RE: niceness = weakness

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MissyRane -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 10:37:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse From where I sit it this all just gets more and more confusing! can I join erm wherever you sit?!? 'cause I'm totally lost too[&:]

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 11:37:53 AM)
The problem is I'm just as confused about everything as you are.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 12:12:55 PM)
quote: "I was wondering how you would have reacted if I put my cock in your mouth while you were sleeping, or to wake up with men you hardly knew staring at you while you slept. your response, My response would be "you might not like the teeth marks or the arrest that ensued." Some stranger watching me while I sleep? I would not put myself in a situation like that first but if for some reason that happened, they would also not like the results. But one thing is for sure, I would not be in the least bit concerned for how I hurt their feelings when dealing with such invasions of my personal space/safety/etc. Picture me as a man waking up, punching her in the head and then calling the police, while I know that doing these things would be completely justified can you imagine the circus that would result. Yes officer I woke up to find this women sucking my cock and I punched her in the head. Somehow I think that I'd be the one in jail and even if she did get charged I think it would result in nothing but more victomization as I went through the legal process.

MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 12:24:06 PM)
I believe you asked how I would respond. I told you. You have your own decisions to make on how you handle your issues and they start with you figuring out how YOU can make changes not how everyone around you should change. I think you missed the crux of my point. Be well.

LaTigresse -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 12:30:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissyRane can I join erm wherever you sit?!? 'cause I'm totally lost too[&:] Anytime Missy, anytime!

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 12:41:07 PM)
Um. You ask for advice and then back away from or point out the flaws in most of the advice you've been given. You ramble and change your story. Look, all these women "forcing" themselves on you ... I think you like all the attention.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 1:02:45 PM)
Thank you MsKatHouston, I made my appointment this morning for thursday I'll update if anyone is interested (I'm scared shitless). This is truly the first time I have ever even felt comfortable enough to discuss my issues. I come from a vanilla world with vanilla people and in my world I am a joke for feeling the way I do. 3 days ago I thought BDSM was a branch of prostitution, I could never have imagined in my world that there were people who actually found submissive men attractive, I thought the only women who addressed submissive men's needs were only doing so for money, then I came here because someone who had been a dominant for a long time suggested that there really was women who find this type of man attractive, I was extremely sceptical. But what do you know, I actually realized that there are women out there who like me. But there are a great many people who seem to dismiss my feelings as bogus or something, They seem to tell me to go back to my vanilla world and suffer through life with no connections to women, all for the massive crime of being new. After a few days of reading through BDSM sites I actually started to believe there was a place for me, but the over-whelming majority think I should get lost, I'm too immature, I'm disrespectful?, I don't belong. What is it with this lifestyle, I think that the majority of people are threatened by new people, "You could never understand how great I am, so get lost before you make me feel less great". I'm starting to think that the subs are the strong ones and the doms need the constant affirmation. I've had some wonderful replies that make me feel like my feelings are justified but I hate to say it, the majority make me feel like I should run and never look back. I'm used to keeping my feelings to myself, but I feel like I'm being judged more here than I have ever felt in my life, maybe these are the people who don't really understand what a submissive is. I have no doubt who I am, why do you wan't me to change my mind?

MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 6:12:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mogigo Thank you MsKatHouston, I made my appointment this morning for thursday I'll update if anyone is interested (I'm scared shitless). This is truly the first time I have ever even felt comfortable enough to discuss my issues. I come from a vanilla world with vanilla people and in my world I am a joke for feeling the way I do. 3 days ago I thought BDSM was a branch of prostitution, I could never have imagined in my world that there were people who actually found submissive men attractive, I thought the only women who addressed submissive men's needs were only doing so for money, then I came here because someone who had been a dominant for a long time suggested that there really was women who find this type of man attractive, I was extremely sceptical. But what do you know, I actually realized that there are women out there who like me. But there are a great many people who seem to dismiss my feelings as bogus or something, They seem to tell me to go back to my vanilla world and suffer through life with no connections to women, all for the massive crime of being new. After a few days of reading through BDSM sites I actually started to believe there was a place for me, but the over-whelming majority think I should get lost, I'm too immature, I'm disrespectful?, I don't belong. What is it with this lifestyle, I think that the majority of people are threatened by new people, "You could never understand how great I am, so get lost before you make me feel less great". I'm starting to think that the subs are the strong ones and the doms need the constant affirmation. I've had some wonderful replies that make me feel like my feelings are justified but I hate to say it, the majority make me feel like I should run and never look back. I'm used to keeping my feelings to myself, but I feel like I'm being judged more here than I have ever felt in my life, maybe these are the people who don't really understand what a submissive is. I have no doubt who I am, why do you wan't me to change my mind? You're getting the feelings to run and not look back because you're clearly not yet ready to deal with this lifestyle yet and all of the emotions that are saddled with it. You're broken and in pieces, and until you put those pieces back together (with some professional help), you're going to continue to perceive that folks are attacking you, hating you, judging you, etc.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 7:38:28 PM)
I agree MisPandora. In fact I have never asked for a date, I believe I've said before that I am only looking for advice, I've even wrote on my profile that I'm not looking for any contact right now. If and when I do decide to make contact with anyone I'll do it on my local board or I will attend a munch, but there still seems to be a concerted effort by some to convince me that I shouldn't be here. Why?

MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 7:41:16 PM)
I haven't seen that. I have, however, seen a lot of questioning and trying to assist you on a problem you posted. But if you are getting assistance in a professional manner, great. Then when you are ready, go for it. Maybe your perception of people's opinions on an issue you asked advice on is skewed slightly to interpret it as people trying to run you off.

LadyHugs -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 7:49:55 PM)
Dear mogigo, Ladies and Gentlemen; You wrote; quote: ORIGINAL: mogigo Thank you LadyHugs, I do feel powerful ( which I don't like) Obviously therapy is what I need but I'd just like to say I am a functioning member of society. I work, parent, play hockey, golf , poker night every 2 weeks and it's not like I spent the last 14 years avoiding people, I've dated alot but I have never reached a point where I want to sleep with that person, I never seem to make a connection. I think you all think I've been walled up in my room for 14 years. I enjoy many things about my life but my sexuality seems to get in the way of making it complete. I do declare lad, that 'sex' is highly over rated. I find it unnecessary to give me the pleasure from a lad/lass in service to me. I find hugs last a lot longer than strapping on a bed 'lap belt' per se, on silk sheets and go for a fast ride in bed. Of course, some are so slow, they have to speed up to stop. You know--I've had eight hours of sleep before they get started. Never knew the need for hours of foreplay. [Chuckles] That said, there are plenty of dominant ladies out and about, that don't want sex but want a good companion and good servant. Take the sex out of the goal. Anybody can have sex but, it takes a precious few to count on as friends, acquaintances and perhaps the match. Respectfully submitted with a lot of wit, Lady Hugs

LadyHugs -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 8:01:03 PM)
Dear mogigo, Ladies and Gentlemen; You wrote; quote: ORIGINAL: mogigo Excerpt.... This is truly the first time I have ever even felt comfortable enough to discuss my issues. I come from a vanilla world with vanilla people and in my world I am a joke for feeling the way I do. 3 days ago I thought BDSM was a branch of prostitution, I could never have imagined in my world that there were people who actually found submissive men attractive, I thought the only women who addressed submissive men's needs were only doing so for money, then I came here because someone who had been a dominant for a long time suggested that there really was women who find this type of man attractive, I was extremely sceptical. But what do you know, I actually realized that there are women out there who like me. But there are a great many people who seem to dismiss my feelings as bogus or something, They seem to tell me to go back to my vanilla world and suffer through life with no connections to women, all for the massive crime of being new. After a few days of reading through BDSM sites I actually started to believe there was a place for me, but the over-whelming majority think I should get lost, I'm too immature, I'm disrespectful?, I don't belong. What is it with this lifestyle, I think that the majority of people are threatened by new people, "You could never understand how great I am, so get lost before you make me feel less great". I'm starting to think that the subs are the strong ones and the doms need the constant affirmation. I've had some wonderful replies that make me feel like my feelings are justified but I hate to say it, the majority make me feel like I should run and never look back. I'm used to keeping my feelings to myself, but I feel like I'm being judged more here than I have ever felt in my life, maybe these are the people who don't really understand what a submissive is. I have no doubt who I am, why do you wan't me to change my mind? Several thoughts come to my mind's eye lad. That is, you are new in the discovery of the lifestyle. It is scary to find out you aren't so odd after all but, the pool you're swimming in per se, the community at large, is filled with people who are hard to fit or match with. Like a person who is thrust into a new land, the language of "BDSM" and or M/s and or D/s is new to you. Just be patient--especially with yourself and your journey. I am of the belief when you started into hockey, you made a lot of self discoveries as well as earned your skill and knowledge in pieces and now you have a comfort level in playing, talking, teaching and or coaching 'hockey.' I am of the belief, that you are able to assemble a proper team and play a decent match/game. This would help you in dealing with this realm of BDSM. Use what you know, that has served you so well in all you do these past 14 years and move on with a plan. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 9:04:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive Um. You ask for advice and then back away from or point out the flaws in most of the advice you've been given. You ramble and change your story. Look, all these women "forcing" themselves on you ... I think you like all the attention. Yes in all of these situations I do like the attention (I'm a human) but then at some point something happens and the whole situation turns, I have now been deemed to have been figured out. Can you imagine how happy I would be if someone came to the conclusion that I was submissive, but they don't. I'm not saying I want them to figure out I'm a submissive in an hour I'm wondering how they could think they know anything about anyone in an hour. I'm concerned about their self esteem and no I don't think they're going to fall into a pit of dispair because I turned them down, I'm concerned because I don't want to add to any pile that everyone has built up, something about a straw that broke a camels back. The thing is my thinking is not flawed, unrealistic yes but my intentions walking around life are to not make anyone else's life harder, it's caring, it's respecting that no matter how bad my troubles are, someone else is having a harder time, and as a moral human being I have an obligation to understand this and take responsibility to not jump to conclusions about people. This may sound like a contradiction to my defensive posts but I would never stop talking to anyone, because I know my perception of them can change with a mere sentence. The feeling I'm getting on here is the same feeling in my world, " I know all about you". Ding ding ding. Some peoples statements are short little outbursts stating the obvious they have no intention of helping, these are people who want me to be what their intuition tells them I am, god forbid you were wrong. Sounds like a selfish act to me, will your world collapse if your perception of someone changes. I had a friend once comment on my reason for not having a girlfriend was because I was scared of rejection, well thanks for that, of course I'm afraid of rejection, the thing he didn't know was I afraid of rejection because at some point I was going to have to ask that women to tie me up and smack my balls. He couldn't figure me out, I had all these women hitting on me yet I couldn't find a girlfriend so he had to make sense of it and the conclusion he came to in his head was I'm afraid of rejection, he had solved a problem of his, now he understood something he couldn't understand but by doing so he pointed out that my problem wasn't really worth any kind of thought as long as his problem of being confused was solved, and that boils down to a selfish act at my expense. Short obvious statements are daggers and nothing more.

MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 9:06:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mogigo I agree MisPandora. In fact I have never asked for a date, I believe I've said before that I am only looking for advice, I've even wrote on my profile that I'm not looking for any contact right now. If and when I do decide to make contact with anyone I'll do it on my local board or I will attend a munch, but there still seems to be a concerted effort by some to convince me that I shouldn't be here. Why? You're asking for advice, but I don't necessarily think you're ready for it from complete strangers who will NOT filter their thoughts. I've not laid out for you all that I think because you'd be crushed by it. Perhaps work through some of your stuff, then come back and solicit some very small opinions on very specific things.

MisPandora -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 9:12:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mogigo Short obvious statements are daggers and nothing more. That's so untrue. Some of us don't have 40 hours of free time to sit and opine for you. You asked for opinions, and like it or not, you've gotten MANY of them. Actually, you've gotten far more attention than many of the other misguided fellows on here. Regardless of whether the return is 5 words or 5,000, someone thought to respond. Given that you've been saying that 'no one has cared' and that 'no one has listened' to you in the past about your kink, this IS a step in the right direction. I think personally that you're knee jerking to everything because you're overly sensitive and you're really incapable of handling rejection (you've just said it yourself.) You've got NOTHING invested in any of us to worry about feeling rejected. Bottom line is, if you can't take the negative and the positive commentary in stride, perhaps you should not be soliciting the vast opinions of strangers. Continuing to hurl more hurtful things at people who have already taken time out of their lives for you is only going to bring more painful barbs aimed right for your heart.

mogigo -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 9:29:01 PM)
Thank you again MisPandora, with all the attention I'm getting (yes I like it) I have just recieved more great advice for me with your post, and as you pointed out I am defensive so I don't see why I should have to be hurt by certain statements just so I can get to yours. Sometimes an investment of time is used to say I don't have time for you. If i have a date and i'm waiting for you, is there really much difference between you not showing up and showing up for ten minutes and leaving. The message is the same. What your asking me to believe is that these people actually think they're helping someone.

Owned1 -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/5/2006 10:20:53 PM)
Holy Crap you have found yourself in a pile of it mogigo. If I might make a suggestion, continue to read the forums note I said read. Read all you can about the BDSM lifestyle, sort out who you are, where you fit, and what your needs are. You have talked about wanting to be tied up and have your balls smacked, there is a great deal more to BDSM than that. You have recently found these forums, recently found BDSM and had the light bulb moment. You have years of vanilla life to sort out and reconfigure. I know you dont want to hear more thoughts on you however I just cant resist. I honestly think you are not nuts, you are simply eager, perhaps too eager to be so vocal, and perhaps not able to put into type what you are thinking/feeling without it appearing as if you are an attention seeking nut job. This particular post has truly gone off the rails and become very confusing. I think you will not get answers to questions that you have not fully formulated yet. There are some great resources online and in real books. As well Toronto has a huge number of groups, fetish nights, munches, discussion groups etc etc. If you want further information on any of them feel free to drop me an email on here. Dont give up, just take a breath and slow down, it took a long time to get here dont ruin it with haste. Owned

MsKatHouston -> RE: niceness = weakness (9/6/2006 6:30:24 AM)
mogigo, welcome to life. There are people who will invest some time to try to help you. There are others who will be dismissive. Most will be somewhere in the middle, trying to assist and give opinions but a bit wary of the ups and downs such as found in this thread. You can not please everyone. You do not have to serve everyone. You do not have to talk to everyone and you do not have to be hurt by everyone. You have to, at some point, think about you. I think you are submissive for no other reason than you said so. Whether you would be a good submissive for ME I don't know. But I do know that before you can be a good submissive (boyfriend, friend, etc) to ANYONE, you need to take care of yourself first. Get yourself in order, deal with issues, heal thyself. Then, you can give yourself to someone else and have a healthy relationship. Healthy. I fear that if you were to give someone power over you who was not as scrupulous as some you would find yourself in a world of hurt.

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