serious note, I give the area I'm in (California *is* a big state), but even at our first meeting, the submissive does not have my phone number or know the city where I reside, or my last name, (or have had a cam confirmation for that matter)... all those things that should make me unreliable. But after having my real time stalker pull a gun on me, I don't apologize for being overly self-protective.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 28

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:21:57 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

In my bitchiest moments -- heh! -- I am happy to give my statistics if he will give his:

How big is your IQ?
How big is your paycheck?
How big is your penis?

Strangely, I've had people tell me that I have problems ... (chuckling) I am happy to give someone a sense of my physique (we all have preferences), but I don't like being gauged by the inch.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 29

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:25:14 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

A thread about expectations seems like an interesting idea.

A thread about failed expectations seems like a way to stay jaded and annoyed. I say this not as criticism, but because I fall into this state of mind on occasion and dislike that. Too often the boards seem to devolve into acrimony and finger pointing.

Without delving into the topic (and without derailing this thread), it's moreso seeking a reflection of the things that are important to you, and whether you realize that BEFORE you start a relationship with someone, communicate it, etc.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 30

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:25:46 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have actually amused myself telling male subs not only how tall I am but what I can benchpress. Part of my training in karate was weight training, so this is not a small figure. Works nicely on getting rid of the ones I dont want to deal with.
Smoeone wants to know more about me, try getting to know my personality before you find out what I look like. If the pictures didnt do enough for you, and you need to know every physical detail, your head is in the wrong place and we are probably not going to be a match anyway.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 31

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/22/2006 8:26:56 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

I think profiles are, generally, a waste of time. As often as not, they turn out to be bullshit anyway. Mine was.

Yes, I couldn't agree more sisyphus2000...For the love of GOD, how hard is it to let us know what town you're in?!?

And don't get me going on the whole pics thing. It's a (very) particular pet peeve. Maybe someone will start a piggyback thread that I can post to????

And don't even get me started on the omission of certain body stats.

With love...

Oh, please. If the profile is b.s., who's to say the stats are any better? And no, I'm not interested in answering questions from submissives about my vital statistics. That's why I have a picture, of sorts... ...unlike some people. lol

Well, I think it could be generally acknowledged that stats are, for the most part, viewed as more 'objective'. You're either 150lbs. or you're not. Physical descriptions are hard to fake.

Much more difficult to get a handle on some of the other 'subjective' aspects to one's being. I think that's where a lot of the BS comes into play.

And don't get me going on the whole pics thing. It's a (very) particular pet peeve. Maybe someone can start a piggyback thread that I can post to?????

Edited because I will never (apparently) be able to properly spell.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 8/22/2006 8:53:34 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 32

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/23/2006 9:23:36 AM

talltxsub

Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

I really do read them, but some of them are pretty vague, and then women often act offended when one asks for clarification. I don't mind vague if it is an invitation to a conversation about interests.

Another problem is when the location is too broad (like "Texas").

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 33

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/23/2006 11:19:43 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it acceptable for a malesub to send you a brief message asking for clarification about something basic and critical (age, location, etc.) to validate whether he fits into your criteria box instead of him potentially wasting time and effort composing a full approach only to have it quickly discarded because he is outside your box?

Sure, as long as it's not something that's clearly stated in my profile, and as long as you don't respond with a tirade if I refuse to answer your question. "Are you sure you won't fuck me?" is a bad question, flat-out. It's bad to ask me for a photo and tell me I'm a horrible nasty person when I tell you no. "Are you near enough to Boston that I could get to you on public transportation?" is a good question.

However, to avoid spending excessive time composing similar emails, it may be useful for a person who sends out a lot of introductions to have some portions written and copy and paste them into individual emails. Some tailoring to the individual is good, but it's not hard to write a few lines that say "I liked your profile and I think you're right for me specifically because..." and then copy in the pre-written section, which describes the author and what the author is looking for.

Monica

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 34

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/23/2006 11:30:10 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Actually, it's fairly easy to tell if a sub has read my profile when emailing me, since what I am looking for is fairly specific. And if he does not come off like a wanker and it *is* unclear if he's read it, a simple "Please read My profile in full, if you have not already done so, and get back to Me" takes care of that.

And MY main gripe is subs who don't have anything at all on their profile, and send an email like "Hello." or "I want to serve you." YUCK! I don't even bother to respond anymore to those. If there isn't a well-written profile, there damned well better be a well-written initial email.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

It's disheartening to read numerous accusations that many malesubs aren't even reading Domme profiles before approaching.

I can understand why the Ladies might grow jaded from being exposed to such self-centered, poor behavior, and consequently go on develop "why bother" attitudes. However, better malesubs that do take the time to fully read profiles before composing an approach probably suffer consequences along with the guilty.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 35

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/23/2006 2:47:08 PM

maledave777

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I look for in a Domme’s profile several things. I look to see where she lives. I would like to know if she is married. Does she have children? Does she put her family first? Does her profile have a lot of information about her? What she likes or does not like. What are her other interests and hobbies? What is she looking for in a sub?
I think Dommes also likes the subs to fill out their profiles too. I think they do want to know something’s about us. In general, women speak twice as many words as men do in a day. I do try keeping that in mind when I am putting information in my profile.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 36

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/23/2006 10:32:06 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

This is a good point. What say you Dommes about this?

Is it acceptable for a malesub to send you a brief message asking for clarification about something basic and critical (age, location, etc.) to validate whether he fits into your criteria box instead of him potentially wasting time and effort composing a full approach only to have it quickly discarded because he is outside your box?

Not a problem, as long as it's something that really needs clarification, as opposed to "Are you sure you wouldn't want an additional puppy?"

Somehow, the complaint that a poor submissive hates wasting his valuable time composing the perfect message to a Domme who might not even read it is rubbing me the wrong way tonight.

No complaint was intended.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 37

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/23/2006 11:04:05 PM

Bluebird

Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

<fast reply>
I have no problem with someone asking for clarification - if they actually are fact-checking, it means they read at least part of the profile! I don't get too keyed up about the spammers any more than I waste emotional energy on telemarketers - that is why the delete button is there (same as the hang-up button on the phone).

And I do think profiles for both dom/mes and subs are important, but even more important is that initial letter. Respect, humor, and a solid indication that you read and were interested in my profile are the elements that will get a response from me.

BTW, I understand why a lot of women don't put up pictures (the spammers will write to ANYONE with a picture as soon as it pops up on the "on now" list), and physical beauty is certainly not the whole ball game, but I personally like to know if the person I am speaking with is Tinkerbell or Jabba the Hut so some stats are a good idea if no pic is displayed. Really, why waste everyone's time if the inquirer is only interested in women not larger than size 3, and you are a "woman of substance"? He's not gonna go for you, and you aren't going to like his judgmental attitude, so why waste the bandwidth?

_____________________________

Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 38

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/24/2006 3:15:46 AM

cynthiamarie

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
Status: offline

Been reading, because I'm curious.

Good point about the stalkers. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I also worry about ones who are not really committed to the lifestyle, but might be here with issues of their own and/or are here to point fingers and "out" us if they can...I don't give out my phone, last name, etc. readily, though I do tell my city.

I needed a breather from all the mail, so I put "not looking", most have respected that. Before it seemed like nobody bothered to read even one word of my profile, after seeing that I was a female.

Some do read them after all, or at least the main line or two.

I'll have to add into mine that I'm not married, that I'll consider any mature male between the ages of 23 and (checks a certain actor's age first, lol) 60, and that my future sub must not be allergic to cats.

Waiting to see what else enquiring minds want to know, without adding to the wanker fodder.

About posting pictures, I used to give them out in yahoo messenger after I'd gotten to know the males a little in the chatroom lobby and in private messages first...until a few let me know some chats later that they stroked off while looking at my pic, as if that would be taken as a compliment. I rarely hand any out now.

I would have liked to post my pic here in the message boards, but I'm afraid that it would automatically be posted in my profile as well and give me that hundred or so form letters, and just hellos that I'm already dodging.

It's not easy being a male sub, but it's not easy being a female target here either; I've spent too much time reading and answering junk mail from trolls and wankers than getting to know more males who interested me. I had no time left to search through male profiles, more's the pity.

Assuming that more of the serious subs will be reading and responding in this area...so...what else would you prefer to see in our profiles?

(in reply to Bluebird)

Post #: 39

RE: What malesubs want to see more of in Domme profiles. - 8/24/2006 5:39:28 AM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

And last, at least for now, as in business the top three things that a good profile needs is (1) location, (2) location, and (3) LOCATION!

Some people would prefer to keep that information private until they contact the right person.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to cynthiamarie)

Post #: 40

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