RE: Cynical assumptions.

RE: Cynical assumptions. (Full Version)

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Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:38:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO Okay, I understand. I know there are many nuts out there. Re Switches: I've known Switches that have hard time defining what Switches really are. In my case, being one is all still in the realm of my own head, although from my own fantasies, I gather it is a distinct possibility I am one. Because although I think I am 90% submissive, and being with a male Dominant as a submissive is where my real world experiences lay, I consistently also (though much less often) think about Dommeing (sp?) male submissives, and how satisfying that would maybe be to try. But - I've never actually done that (yet). I wonder where I would fall on a 'spectrum of "Switchiness" as far as this thread is concerned...? What activities do you want to switch during?

WhipTheHip -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:40:23 AM)
> I cynically assume the worst of everything, because I am cynical by nature It is very hard to live with someone like this. You are always on the defensive with them. They take every suggestion as a criticism, and assume everything you say is an attack directed at them. It is tough when someone who should know better can't trust you, no matter how many times you have come through for them. Few people are ablee to measure-up with someone who only sees half-empty glasses, is always looking for ulterior motives, and always suspects the worst. This routine gets stale very fast.

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:42:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip > I cynically assume the worst of everything, because I am cynical by nature It is very hard to live with someone like this. You are always on the defensive with them. They take every suggestion as a criticism, and assume everything you say is an attack directed at them. It is tough when someone who should know better can't trust you, no matter how many times you have come through for them. Few people are ablee to measure-up with someone who only sees half-empty glasses, is always looking for ulterior motives, and always suspects the worst. This routine gets stale very fast. You are making another assumption, based on your own cynicism. I am cynical until someone proves themselves, then I trust them. They just have to keep thier word consistently, and not be all over the map.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:45:04 AM)
Not really wanting to get into this particular argument, however your last word made me wonder something Homestead, and that is this. Is there ever an end of the other person having to prove him or herself or does that distrust and cynicism come back again even after they have consistently kept their word for a period of time (6 months, a year, 2 years, etc.)?

SusanofO -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:45:50 AM)
Homestead: I don't want to Switch in the middle of a scene with a male Dominant, if that's what you mean. I don't think I'd want to switch in the middle of a scene, even if I could - it might be too much of a "mood wrecker" for us both. I want to maybe try using a strap or spanking or a belt - something like that, with a male submissive sometime. Nothing really sadistic. Things Dommes do to male submissives along that line. I also just plain like the idea of being powerful in that way, in terms mostly of being emotionally needed, I think. I can have very emotionally satisfying interactions with male Dominants (I already have) but - face it, sometimes they don't really need you all that much, if you're a submissive. And if they do, my impression is that some of them may rarely say so. It would ruin the whole "mystique", I am guessing, for some of them. Feel free to correct me if you think I am wrong. I suppose it all depends on the relationship of the two people involved, regardless of the label attached to it. But - the inherent nature of Dominant-submissive, in my view, is that although they may both really need eachother, the submissive is the one who verbalizes this most often. I can be extremely "needy", but I also want to feel appreciated. Some Dominants do this well, and some seem to feel their view of how to express dominance excludes it almost altogether. But, my impression is that male submissives just know how to do this (of course this is conjecture, as I've not been with any yet). Please don't anybody flame me for this comment, I am mostly thinking out loud..and trying to sort out how I really feel about this. It isn't (despite what it might appear to be) a slam to male Dominants, because I see many around here all the time I think are probably great people. Even if I do find this to be true, occasionally, I still think I am 90-95% submissive by nature, and that is probably not going to change (but I am not ruling it out entirely). The more I learn about bdsm, the more I sometimes think I am going to spend the rest of my life in a state of blissful, interesting (and hopefully not too dangerous, just adventurous) confusion.* [:D] - Susan

SusanofO -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:48:30 AM)
mnottertail: You are not a cynic, you are a realist. Cynics don't have your light-hearted, yet biting, sense of humor. At least I don't think so - I see them as much more depressing to be around (and you are definitely not that). [:)] - Susan

WhipTheHip -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:49:10 AM)
> Someone who put down everything would confuse me. > Which, if I WERE looking would put me off. To my way > of thinking, it comes off as "anything will do" Which > makes the motivations questionable to me. This is the exact reason why a switch might have two profiles, so as not to confuse the easily confused. Just because someone is a switch does NOT mean anything or anyone will do. There is nothing dishonest about not putting everything in your profile. You have no obligation to tell a stranger everything in a profile.

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:50:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Not really wanting to get into this particular argument, however your last word made me wonder something Homestead, and that is this. Is there ever an end of the other person having to prove him or herself or does that distrust and cynicism come back again even after they have consistently kept their word for a period of time (6 months, a year, 2 years, etc.)? No, it goes away for people I trust, and who have the fortitude not to engage in drama and other such idiocy. I'm very loyal to someone who makes me feel at peace.

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:51:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip > Someone who put down everything would confuse me. > Which, if I WERE looking would put me off. To my way > of thinking, it comes off as "anything will do" Which > makes the motivations questionable to me. This is the exact reason why a switch might have two profiles, so as not to confuse the easily confused. Just because someone is a switch does NOT mean anything or anyone will do. There is nothing dishonest about not putting everything in your profile. You have no obligation to tell a stranger everything in a profile. And a stranger has not obligation to accept someone who omits things.

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:54:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO I don't want to Switch in the middle of a scene with a male Dominant, if that's what you mean. I don't think I'd want to switch in the middle of a scene, even if I could - it might be too much of a "mood wrecker" for me. I want to maybe try using a strap or spanking or a belt - something like that, with a male submissive sometime. Nothing really sadistic. Things Dommes do to male submissives along that line. I also just plain like the idea of being powerful in that way, in terms mostly of being emotionally needed, I think. I can have very emotionally satisfying interactions with male Dominants (I already have) but - face it, sometimes they don't really need you all that much, if you're a submissive. And if they do, my impression is that some of them may rarely say so. It would ruin the whole "mystique", I am guessing, for some of them. Feel free to correct me if you think I am wrong. I suppose it all depends on the relationship of the tow people involved, regradless of the label attached to it. But - the inhernet nature of Dominant-submissive, in my view, is that although they may both really need eachother, the submissive is the one who verbalizes this most often. Even if I do find this to be true, occasionally, I still think I am 90-95% submissive by nature, and that is probably not going to change (but I am not ruling it out entirely). - Susan I've had girls who liked doing sensation play from the top, but not with me. My classical feeling of a switch is one who changes roles, not practices. I've been in poly situations in the past where I had girls top each other for my amusement. They were still subservient to me.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:54:36 AM)
Thank you for answering my question. Because if it keeps coming back up, etc. then i would have be forced to do something that i really didn't want to do, which was to agree with Whip, as i disagree with most everything he writes. But to have to keep battling against that cynicism and proving oneself over and over again for years on end would get to be very tiring and eventually probably would destroy any possiblity of a relationship.

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 6:58:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Thank you for answering my question. Because if it keeps coming back up, etc. then i would have be forced to do something that i really didn't want to do, which was to agree with Whip, as i disagree with most everything he writes. But to have to keep battling against that cynicism and proving oneself over and over again for years on end would get to be very tiring and eventually probably would destroy any possiblity of a relationship. My general attitude is that many people are flakey, inconsistent and selfish. It's the nature of the beast, and I am proven correct time after time in this. My cynicism is reserved for people at large, not my proven intimates.

WhipTheHip -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:01:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I was wondering Whip, when your religion gets underway and you have many converts, what strategy do you plan to employ as to control this One True Wayishness that exists in ALL groups, since it is you that developed the religion, do you plan on mapping the One True Way for those who plan on following you? Just curious... You should read the full-description of my religion. It would answer all your questions. I managed a hotel for ten years. My employees would be able to answer your question. I let every employee be themself. I let employees drink on the job, and use drugs so long as it did not effect their work. I let employees listen to whatever music they liked. I let employees work when they like. Some employee wanted to work alone, others wanted to work with helpers. I did my best to accomadate every employee. I just cared about loyalty, results, enthusiasm, dedication, and friendliness.

SusanofO -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:02:13 AM)
Homestead: I added more to my comment (if you want to re-read it). I am talking about switching roles, not simply "topping" or "bottoming". - Susan

juliaoceania -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:04:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip quote: ORIGINAL: mountainpet I don't understand why this is a problem. If lesbians don't want to get involved with men, or with bisexual women, don't they have this right? It seems to me that the category of "switch" was created for those people who can play in either role- so if I'm looking for such a person, I would look in the switch category. If I'm looking for a dominant, then I might not want someone who is submissive. Some switches are never submissive. Just because a guy can be submissive for a short period of time, does not mean he can't be dominant 24 / 7. If you are looking for a dominant, you do yourself a disservice by ruling out every male switch. You are the reason why some male switch may have two profiles. Because if they just had one one profile, subs would think they can't be dominant, and dommes would think they can't be submissive. Thank you for illustrating my point. I would not want a dominant that switches. I would be pissed if someone lied to me about this. I do consider it a lie, and if you have to lie to get some "action" that just isn't fair. Don't waste my time. I have reasons for feeling this way, it is nothing personal against switches. I do not date bisexuals either for the same reason. I do not want a partner that I cannot satisfy all of their needs, and it IS dishonest to misrepresent oneself to get them to talk to you... it isn't fair. If you say on your profile that you switch at times even though you marked it "dom" or "sub" that is a different thing.. but to wait until someone contacts you back and you have dialogue with them is starting a relationship under false pretenses... it is the same as waiting to tell someone you are married. The reason I looked for a mate on an alternative dating site was for the honesty of stating what we are into, this whole way of doing things negates that...

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:07:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO Homestead: I added more to my comment (if you want to re-read it). I am talking about switching roles, not simply "topping" or "bottoming". - Susan I'm not really big on emotional dependency, I feel smothered by it. I'd advise you to work out your issues over your ex BEFORE trying this susan. It can go down some extremely weird paths if you enter into Domination in the wrong frame of mind.

WhipTheHip -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:10:19 AM)
> You are making a quite a damn few assumptions yourself Yet, you don't name one. > as well as using faulty logic Yet, you fail to cite a single example. > sweeping generalizations A lot of "sweeping generalizations" are true. > and mis-definitions. Maybe, but we will never know since you don't cite one. You blow a lot smoke, but add nothing of substance. > Pray, tell me, is there anyone of principle that you didn't > seek to piss off in this post? FHky, when did you stop beating your wife?

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:12:37 AM)
WTH why do you ask questions if you are always right, and everyone else can only be wrong? (unless they validate you)

juliaoceania -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:13:33 AM)
Why are you accusing a member of this board of wife beating, which is a crime?

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (9/1/2006 7:15:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Why are you accusing a member of this board of wife beating, which is a crime? He's using a rhetorical catch 22 statement julie. No matter how you answer,it makes you look bad. yes,or no.

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