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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:03:28 PM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Does anyone remmeber the "Submissive in a sexless marriage" thread? I sure do.
Also, many threads "debating" the merits of Polyamory....

- Susan

I do remember it well susan, as it was started by my best friend, she was hounded from one thread to another over it

On Edit: I remember you took quite a "beating" too

lmaoo. I remember that one as well....I actually thought it was about Susan. But now I do recall the Irishbynature girl too. I think Susan sort of got sucked into it and she sure took a beating alright.

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:05:08 PM

SusanofO

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Well, I finally just quit responding. And still that thread went on for weeks. It was just incredible to me. It was never-ending, it seemed.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 3:11:54 PM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 42

RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:28:37 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well, I finally just quit responding. And still that thread went on for weeks. It was just incredible to me. It was never-ending, it seemed.

- Susan

I did not understand it at the time susan, you are so sweet and nonconfrontational, I just did not understand hounding you. I can understand it if I get hounded, lord knows I deserve it (WEG)

_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:31:30 PM

SusanofO

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Oh, I don't know about that julia - you usally make sense to me. Intellligent people just like to debate sometimes, I think.

- Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 44

RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:34:53 PM

juliaoceania

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Now I am blushing...smiles

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:36:46 PM

SusanofO

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Well, you are intelligent. I don't see you beating people over the head w/your opinions. I've seen you debate. There is a difference between being an argumentative a_hole, and debating in an intelligent manner - and I've always seen you do the latter.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 3:37:04 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:38:41 PM

mistoferin

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Actually, I think that if my memory serves me right...alot of what happened on that thread in regards to Susan was that some leftover animosity from another thread was going on between she and RS. I'd really have to look it up to be sure as it was awhile ago. I seem to remember that Susan was very new to the boards at that time...and I also remember some name calling and personal insults being slung back and forth.

I would bet though, that if Susan was to re-read that thread today....long after the emotion has died down....she would probably see different things on it. I know that I have done that myself sometimes....get caught up in the emotional moment....and when I go back it just seems...well, different somehow.

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:39:37 PM

Emperor1956

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quote:

pull the 2x4 from their own eye before they try to remove the splinter from their neighbor's

Oh those sneaky religious girls.... *GRIN*

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"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:42:45 PM

SusanofO

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No it wasn't. I didn't know her from a hole in the ground. I'd never talked with her at all, before that thread. She'd just been in this relationship with a man for eight years who refused to _uck her, and seemed to think that meant everyone else should be okay with being in the same circumstance.

She flatly refused to aknowledge this was a circumstance that was personal to her, and only begrudgingly aknowledged any other viewpoint. At least when I was reading the thread, which I quit doing about halfway through. She was also something like eighteen or twenty years old, but kept speaking to me like I was a Mongoloid five-year-old, and I got tired of it. I didn't understand it at all, and finally just quit responding to the thread.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 4:06:07 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:46:20 PM

mistoferin

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Well you may be right....I didn't have any kind of emotional stake in that thread so I may not have a very accurate recall on it. I really thought though that her position on that thread centered around personal responsibility though....not that she thought it was alright....but that she thought that if the situation was such that a person is unfulfilled...they should accept the personal responsibility of changing their situation....or accepting it as it is.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:46:21 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do proffer, that there is a difference between discussion, arguments, debate, lectures, teaching, questioning and or interrogations and or a statement.

In reading the posts, how it is posted often sets the 'tone' or attitude. So many have different personalities and at times they may have different accounts as to add into the posting exchange. I do try to respond to anything that isn't lecture, interrogations or arguments.

To often, I see individuals who are complete strangers to each other and go at it as enemies. Some just enjoy hurting others publicly--perhaps the need to hurt others as they are inferior. The healthy exchanges are challenging the topic, as to inquire how people have come to the summary of their belief on the matter. In my mind's eye, I will add that it walks on the edge to challenge facts, as not everybody comes to their facts in the same manner and the effects are individual. Credibility is often an assumption and from the view of someone else. Often those in personality conflicts will use credibility as a hammer but, not often can people provide proof but, indeed lived their lives factually and truthfully. For example, an author of known works wrote that there was no such thing as Euro-BDSM and gave many excuses as to why this is fact. However, I proffered to a group that was taking this author's written article as gospel; that if an American military family stationed overseas, was introduced and brought up in the European 'theater' of BDSM; that they do not exist, they are not for real, that any reference to that lifestyle overseas is somebody who lies. Having met the author face to face and see them interact with others, I'm sure he wouldn't be invited as they have an arrogant attitude. I'm sure I'll never have them on my party list. [Chuckles] So, it might be a case of sour grapes. So to, many of us when we age, loose our references as they die. So, the question is--since we cannot produce a body to give an oath or testimony, that "so-in-so" did indeed go through this or that in BDSM, S&M, M/s and or D/s; does that mean their credibility is then to be tarnished? And, it would be no different for any of you; to which had experiences in the lifestyle and shared knowledge with others. What happens when that partner perishes? Does it make your life any less valid. So, this is why I wish to add my caution about challenging credibility. Even on top of that, one can be in the same room with ten other people and the ten others will all see something different and come to their logical summary differently.

What I enjoy, is being presented with many perceptions, the many ways individuals come to their conclusions and, enjoy a kind and gentle exchange as to provoke thought on things.

Lovely topic mistoferin. Thank you.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:47:03 PM

crouchingtigress

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at what point do i leave the discussion?

its an intutive thing, it is at the point that i feel as though no one is listening to me, or that i stated my point clearly, or that it turns to insults and i feel i am lowering myself to stay.

i dont write to preach, i write for me, and any one who knows me knows i write some far out stuff sometimes....i see my writings as as seeds....sometimes they land on rocks and sometimes they land in fertile soil.

i like to plant ideas and watch them grow, but i am a pretty hands off gardener....prefreing to let nature and not nurture to take it course.

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:48:55 PM

SusanofO

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Well, if that was the case, she was not okay with me stating I'd been in the relationship I was in due to having any sense of that at all, even though I said I was (over and over). She refused to hear it, and just basically kept insinuating I was a slut. It was insane. Nobody likes that. She wasn't in the situation, but kept talking to me like she'd been there the whole fifteen years I was married, and observed everything. It got to be pretty hard to take, after a few pages. But - I don't want to discuss it anymore, really. That thread just about did me in - I never want to go there again. Truly.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 3:53:24 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 3:51:41 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i dont write to preach, i write for me, and any one who knows me knows i write some far out stuff sometimes....i see my writings as as seeds....sometimes they land on rocks and sometimes they land in fertile soil.

Im certainly always happy to read your "far-out" stuff, your contributions always seem so wise...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 4:07:54 PM

crouchingtigress

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thank you julia......pssssst my secret is i read a lot of wane dyer and depac chopra....and they teach that stuff about letting go and letting seeds fall where they may....

i try never to get so invested in to a POV that i get upset if some one does not get it...if they dont get it they are not ready to get it and that is nothing to be upset about it would be like being upset at a toddler for not doing taxes....and when i can manage to move past my ego and i realise that then it becomes easy to love them....

i am not with out pushable buttons, i am not saying that, but i think i really try to be aware of when they get pushed and i try to look not at the button pusher, but at the button, and try to figure out why it is triggering me to react.

reacting from anger has always seemed to me like the most powerless place to be....and that is not my path...and i watch with rapt attention at the dominants here that do not seem able to exercise this sort of self control, because it blows my mind that they could desire to control another when thay cant control them selves.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i dont write to preach, i write for me, and any one who knows me knows i write some far out stuff sometimes....i see my writings as as seeds....sometimes they land on rocks and sometimes they land in fertile soil.

Im certainly always happy to read your "far-out" stuff, your contributions always seem so wise...

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 4:14:26 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
But - I don't want to discuss it anymore, really. That thread just about did me in - I never want to go there again. Truly.

I don't blame you....it was ugly. It was also a perfect example of what I referred to in my OP though...when things go on long past the point of being beneficial and devolve to a level where feelings are hurt.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 4:15:58 PM

SusanofO

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Yes, it is. The fact I still remember it and wince is proof of that. It still hurts, and its been months since that thread. - Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 4:16:16 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

if they dont get it they are not ready to get it and that is nothing to be upset about it would be like being upset at a toddler for not doing taxes....and when i can manage to move past my ego and i realise that then it becomes easy to love them....

Priceless!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 4:17:01 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I have seen cloudboy, and a few others who are Poly, take a beating on threads
- Susan

I prefer to think of it as a caning.

quote:

LaM: Usually the people who complain that someone is "beating a dead horse" are people who aren't involved in the conversation on the thread, but just peek in long enough to lob their unsolicited opinions about how other people are conducting themselves. If a discussion continues, that means at least two people are interested in it; even if it baffles or mystifies the onlookers, I consider it rude and stupid to interfere.

Or sometimes it's a very intelligent discussion, but outsiders can't figure out what the discussants are talking about or why it matters. I don't see how it's constructive for anyone else to tell the participants just to shut up.

I agree wholeheartedly!! Why muzzle an idiot when you can drop the 58 volume Oxford English Dictionary on their head.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/21/2006 4:30:10 PM >

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RE: Stating opinions vs. beating someone to death with ... - 8/21/2006 4:17:46 PM

SusanofO

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Yes, that is a good way to look at it. I always love crounching tigress' posts, too!

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 4:18:07 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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