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RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 10:08:23 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		This is like asking if you would love someone if  your heart was cut out.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 10:21:41 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

This is like asking if you would love someone if  your heart was cut out.


The heart is only an organ, we are talking spirit and soul here.  I would never let anything control me to that extreme I guess.  Actually.. in my situation, it has happened.  Due to my condition, I have had to pare down my physical BDSM to almost nil.  Even though we met under the veil of D/s..for some reason we still enjoy each other as people. Oh the dynamic is still there.,.. but then that's just our personalities. We really still have nothing in common other than we simply like each other.. go figure.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 10:27:10 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

This is like asking if you would love someone if  your heart was cut out.


The heart is only an organ, we are talking spirit and soul here.  I would never let anything control me to that extreme I guess.  Actually.. in my situation, it has happened.  Due to my condition, I have had to pare down my physical BDSM to almost nil.  Even though we met under the veil of D/s..for some reason we still enjoy each other as people. Oh the dynamic is still there.,.. but then that's just our personalities. We really still have nothing in common other than we simply like each other.. go figure.


I'd obviously like someone to be with them.

But I just hate rhetorical questions like this.

It's like asking  "when did you stop beating your wife?"

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 10:30:21 PM   
ownedandcollared


Posts: 217
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?

Even without the dynamic, He would still own my heart and soul. i would love Him no matter what dynamic
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin
Real life is not naked in chains and being flogged 24/7, and there has to be something else that keeps you together, at least in my mind.
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??

W/we do have common interests, lots and lots of them. He has the most wonderful personality, and the biggest, kindest heart, and He is the most special man i have ever met. There is no one else like Him in the world...the history of the world

quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?

Oh yes He is 

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 10:31:57 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I don't "put out the dominance thing."  I AM dominant.  If I weren't who I am, she wouldn't love me.  She loves me for who I am.

And, you know, I didn't exactly ask you for any fucking opinions about my relationships.  It's your prerogative to say you think they're "sad," but you don't know nearly enough about them to be able to make such judgments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

So if you could not put out the dominance thing.. you would be useless to her then?  No friendship.. no liking of any sort?  Kinda sad. but such as it is.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 11:12:15 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I don't "put out the dominance thing."  I AM dominant.  If I weren't who I am, she wouldn't love me.  She loves me for who I am.

And, you know, I didn't exactly ask you for any fucking opinions about my relationships.  It's your prerogative to say you think they're "sad," but you don't know nearly enough about them to be able to make such judgments.

[


An opinion is only a judgment if you don't agree with it.  Ok... the "you don't know me" is a common defense comment, usually used on daytime talk shows when the teen doesn't want to face the truth about themselves.

OK.. Let me know you.  Are you more than one dimensional so that if you lost that you find you have no worth?  That people would find you unlovable?  I think you may even have discounted your partner as being so shallow that "dominance" is all you are worth.  (oops.. you are stilllooking for a submissive/slave) But go ahead, be defensive... you probably have your reasons.  Ok... no... It’s not sad.  No it's to be celebrated that you know..if you lost your ability to dominate.. you would be a non-entity.  Consider me enlightened and noting it in my nightly journal entities. 

It's interesting that I haven't seen one sub female that would toss out a male dom (so far) if they no longer could deliver.  

Please notice.. I didn't even have to use one "fuck" in this post.. although I wanted to. 

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 9/3/2006 11:16:01 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 11:12:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		One of the many reasons I try and remind people that LOVE is not what makes a relationship work.  You can have all the love in the world and still not have anything to base a relationship on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 11:28:01 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		~fast reply to no one in particular~ for me that's a tough question... the thing is, if not for M/s... He and i would not have met... how can We possibly take that out of the equation?  imo and in my situation... it's not possible... He will always and forever have a dominant (sp?) personality... i will always and forever have a submissive personality... that's how We met... it may even be WHY We met... now, having said that... We also have wonderful debates (we joyously disagree and debate on many things)... He is without a doubt, my favorite writer...We. like much of the same music... both like to live a little on the wild side... but to remove the M/s would (again, imo), be like removing a very important part of who we are as 'We'.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 11:30:50 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Please, an absolute stranger on the internet is trying to tell me truths about myself that I'm unwilling to face?

Laughable.  But what's SAD, to use your word, is that you're serious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

An opinion is only a judgment if you don't agree with it.  Ok... the "you don't know me" is a common defense comment, usually used on daytime talk shows when the teen doesn't want to face the truth about themselves.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 11:42:05 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin


If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?

I decided to keep only the questions I would answer.
Although we arent 24/7 yet, thats just a matter of time and circumstance.  Its in the works, so I feel I can answer this adequately.  I love my boy for who he is, I got to know him around the D/s dynamic becasue when we first started talking we had no interest in one another as anything but friends.  The distance was a little daunting.  That fell to the wayside the more we talked. I enjoy his personality, even if it does gethim in trouble sometimes.  He i stil very much a kid, and I love that about him.  He s very inteligent, and doesnt mind teaching me a thing or two about what he knows that i dont. He is confident, and has never seen any otehr male as a chalenge to his position with me, which i find to be one of his most attractive traits.
And yes, he is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, in or out of the lifestyle.  If he werent, I would not be putting as much time or effort into keeping him as I am.  But, the best things in life are seldom easy.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 11:58:45 PM   
OriginalWench


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, one at a time.
quote:

If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?

Absolutely.
quote:

Do you have common interests?

SO many.
quote:

Do you like their personality, their intelligence?

Very much.
quote:

Their heart?

Positively.
quote:

What is it that makes them special on a human personal level?

There are a lot of things, and I'm not really willing to bare my heart quite so much here.
quote:

Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?

Yes.

All that being said, this is really hypothetical, and I suppose there could be circumstances in which I'd leave him (I try never to say never).  I can't foresee any now, though, so chances are that this is a question that will never really come up 

We aren't truly 24/7 either, since I have to take the top role sometimes to accomplish what needs to get done.  Of course, that begs the old question of if it's really topping when he wants me to do this, yadda yadda.

Since we were nilla for a few years before we moved to this dynamic, I can comfortably say that I would love him without it. 


_____________________________

"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states."
"I'm too young to have Alzheimer's. I have Halfzheimers."

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 12:32:26 AM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		of course you are absolutely rite if you only like the person in bed you have to be desperate in my book ;once in a while  even i go into s and m with a dufus that you cant like or respect any other ways but laying down looking up;
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?
Real life is not naked in chains and being flogged 24/7, and there has to be something else that keeps you together, at least in my mind.
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??
I may get misinterpreted in this, but I mean are they they kind of person you would love on any level, just having the dynamic present in the relationship makes it more special and deepens the committment?
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?


_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 3:04:01 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Nope, not really.  i mean, in many ways, yes definately.. but when i consider that without "twue Dominance"  i'd have two bossy men ruleing over me without my eager consent..  that would make Both pretty unloveable.  There would be two guys with domineering ways that couldn't defer to the greater good, and the power struggles would tear me apart. 

Also, without the balancing act of putting a sub or slaves needs in His care, i wouldn't have the freedom to trust my interests being taken care of, so i'd be continually having to negotiate for my needs. that would hose it all, because if i wasn't able to negotiate as a sub at least.. i'd just go nilla and demand my rights as a nilla woman.  Have you ever seen an unhappier thing than an intrisicly submissive woman trying to do societys bidding and demand her position and power?  Egads. i have. i was her for many years..shoot me now.

Now, if the real question is can my partners play well with others in a realm outside of power exchange situations, heck yes, and i loved hubby long before i knew that D/s was the right dynamic for B/both of U/us.   But not being able to act within D/s constructs nearly ruined us because of the latent leanings we had left undiscovered, and un-managed.  W/e essentially were fighting our own natures to be what we thought was "normal" so i dont think i'd choose that route again. 

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 4:02:51 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?



I wouldn't be with my partner if the D/s dynamic was not there - therefore the question is irrelevant for me. Bell curves for everyone.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 4:09:02 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wolfie, your replies crack me up.
I don't have a partner now, but if I did,
I'd like to answer "yes, of course" but  know it might be a challenge.
It depends a little bit on how much they need me. So - probably, yes. I don't know for certain.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/4/2006 4:34:11 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 4:13:39 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think this is one of those questions that's simply impossible to answer...so I won't.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 4:27:16 AM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		:) I am with my Beloved; Vandervecken even though he cant Switch (or cook)....so I am pretty sure I would stay madly in love with him if he went all non kinky and stuff too..
He would still be the most amazing handsome man I have ever tasted _and_ a huge geek to boot so he would still be sexy and nothing would ever stop him being kind sweet family-focused guy he is ....
But then we are not 24/7 as that is not something that works for us.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 4:40:21 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Wolfie, your replies crack me up.
I don't have a partner now, but if I did, I
I'd like to answer "yes" but  know it might be a challenge, and perhaps not a small one. It depends on how much they needed me, and whether we both still really loved eachother, or not.

- Susan 


I can't tell you how many times i've been told i'm funny recently. I'm actually beginning to believe it! It's definately more enjoyable that way ;-)

More honestly, I went through 30 years of relationships (family, school, work, people, society; did I miss anyone is 'the Oscars'?) -and finally decided that if I wasn't getting what i wanted it wasn't worth it- _for me_.  What works for you is your own gig.

I thought I was going to my grave alone. And I've seen people do it and it seems somehow wrong (it's not it just seems that way to me).  Fortunately that's not the case for me anymore :-)

It ain't perfect (challenges exist in most relationships - I just won't be in a relationship without D/s) but we do the best we can (arg it's a lot like life (we call it master and servant...for those stuck in the 80's) It reminds me of the scene in Pulp Fiction. Where the 2 hit men are in the restaurant and Samuel Jackson has a gun in his face. How does the scene play out? I guess it depends on how interested you are.

Did I say bell curve already?

D (owner of j)


_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 4:44:57 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wolfie: I wasn't criticizing your reply, I just thought your "bell curves for everyone" remark was so funny! It made me laugh (which was good because I had a challenging evening in some ways).

I said I am not certain what I'd do because I was in a non-sexual relationship for over 10 years (and I love sex, but was married and it was complicated). Not sure if someone asked me to give up the part of intimacy I love the most in the future, I could stay or want to do it -again. It's noble to say "yes", and I do love the person, not "just bdsm or sex", etc. - but I am not in a relationship so it's kinda moot, and also it does depend on circumstances, for me anyway, much as people might like to think it doesn't (I know how dire they can become. I've been there, too).

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/4/2006 4:59:48 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 5:08:12 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Wolfie: I wasn't criticizing your reply, I just thought your "bell curves for everyone" remark was so funny! It made me laugh (which was good because I had a challenging evening in some ways).

I said I am not certain what I'd do bercause I was in a non-sexual relationship for over 10 years (and I love sex, but was married and it was complicated). Not sure if someone asked me to give up the part of intimacy I love the most, I could stay or want to do it. It's noble to say "tes", and Ido love the person, etc. - but I am not in a relationship so it's kinda moot, and also it does depend on circumstances, for me anyway, much as people might like to think it doesn't (I know how dire they can become. I've been there, too).

- Susan  


Hey it looks like we are the only 2 on right now ;-)

My response was not written from a 'you are critcizing my perspective'. It was from a I'm giving you information about my perspective perspective (how many times do you see that in the english language?).

Assuming of course you are interested. In my perspective.

D (owner of j).

**edit* typos sux** but are sometimes necessary.


< Message edited by Wolfie648 -- 9/4/2006 5:11:30 AM >

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 40
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