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RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 5:25:24 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wolfie: Of course I am interested in your perspective. Made sense to me.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 5:40:50 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		When I first met my girl she was slave to another. Long story short, he lost his temper one night and gave her to me. She was slave and thus she was his to do with as he wish. So I took her into my house and told her she could submit to me or find another place to live. She begged my collar and has lived with me ever since. That was 4 years ago. Over that time I have grown to care for her, but the power dynamic is the core of our relationship. She has developed health issues over the years and is limited in how she can serve. Anytime I make allowances or make excuses for her limitations I upset the dynamic and neither of us are happy.

If I wanted romance and love, I would not live this way. For better or worse the only relationship that I survive are based on the power dynamic since each of us understand what is expected of us. We know the rules. I understand a power dynamic but love relationships and emotions confuse me. There is clarity in the power exchange relationship.

While I believe it is a little ones nature to fall head over heals in love with their owner and it allows them to serve more completely. It has been my experience that if an owner yields and falls helplessly in love with their property that they will upset the dynamics of the relationship. If a slave wanted a romantic love relationship, they would not have sought me out to begin with. Thus I need to maintain what it that brought them to me.

Well that's my opinion and I'm sure yours are different, but then again we all have to find what works for us.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 6:22:54 AM   
alwayscuri


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		Taking out the D's would I still love him.......definetly yes!........not only is he my Master, and partner but he is my best friend. Though we were both into D's before we met I think that greatly enhances our relationship.I think we work as a couple because we not only have the same lifestyle likes but the same nilla ones as well. We also just compliment each other very well. His strengths are my weaknesses and vie versa. I had a relationship previous to this one and although in respect to D's we had everything in common,although, when it came to a personal level we had nothing in common as far as likes and dislikes and eventually the relationship ended because of it. My current master and I have have weathered quite a few storms and I think that for us the glue that kept us together was the relationship we have as two people who love each other dearly. Could I have just strictly a D's relationship with him .........probably.....but the dynamics of what makes us ....us.......encompasses both D's and our personal relationship.....and i dont think the relationship would be as strong without both......We have been together for almost 3 years now and friends say my face still lights up like a Christmas tree when I see him...........curi

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 7:15:15 AM   
MrMister


Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Without a doubt, there would have to be a profound, undeniable initial attraction that could ever lead to loving someone and being involved in a successful 24/7 relationship with that person over the long-haul. Generally speaking, this seems to be more common in occurance with those like-minded individuals who are in fact searching for that special someone to develop a LTR in the first place.

The fact is, deep, genuine, real and true love is something that's mutually given and unconditional regardless of position in life, or this lifestyle.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 7:26:30 AM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		i love Him because of everything that He is, Dom and everything else.  However, if He decided to leave BDSM behind, and i was not ready to yet, there would be big problems.  i don't know what would happen, but i am not sure it would be as simple as, "Okay, i guess i'll live without it too."  i would still love Him, but there would be some serious issues to discuss.  If i was ready as well, then i wouldn't see any problem and the relationship would continue happily just in a different way.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 7:37:13 AM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?

Using Tikkiee and I as an example, absolutly.

_____________________________

Chris



(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 7:46:43 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?
Real life is not naked in chains and being flogged 24/7, and there has to be something else that keeps you together, at least in my mind.
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??
I may get misinterpreted in this, but I mean are they they kind of person you would love on any level, just having the dynamic present in the relationship makes it more special and deepens the committment?
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?


Yes indeed.  We may have met because of our mutual interest in BDSM, but our relationship wouldn't have lasted if there was nothing else but BDSM.  We are best friends and lovers and connect on many levels.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 7:51:59 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Fox and I would be good friends (maybe) but the fact is that we began our relationship as a training one -- with Ds and BDSM as the focus. The other stuff came later so if the foundation was gone, we wouldn't be together any more.

Fox is an amazing man and we have some of the same interests and we some compatible interests but he certainly would not be having sex with me nor living in my house if he was no longer my slave.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 8:15:45 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

Without a doubt, there would have to be a profound, undeniable initial attraction that could ever lead to loving someone and being involved in a successful 24/7 relationship with that person over the long-haul. Generally speaking, this seems to be more common in occurance with those like-minded individuals who are in fact searching for that special someone to develop a LTR in the first place.

The fact is, deep, genuine, real and true love is something that's mutually given and unconditional regardless of position in life, or this lifestyle.

Beautifully said

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 8:45:49 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa
She has developed health issues over the years and is limited in how she can serve. Anytime I make allowances or make excuses for her limitations I upset the dynamic and neither of us are happy.


That's odd - it must have something to do with expectations of "shoulds", because it really needn't be like that.  It's a mindset thing.  If Sir tells me to not do something because of my limitations, it's not a disruption - he says, I do.  It might cause a little mental turmoil - those darned "tapes" - but when I adjust my mindset away from *me* ("I should"...etc) and back toward *him* ("He wants"...etc), all is right in the world.  The knowledge that he will truly do what is best - with his wants in a high priority there - helps me with that.  It's partially a trust thing.

I hear a lot of s-types saying that their owner is too easy on them, doesn't let them do enough, etc - and I always advise them to look to whether their owner is happy with this arrangement or not.  If so, why are they complaining? 

quote:

While I believe it is a little ones


"Little one?"

quote:

nature to fall head over heals in love with their owner and it allows them to serve more completely. It has been my experience that if an owner yields and falls helplessly in love with their property that they will upset the dynamics of the relationship.


This is not the case in general - perhaps in your experience, I can't deny that.  But if a person has their priorities straight, and keeps them that way - *whatever* those priorities might be - then it's not an issue.


(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 10:42:26 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?


Yes... It isn't their ability to live this lifestyle that I am in love with... It's the character and personality of the person.


Just so happens the character and personality of them fit into living the lifestyle I live.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 10:47:13 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?
Real life is not naked in chains and being flogged 24/7, and there has to be something else that keeps you together, at least in my mind.
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??
I may get misinterpreted in this, but I mean are they they kind of person you would love on any level, just having the dynamic present in the relationship makes it more special and deepens the committment?
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?


I can honestly say yes.  My wife is awesome.  She knew I was a Dom before we got together, but we got together in a totally vanilla context.  I love everything about her.  She means the world to Me.  We have at times removed the dynamic and it does not matter to Me at all.  She is My world, and I will share My life with her whether we play or not.  She is amazing.  *sigh*

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 11:10:47 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I have said from the beginning that I would be with him even if we were just a "normal" vanilla couple. I fell in love with him before he stepped in to be my Dom. I love the man he is and yes he is the most amazing man I have ever met. I still can't believe he is really mine.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 12:20:27 PM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.  I was worried that my meaning was lost, but by the answers and heart felt emotions i see here they were not.
aintbehavin

(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 12:54:56 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I havce to agree with Lordandmaster here.  My daddy has an ex wife that he still loves.  They have great affection for eachother but he is NOT in love with her.  He tried to live for years as vanilla with her but was never fulfilled.  What fulfills him is someone who allows him to be completely who he is without any contingencies.  I DO love him very much.  I am a slave though.  On the times we have to act more vanilla (IE when certain family is around) both of us feel the strain, which could eventually ruin a relationship for some people if they had to live hidden 24/7.  Because we can be who we are and because he opens so many doors to me that I never considered before I love him even more.  Everytime he tests me and allows me to grow, my love grows. 

Who is to say if it would be the same with the D/s.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 12:57:05 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I  meant who is to say it would be the same WITHOUT the D/s. lol

gotta love typos

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 1:00:40 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Please, an absolute stranger on the internet is trying to tell me truths about myself that I'm unwilling to face?

Laughable.  But what's SAD, to use your word, is that you're serious.



AMAZING!!! Isn't it???  Maybe I'm just one good judge of character.  (It comes with experience)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 9/4/2006 1:04:13 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 1:24:04 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?


YES! Love made my D/s dynamic possible. Not the other way around.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 1:29:02 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		since we've been together 20+ years and only recently begun exploring  this lifestyle i can say for sure that, yes, i'd love Him and He'd love me with or without the dynamic.  i'd like to add that after reading some of the threads on this forum, i believe that it's the trust, respect and friendship that are missing from some of the relationships and that's why they're not working. 

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Would you still love them - 9/4/2006 2:30:58 PM   
MrMister


Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

Without a doubt, there would have to be a profound, undeniable initial attraction that could ever lead to loving someone and being involved in a successful 24/7 relationship with that person over the long-haul. Generally speaking, this seems to be more common in occurance with those like-minded individuals who are in fact searching for that special someone to develop a LTR in the first place.

The fact is, deep, genuine, real and true love is something that's mutually given and unconditional regardless of position in life, or this lifestyle.

Beautifully said

~Lashra



Thanks Lashra

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 60
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