RE: niceness = weakness (Full Version)

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MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 1:44:51 PM)

Perhaps you did something to offend one girl then that girl told all her coworkers and there is an air of hostility now.  I don't think any of us can surmise the why without more specific detail.  It does not make sense that your merely being nice is the reason that this is occurring. 

Good luck with your therapy, though.  I wish you luck with it.



mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 1:45:19 PM)

Okay my last experience. Standing in line waiting, get to the cash I make brief eye-contact I definately smile and say thanks when I finish ordering, I make brief eye- contact again when my order is served, definately smile again, say thank you again and leave. There was no attitude from her at all. The next day she definately had attitude, she made no eye contact with me, mumbled incoherently and dumped my change in my hand from a foot (exageration)distance above my hand and immidiately turned her head and said "next".



Achaean -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 2:33:46 PM)

mogigo.  It sounds like the problem you're having is a lack of confidence.  That's what people perceive as "weak" and your excessive "niceness" is merely ancillary to that.

It's no good to be acting submissive around people (teenage girls or otherwise) in your normal day-to-day interactions.  Ferris Bueler puts it best, "You can't respect somebody who licks your boots."  Not to be confused with literally licking boots in the bedroom.

Read some websites and books about gaining confidence. 





thetammyjo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 2:41:31 PM)

People who get on your case for being nice are people to ignore regardless of their age.




DivaDuchess -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 3:48:31 PM)

Perhaps you need to consider staying out of a ... kiddie shop.  They may be viewing you as more a freak who likes kids.  Ya know?  Watch yourself and knock off believing the opinion of a kiddie matters.  The only one whose opinion you should consider (as the father not the 'friend') is that of your daughter.  Therapy is a good idea ... perhaps the therapist can help you with your fixation with teenagers.  Let me know how that goes.  Your posting were ... disturbing.



mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 3:57:09 PM)

okay, ouch again.



DivaDuchess -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 4:00:38 PM)

Sorry it wasn't meant that way ... Don't take it too badly.  Best advise, seek therapy and find out why the teenagers and their opinions matter so much to you.  There's submission and there's just plain looking for someone to squish you *s*.  Again, sorry about that earlier posting.  WOW ... you bounced on that one didn't you? *lol*.



mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 4:01:26 PM)

Hence, therapy



DivaDuchess -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 4:05:07 PM)

Oh yes ... definitely!!  I'd recommend one for you but I don't know anyone up in your area.  I would like to know that you made it to the therapy BEFORE being squished.  Please keep in touch.



LadyHugs -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 4:24:44 PM)

Dear mogigo, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It takes strength to keep a lot of power, strength under a passive cover.  It is not a sign of weakness but, more about mastering your strength and power, allowing an individual to guide that strength.  Not much different than riding a horse.  A horse is so much more powerful than a human.  Treating the horse right, being patient and train them both benefit. 
 
However, with a lot of movies that pigeon hole what male strength is suppose to look like, those who are quiet, shy, gentle of giving--even pleasers are subjected to false assumptions.  If you wish to think upon it, strength is not from brutal strength or being another "Atlas."  Strength is mastering it and using it wisely to give it to someone who will wisely use your talents and strengths.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/2/2006 4:52:11 PM)

Thank you LadyHugs, I do feel powerful ( which I don't like) Obviously therapy is what I need but I'd just like to say I am a functioning member of society. I work, parent, play hockey,  golf , poker night every 2 weeks and it's not like I spent the last 14 years avoiding people, I've dated alot but I have never reached a point where I want to sleep with that person, I never seem to make a connection. I think you all think I've been walled up in my room for 14 years. I enjoy many things about my life but my sexuality seems to get in the way of making it complete.



MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 12:44:29 AM)






quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Ouch, I am a father to a 15 year old girl and I am certainly not her buddy. The teenage girls I'm talking about are for the majority Tim Horten's girls, I can't seem to buy a coffee in this city without one of them turning their nose up at me. I am talking about daily social interaction not me trying to have a relationship with them. And as a father of a teenage girl my reaction to your post is Yuck. Kinda jumped to conclusions there didn't you.


Your original post said nothing about being a father, but I still don't see how that applies to how these waitresses field your behavior.  So, yes, I'm in the majority when I say: "What the hell does their opinion matter?" 

But I suppose I should ask this: Why are you subjecting teenagers, much less strangers in public, nonconsensually, to your submissive and/or sexual behavior???!?!?!???!



MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 12:50:40 AM)






quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Okay I didn't want to say it like this because it makes me sound vain, but i think these girls want me to flirt with them and when I don't they take that as an insult. I am very young looking for my age, kind of stereotypical model type, lots of muscles, tall, etc.. The reaction I'm getting from them is submissiveness coming out in them and then anger when I don't react to it.


Then you've got to be the responsible ADULT and PARENT and stop the advances in their tracks, PERIOD.  Don't play friggin games with these chicks.  That's how people go to jail -- and quite frankly, they deserve it.



MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 12:52:32 AM)






quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Okay my last experience. Standing in line waiting, get to the cash I make brief eye-contact I definately smile and say thanks when I finish ordering, I make brief eye- contact again when my order is served, definately smile again, say thank you again and leave. There was no attitude from her at all. The next day she definately had attitude, she made no eye contact with me, mumbled incoherently and dumped my change in my hand from a foot (exageration)distance above my hand and immidiately turned her head and said "next".


How does that have ANYTHING to do with "submissiob"?  It sounds like the person was having a shitty day to me.



MistressWolfen -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 7:10:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
But I suppose I should ask this: Why are you subjecting teenagers, much less strangers in public, nonconsensually, to your submissive and/or sexual behavior???!?!?!???!


MmmHmmmm MisPandora, my exact thoughts. *squick factor alert*



maledave777 -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 8:30:11 AM)

You cannot please everyone. It is good to be nice to everyone you meet for the first time. Some will not return the same kindness. I feel you need to focus on being nice to your family and friends. You need to be nice and kind to those who mean the most to you.



Pimpernell -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 9:51:46 AM)

There is such a thing as being too nice, especially to people you barely know.  People are not used to it and so it freaks them out.  It's only a matter of learning to let people ask you for help rather than offer it immediately without being asked.

Snootiness is standard behaviour from some people.  You can spot the sort of person they minute you see them.  It is just very obvious behaviour when they work in a service industry.  It doesn't matter whether you are nice or not they treat you rudely anyway.

If one of them was making advances on you and you didn't take the hint, she may have started bad mouthing you to the other girls.  I have seen this happen.

Dude, go to another coffee shop, you deserve better than to be treated with disrespect.



mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 10:31:59 AM)

you said:
Then you've got to be the responsible ADULT and PARENT and stop the advances in their tracks, PERIOD.  Don't play friggin games with these chicks.  That's how people go to jail -- and quite frankly, they deserve it.

That is my point I do put and end to it immediately, and I think that is what's pissing them off. I don't see how my submissive behavior ( little eye-contact, friendly, quiet ) is sexual in anyway. This is my submissiveness as a person not as a sexual come on. This is my normal behavior with everyone.

I was at a bar one day and a OLDER girl started talking to me, I was enjoying the conversation, but of course my normal submissive behavior ( little eye contact) made her finally say to me " you know I'm hitting on you, don't you?" Well I was so shocked by the question that I replied " Is that what your doing". The hurt in her eyes was like a punch in the stomach to me, I didn't mean it to come out the way it did but I could see the damage I had allready done. I feel like I could destroy self esteem at any moment so I keep quiet and try not to run into any situations were I might open my big thoughtless mouth. I guess maybe I'm coming across as arrogant.

I thank you for your post Mispandora, but I am not subjecting these girls to my submissive behavior. I am just being me.



mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 10:42:22 AM)

I quick question with regards to the last couple of posts. When I am submissive with people does this automatically mean I'm trying to be sexual with them, because I act the same way with guys but, uh, no thanks.

I never thought I was hitting on them, more like trying to avoid any conversation  in a less rude way.



Lorelei115 -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/3/2006 11:59:27 AM)

Then perhaps, my friend... you should find a different place to frequent?



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