RE: not obeying a mistress

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shamedmale -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 9:35:36 AM)
Well , ok I regret the way it came across but what i am referring to is the below comment by Lady Ellen " Never start a fight with a woman- you cannot win. If you beat her , you get arrested and society shames you. If she beats you , you look a complete dickhead and society shames you" To me this comment is provocative in tone almost goading potential subs of which i am not, i must stress im NOT looking for anyone here on these forums, all im doing is having fun interacting thats all, but to potential subs a comment such as Lady Ellen made, well to say the least it is offputting and not constructive. Mistrix's comment is even more belligerent and unconstructive in my mind and seems to be pitting for a fight. And also at the same time there seems to be a hint that she laughing at the subs as well almost wanting the subs to make a fool of themselves so she can strike out. That to me is not treating anyone like a human being . Well you can judge for yourselves but I think the following " So come on, slap me , make sure I'm down good cuz you'll be choking on your teeth, then looking like a dickhead while society shames you..... hahaha" is not a comment id like to read if I was looking for someone. No im not perfect not for one moment but can i equally point out that some of the mistresses here are not whiter than white. Having said that most of the women, mistresses, subs etc who participate in this forum are very honourable people with the utmost integrity and i apologise if i have blackened or offended anyone due to the mindless actions of a minority. Which is always the way but rant over

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 9:54:31 AM)
shamedmale - I think if you check back carefully, a certain urjules prompted the flurry to which you referred, by suggesting dominant ladies would benefit from being assaulted. Whilst I dont see anything provacative in what I wrote, I am sorry if you read something of a threat into it, when it was intended to be merely a semi-humourous/semi-serious note on the matter. It may be that urjules intended the comment humourously too, although to my mind and to those of others here, it was unclear as to whether it was meant to be humourous or serious. Criminal assault has no place in bdsm - and I will join you in rejecting it entirely. We are all grown up enough I believe, to know the difference between criminal assault and what goes on in bdsm, so I wont explain that. What has to be understood though, is that when comments such as that posted by urjules are made, without a clear and unambiguous signal that it is meant in humour, there will always be a reaction. This is "ask a mistress" after all, and the ladies here are not the sort to accept such comments without giving a response to it, just as they would not accept a criminal assault on them in real life, without reaction. I hope this clears the matter up for you. E

shamedmale -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 9:59:54 AM)
yes it does thank you. it is quite obvious that some people in the states are a bit more reactionary than they are where I come from in Ireland. BDSM is not really as advanced in Dublin. For one there is only about a handful of dominatrixes whereas in the States there are probably hundreds if not thousands of dommes

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 10:08:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shamedmale yes it does thank you. it is quite obvious that some people in the states are a bit more reactionary than they are where I come from in Ireland. BDSM is not really as advanced in Dublin. For one there is only about a handful of dominatrixes whereas in the States there are probably hundreds if not thousands of dommes Yes, I find one has to speak American quite a lot on here - its a fascinating learning curve to be honest. Its not just the odd word here and there (fall, freeway etc), its a different culture - not a massively different culture, but more of a nuances thing. The only problem it gives me, is what with talking to east Europeans all day for my work too, I end up becoming incomprehensible in real life from time to time. I mean, when one says something like "I must to go on the freeway" one does tend to attract some odd looks! Yes, there are a lot more dommes in the US - but then its a lot bigger to start with. UK has about 6 times more people than Ireland, and US has about 6 times more people than UK, but I would expect if one looked at the population density (dommes per square mile), then the UK might outweigh the US - and what with RyanAir youre only a few quid and an hour or so away from us! E

shamedmale -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 10:37:53 AM)
yes thats true but even leaving aside population density etc , the domme scene is really not all that visible. Like for example Singapore has one million people yet in that small country there are a lot of dominatrixes . I know because Ive looked at the web, whereas i think in Ireland its more to do with the fact that we are conservative, only just coming out of a period where the church ruled people's lives, and Irish people generally dont do change that well, there have been some interesting developments, we have an Ann Summers shop for example in the middle of our main street, but adult entertainment domination etc hasnt really taken off here and has in fact been frowned upon. Only a few weeks ago for example a lap dancing club was closed down due to local objections. im afraid we are pretty set in our ways, it is changing but only as with everything in ireland, very slowly. In fact the only evidence of the sex industry in ireland is the sad stories of prostitutes walking the streets being attacked raped etc at night by thugs because the government is so stuck in its rigid protectionist way that it wont legalise the industry. all in all ire is pretty backward at the moment in regard to dommes etc but there are some around, its growing slowly but even the ones that are around are not particularly advertising their wares very strongly. there is still an element in ireland whereby domination is kind of seen as naughty a bit outside the bounds and its certainly not accepted by the vast majority of the population. in short if you were refer to an irish woman as your domme , your mistress, a dominatrix etc your more likely to get a slap than a compliment. but given time this will change and in five -ten years the scene will be more developed thats for sure. as in all things from science to medicine to techology britain and the Us lead the way, the rest of the world follows. as to your suggestion that we could always go across the water , yeah we could but for a lot of dommes across the water it s much more expensive to go and see them. Dommes across the water charge up to 150 sterling for an hours session. whereas in ire its like €50 an hour . the problem is there are not that many dommes in Ireland , the scene is not widely publicised and thats why its so cheap. me , personally ive got in touch with the few irish dommes ive seen on this site, dublin dommes etc saying i would meet them in O'Connell St or whereever they wanted to etc but they did not reply. I think the reason for that is there is still an element of embarrassment and shock that someone could actually domme for a living in Dublin, it s like she's a what , a dominatrix? and its like shock horror , why would anyone want to go into that trade? Its not nearly as widely respected in ire as it is in UK , other areas of Europe, the States or Australia.

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 11:09:39 AM)
Not sure its respected anywhere to be honest you know? Even here on CM, pro-dommes get a regular flaming (though they give as good as they get and have just as many friends as enemies!). I guess its more open over here in UK though - if someone in the pub said they were a pro-domme or even walked in with some guy on a leash, it'd be interesting, but likely as not they wouldnt be thrown out or anything - there'd be more curiosity than horror. E

shamedmale -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 12:50:05 PM)
I suppose my net point is like Ive been in Barcelona and I can tell you that you cannot walk down the street without seeing Domme establishments dotted all over the city, every 500 metres like there is a Domme establishment, every street corner after six in the evening you could have Dommes or girls walking down the street, you go into pubs in New York and you can sometimes see s an m practices, there are even S an M restaurants in New York, I know because while I havent been in New York personally myself , i ve seen programmes on TV which documented these practices and S and M hotels etc. In Ireland you can go to many pubs etc but unless you saw a Gay march parade , your not going to witness women with whips, in fact thats the only tim e I saw dominatrixes performing publicly in Dublin at a Gay Pride parade, which tells you all you need to know as to how Dubliners perceive the whole practice- to the vast majority the people who practice sadomasochism, masochistic practices or domination, are weirdos gays and there must be something wrong with them, thats how Ireland and most Dubliners perceive BDSM and those who practice it- weird, unconventional and the people who do it are seen as not normal. Whereas in the UK and definitely America, Australia, whether your straight or gay it does not matter, BDSM is fairly widely practiced and accepted. Hell im going to New York next year and im told by those who have gone that there is a Pandoras box in the middle of fifth avenue. Net point is there are multiple times more dommes even in New York and London than there are in the whole of Ireland and you are definitely more informed about the whole thing, Irish people , we are still a bit in the dark about what is actually going on and still reluctant to embrace consensual adult entertainment- a bit of the nanny state still in Ireland, sure the pubs even close at twelve thirty and the nightclubs at 2am whereas in Barcelona there are all night clubs and pubs. Im sure its similar in the Uk, the US and the rest of Europe.

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:09:36 PM)
Well, I know something of what Irish RC culture is like and what it can do to a man shamed - my drunken artist neighbour is part Irish and was brought up on Irish RC culture, and to be fair at one year older than me, he has no idea at all about anything much more than normal sex, and feels so much shame at his feelings that are not to do with that, its lamentable. He just doesnt have the words or the inner self-permission to express himself. I spent a long time with him talking it all through and explaining that just because he likes or desires x, it doesnt mean he's a freak or wrong, and that he's not alone in those likes or desires. It still hasnt worked though, and to date, in 40 years I am the only person he's ever told those things to. Its ruined his life really, as his shame drove him to drink and that wrecked everything. From what you say, I can think that you must have a whole country there in the same position as my neighbour; having those likes and desires but repressed out of fear and not possible to talk about that easily? E

ToGiveDivine -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:13:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Not sure its respected anywhere to be honest you know? Even here on CM, pro-dommes get a regular flaming (though they give as good as they get and have just as many friends as enemies!). I guess its more open over here in UK though - if someone in the pub said they were a pro-domme or even walked in with some guy on a leash, it'd be interesting, but likely as not they wouldnt be thrown out or anything - there'd be more curiosity than horror. E So, what you are saying is that you haven't been thrown out of any pubs lately for walking your man-slave?!?!?! ;-P

Mistrix -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:20:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen shamedmale - I think if you check back carefully, a certain urjules prompted the flurry to which you referred, by suggesting dominant ladies would benefit from being assaulted. Whilst I dont see anything provacative in what I wrote, I am sorry if you read something of a threat into it, when it was intended to be merely a semi-humourous/semi-serious note on the matter. It may be that urjules intended the comment humourously too, although to my mind and to those of others here, it was unclear as to whether it was meant to be humourous or serious. Criminal assault has no place in bdsm - and I will join you in rejecting it entirely. We are all grown up enough I believe, to know the difference between criminal assault and what goes on in bdsm, so I wont explain that. What has to be understood though, is that when comments such as that posted by urjules are made, without a clear and unambiguous signal that it is meant in humour, there will always be a reaction. This is "ask a mistress" after all, and the ladies here are not the sort to accept such comments without giving a response to it, just as they would not accept a criminal assault on them in real life, without reaction. I hope this clears the matter up for you. E You couldn't have said it better. You have a wonderful way of projecting things. That comment was semi humorous and semi serious to Me, so I responded to it,the way I wanted, it wasn't intended for EVERY other sub. It was intended for urjules. Period.

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:26:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Not sure its respected anywhere to be honest you know? Even here on CM, pro-dommes get a regular flaming (though they give as good as they get and have just as many friends as enemies!). I guess its more open over here in UK though - if someone in the pub said they were a pro-domme or even walked in with some guy on a leash, it'd be interesting, but likely as not they wouldnt be thrown out or anything - there'd be more curiosity than horror. E So, what you are saying is that you haven't been thrown out of any pubs lately for walking your man-slave?!?!?! ;-P Of course I havent! Mind you, I dont get out to the pub much as I dont drink, and its not much fun being sober amongst the drunks! Plus which, the only man who I could perhaps persuade to be led on a leash into the pub I could only persuade because he's drunk, and being a notorious alcoholic has been banned from every pub in town anyway, so its a non starter I guess! Wouldnt mind trying it though E

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:27:21 PM)
Thanks Mistrix. Can you tell I wanted to be lawyer? E

ToGiveDivine -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:36:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Not sure its respected anywhere to be honest you know? Even here on CM, pro-dommes get a regular flaming (though they give as good as they get and have just as many friends as enemies!). I guess its more open over here in UK though - if someone in the pub said they were a pro-domme or even walked in with some guy on a leash, it'd be interesting, but likely as not they wouldnt be thrown out or anything - there'd be more curiosity than horror. E So, what you are saying is that you haven't been thrown out of any pubs lately for walking your man-slave?!?!?! ;-P Of course I havent! Mind you, I dont get out to the pub much as I dont drink, and its not much fun being sober amongst the drunks! Plus which, the only man who I could perhaps persuade to be led on a leash into the pub I could only persuade because he's drunk, and being a notorious alcoholic has been banned from every pub in town anyway, so its a non starter I guess! Wouldnt mind trying it though E I have another comment, but I think I'll just keep it to myself - it's not bad, but sometimes I just have to be mysterious ;-P

Mistrix -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 1:52:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Thanks Mistrix. Can you tell I wanted to be lawyer? E And GOD you would be an winner for sure. I'm so impressed with your reply's on the message board. A person of dignity and well versed conversation.

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 2:01:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mistrix quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Thanks Mistrix. Can you tell I wanted to be lawyer? E And GOD you would be an winner for sure. I'm so impressed with your reply's on the message board. A person of dignity and well versed conversation. awww! stop it! I'm trying to get a rep as a nasty bitch you know LOL! thanks! E

shamedmale -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 2:23:26 PM)
a nasty bitch ? never . But yes you would be right in assuming that there is a lot of sexual repression in this country. The result is appalling . Because people feel they cant talk about their feelings sexual, bdsm or otherwise, you have for example young men taking their lives in horrible numbers each year because they have no one to talk to. You also have a general picture of unhappiness, increased incidence of depression and so forth. But thankfully this is starting to change , thanks mainly to the waning power of the Catholic Church which had such a gruesome hold over this country for years but which now has been discredited for what it was. A mass of hypocrites, many good priests, but an awful lot of people who abused their powers. The problem was they were put on pedestals as models of society and the way on e should live. They were no such thing.

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 2:33:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shamedmale a nasty bitch ? never . But yes you would be right in assuming that there is a lot of sexual repression in this country. The result is appalling . Because people feel they cant talk about their feelings sexual, bdsm or otherwise, you have for example young men taking their lives in horrible numbers each year because they have no one to talk to. You also have a general picture of unhappiness, increased incidence of depression and so forth. But thankfully this is starting to change , thanks mainly to the waning power of the Catholic Church which had such a gruesome hold over this country for years but which now has been discredited for what it was. A mass of hypocrites, many good priests, but an awful lot of people who abused their powers. The problem was they were put on pedestals as models of society and the way on e should live. They were no such thing. I understand. I guess we had the same in England up to the 50s/60s and its still not quite gone yet. We still have high suicide rates in teenagers attributed to them being gay or trans or whatever, for instance, and we still have rabid preachers condemning anyone and everyone for enjoying what their God gave those people! Personally I dont like the church (as in organised Christian religion of all types) and abandoned it a long time ago - though I still think Jesus rocks! What I think is the shame in all this though is that the bad priests etc have tainted the good, genuine priests etc who want to make a difference and who do believe and follow the teachings they represent. I hope Ireland can make it through this time of change without making the mistake we seem to in England though - we rejected the whole thing and along with it a lot of stuff that whilst it never belonged to the church or Christianity in the first place, was effectively tied up in them - stuff like respect for others and onesself, and a charitable disposition. I follow Asatru (Norse heathenry) and we have all that stuff from there orginally anyway, so we keep it without all the guff the church hung on it. E

shamedmale -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 3:03:37 PM)
i think ireland will move away from its dark past and will adapt to sexual preferences with time and accept everyone as entitled to whatever sexual preferences they like and treat them equally and with respect but i think we will always be a bit behind, for example id say domination/sexual practices in England will be different in ten years time than they are now

lateralist -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 3:35:15 PM)
I have just read through all the posts on this subject. It was very worthwhile. From my own experience BDSM is not accepted or even known about by ordinary people in England. I was almost 50 years old before I found out about it. If I had known before I would have had a very different and much happier life. I have always been dominant but afraid to show it becuase of what I assumed was societies and especially men's reaction to a woman who is naturally dominant in her personal relationships. Becoming a Domme has been a hard fought battle. I was sacked from my job because of my profile on this site. I have been what I consider verbally abused by males because I am open about my sexuality. I am not a very forceful Domme. I am often too soft and too caring and then the opposite. Passive agressive is a sign of lack of real confidence. I have been abused by men all my life because of my caring nature and because I was sexually abused as a child. Becoming a Domme has helped me not to allow it to happen anymore. I have not been able as yet to find the right slave for me. I no longer try to dominate anyone before meeting and agreeing the terms of the relationship because I'm afraid that some men use these sites as an easy way to get a quick thrill. I have been in the situation where a slave disobeyed my instructions. Through lack of organisation I think. I caned her. I realised that I had made a mistake and later dismissed her. It just felt wrong and was indicitive I think that the relationship itself was not right for me. We were both so anxious to have the relationship that we didn't discuss what we wanted from it enough. It doesn't matter how much I want a sub/slave. If he is not prepared to put in the time and effort to be a good partner then I will not be content. It seems that some men just want the play and are not prepared to have a relationship at all. Then that mirrors vanilla in my experience. The comment about taking a Domme shopping to keep her happy. If it was serious is beneath contempt. People in this lifestyle do suffer everyday in their vanilla lives. How many of us are open about who we are? Gay and bisexual people still can not be open abut their sexuality in all cases. We live in a world that judges us on our clothes, our accents, how much money we have, the colour of our skin let alone our sexuality. My union rep did not help me fight my case her comment was in thirty years time perhaps. But we live now not in thirty years time. Perhaps in a long established relationship I could see disobediance as a form of play. But at the beginning I just see it as taking the piss. Thankyou for reading. If anyone has.

LadyEllen -> RE: not obeying a mistress (11/1/2006 4:52:36 PM)
Lateralist - read it. You should have a mail from me on the other side E

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