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RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:14:40 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I think he sounds great. Given what's happened on non-vanilla dates and relationships to you, I'd tie him up and imprison him in my bedroom closet (but that's just me)...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/3/2006 8:15:19 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 21

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:15:13 AM

sapphirepleasure

Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline

Thank you, Lotus--I'm realizing that's what I must to in order to be happy. :)

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 22

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:16:40 AM

MissUnleaded

Posts: 60
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

I don't see anything wrong with it, either.

However, from bitter experience I have learnt that you can't turn a vanilla man into a pervert (if he has no inclinations). Personally, I'm not going down that path again but I see no harm in your doing it, especially if you're just looking for some lighthearted fun.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 23

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:22:14 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

You had a good time. He had a good time. Screw what anyone else thinks!

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 24

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:22:56 AM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

Being a Dominant male, I can tell you with all honesty, and conviction is My voice... What's "normal?" I cannot speak for ANYONE else, as to how they define their relationships, whether active within the whole D/s / BDSM dynamic or not. I can tell you, from my own point of view... I PREFER to get to know someone for who they are. It does not matter whether they are dominant, submissive, a closet case, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, or pineapple-kiwi. IF there is a spark, beyond intellectual banter, then the relationship progresses. As this happens, communication is happening, you then go into a few details of how you enjoy certain fetishes and such. If you don't think your partner can handle some of the intimacies you seek... well, that's a decision for another time. I am not asking you to lie, cheat, or fake responses in any manner of speaking. I personally, would prefer to get to know the person as a person first, rather than as a submissive.

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective. It describes you. It may also define who you are. It does not restrict you to strictly finding men who claim dominance. If anything, it should help you find men in whom you see the traits and skills to dominate your body, mind, and soul.

CC

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 25

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:28:30 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

You had fun, you enjoyed yourself, "GOOD FOR YOU". There is nothing wrong with going out and having a wonderful vanilla time. I would take a stab in the dark and say those "Doms" who watned you on your knees and sucking them right off the bat didn't give one flip about you or who you were. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the company of someone who wants to spend time with you, rather than someone who simply wants yoiu around becasue your a sub.

We often have "vanilla" dates, times where we just go out to a movie, dinner, or just cuddle up in the bed watching TV. That never changes who we are or the structure of our relationship. Meeting and enjoying the company of nice interesting people is never a bad thing. You also never know what is lurking underneath once you start exploring.

Have fun, and don't look back.

K

(in reply to MissUnleaded)

Post #: 26

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:29:34 AM

addisonclarkgirl

Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline

Being a slave or a sub, or even a Dom or Master, does not mean that it has to encompass one's whole life. You can be smart, funny, stubborn, lazy, creative, mean, kind, whatever...those are parts of you just like being submissive is also a part of you. You wouldn't live 24/7 being stubborn, so where does it say that you have to live 24/7 being submissive?? Yes, some people do choose that, and it is perfectly fine for them. They are happy that way. Obviously, for you, however, there are other things in your life which are just as important to you, and that's ok. Be who you are; don't let some prescribed notion of slavery or submissiveness put you into a position where you have to say "i won't enjoy the other parts of my life." You want to be happy right? Feed all the parts of you that make you happy.

_____________________________

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free...Michelangelo

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Princess_of_Naughty_Pics

(in reply to MissUnleaded)

Post #: 27

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:30:37 AM

subinside

Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline

Hmm.. ok.. one date. Well it's my opinion that a first date, even with one in the lifestyle should be vanilla. (Not that it usually ends up staying that way.. but that's how it should be approached). O/one needs to know that you can get along with the other person in a vanilla kinda way. Yes, we may be all about D/s, M/s and all that it entails, but as people get older, relationships become more comfortable, there is the chance the BDSM play etc may tone down a little bit and what is left if you don't have a good base?

i see no problem at all with going out with vanilla people to enjoy yourself, have a good time and remind yourself that slave/submissive or otherwise, you are still a person and still need to have people contact. Searching for a Dom/me can be so disheartening at times.. we find poseurs and fakes and just downright horsesarses. The vanilla date can take the pressure off of the questions we ask ourselves such as am i a good enough sub/slave blah blah blah...

Take the vanilla date, have a good time, and make a new friend. Who knows, the vanilla you date today could be the buried Master of tomorrow.

_____________________________

~si

You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to CreoleCook)

Post #: 28

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:31:59 AM

addisonclarkgirl

Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective. It describes you. It may also define who you are. It does not restrict you to strictly finding men who claim dominance. If anything, it should help you find men in whom you see the traits and skills to dominate your body, mind, and soul.

CC

i love how You said this. It perfectly describes me :) i've had a hard time coming to this conclusion lately, but You just summed it up. Thanks!

_____________________________

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free...Michelangelo

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Princess_of_Naughty_Pics

(in reply to CreoleCook)

Post #: 29

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:43:33 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective.

Nope.

Submissive is a verb - it isnt a noun - no matter how many times people try to insist upon it as fact. Until dictionaries start putting it in as a noun - it will always be a verb.

A noun decribes a person, place or thing.

A verb is a doing word.

Submission is an act, a trait, a behaviour - but it isn't a PPT.

And adjective describes a noun - so a person can be submissive - so can a dog, or a chair. So, in most cases, submission, like domination is and ad.

And personal one at that...

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to CreoleCook)

Post #: 30

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:51:06 AM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

I've had some of the same struggles with WIITWD. At times its nice to take a break and date someone who doesn't have all these ideas about power dynamics and trying to prove themselves or getting you to submit asap.

Sometimes I think what we do has pitfalls in that the focus sometimes is more lifestyle oriented than actually getting to know someone before expecting anything from them.

If you enjoyed your vanilla date by all means enjoy it, have more if you so choose. You aren't betraying yourself or anyone else to have a nice evening.

(in reply to Homestead)

Post #: 31

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:53:06 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

Besides, who says it's so "vanilla"? i have found that usually we attract and are drawn to those with "role compliments". He may not be overtly Dominant, but there is something your nature liked or you wouldn't have gone. everything isn't about Top/bottom play. If you interact well, and his nature feeds and energises yours, and yours does his.. go with it.

My personal feeling is if you're not nilla, you probably carry your particulars into relationships without even meaning too. Maybe HE could have had a nilla date, but you didn't. you're not nilla. Besides, over the long haul, if he chose to not "do" BDSM, and chose to agree, wouldn't that be "submitting" in some way? (alright, someone is going to bring up how that's not consentual for him..yadayada, lol.)

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)

Post #: 32

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:54:57 AM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

Hey go for it girl.Extract everything you can get out of life and enjoy.All it does is make you a well rounded person.And that's all one can ask.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 33

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 8:57:34 AM

addisonclarkgirl

Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective.

Nope.
Submissive is a verb - it isnt a noun - no matter how many times people try to insist upon it as fact. Until dictionaries start putting it in as a noun - it will always be a verb.
A noun decribes a person, place or thing.
A verb is a doing word.
Submission is an act, a trait, a behaviour - but it isn't a PPT.
And adjective describes a noun - so a person can be submissive - so can a dog, or a chair. So, in most cases, submission, like domination is and ad.

And personal one at that...

Peace and Rapture

Submissive is a verb??? You can't submissive. i've never seen anyone submissiving. It's not a verb. Submit is a verb.

A noun does not describe a person, place or thing. An adjective does that.

_____________________________

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free...Michelangelo

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Princess_of_Naughty_Pics

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 34

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 9:01:20 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Vanilla? A sin? If that were the case I wouldn't be in the D/s relationship I am now. My Dominant found me through a vanilla date. Good luck. He might be just great company or he might have other potentials. Either way, its a win.

Sunshine

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 35

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 9:01:23 AM

Pimpernell

Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinside

Hmm.. ok.. one date. Well it's my opinion that a first date, even with one in the lifestyle should be vanilla.

Totally agree with this one. If you are not good enough for me to date in the vanilla world, you're definately not fit to be tied, or spanked or whipped or ...

When did D/s relationships become about the D/s and not the relationship?

Courtship before cord whip.

< Message edited by Pimpernell -- 9/3/2006 9:04:02 AM >

(in reply to subinside)

Post #: 36

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 9:07:23 AM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective.

Nope.
Submissive is a verb - it isnt a noun - no matter how many times people try to insist upon it as fact. Until dictionaries start putting it in as a noun - it will always be a verb.
A noun decribes a person, place or thing.
A verb is a doing word.
Submission is an act, a trait, a behaviour - but it isn't a PPT.
And adjective describes a noun - so a person can be submissive - so can a dog, or a chair. So, in most cases, submission, like domination is and ad.

And personal one at that...

Peace and Rapture

okay, self appointed goddess of the forums... riddle me this, riddle me that... when speaking to people within the Lifestyle, if they say "I am a submissive," did they just, in fact, say, "I am a verb?" No, they used the word "submissive" in a completely different usage, didn't they... Now if they say "I enjoy the submissive qualities of my dog," the word submissive is an adjective, describing the word qualities, which again can be an adjective, but in this case is used as a series of things.

CC

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 37

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 9:13:50 AM

alwayscuri

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

sapphire,
As the old saying goes "to each his own" you have to follow your heart and do what u feel is best for you and know one knows that any better then u do. You went out and had a great time more power to you. Doesnt make u any less submissive because u did. Im sure ive made some decisions my friends didnt particularly care for and they have done the same but I have to do what I feel is right for me at that time because if your not happy with yourself and the direction your going u cant make anyone else happy. Besides, your true friends will still be there for you whether your submissive or nilla whether they agree with what u did or not. So hopefully since u had such a wonderful time youll get another date with him I wish u luck and if not what is the worse that could happen youve gained a new friend............curi

(in reply to CreoleCook)

Post #: 38

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 9:18:04 AM

prpackaged

Posts: 65
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like your friend might be playing devil's advocate. His question was: 'does that make it all okay?' If a question then your friend wants you to think through the actions and decide for yourself what is right for you and what is not. Did you answer the question? If it felt right then you will follow through with another hanging out. If it did not feel right then you have an option of declining any hanging outs. I would certainly want any eventual play partner to be in agreement with what I wanted and to enjoy activities that may not be in the life style. Good for you that you were willing to explore what the world laid at your feet. Good for you friend that I wanted you to decide for yourself.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 39

RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? - 9/3/2006 9:58:17 AM

Midearthtrainer

Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

What kind of friend assesses your enjoyment (of anything that relatively wholesome) and counters it with a remark like:"And that makes it okay?"
Of course its okay to have a nice vanilla date. What planet does this person live on?

- Susan

The kind of friend that still has interests in sapphirepleasure.

Another thought that most forget is.... if there were no BDSM in the relationship tomorrow; would we still be together? Whether it is poly or mono, remember it is a relationship afterall.
sapphirepleasure try this... if the relationship with your writer friend is still blossoming in a few months, try watching the movie secretary together. Watch his reactions to the scenes in the movie. it should help you to find out just what his reactions to you explaining/hinting at your proclivities to him.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 40

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