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It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 7:49:17 AM

sircurrent

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

What do you think? Should a Dominant consider a submissive if :

1.The Dominant has told the submissive something in confidence and was told not to repeat it.
2. This submissive posts on someone’s blog the exact words I used.
3. Then writes a long letter to someone telling them complete story.

I have had submissive’s that I would trust with my own life. My gut feeling is not to trust here and walk away.

What do you think?

Post #: 1

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 7:54:02 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Based on you saying that she is being considered, meaning this isn't an already established relationship, it seems fairly obvious to me. You already don't trust her. Cut your losses and move on.

If it were a committed relationship, I'd say it MIGHT be worth a second chance. It would depend on a number of factors you didn't list.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 2

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 7:54:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sircurrent
What do you think? Should a Dominant consider a submissive if :

1.The Dominant has told the submissive something in confidence and was told not to repeat it.
2. This submissive posts on someone’s blog the exact words I used.
3. Then writes a long letter to someone telling them complete story.

I have had submissive’s that I would trust with my own life. My gut feeling is not to trust here and walk away.

What do you think?

Trust your gut, explain to her what your decision is and why you made it, and then walk away

My question is, how do you know she sent a long letter to someone with the full story? If you knew because she told you, then she obviously doesn't think she did anything wrong. If you know because someone else sent it to you or due to your snooping, then there's obviously problems on all sides of the equation and drama and you both should get single for awhile.

This has nothing to do with Ds and everything to do with simply respecting and trusting, which is necessary in all relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 3

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 8:03:21 AM

sircurrent

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

I was not on copy of the original note sent out by this submissive. I was copied on a response to the note from the person she sent it to. There was no spying on my part.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 8:09:52 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Like has been said. Go with your gut. D/s relationships cannot survive without trust. Make a decision and stick with it.

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 5

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 8:45:07 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If I asked my Dom not to share personal information about me and he did it anyways after agreeing not to share it I would be extremely hurt. He may be the Dom, but this sort of respect goes BOTH ways, not one. It would not matter to me how important the information was, it would matter that he violated my trust.

Because of certain things that have occured in his life, I know what he would do if I did what you describe above, he would kick my ass to the curb, because he has been there done this, and he ain't doing it again... he hasn't specifically told me this, but I know it anyways. I would not share confidential information about him with anyone. I do not do this with friends, why would I do it with him? The only exception in my eyes is if the information involves me also, and I feel compelled to tell someone close to me for untold numbers of reasons, then it becomes my story too, but that doesn't mean I would just spew it everywhere for little to no reason.

I would feel betrayed.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/23/2006 8:46:21 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 6

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 8:48:31 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I feel that mutual trust and respect are vital in any relationship. If you cannot have it, what is the purpose?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 9:04:43 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Run to the nearest exit. Your trust was not only violated it was broadcast to others. I would say once trust has been violated in such a way that a person has proved themselves unworthy of your confidence.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 8

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 10:27:12 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I wouls say to leave her once trust has been broken it is very hard to regain. How will you know that anything you tell her wiill not be brodcast to the world at large?

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 8/23/2006 10:31:42 AM >

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 9

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 10:31:40 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Wow how sad for both of Y/you but mostly for You. When a confidence is made in D/s or in vanilla it should remain confidential with the only exceptions being harm to self or others. Would You ever trust her again? If not the relationship is beyond repair and i would explain to her why and how You know the problem. Then say goodbye and good luck!

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 10

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 10:37:10 AM

marked

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

go with your gut..but remember that there are usually circumstances surrounding
the situations you describe.
she might not have understood ..or just maybe you dont understand..
if you otherwise click with this person what can it really hurt?
the trick is to be careful about revealing too much too soon to anyone
good luck

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 11

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 11:07:26 AM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

I agree with the posters so far, walk away quickly. However being the nosey voyuer I am who is the sub? where is the blog she wrote on? and can I have a copy of the email?

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to marked)

Post #: 12

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/23/2006 11:28:15 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear sircurrent, Ladies and Gentlemen;

You wrote;

quote:

ORIGINAL: sircurrent

I was not on copy of the original note sent out by this submissive. I was copied on a response to the note from the person she sent it to. There was no spying on my part.

Unfortunately, anything that is sent through E-mail, Instant Messages and or Chat Rooms cannot be deemed confidential no matter how many agreements are made. As much as people wish/want/agree to be confidential -- some just aren't.

I will add, with the "personal computer age," as well as the neat things they can do, as far as editing and things beyond my talents can be done, unless it is written out the old fashioned way and can be vouched as authentic by a writing expert, I think anything like E-mails and such is subjected to tampering by others. Too many times I've seen something I wrote in confidence be twisted into something most vile and nothing I would ever author or pen. Some people will use the contents in selective bits but, the messages and or the intent is skewed, as the entire letter has not been submitted and untampered with.

No matter how much you, or I or the good folks on this forum, take steps to put an honorable, gracious and compassionate letter or response forth, the next person may indeed twist it as to create something totally different. It is my sincere wish, that the scene in general remembers, that truth is sometimes tampered with and becomes a lie. Once it leaves our desk it is subjected to tampering and changes the contents and or character of our words and our intent. I don't know of a remedy, other than talking to a person face to face but, even then a person can change the story. Like the child's game of 'telephone' or 'pass the story.' People will gossip. People who tell friends, keeping things confidential sometimes works but, it gets back skewed. Just like I have seen people besmirched, as false E-mails were created by cut and pasteing. Some have even gone to the extremes of cut and paste the route codes and such these servers use. Then Xerox a copy off or scan and pass it around. What some do to hurt others can go rather extreme. This is why, I judge for myself with interactions of other people, face to face. If I believed every story that people told, even violating rules of groups, lists and such, I wouldn't be friends or acquaintances with so many.

That said, there are times when things pass on through untampered but, the reader can jump to conclusions or assumptions based on personality conflicts or just selective logic.

Confidential information is something that should be retained. But, if somebody breeches that confidentiality, then it is no longer confidential. Sometimes it is a curse and sometimes a blessing. Sometimes individuals who breeched confidential information aren't the ones cited but, what was confidential and no longer, another person may be targeted as the 'scape goat.' Sometimes, this tactic is used to 'out' an individual or creating 'false' evidence as to cause an individual to leave.

Personally, if people were so intimidated by another, as to create all this drama, I would have to look and wonder about the credibility of those who stir up credibility issues.

I have found through the years, that 'trust' is hard earned and easily lost. Trusting yourself is a must but, I don't trust many 'that' much. If they haven't been associates of mine over five years or more, I don't trust them fully with anything. Those 'friends' who are about more than five years then I will share more confidential things. Sometimes "trial balloons" are useful to me. I find that if the information comes back, much like "telephone" or "pass the story" child's games of old, you'll know where the leak came from. Most don't even know that I use trial balloons until it is too late. I know who I said something to and when it comes back through channels I know who said it originally. It has served me well and I know who wishes to do me harm.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 13

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/24/2006 6:37:49 PM

Winnie123

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

sircurrent wrote:
>>What do you think? Should a Dominant consider a submissive if :

1.The Dominant has told the submissive something in confidence and was told not to repeat it.
2. This submissive posts on someone’s blog the exact words I used.
3. Then writes a long letter to someone telling them complete story. <<

Well, on the face of it, it sounds like the submissive is a gossip and not trustworthy. But there must be more details to this, no? I am struck by your use of the words "complete story". Did the person she wrote to already know part of the story? Did that part of the story involve the submissive herself? Was it one-sided? Did it cast her in a disparaging light? Did she consider it to be about herself that she was writing, and not just about something you told her?

If any of the above is true, then the situation is much more dimensional than what you are presenting here.

I find it difficult to understand why a submissive who is under consideration of a collar would act in such a way, unless provoked. Or, possibly she felt that she needed to defend herself.

It's possible that she's a terrible person, but without knowing more details, i would not be one to pass judgement on her.

I think you should ask her these questions. That would lead to a more accurate answer than asking a group of people who only know the bare bones outline of the story from your point of view.

No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides to everything.

just my humble opinion,
Winnie

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 14

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/25/2006 4:05:39 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You can't Trust her she has already broken it.

quote:

My gut feeling is not to trust here and walk away.

.
you have your answer

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 15

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/25/2006 4:37:47 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

The trust has already been broken here i would say move on.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to sircurrent)

Post #: 16

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/25/2006 5:57:15 AM

subinsouth

Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

go with your gut feeling - - - once the trust is broken, how can you possibly ever get it back?

_____________________________

may it be for me as You will

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/25/2006 12:25:45 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

You haven't presented enough info for people to make an informed decision.

Ok, she has repeated something she was told not to but in what context and how personal was it? Has she made a genuine mistake, being a little naive or has she shown a complete lack of respect?

The crux of the matter is her intentions. Did she intend to show a genuine lack of respect or has she simply been a little naive and not intended to cause any harm?

It goes without saying that if she has no respect for you then get rid and make sure she understands she has a responsibility to herself to respect others or she'll get nowhere. If she has simply been naive then enjoy yourself showing her the error of her ways :-)

Regards

(in reply to subinsouth)

Post #: 18

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/25/2006 1:52:00 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Actually, to me, it's not all about trust. It's about following directions. If she was given the explicit directions to keep the information to herself, and she didn't do it, then she isn't doing as you've instructed.

Beyond that, if her reasons sit well with you, that's your decision as to where to go next.

Lots of people have had crises of faith/trust regarding the people they're with and the relationship has survived and survived well. Lots of people have not. In the end, to me, the question is about her ability to follow directions and your decision as to what you're going to do about it.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/25/2006 2:15:53 PM >

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 19

RE: It’s all about trust what do you think? - 8/25/2006 2:42:10 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

When a person is asked to Keep a confidence- do Not repeat what was said to them too anyone, but goes right ahead and puts it on a blog and tells others, how is that

quote:

simply been a little naive

quote:

You haven't presented enough info for people to make an informed decision.
Ok, she has repeated something she was told not to but in what context and how personal was it?

We dont need to know any more info- makes no difference how personal or non personal it was- She was asked to not repeat it and she did.

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 8/25/2006 2:44:29 PM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 20

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