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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 12:35:46 PM   
SusanofO


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Thanks for the reply, Creative D.

- Susan



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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 12:37:01 PM   
popeye1250


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I think a lot of people are just looking for a "roomate" to help with the rent or mortgage and who would also "play" with them.
I think a LTR is much more different than that in that the home would belong to both people and that they would both contribute to make it a better home for both of them.

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 12:40:59 PM   
SusanofO


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popeye: I agree with you.

- Susan

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 12:46:52 PM   
Lashra


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If we need the income then the sub has to work, I work so why shouldnt he or she? If however income isn't needed then I don't see why the sub couldn't stay home if that is what they are happy doing.

I know from experience that taking care of a home and all that goes with it is NOT easy, I'd much rather work. My hat goes off to all the stay at home Mom's and sub's.

~Lashra

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:07:26 PM   
Taylore


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I work from home. In additin to this, Master and I do NOT live together 24/7. He has his own home; I have my own apartment. We are apprx 15 miles from each other.  Our agreement at the start of our relationship stated that it would remain this way for at least one year.
However, when Master is at my home, or I at his; never has my service to him interferred with my work; and never has my work interferred with my service to him.
 
So, I am a stay-at-home slave, who works for a living; and yet my service to Master is not in any way threatened.

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:25:59 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


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greetings,
it's a great; quaint way ,of putting it ;
shows innocence,
and, if you think about it ;how is it, not like a vanilla -missionary homemaker??
except, NOT, in the activity dept.  ....
good luck to you! ,
that's not unusual ;
it's what all "slaves" etc. .... are shooting for....
but,do any of us really ever reach ideal? ;
or the "perfect-mate" is the real question.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 8/21/2006 1:28:45 PM >


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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:37:14 PM   
mistoferin


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I don't think that stay at home submissives (or stay at home partners in general) are a problem....unless of course, as I mentioned on another thread...that stay at home person is being unproductive and wasting away. That is where I believe the "parasitic" thought comes into play. If all of the energies that make a relationship function are emanating from just one partner...resentments build. I have seen this occur often in relationships where one partner stays home. I don't believe that it was their intention for it to turn out that way, but rather a progression of what can occur when one does not make the effort to utilize their time and follow paths that keep them active in some way...be it mentally or physically. Pretty soon you have a person that sleeps til noon, doesn't get out of their pajamas til 4...and ends their day never accomplishing a thing. Not that any of these things in and of themselves are bad on an occasional basis...but they are not a productive way to live out a life.

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:41:19 PM   
KatyLied


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People should do whatever works for them.  I think being a stay-at-home sub would rock.  Certainly there are enough things to do to occupy one's time.  I'd take some cooking classes and volunteer for non-profits.  I think being home more would enhance my ability to provide service.  Of course, since I've always worked, I tend to romanticize the entire stay-at-home thing.

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:53:52 PM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

This thread was inspired by a couple of threads I've read here the past few days.

What is the opinion of Doms (and Dommes) re: Stay-at-home submissives?

Personally, I would be able to contribute financially to any household I'd become a member of in the future, so if I chose to stay at home (if in a LTR of course), or if my Dominant wanted me to stay at home, I don't see why it should be a problem - But - even if I wasn't able to - do some Doms equate this with being a "parasite"? My husband and I didn't see eye-to-eye on many things, but he never cared if I worked outside the home or not. Maybe he'd have felt differently if we'd needed the income, but I don't know.

So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them?

- Susan


My gut reaction is "How is this different then from being a traditional homemaker?"

See, I look at slavery in a much more "ancient" way where you get slaves either to contribute to the household income in some fashion or you are wealthy enough to just have pretty ones to do things to show off your wealth.

I don't have that wealth so anyone who is my slave is going to contribute financially in some fashion or be preparing to do so by going to school (which they will finance themselves) That could be working part-time or fulll-time or seasonally whatever the person in charge of our household finances says off-sets any financial needs of the added person.

Do I care what others do? Not really. That's them, not me or mine.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:55:34 PM   
DiurnalVampire


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I dont see where a stay-at-home sub, male or female, is a problem as lnog as (a) it isnt creating a financial burden on the family, and (b) they are not just wasting time at home while the other pertner is out working.
My boy and I have discussed several different possible scenarios. Everything frmo him staying at home, working from home, or us both working outside the home.  I have no intention of giving up my career, I enjoy it too much.  And he is finishing school, so it would be a waste to spend that many years earning a degree to let it go so that my carpets were clean and my dishes done.
The only time I have ever thought there was a problem with a  stay at home (and this goes for a vanilla one as well as submissives) is that in the eventuality that the relationship they are in doesnt work out, they are often left with no recourse. They are unable to support themselves, often, and have been so far detached from the workforce that any skills that they may have had have gone the way of the dinosaurs. My own mother was in this position, so I know it isnt exclusive to D/s relationships.  Personally, I am making sure my boy is self sufficient, and able to keep himself incase he ever has the need to, before I would allow him to stay at home.

My 2 cents, as always
DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 1:58:18 PM   
windchymes


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The most important thing to me is that the stay-at-home person, be it male or female subs, make sure they are protected in the event that the employed partner suddenly decides the relationship is not working for him/her and they no longer want the sub living in "their" house anymore.

You need to have a career that you can go back to easily if need be, and hopefully live in an area where the cost of living is maintainable on one income.  Also, a lot of your potential retirement fund will be gone when you're not employed.  That's something to think about.

That's why I made a personal choice to always take care of myself FIRST, always be making enough money to be on my own if I need to be, and have an emergency fund.  I can't imagine myself in a relationship where I'm not contributing 100% of my own ability to the financial relationship that we may have.  I make sure I work a job where I have good health & dental benefits, retirement plan, etc.  (Tuition reimbursement has come in handy, too!)Depending on someone else to always be there to provide for you is just too risky in this day and age. 

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:01:05 PM   
SusanofO


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It's not really that different from being a traditional homemaker, except for the bdsm activity, as jamesthehuman rug stated. I found plenty to do when I was at home, plus, I had some volunteer work that kept me busy, too.

**This argument about being "left with no recourse" if a submissive doesn't work really isn't that persuasive, to me. I know plenty of people who work two jobs, because they haven't been able to find work in their own fields - and they are making ends meet just fine. It might not be their preference, but they are paying thier bills. Anyone can get a job at places like McDonald's. Granted, that might not be what many prefer to do, but if you have bills to pay, then there is a job out there..usually.

I know in some areas, there aren't that many jobs. But, I have to wonder about this argument that slaves and submissives would become "unemployable" if they gave up their jobs to be a stay-at-home submissive or slave. There are plenty of jobs in the classified "Want Ads" section of my hometown newspaper, anyway.  

- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 2:09:00 PM >


_____________________________

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:01:49 PM   
Mercnbeth


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I can't speak from the perspective of a relationship with a submissive; however from the perspective of owning a slave, I had it as a requirement that she "stay-at-home". It is not a case of keeping her isolated, far from it. Since beth has lived in my household I'd say she has access to many more outlets and a wider variety of people. she has many responsibilities that insure contact. Running my home is not a position of leisure. It requires focus and is "work", although beth refers to it as a labor of love.

There is one primary reason for my opinion on this matter. I wanted, and required, that I was the only Master my slave served. A job, career, unrelated home business, AMWAY, name it; all require focus outside the relationship. All require obedience to another master. I knew myself to be very selfish with my important and valuable possessions. beth, my slave, is my most important possession and of 'priceless' value. No amount of money she could bring into the household was equal to her worth to me. When I want to use beth, whether in our playroom if I leave the office early or having her accompany me on a business meeting I don't want her to have to check with her other employer 'master' for permission. When I come home at the end of the day, I don't want to wait for her to log off her inventory spreadsheet or finish packing her latest shipment. I want her to be at the door, naked, waiting with a drink.

I didn't consider taking on the responsibility of ownership until I knew I could afford this luxury. But I'd rather live lower than I possibly could with two incomes, than check the availability of my slave with another master.

Solely MY perspective and opinion. Feel free to flame away about inhibiting beth's growth and jeopardizing her future value in the workforce in the event something happens between the two of us. We are both guilty of planning more for our relationship's success versus it's failure; but we have some safety nets in place. I don't say this is the only way, only that it's our way. Actually, to be precise - MY way.

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:07:23 PM   
juliaoceania


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I think this is lovely merc. Planning for success instead of failure is something I think we lack as a society these days

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:08:42 PM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

The most important thing to me is that the stay-at-home person, be it male or female subs, make sure they are protected in the event that the employed partner suddenly decides the relationship is not working for him/her and they no longer want the sub living in "their" house anymore.

You need to have a career that you can go back to easily if need be, and hopefully live in an area where the cost of living is maintainable on one income. Also, a lot of your potential retirement fund will be gone when you're not employed. That's something to think about.

That's why I made a personal choice to always take care of myself FIRST, always be making enough money to be on my own if I need to be, and have an emergency fund. I can't imagine myself in a relationship where I'm not contributing 100% of my own ability to the financial relationship that we may have. I make sure I work a job where I have good health & dental benefits, retirement plan, etc. (Tuition reimbursement has come in handy, too!)Depending on someone else to always be there to provide for you is just too risky in this day and age.


This is another reason that Fox works, too.

I am 11 years older than him and even though women live longer than men usually and even if we are together until death-do-us-part I want to know now that he will have a job history and abilities he can fall back on.

Now if I had the money to keep him just at home I'd also have the money to leave him should I pass away first. But since I can't marry him legally (not that I'd want to, I personally see the roles of spouse and slave as different) that would be one way to protect him.

But the legal issues are another subject all together.

Right now I am encouraging him to work on starting his own web design business which could be something he could do from home but those are long-term ideas.

I personally don't feel like Fox has more than one owner even though he works -- that's not an expectation I have for what my slave will be though I can understand intellectually what Mercnbeth is saying.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:10:12 PM   
LaTigresse


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Merc, while I don't always agree with you...usually politically..., I always respect you.

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:14:18 PM   
darkinshadows


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I can't speak from the perspective of a relationship with a submissive; however from the perspective of owning a slave, I had it as a requirement that she "stay-at-home". It is not a case of keeping her isolated, far from it. Since beth has lived in my household I'd say she has access to many more outlets and a wider variety of people. she has many responsibilities that insure contact. Running my home is not a position of leisure. It requires focus and is "work", although beth refers to it as a labor of love.

There is one primary reason for my opinion on this matter. I wanted, and required, that I was the only Master my slave served. A job, career, unrelated home business, AMWAY, name it; all require focus outside the relationship. All require obedience to another master. I knew myself to be very selfish with my important and valuable possessions. beth, my slave, is my most important possession and of 'priceless' value. No amount of money she could bring into the household was equal to her worth to me. When I want to use beth, whether in our playroom if I leave the office early or having her accompany me on a business meeting I don't want her to have to check with her other employer 'master' for permission. When I come home at the end of the day, I don't want to wait for her to log off her inventory spreadsheet or finish packing her latest shipment. I want her to be at the door, naked, waiting with a drink.

I didn't consider taking on the responsibility of ownership until I knew I could afford this luxury. But I'd rather live lower than I possibly could with two incomes, than check the availability of my slave with another master.

Solely MY perspective and opinion. Feel free to flame away about inhibiting beth's growth and jeopardizing her future value in the workforce in the event something happens between the two of us. We are both guilty of planning more for our relationship's success versus it's failure; but we have some safety nets in place. I don't say this is the only way, only that it's our way. Actually, to be precise - MY way.

Merc, that was so fantastic it made me weep.
Peace and Rapture


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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:20:10 PM   
DiurnalVampire


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Just a quick aside:
I am not planning for my relationships failure.  The eventualities that would require my pet to work are far more health related on my side.  Becasue of certain physical issues, there may come a time when I have no choice but to leave the work force (far sooner than would be expected) and I want to make sure that should this have to happen, we will stil be able to function comfortably and it wnot be an undo burden on him to be tossed back into the workforce.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:25:15 PM   
SusanofO


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That was a beautiful post from Mercnbeth, I think.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? - 8/21/2006 2:32:24 PM   
darkinshadows


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Just a quick aside:
I am not planning for my relationships failure.  The eventualities that would require my pet to work are far more health related on my side.  Becasue of certain physical issues, there may come a time when I have no choice but to leave the work force (far sooner than would be expected) and I want to make sure that should this have to happen, we will stil be able to function comfortably and it wnot be an undo burden on him to be tossed back into the workforce.
DV

Thats an astute observation.
I have lost count of the times that I see people mention that they are prepared for failiure.
Whilst I understand the concerns that people have and admire that people cover themselves of all eventualities, I am saddened that people even enter any relationship with the idea that it 'might' fail.
It's really quite comforting to see someone state that they are not planning for a failed relationship.
Thank you.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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