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Contacting Dominants - 8/31/2006 11:19:04 PM   
Allyn


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		Just a quick intro to start with... I am a lifestyle Dominant with a r/l 24/7 slave...
as much as I hate labels, that is the easiest way to explain my situation... it does not make me any better or worse than any other person... tis just who I am!

Recently i joined this site and was sent a message [for want of a better term] from a f/m sub.  The 3 liner was full of poor grammar, internet jargon and gushing rhetoric.  I made a simple reply suggesting that she should perhaps take a little more time and word her messages with a modicum of intelligence if she wished to receive replies from Dominants.  I did however wish her well in her journey.
To this I received an even worse reply full of online attacks and obscenities.
I had written a short note in reply to her tirade but of course, she had blocked me... I am well aware of the tiresome attacks that many f/m's get from males on these sites.
Pray tell, what sort of interaction is this? 
Don't get the reply you want so you attack the person and then stop them from having the right of reply... 
This whole affair smacks of the female superiority attitude that many new submissives seem to have.  NOT all mind you, I know, and have known, many submissives who are a delight, as have I known many obnoxious Dom/mes.
Surely if you come into a site such as this hoping to discourse with others you must accept the buckets along with the bouquets. Or at the very least take them with good grace.
Apologies if this seems like a rant... but I do hope that some of you may gain an insight into the frustrations of dealing with submissives [sometimes].
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Contacting Dominants - 8/31/2006 11:24:29 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Welcome to what we Dommes put up with all the time. Thres an entire thread somewhere about what we do NOT want to hear, because we get emails like that often (Where's LA and her link obsession when you need her?)  The male subs do the same thing, they dont get the overwhelming interest they think they deserve, and you get flamed and then blocked before you can respond.  Its not a femenist superior attitude for subs, in general, though you might be running into that I am sure. Its just what I call "sour grapes" from those who cant actually handle rejection.

DV

PS Welcome to the site

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Contacting Dominants - 8/31/2006 11:35:13 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		You're lucky that all you got was a rude message.  At least you didn't get a request to send cash to some Nigerian address.

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 12:04:56 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

Just a quick intro to start with... I am a lifestyle Dominant with a r/l 24/7 slave...
as much as I hate labels, that is the easiest way to explain my situation... it does not make me any better or worse than any other person... tis just who I am!

Recently i joined this site and was sent a message [for want of a better term] from a f/m sub.  The 3 liner was full of poor grammar, internet jargon and gushing rhetoric.  I made a simple reply suggesting that she should perhaps take a little more time and word her messages with a modicum of intelligence if she wished to receive replies from Dominants.  I did however wish her well in her journeygood grace.
Apologies if this seems like a rant... but I do hope that some of you may gain an insight into the frustrations of dealing with submissives [sometimes].


I kinda think that where you think you made a simple suggestion that she  reply with more intelligence, couldve easily have been taken as an insult of her intelligence.  And well....to imply that she changes in order to attract more dominants is like her telling you to change the way you are in order to attract more intelligent submissives.

In general (IMO).....If you directly insult someone in a way that cuts right to it , its an insult.  If you insult someone,  but coat the insult in rose petals, by "simply suggesting" that shes not intelligent, instead of calling her UNintelligent, its still the same thing.

A turd of shit is a turd of shit....in other words,  the insult, though veiled in pretty prose, still smells as bad as the turd of shit that doesnt have rose petals strewn over it. 

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 1:04:46 AM   
Allyn


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		thanks for your analogies marieToo.

So in other words you are saying that no matter how you phrase constructive  criticism people have the right to flame you in return...

I was tactful and tolerant but merely suggested that a different approach could be more successful.

It is good to see though that it is not an isolated incident Diurnal and thank you for the welcome.

Note: to the Nigerian banks... NO!!

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 1:40:13 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

You're lucky that all you got was a rude message.  At least you didn't get a request to send cash to some Nigerian address.

If I send you a message...will you send me money to antartica?  pretty please

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 2:03:27 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

thanks for your analogies marieToo.

So in other words you are saying that no matter how you phrase constructive  criticism people have the right to flame you in return...

I was tactful and tolerant but merely suggested that a different approach could be more successful.



I really dont mean to be rude, but honestly I think you have come here because you want to give your one-sided account of a basically meaningless email exchange so that you may confirm in your own mind, through the validation of others that you didnt make a mistake. 

Now, I could be wrong, So in giving you the benefit of the doubt and going only on what you state in your post, I will say this much.....

..........Suggesting  to someone that you have zero interest in corresponding with that they reply with a modicom of "intelligence" in their future mailings to others, could very easily be construed as an insult.  And clearly it was, given the fact that she told you off and blocked you.  Maybe she really isnt intelligent.  Maybe you got the best she had to offer.  Maybe she didnt know what to say other than a 3 liner.  Or maybe shes just not smart.
Do you honestly think your mere suggestion that she behave with more intelligence (that sadly she may not even have) is really going to effect change in her future communications with others??

Judgeing by your account of her reaction, your 'mere suggestion' (that you claim was for her benefit) did nothing but hurt, anger and insult her. 

If your goal of wanting to help her was sincere,  maybe the question you should be asking is how in the future, when you want to 'help' someone,  you could do it in a way that would be more constructive and less destructive.  Please dont take offense to this, its simply a mere suggestion that might help you accomplish your goal of helping girls that you have no interest in.


(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 3:48:57 AM   
Allyn


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		I do so love replies that start "I really dont mean to be rude, but " as they so often tend to be just that.
I would be foolish not to listen and evaluate the opinions of others, however I do not seek nor need anyone's validation.
I am well aware of the vagaries of e-mail and the lack of emotional connection. I am by no means new to this whole internet world although I far prefer the real one.
I, naively, I suppose, posted here in the hope that some could benefit from this interchange.
They either do or don't, it is not my goal to be collarme's saviour.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 4:05:40 AM   
seeksfemslave


Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		MarieToo....your post is so logical and well argued that I think you have kicked Allyn right into touch.

He appears to be more of a softie than he might like to admit.lol

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 6:51:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Where's LA and her link obsession when you need her?

I think I'm taking a week off from that, see what happens.

Anyway, finding and posting ALL the threads that go "Someone sent me a suck email" or "No one sent me an email and they suck!" would just take up pages and pages of uselessness.

It does get grating how many supposed adults come ONLINE, experience behavior that I think anyone ONLINE for more than 3 days knows about, and then get all whiny about it. 

Gosh you know traffic this morning was very annoying...who can I bitch to about that and get it changed?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 6:55:19 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Sir,
I think what transpired in your in box was a common trait in todays times among D/s & male /female people in general. I too think proper etiquette when writing to ANYONE not just a Dominant is a sign of refinement and personal discipline in someone. Unfortunately for me it separates those that are sheep and follow the crowd and those that hold themselves to a higher less common standard. If those people had learning disabilities or something that would be a whole different ball of wax, but most are doing it as it's just trendy or lazy.

I also think those that over some trivial discussion with someone will block them. I only block those that do not comply with the notion I am not to be hunted or those that are extremely rude that were warned first. I think it's a very overly abused tool in these types of sites.

Overall just consider the source. Stick to your own standards and don't let the muck on your shoes stick to you as you walk through the sludge.
Suzanne

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 7:08:12 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		This is simply a people and Internet society problem.  I receive a LOT of messages from Dominants who apparently can't spell and sometimes have no idea how to use proper grammar.  Since I can't possibly see myself submitting to someone of inferior intellect (or at least attention to detail!), they shoot themselves in the foot right off the bat.  I simply send them a polite but uninterested message in reply.
 
As for rudeness...  I've received the odd message from someone I've never had contact with before, insulting and attacking me for no good reason that I can see.  They, of course, block me so I can't even ask them what the heck just happened.
 
Tis life on the Internet, I think.
 
zuma

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 7:25:09 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I get all sorts of bad and ill written emails. I do not respond anymore to any emails, but I would say if you are telling someone that is ignorant how to write an email it probably isn't helpful. She probably wrote you to the best of her ability, and if you were not interested, perhaps it would have been kinder just to say that you weren't and move on. Believe me, there are plenty of ignorant dominants out there for her, you weren't one of them is all... It never pays to be unkind to someone, and I think it was unkind to point out her deficiencies in a personal way.. especially since you do not know why she has them. She could be learning disabled, had a bad home life which led to little opportunity to learn... it is like telling someone that cannot walk they should get fit and run if they want to find a date, not helpful at all.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 7:51:23 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

I do so love replies that start "I really dont mean to be rude, but " as they so often tend to be just that.
I would be foolish not to listen and evaluate the opinions of others, however I do not seek nor need anyone's validation.
I am well aware of the vagaries of e-mail and the lack of emotional connection. I am by no means new to this whole internet world although I far prefer the real one.
I, naively, I suppose, posted here in the hope that some could benefit from this interchange.
They either do or don't, it is not my goal to be collarme's saviour.

I highly doubt that any one can benefit from such an exchange..people are who they are and as Marie I believe pointed out,I am sure you too would be highly insulted if you recieved such an e-mail from someone critiquing your writing abilities or intelligence. A simple no thank you would more than likely of sufficed.As for the collarme saviour role..hummm..gladly it is not a goal of yours as I feel you lack the skills for such a task...be well...Tempting

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 8:00:49 PM   
painpup


Posts: 132
Joined: 2/16/2005
Status: offline 		i still say i liked it when it was back in a closet type scene tell my age by rembering those days of few clubs munches those few clubs were paddles the hellfire oh well i could go on an on an on about the internet i have met an written to some wonderfull people here as well have nice day  treat each other as You want to be treated 

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 9:44:29 PM   
Allyn


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		An interesting mix of opinions...
Curious that some seem to think that they know my character and demeanour from a simple messageboard interchange.
'seeksfemslave'... pissing contest?... you win.
I realise that this is the way the internet seems to work so often and put the whole matter down to that fact.
I did hope that a BDSM list may be different... silly me.
I too have met many wonderful people through the internet, including my present slave of 5 years.
But unless someone has something of significance to offer... then I assume this thread is all but burnt out.

(in reply to painpup)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 10:19:02 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

An interesting mix of opinions...
Curious that some seem to think that they know my character and demeanour from a simple messageboard interchange.
'seeksfemslave'... pissing contest?... you win.
I realise that this is the way the internet seems to work so often and put the whole matter down to that fact.
I did hope that a BDSM list may be different... silly me.
I too have met many wonderful people through the internet, including my present slave of 5 years.
But unless someone has something of significance to offer... then I assume this thread is all but burnt out.


Too bad that you seem to not have learned anything by posting this thread, and just seem to think that we have the problem when it  has been you that treated someone in a harsh and insensitive manner. When I find that I have been cold to another or insensitive in a nonthinking way I feel badly about that. Maybe you thought you were being helpful, but several here offered you a view of why the submissive in question may have had hurt feelings.

It does say a lot for your character that you cannot understand how someone maybe hurt because you were callous about their lack of knowledge of how to use written communication, and instead of communicating how flattering it is that anyone would find you interesting regardless of education level, you denigrate and insult her. I think she is lucky you did not find her appealing, because I am positive she could find a more understanding and caring human being than you have shown yourself to be.

You have come across as pompous and arrogant in a forum where you came to ask our opinion, if you did not want it, I fail to understand why you bothered to ask since all you have done is denigrate the opinions of the others who think you were not correct in the way you handled this submissive. Perhaps you thought we would titter and laugh about a sister submissive that was ill-educated and cheer you on in how you "improved" her... we should be "thankful" dominants like you are around to show us how stupid we are... well buddy, I guess you found out most kind hearted people take no joy in the denigrating others... it shows how small a person is that the only way they can feel superior is by illustrating how another is inferior... superior people do not need to demonstrate their superiority.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/1/2006 11:48:38 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

Curious that some seem to think that they know my character and demeanour from a simple messageboard interchange.


But, Allyn....seriously....isnt this exactly what you did to this girl?  From a breif and simple email of 3 lines, you summed up this girls intentions, demeanor, and level of intelligence, then you (a stranger to her)proceeded to tell her how she should fix herself.  

I am honestly not trying to exacerbate argument.  But cant you see that what you critisize people for doing to you here, is exactly what you did to her?  Only difference is we spoke our opinions based on more information than three lines,  AND at your specific request for opinions.
 
 She didnt ask your opinion on how she should change.  maybe she likes herself that way...and you know what....maybe theres a guy out there for her who likes girls who dont talk alot, or dont come off as too bright. .  I dont like rude emails either, but to attack a persons intelligence...a person as julia pointed out....who
was interested enough to see something good in you and she got rejection, not based on who she was but on your perception of her intelligence.  How could that not be hurtful?   If she was rude in telling you off, it is commonly known that anger is the first reaction to the deeper emotion that we define as hurt.  The girl was not only rejected but basically called stupid before you sent her on her way.  I almost feel bad that we have mostly criticised you. And the fact is that
you're probably not a bad guy either, but you screwed up, we've all done it, we've all jumped to assumptions.  Be man enough to suck it up and to try not to do it again. 

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/2/2006 6:22:46 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Telling someone she isn't intelligent is an insult. Saying that you found her email difficult to read, and suggest she runs it through a spell check and grammar check program  might be more helpful. There's a difference between criticizing her email and criticizing her.

As far as getting rude and offensive emails back after sending a polite thanks but no thanks; you ought to be a female sub! This is standard procedure and it explains why subs usually don't respond to emails from doms that they aren't interested in. We would rather be slightly rude by not responding than receive highly rude responses.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/2/2006 6:53:04 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
quote:

however I do not seek nor need anyone's validation.


Uh dude, that's like EXACTLY what you did...

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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