RE: niceness = weakness

RE: niceness = weakness (Full Version)

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Contesaluv -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 11:40:46 AM)
Wow! You just need to find a nice Domme that will appreciate your submissiveness and whom you will serve in a mutually beneficial way. That will finally make at least two people or more happy.

theRose4U -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 8:35:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mogigo Sorry maybe it was me who jumped to conclusions but you seemed to question my fatherhood skills and I don't see where that came from. My daughter is doing just fine, even without her mother. Joined Friday and already telling us why you're alone. Immature, defensive, not realizing how piss poor behavior makes a worse first impression. Humm thanks for the cheat sheet.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 9:25:44 PM)
Jeez, once again someone thinks I'm someone I'm not, how shocking. I read through here and see all these subs blasting the doms with propositions and messages, I see deranged people everywhere, not everyone of course, but somehow I've become un-datable because I got defensive about my parenting skills, I've had to put up with a lot of unwelcome advice being a teenage parent, everyone seems to know how to raise everyone else's children. I apoligized for jumping to conclusions yet my motivations for being here are questioned because I misread someones intent, But you can rest assured I know what your intentions are ( this is exactly the anger I'm talking about) funny the last two posts I got AFTER I put my picture up. Why does it seem like I have to try and prove myself here, I haven't hit on anyone, in fact the only thing I've done is ask for some advice. I am not here so you can do me a favor, I'm here to see if I'm here. Is this what doms are looking for, perfect humans. Yes, I'm immature, and with some things I do get defensive but I've been insulted many times already on this site by lots of people and everytime it was more hurtful and disrepestful than anything I've even come close to writing. Oh well, as I've already learned since Friday, You can't please everyone. It's funny the person I was apparently so rude to took my apology, a sign of maturity on her part I think.

MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 9:39:47 PM)
Actually, I think she was just calling it like she saw it. Clearly, there was some of everything in some of your posts thus far......sometimes realities are as harsh as they sound. At least she's been up front with you.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 10:00:41 PM)
Could you elaborate Mis Pandora, while I agree that I did act poorly in the two posts at the beginning I don't see how I'm being disrespectful. I am immature because I have little experience in relationships but this seems to equate into poor person. The reason I don't have experience is because I don't connect, I don't get turned on and I sure don't want what vanilla girls want. I've already got this advice before, you should date vanilla girls for a while, if I wanted to have relationship's with them I would, they are as big a turn off as men. (not that there's anything wrong with that). Let me just say this then, could I get only people that are more mature than me and willing to help me understand a bit about BDSM, myself, other people, life and people who are more my maturity level. MisPandoras post said exactly what the other post said, except she didn't dismiss me as ever having any hope. It wasn't the advice theRose4U gave, it was the last sentence that had only one message in it "you can never have me". And that is a purely selfish sentence. How was this a piece of advice other than to show me she was turning her nose up at me.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 10:07:38 PM)
And isn't this a place where we find out who people really are, not first immpressions.

MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 10:19:35 PM)
Both were pointing out what you've already said about yourself: You need alot of work before you should be working on finding someone to construct a relationship with.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 10:27:59 PM)
And then I read Porcelaine's post on my other topic and I grow.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 10:55:57 PM)
When I install a furnace in a home and hook up the natural gas to their house I am not being immature, when I referee adult hockey and I pull two grown men fighting with each other apart I am not being immature, when I went to voluntary rehab for alcholism at the age of 23 and sat in room full of 50 year old men and 40 year old women I was not being immature, when I was in court at the age of 20 trying to get access to my daughter I was not being immature, when I waited around a bar for three hours to wait for the police so I could identify two suspects and then went to court and testified against them twice I was not being immature, when I jumped into a moving car because a lady was suffering a stroke I was not being immature. When I got home from work one day and found my daughter sitting on my step, I brought her inside and have spent the last 4 years telling her how much I love her and that no your mother doesn't really hate you. How would most of you act in any of these situations. My ignorance of BDSM seems to make me an immature person, I'm starting to think this place is a clique.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 11:29:49 PM)
I'm going to be completely honest because I've decided to stay, I know full well what the tim hortons girls are doing. I get poked, prodded, molested, grabbed, I've woken up 3 times with girls I barely know standing over me, I went to a ladies apartment the other day to drop off some work and within 20 minutes she had 4 of her friends there and they ambushed me verbally and wouldn't let me leave, I had a girl I had never met before e-mail me asking what I would of done if she just started giving me blow job while I slept when we both spent a weekend at a friends, I've was hit on by my daughters grandmother. So here's the question I wanted to ask but failed miserably to do so, what does a submissive male do when vanilla women won't leave him alone. I'm destroying self esteem on a daily basis. And if you think I was being dishonest how many of you would have replied to my post if I said "I'm so hot women won't leave me alone."

houstonmalesub -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 11:42:08 PM)
6 posts in two hours? Anyways ... I'm nice as the day is long, but it doesn't mean that I'm weak at all. In the field that I work in and in some of the things that I'm involved in outside of my career, I have to be in charge, take control and make things happen - and that's perfectly OK for me and my temperment. And while I'm generally concerned if I offend somebody or not (not that I do it often ... lol), once I get to a point where I have no control over whether they are or they aren't ... it is time to move on, put it aside, and go on doing the things that I need to do. I'm doing so much that I just don't have time to worry about things. I just have to go on being the person that I know I am and need to be and let life keep moving around me.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/4/2006 11:51:08 PM)
I'm concerned with the "I'm submissive to everyone" statement. Being deferential, and wanting to please and be liked, and not making waves is not the same as submission to me. That sounds more like being a pushover and/or lacking in self-esteem. Although being a pleaser is part of some kinds of submission, submitting is also more than that. People talk about wanting to have a submissive who is not also a doormat. The behavior you are describing sounds spot-on for being a doormat. Your mention of going to therapy sounds like a good idea. That's an observation rather than a criticism. Just because you say yes to a dominant, does not mean that you have to say yes to everyone.

mons -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 3:27:15 AM)
greetings so from what i understand you a very handsome talll male who has not domme teen girls can try to make you flirt with them i remember doing this to the handsome boys your ok just and i mean stay aways from them it would cause problem if as you said they are mad that you will not flirt with them they may say something to make you look bad, therpayy is good i wish you luck i had to read you post many times over and other who reply to you they make you uncomfortable i can tell just stay aways from them ok i wish you luck mons

MistressWolfen -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 6:30:05 AM)
My goodness, that does sound a trial for you.

MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 7:08:02 AM)
I think the problem I have with this thread is that the statement of "you're so hot that women won't leave you alone" does not ring true to me. I believe you think that is the case but is it really? There are a lot of very attractive people in the world and they probably don't have the same issues. I doubt Brad Pitt is having the issues you are and I would hazard a guess he has more attention from women than most men. Whenever there is a problem, with anything, and there are a slew of people who are reacting to it, it is almost always not a problem with all the other people but instead an issue with the common denominator...you. You get poked, prodded, etc. Where are your boundaries? I'd like to see some stranger poke or prod me without my consent. If they are that rude, then my care of their self esteem (not to mention their physical well being) is out the window. I also have a lot of doubt that one person's rejection of their advances will forever destroy their self esteem. You wake up with strange girls hovering over you. How did they get there? Where was the lock on the door? Why were you there in the first place? You dropped off work and then your coworker called 4 friends to ambush you verbally? I can not for the life of me imagine having Brad Pitt come by and running to the phone to get 4 people, who had nothing else to do that day, come abuse him and not let him leave. They tied you up? Had a gun to your head? This has nothing to do with submission. It has to do with you as a person learning how to handle situations in a responsible manner. You are not and should not be submissive to all and sundry. You should have set boundaries and adhere to them, especially when it includes your personal space. You need to learn some social skills that will allow you to extricate yourself gracefully from a situation. If everything that you said is completely true from an unbiased point of view, (in other words, if all these people were interviewed would they have the same opinion of how this went down as you do?) then you need to not care so much about how you are shattering someone's self esteem (doubtful) and worry more about your own happiness and those of your loved ones.

MissyRane -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 7:20:26 AM)
What bothers me is how EVERY single woman/girls ..whatever (well ok apart from the ones here) seem to be jumping on you and harrassing you even if they're strangers......is this some kind of a fanclub you've got there? I mean most people don't give a shit about what other people look like or how others behave there're so many strange people in the world that it's just part-of-the-daily-stuff well ok I admit that sometimes I do see people and I just can't keep a straight face..but then it's only 'cause there's something so funny about them that just blaaaaahhh I just explode it's terrible and no matter how hard I try it just..happens but I do try to be descreet about it but these people really brighten up my day, strange, sexy blah whateva they do I don't consider them people that are supposed to be picked on and I doubt many people consider it that way. Could you by any chance simply be misinterpreting the situations, because to me, this sounds a bit too extreme. And your pic, I can't exactly see why they should find you intimidating.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 10:07:26 AM)
Thanks you for your posts since my tirade last night, sorry as you can tell I'm very frustrated at what people THINK my problem is. Whether you understand my problem or not I truly appreciate you trying to help and not just stating "naw, your wrong". I'm not saying these ladies are doing what they do just because of the way I look. When I speak to people I'm very warm and friendly and I give them my attention and actually listen to what they have to say, I think that when I communicate with people I come across as very intentive and trustworthy, the problem is I don't really know these people at all after a few brief meetings but they seem to think this is what I want from them because I was so nice. The reason I have found myself in places with people is from my drinking and partying days, usually a large group, a friends cottage, a weekend party that I could not drive home from and the employee I was talking about does not work for my company she does our advertising for us and I met her once before I don't think they were trying to do anything other than hold my attention but since I'm so nice a don't want to come across as rude so I do end up being held hostage by women who won't stop talking. As for the Brad Pitt comment I wonder how many of these problems he would have if he stopped and gave his undivided attention to the many girls that find him attractive. As I've said "I'm just trying to be nice". I know these problems sound small to most but picture a submissive women going through the same experiences as myself. What if she got an e-mail saying "I was wondering how you would have reacted if I put my cock in your mouth while you were sleeping, or to wake up with men you hardly knew staring at you while you slept. I know the danger that they face isn't the same for me but the message is the same, I don't care who you are or what you want I just want sex and since your a man, these actions hurt me because as a submissive male I look up to women and would never devalue them as they've devalued me. I don't think I should have to set boundaries of: please dont expect me to have sex with you until I know you or you know me, shouldn't this be a freakin given. I am what I am, my life isn't a problem for me I have high self esteem because of my accomplishments in life not because some teen girl found me attractive, the problem is I'm being stereotyped as a certain type of male they just assume that if they walk in and poke me I'll jump into action. How many female Doms have the same problem being stereotyped by dominant men, I don't think most people can see my side because I'm just a big hormone induced man who follows with his dick. Fuck I hate stereotypes.

MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 10:29:25 AM)
quote: As for the Brad Pitt comment I wonder how many of these problems he would have if he stopped and gave his undivided attention to the many girls that find him attractive. So maybe you should not do that either? Perhaps your idea of undivided attention is the recipient's idea of interested. Why would you allow people you do not know or do not want to know on a more intimate level to have so much access to you? quote: I don't think I should have to set boundaries of: please dont expect me to have sex with you until I know you or you know me, shouldn't this be a freakin given It should be but it doesn't always happen. Everyone should take responsibility for ensuring their own physical and emotional safety. Are you doing that? quote: as a submissive male I look up to women why all women? Some are horrid. Some are grand. Try saving your admiration for particular people and not an entire gender. If you feel you are devalued in some way by particular women then why on earth are you upset by lowering their self esteem when you say no? quote: "I was wondering how you would have reacted if I put my cock in your mouth while you were sleeping, or to wake up with men you hardly knew staring at you while you slept. My response would be "you might not like the teeth marks or the arrest that ensued." Some stranger watching me while I sleep? I would not put myself in a situation like that first but if for some reason that happened, they would also not like the results. But one thing is for sure, I would not be in the least bit concerned for how I hurt their feelings when dealing with such invasions of my personal space/safety/etc. quote: the problem is I'm being stereotyped as a certain type of male they just assume that if they walk in and poke me I'll jump into action And what is it you are doing to help promote this stereotype? It can not just be nothing other than being nice and good looking. You need to look at your behavior and make some changes if you want it to stop. Then again, there are certain people who may think that way. Disabuse them of that notion. quote: How many female Doms have the same problem being stereotyped by dominant men Sometimes. Not a lot, though. Some people are nice, respectable, others are not. That's life.

LaTigresse -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 10:32:33 AM)
From where I sit it this all just gets more and more confusing!

MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 10:33:33 AM)
quote: I don't think they were trying to do anything other than hold my attention but since I'm so nice a don't want to come across as rude so I do end up being held hostage by women who won't stop talking. This is a bit different then 4 women who "ambushed me verbally and wouldn't let me leave" Try, "Ladies, it was a pleasure meeting you but I have to get going. Have a nice day" then put one foot in front of the other in rapid succession...

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