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.equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 6:54:17 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now)

The questions -

If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Switches - is equality important in your relationships?

Thanks in advance.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

Post #: 1

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 6:58:17 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

A relationship where I was viewed as "less" would not be a workable relationship for me. Now that is not to say that I expect or want a dynamic of equal power or control...I don't. But as a human being...yes...I want to be seen as equal.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 2

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 6:58:57 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

My standard answer is that there is no equal, but there is equitable.

I change 100% of the car tires and oil, you clean 100% of the house. You do 80% of the cooking, I do 20%. You have 100% of the big tits. I have 100% of the cock that is distributable. You give 100% of the blowjobs, I get 100% of them.

It comes to a 50-50 deal in there somewhere.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 3

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:02:24 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

A relationship where I was viewed as "less" would not be a workable relationship for me. Now that is not to say that I expect or want a dynamic of equal power or control...I don't. But as a human being...yes...I want to be seen as equal.

Thanks for the answer erin.

But I do want to make it clear - which I should of in the original question...

I am not speaking about being viewed as less - I do not equate inequality with being viewed as less of a person.

I am speaking of being equals in everything within a Ds / Ms relationship.

Being less or more isn't part of the question - if that makes sense?

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 4

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:05:00 AM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

*laughs and laughs* at the clever Ron.

1) Yes..kinda sorta maybe, as Ron says it is equitable.
2) No, the opposite as I am attracted to submissive people and yes to the point of "love".
3) N/A
4) N/A

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 5

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:05:09 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I don't care if I am viewed as equal. In fact, I was sort of taking for granted I would not be, given the connotations of the words Dominant and submissive. I hope to be (eventually) loved and (usually) valued and appreciated by a Dominant. However they express that appreciation, as long as I know I am being pleasing, and they can let me know that, I will feel valued and appreciated - that is what I'd look for as far as "reinforcement". On the other hand, a bunch of flowers, or a sweet note, or some such sweet gesture of appreciation every once in awhile doesn't hurt.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/3/2006 7:08:01 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 6

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:10:39 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

The submissive personality will never by my equal ..but the person might be... or he may not ...

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 7

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:15:31 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Dominants and submissives are necessary pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of their relationship. Proportion really doesn't matter. Without the other, what is the one?

Love is certainly possible, and for some it is certainly the goal. I would like that, but I can see where it might not always happen in an otherwise thriving relationship.

Just my take on this.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 8

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:28:12 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't want a submissive woman in my life unless I love her. As far as equality, that depends on each persons definition I think. Equally important, yes.... equally in control of daily life within the relationship, no.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 9

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:28:33 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Dark.....there is nothing approaching equality in this life. We have a constitution that says "All men are created equal", yet people are born with different abilities, intellegences, propensity to illnesses, etc. If all humans are created equal, why aren't we all Bill Gates?

No, equality is a myth. A nice utopian myth, but a myth all the same. I am just as intelligent as my Dominant. I don't make as much money as he does (again, women make less on average....no equality there). But, I have my submissiveness to offer and he has his dominance. When I offer to give him power, making me powerless, he offers to protect me and sheild me with his own (and mine) combined.

I offer myself to him and he is now responsible for not only himself, but me as well. It is amazing how organized I have become with him directing me. I have become better because he has used the power I have given him to help me become better.

Are we equals in this relationship? No. But there is equity. I give, he takes. He gives, I take. Somewhere in this equation, all of our needs are being met.

I believe love is a natural extension of this equation. The Dominant recognizes that he/she would not be who they are without the power offered by the submissive. We are not complete without the offering of power. When a relationship is this close and intense, I believe, (and I could just be looking at this through my own relationship which includes love) love is a natural outgrowth.

Sunshine

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 10

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:31:49 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

Equal means a girl can keep up with me. The levels of authority are skewed in my favor.

Love comes in many flavors, and is always desireable.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 11

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:53:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

Despite you using the word "personality" which isn't the word or term I use, I'll go with it.

I see other people equal in terms of everything BUT authority. In an authority transfer relationship, one person has authority, the other does not. In all other ways "equality" exists.

The reality is that no person is "exactly alike" to another, and therefore cannot become "equated" like a pint to a pound can. But they are equal in terms of consent and working together to form a healthy relationship.

quote:

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

I don't, but some do.

quote:

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

I get into a relationship where my effort and consent are respected equally to everyone else.

quote:

Switches - is equality important in your relationships?

Nope, it's not really a concept I consider in any of my relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 12

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 7:56:43 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now)

The questions -
If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Switches - is equality important in your relationships?

Thanks in advance.
Peace and Rapture

The only *inequality* I have in my relationship is the authority.

Which translates to all other aspects of my life.

Sir and I are equal as human beings. We have equal worth. Etc. But within the relationship, if we were "equal in all things", there'd be no d/s.

Heather

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 13

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 8:21:23 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I see everyone as equal regardless of gender, color, sexual orientation. We are all human beings with our positives and negatives, no one is perfect and anyone who believes that they are, is just deluding themselves.
But when it comes to authority, I am definitely the one in charge and I won't have it any other way.

~Lashra

< Message edited by Lashra -- 9/3/2006 8:22:51 AM >

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

Post #: 14

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 8:23:08 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now)

The questions -
If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Switches - is equality important in your relationships?

Thanks in advance.
Peace and Rapture

In regards to all 4 questions.....I would surely hope so....as long as the lines have been drawn from the beginning.......

< Message edited by stockingluvr54 -- 9/3/2006 9:19:57 AM >

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 15

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 8:46:28 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?
Despite you using the word "personality" which isn't the word or term I use, I'll go with it.

Yes Em, your right, it was a crap word to use. Let change 'personality' to something else - attribute? Type?

hmmm... yes, lets go with 'type'

Peace and Rapture

< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 9/3/2006 8:47:03 AM >

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 9:13:54 AM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

Dark.....there is nothing approaching equality in this life. We have a constitution that says "All men are created equal", yet people are born with different abilities, intellegences, propensity to illnesses, etc. If all humans are created equal, why aren't we all Bill Gates?

No, equality is a myth. A nice utopian myth, but a myth all the same. I am just as intelligent as my Dominant. I don't make as much money as he does (again, women make less on average....no equality there). But, I have my submissiveness to offer and he has his dominance. When I offer to give him power, making me powerless, he offers to protect me and sheild me with his own (and mine) combined.

I offer myself to him and he is now responsible for not only himself, but me as well. It is amazing how organized I have become with him directing me. I have become better because he has used the power I have given him to help me become better.

Are we equals in this relationship? No. But there is equity. I give, he takes. He gives, I take. Somewhere in this equation, all of our needs are being met.

I believe love is a natural extension of this equation. The Dominant recognizes that he/she would not be who they are without the power offered by the submissive. We are not complete without the offering of power. When a relationship is this close and intense, I believe, (and I could just be looking at this through my own relationship which includes love) love is a natural outgrowth.

Sunshine

*applauds* Beautifully said. I agree almost completely except that for me, love comes first; it provides the foundation from which my submission grows.

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 17

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 9:14:56 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

W/we're equal. But somehow, They are just a bit MORE equal..

Honestly though, i have a hard time with that concept. i know in my mind W/we have the same amount of base in the relationship... but if i let that fact get foremost in my mind, i'll start coming out of place and skew the structure. Even if it's not true, i have to work from the mindset that i am NOt an equal, or i start acting like i am more... something.

i usually see the slide to friction when i start interacting as a peer, and from there i just jump up and if the Hims don't catch me on it right away, i'll be all out of place until i'm so out of wack i loose my base.. i become less because i *thought* i was more. does that make sense?

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 18

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 9:52:08 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I do consider my slave an equal to me. She has chosen to submit to me in all areas, but that doesn't make her any less of a person for doing so.
As for love, I have to love my slave. With the degree of intimacy and trust that is involved in an M/s relationship, I have to love my slave to be able to give that much of myself.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 19

RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:09:41 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

My standard answer is that there is no equal, but there is equitable.

I change 100% of the car tires and oil, you clean 100% of the house. You do 80% of the cooking, I do 20%. You have 100% of the big tits. I have 100% of the cock that is distributable. You give 100% of the blowjobs, I get 100% of them.

It comes to a 50-50 deal in there somewhere.

Ron

LOL Ron!
Well, in the Total Power Exchange relationship of M/s of course the sub/slave is not "equal" but is, none the less an integral part of that relationship.
They are not "equal" in that they "serve" and exist to please their Dom/me.
The Dom/me however protects and takes care of them.
Could a Dom/me love- fall in love with their sub/slave? Of course!
If I had a live-in sub I would certainly hope that we could fall in love with each other.
Just because she's a sub/slave that doesn't mean that a Dom "can't" fall in love with her.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 20

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