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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/22/2006 10:39:39 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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diamond dreamlove, I am sorry for your loss as well.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 21

RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/22/2006 10:49:06 PM

outlier

Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
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Krissi,

I lost my lady of 30 years in March of last year. As I say in my profile I feel I can
move on with a clean conscience because I did everything I could for her.
Just as it sounds like you did.

I found as I am sure you will find it is not just the death, it is what I call the
10,000 and one mini deaths. Hearing something and thinking "I can't wait
to share that with..." Then the realization that they are not there.

The need to talk something out with someone you trust totally and whose
judgment you believe is sound, but who? As I said 10,000 and one, at least,
but they diminish.

As I also say in my profile humor is important to me and was to her. It was
not until October that I was up late one night and saw something on the
computer that was stupid and gave me the gigglefits.

When it happened I knew it was a good thing.

It will take time and you cannot rush it artificially. You have his blessing, make
yourself whole and then move on. You will keep the good parts of him with you
always and that is as it should be.

As others have said reach out for whatever help you think you need.
More posts or email or a counsellor or whatever you feel works best.

All the best,
Outlier

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/23/2006 7:50:21 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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The time it takes you to heal is the time it takes you, not the person down the street. No one else can tell you when you will be ready to move on. However it is easy to get stuck in grief and not progress through the various stages. If you feel that you are stuck, I urge you to call Hospice and ask for a recommendation for a grief counselor.

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/23/2006 3:52:00 PM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
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I have to thank all of you for your kind words. Friendship and my children have been such a big support system for me..Talking really does ease the pain sometimes...you all are the best.

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/23/2006 6:50:40 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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You take care of yourself, sweetheart.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/26/2006 9:01:27 AM

LouisDonatien

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/19/2006
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I am SO sorry for your loss.

Were I to leave this world, I would want any loved-one to find others of quality to love and share life with. Our hearts are large; love for the one we are with does not in any way diminish our love for another that is lost. So, without question, you must continue on, keeping your lost love in your heart, but finding others to share your time and your heart with.

However, your loss is VERY recent. You might find for quite some time that when you connect with others, it will be like savoring food that has no taste. This is a side-effect of the grieving process. Eventually you will find taste in that food, and that is when you will know that you are ready to move ahead. But having difficulty moving ahead right now is normal and part of being human.

For now, take joy when you can and cultivate friendships, but know that, without a doubt, you will find peace and happiness again before long.

Hope this helps.

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/26/2006 10:04:11 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
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I am sorry for your loss as well .... if I could offer but some advice .. heal thine self then honor thy Master ...... just because he is gone doesn't mean he is gone from your heart .. there will always be a piece of him in your heart as he was evidentally a huge part of your life. future Masters should understand that ..

heal thy self first . then honor him .....

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/26/2006 11:25:45 AM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

My Master passed away on June 28 of this year. We were together for a year r/l and we shared so much in such a short period of time. It was always His desire for me to continue on in the lifestyle and be happy if he were to pass away..I stood by his side, a total of five days while he was in the hospital until he took his last breath. I want to move on, I have a wonderful support system where I live but I feel like another man touching me would be cheating on him....Part of me feels like I should continue wearing his collar and spend the rest of my life alone even though I know that is not what he would have wanted...any suggestions on how I can learn to move on? Thankyou.

I would suggest not rushing the grieving process. Its not even 2 months. If you feel like you should still wear the collar, than do so. If you feel like you need to keep him close to you, theres nothing wrong with that. When its time for you to think about another man moving into the place that your late Master used to occupy, you will know it. And when that time comes, you can console yourself with the fact that your Master wanted you to move on without guilt. I doubt you want to live your life alone and from what you say, its not what your Master wanted for you. But youre probably better off alone (Masterless) for now, so you can allow all the pieces to shift into place and come to terms with this before you can move on. Theres so much to process when a person you love passes away. Ive never lost a Master, but Ive lost loved ones, and I can say that the process of getting past it, happens quite naturally, but it does take some time. The amount of time varies of course,

My thoughts exactly.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/26/2006 1:43:04 PM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
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Greetings krissi,

I have sat here this Sunday morning, and read the forum. There has been a lot of good advice given.

I think that it has all been said, but, I would encourage you to do, maybe two things to help you on your way.

The first, is to plant a bush or tree. A living tree, a flowering shrub, for me works wonders.

I found this extract last year, which I shared with a close friend when her sister died of cancer. Death is hard for U/us all to handle, the aloneness, the memories, the aching pains, and the feeling of being lost. Two months is not a long time, and many more months will follow before You feel more comfortable in your own skin. You were apart of another Person, your Master, and now you need to re-find yourself, taking the memories of a special relationship into your future.

But, I leave this for you, that I have found:

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

It takes time, to heal and move forward.

Hands you a rose yellow in colour, a soft scent, walk softly dear lady, allow yourself to feel.



_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/26/2006 3:17:00 PM

bandit25

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I've seen that also. Yes, it can help to think of death that way...the loved one is in the next room...you simply can't see her or him.

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/27/2006 3:05:21 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

My Master passed away on June 28 of this year. We were together for a year r/l and we shared so much in such a short period of time. It was always His desire for me to continue on in the lifestyle and be happy if he were to pass away..I stood by his side, a total of five days while he was in the hospital until he took his last breath. I want to move on, I have a wonderful support system where I live but I feel like another man touching me would be cheating on him....Part of me feels like I should continue wearing his collar and spend the rest of my life alone even though I know that is not what he would have wanted...any suggestions on how I can learn to move on? Thankyou.

[Mod Note: font reduced]

I would say that you have a true heart from your words. I would also say that you should follow your heart in what you think he would have wanted.

D (owner of j),

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Possibly.

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 8/30/2006 2:30:36 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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jeresy

i am so sorry so sorry i feel you pain i lost a love one too the pain is so hard you are feeling things that are normal you do not want to do things you enjoy before you feel gulity and also you feeling like nothing will ever matter this is normal. i know it is so soon for you to go through this but i want to tell you that as time moves on the pain will still be there but it will slowly go, it makes me cry when i hear of someone who lose a loved one it hurt so much. for now if it makes you feel better and give you comfort wear the collar as long as you wish, yes they want us to move on but they have not ideal how hard it is to move on, if you wish you may write me their is a grief group but i am not sure how to expalin what you master was to you i will write and see if you iwsh to talk to other who have lose a husband or a lover let me know you just need to write me on here ok but i have the collar me mail write me there ok i will try to help if you wish

my prays are with you
mons

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RE: Dealing With Death...Please Help - 9/27/2006 9:09:42 PM

BD123

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Joined: 8/12/2006
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Time heals all wounds....give yourself time to adjust and refocus your life. Develop new hobbies or interest, meet new people, make new friends, volunteer work, and do a bit of traveling to remove yourself from your current setting. Most of all time will heal the heart..

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