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This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:08:18 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

But I have a problem with being on top, I get no enjoyment out of it what so ever! My partner loves for me to be on top sometimes, and I just dread it when he asks for that. Is there something I can do to help myself enjoy it more? Any suggestions would be appreciated, cause I really want to enjoy this.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

Post #: 1

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:21:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50
But I have a problem with being on top, I get no enjoyment out of it what so ever! My partner loves for me to be on top sometimes, and I just dread it when he asks for that. Is there something I can do to help myself enjoy it more? Any suggestions would be appreciated, cause I really want to enjoy this.

A lot of women are uncomfortable or embarassed about being on top. I'd ask first why exactly you dread it. It is a mental quirk that you just hate being in the stereotypically dominant position? Is it not feeling attractive and that you're just flopping around on top? Is it that you get tired and don't like having to stop too soon? Do you dislike possibly getting more direct attention and it makes you feel uncomfortable to be pleasing yourself?

Once you've identified all the particular reasons why, you can work on them all. Mostly just try the standard "it's for him so I'm happy" method, as well as realizing that you're letting him just relax and enjoy the ride while you do the work. Also, by him being stationary, he can focus his hands and words far more on what's going on directly, rather than having to do all that balancing and motion at the same time.

Once you've untapped yourself, you can let your sexual energy flow in ALL interactions. It might not ever be your favorite position, but figuring out what the specifics of your dislike are, working on those directly, and cognitively working around them to enjoy simply being together can go a long way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 2

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:25:39 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

I personally HATE being on top literally it just gets me nowhere if the one I'm with asks me to be on top sure I'll do it...for a limited time but it's just one of the worst positions eva me on top is just nooooooooo

I don't know why..I can't really think of why it just..doesn't do it for me I think it's just 'cause I'm too..high up lol I need to feel the bed..or the ...floor or the erm ok.. too

< Message edited by MissyRane -- 8/29/2006 9:28:03 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:27:03 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Boy, LA, you sure did give me alot to think about...lol

I think there are really several reasons why I dont like it, of which you mentioned. I just don't know how to get over it. I'm very hard on myself and when something like this happens, I get really mad at myself for not understanding what is going on with me....I know, I'm weird...lol

< Message edited by cuddleheart50 -- 8/29/2006 9:28:26 AM >

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:30:01 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

This is not meant to sound trite, but is there any way you could just process it masochistically and find some enjoyment in it that way?

I know that sometimes we feel insecure about the way we look "on top". I dont know if that is the issue for you or not, but if it does have anything to do with body image issues (the idea of everything hanging out and wiggling and jiggling right there in front of him) you could possibly close your eyes and focus on how you can please him as opposed to how you think you look. Most men find a woman who is totally lost in the act of pleasing him to be a most beautiful and sexy thing.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 5

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:32:20 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I have tired getting into it...but my mind keeps going back too...............I want off of here....lol

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 6

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:37:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50
Boy, LA, you sure did give me alot to think about...lol

That's the plan :)

quote:

I think there are really several reasons why I dont like it, of which you mentioned. I just don't know how to get over it. I'm very hard on myself and when something like this happens, I get really mad at myself for not understanding what is going on with me....I know, I'm weird...lol

Getting yourself caught up in the "I suck" spiral won't help anything (and don't get yourself caught up in the "I suck because I can't stop being in the I suck spiral" spiral either). BTW- I just assumed, but, have you told him that you don't like it and your reasons for it? Sometimes just getting it out in the open is a good step towards being relieved.

Are you allowed to take it slow and lovingly? If so, just ease up on him. First, lay on top and just snuggle, kissing, feeling your bodies against eachother and the energy building up. Then, get yourself into position, but don't start yet. Feel his chest, look into his eyes, his hands will likely be wandering as well. Get into the EXPERIENCE of being together, with you just happening to be in the upright position. Enjoy seeing him from all of these angles and pressing into his body this closely. Begin imagining how it will feel to have his cock driving into you with no resistance as your legs are spread wide.

After enough of this, then you can position, ask permission to put his cock in you, and then ride it. You don't stop all the other stuff you were doing before either.

If you aren't allowed to take it slow and lovingly, then this method won't work for you at all obviously. In that case, you might try taking your head into being a fuck toy doll and feeling like he's positioned you where he wants you and you're there to be used.

It's all about taking you outside of your head, not allowing your insecurities to take control, and getting into the pure experience. More than anything, you have to teach yourself to be a good learner, and not get so frustrated (far easier typed than done I know).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 7

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:44:14 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

LA, how did you get to be so wise, for being such a young pup?

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 9:58:04 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I used to dislike being on top for several reasons, it was physically uncomfortable, it was hard for me to get aroused when I was the one doing the work. I wondered how I looked in that position, did my breast look saggy, could he see the fat on my thighs... this sort of thing.

I love it now, and I can orgasm this way fairly quickly, but I had given up all expectation that I would or could ever enjoy it and gave into the submissive that wanted to just be pleasing... and in doing that I first found the pleasure of serving, and then found myself physically aroused. For one thing I am in good shape and have better stamina than I ever have had, for another I no longer worry or have performance anxiety, which I think was the biggest turn off for me in that position... wondering if I was doing it "right".

But everyone is different... and pleasure in this position is rather new to me (actually very recent)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 9

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 10:26:43 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

i am with you on that. i haven't done on top in many years. When i did it years ago i hated it.
Being on top just never felt natural and honestly once there it's like umm ok now what do i do?
i even asked that question the first time i was asked to be on top. The answer i got was to do what felt good. The problem with that answer is that nothing about it felt good.

i know it will be asked of me agai soon and i dread it because i still don't have a clue what to do lol
lil_joy

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 10

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 10:38:42 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

Wow... This is kinda surprising for me? I was under the impression most women liked being on top? I've heard that a woman has more control of her clit stimulation by being on top? But I'm a male so WTF do I know? Anyways...carry on...will watch this thread with interest.....

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 11

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 10:46:38 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

Most I have known didn't like riding on top. But I feel lazy sometimes. So I found creative ways to encourage. Such as arm tied behind the back, and clover clamps on areolas, not nipples. There would be a small rope from the clamps to a pully on the ceiling. The other end in my hand. I'd move the clamps periodically, to another area on the aerola.

A bit of a jerk on that rope got enthusiatic results.

They certainly didn't feel very much in control.

< Message edited by Homestead -- 8/29/2006 10:47:28 AM >

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 12

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 10:50:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

Wow... This is kinda surprising for me? I was under the impression most women liked being on top? I've heard that a woman has more control of her clit stimulation by being on top? But I'm a male so WTF do I know? Anyways...carry on...will watch this thread with interest.....

Women can control their own stimulation more, and get more direct clitoral contact by being on top and are much more likely lead to orgasm.

It's also a very stereotypically dominant position, exposes the woman's body in as unflattering a way as possible, is awkward and tiring to maneuver, and puts a lot of focus and attention on giving the woman pleasure.

These are all things that most women find very difficult to handle in an intimate situation- which cancels out all the physical stimulation. I think it's great that Cuddle is trying to work beyond her insecurities and troubles, and not just so she can enjoy sex in an even broader scope.

And thanks Cuddle- I know plenty would disagree with you on my wisdom and I'm sure some of its due to being the absolute slut that I am.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 13

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 10:54:53 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I know how you feel, I hate being on top.

I was always afraid I was doing it wrong, or I looked stupid. This position also hurts me sexually, I am not sure why that is.

I dread when I am ever asked to do this, no matter what I do.. I can't seem to just enjoy it. This is one thing, that no matter who I am with in the future, they will want it. Somehow I need to get my mind around it, and figure out how to get pleasure out of it.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 14

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 11:51:09 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Wow! None of the ladies in here like being on top? (Cowgirl)
Which position do you like then?

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 15

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 12:23:48 PM

CuriouslyKat

Posts: 118
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Kansas
Status: offline

I used to not like being on top either. I found out it depends on who I am with and how much I get into it. With some guys it is a turn on, with some it is "Can I get off of here now please!!"

Turning around and riding backwards after a while helps. Riding with the man seated also is more fun.

Get up there are ride'em Cowgirl!!! YeeHaw!!!

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 16

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 12:37:16 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Missionary cause I get the best clit stimulation, and the position don't cause any undue damage or stress to my bad back like doggie style does. Which is a shame that doggie style causes me back pain and inflamation issues, cause I like it when the partner knows what the hell he's doing.

And I like spooning position.

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Wow! None of the ladies in here like being on top? (Cowgirl)
Which position do you like then?

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 17

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 12:37:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250
Wow! None of the ladies in here like being on top? (Cowgirl)
Which position do you like then?

When discussing penis/vagina intercourse, my preferred position actually is standard missionary- there's a reason it's the classic! Then doggy style, then me on top. Then all the other variations mixed in together depending on mood, physical prowess, location, equipment, etc.

And my favorite ice cream really is vanilla (unless it's a Coldstone creation and then it's strawberry).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 18

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 12:41:19 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Wow! None of the ladies in here like being on top? (Cowgirl)
Which position do you like then?

I do have to admit, that I like the sitting position, where he is sitting upright, and I am facing him.. that I have done and enjoyed. It still hurts me a little, but most sex does.

I think my two favorite positions are doggy, that way my hair can be pulled and maybe a belt used, or on my back with the legs on shoulders, or pushed towards my head. I love the depth that I get on with that one a lot.

I just like sex that feels primal, and both of those do that for me.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 19

RE: This Is Embarrassing.. - 8/29/2006 12:43:38 PM

midnyt

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline

cuddleheart, dont be embarrassed! i too used to hate being on top. i was a little chubby and had a problem with being seen in this position, so i kinda just went threw the motions...untill one nite i got into this rythem and it was stimulating my clit. it felt so great, i couldnt stop and i actually let go of my insecureties and fucked Master like a wild women. He was absolutly blown away. seeing His reaction and hearing his groans drove me further than i ever went on top with anyone...ever. now that i am at a healthy wieght and am more secure with my body, i thourghly enjoy being on top. sometimes we just make our selves believe we dont like something becouse of our self image. i also think this is completly normal for alot of women. ~midnyt~

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 20

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