Things to look out for

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Things to look out for

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Things to look out for

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Things to look out for - 9/5/2006 11:58:26 PM

Koukei

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you?

Post #: 1

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 12:02:14 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I bet if you take some time to get to know him better. Before you move in with him. You probably won't need to be asking these questions.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 2

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 1:20:58 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Koukei

So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you?

I wonder why the hurry? If you were well acquainted and had spent a significant amount of time together you would have glimpsed a few of his character flaws already. However, it is impossible to prepare yourself especially if the above has not occurred. You are merely taking a gamble and playing Russian roulette with the quiet hope that the positive possibilities will greatly outweigh the negative. Your last sentence leads me to question how long you've been acquainted and why you'd ever suspect that you could be kept against your will. That alone should present a warning of sorts that perhaps this is occurring too soon and far too fast.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 3

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 1:30:07 AM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

Are you concerned that he may be a very nice dom attractive bad guy, or are you wanting him to be a very nice dom attractive bad guy?

Either way, Estring's words are spot on and most appropriate.

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 4

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 4:57:28 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

How long have you known him? have you met any of his friends? Is he active in any of the local groups? Have you asked to speak with any of his former subs (this is a legtimate request since he's asking you to move in)?
Don't be in any hurry. Get to know this person. And if he's pushing you to move in quickly, that is a very bad sign.

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 5

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 5:29:02 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Do you have a set of ways to identify bad people or abusers in general? If so, apply them to BDSM people as well. The whips and chains don't change basic morality--just, sometimes, the way it is manifested.

People often move in together in an organic process, even when they do it quickly (six months from meeting or less). They realize one day that they've incrementally mostly moved in together and determine that they may as well sign a lease together, too. Have you spent most nights together in the last month? Is his kitchen stocked with your preferred breakfast and morning hot drink? Do you keep most of your regularly worn clothes, books you're currently reading, etc. at his house? Do you routinely spend time at his place when he's not there? If so, it may be time to think about moving in "for real".

Monica

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 6

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 5:50:06 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Koukei

So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you?

The best sign of all is your own instincts about him.

You getting a vibe, an uneasiness or doubt about him in some way? Almost everyone has good instincts as part of your inbuilt "self-defence" mechanism and almost all of us are guilty of brushing those concerns aside - especially when it matters most.

Anyone new is gonna present some doubts; it takes time to build trust! But if there's something more, such as a nagging urge for you to run far and fast from him; I'd sincerely consider that line of action.

Focus.

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 7

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 6:54:45 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I bet if you take some time to get to know him better. Before you move in with him. You probably won't need to be asking these questions.

This is the best feed back you will get.

I took a look at your profile & it seems that you have either just met this man or you really don't fancy him enough to mention him or the fact that you are even considering being with him. Your journal is full of angst from the men who just want to bed you, insult you or don't fit your criteria. This translates into you are still interviewing possibilities... that there is greener grass out there for you. I'm wondering if you have even met the gentleman you mention here.

The last thing anyone should do is move out to be with or have someone move in to be with without extensive investigation... trust me, voice of experience here. You don't know a person until you spend considerable time with them. You have to meet friends & family, you have to see how they live, you really need to know how they carry on with life in general before you can determine "Am I in a good relationship... do we have the right stuff to make this work..."

Sharing a life with someone rarely works out when you jump in blindly & just see what happens.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 8

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 8:12:57 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I would only say that if you have doubts about your own ability to discern the character of another and are asking strangers on a message board to determine this I would wait a little longer. I am one of these rare souls that thinks it is ok to rush into relationships for some people. People that have good intuition, are not hurting anyone but themselves, and have a good track record of picking mates can often have good gut instincts. If you do not have these instincts be careful.

Rushing into things when the risk is in line with the gain is not inherently wrong, but if you cannot afford the risk, do not take the gamble.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 9

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 8:14:55 AM

Taylore

Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Koukei

So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you?

Give yourself some time before moving in with him and these answers will be answered by themselves. When I moved from California to Texas to be with Master, we both agreed that for a period of 1 year, we would not live together. I have my own apartment. Not only did I feel better about having my own place, but it also gives us both time to really get to know each other better.

_____________________________

Taylore

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 10

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 9:11:54 AM

Koukei

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for all the advice. The 411 is we haven't know each other that long and no I don't question his character. I feel he is a very nice person who is who he says he is. He is very willing to give me time to think it over and get to know him a little better and we plan on meeting face to face within the next week which is great since its hard for me to find time since I work night shifts. The whole reason I've asked your advice is because 3 of my friends who happen to be doms who want something more then a friendship with me keep telling me its a bad idea and how they dont think its right. I just needed some advice from some one who doesn't want me all to themselves. And once again, I thank you for all the wonderful advice.

(in reply to Taylore)

Post #: 11

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 9:25:17 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Hmm, if I may chime in here real quick.

I don't think it's right. You have not met face to face yet, and already he is pressuring you to live with him?
Personally, I would slow this down and tell him to back off a bit. The advice of your friends, while coming from men who may want you for themselves...is also very good advice that I would listen to.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 12

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 9:42:25 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Koukei

Thank you for all the advice. The 411 is we haven't know each other that long and no I don't question his character. I feel he is a very nice person who is who he says he is. He is very willing to give me time to think it over and get to know him a little better and we plan on meeting face to face within the next week which is great since its hard for me to find time since I work night shifts. The whole reason I've asked your advice is because 3 of my friends who happen to be doms who want something more then a friendship with me keep telling me its a bad idea and how they dont think its right. I just needed some advice from some one who doesn't want me all to themselves. And once again, I thank you for all the wonderful advice.

first issue I see here is getting advice from someone with an ulterior motive ..... heres my advice . if it looks right . if it smells right . and it feels right .. it must be right ....... if your looking for tell tale signs . look about his place when you arrive to meet him ... it doesn't have to be hazel the maid clean but if it looks like a pig would pack up and move out well thats a sign he might not be a prince . but someone with good ettiquette .... look for things that make your stars move . if you see them then he is right for you ..... and never take the advice of those who might be saying warning just so they can get in your panties .. if you wear them that is

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 13

RE: Things to look out for - 9/6/2006 1:12:41 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Sorry to be the cynical one, but if you're considering moving in with someone you've never even met, I think you're a bit crazy!

I have a firm rule of dating someone for at least a year before I even consider moving in with them...that's face to face dating. How can you know if you even LIKE someone if you've never met them? Let alone that this might be a person you'd want to move in with?

Maybe it's my chosen career or my past experiences but moving in with someone you hardly know seems very dangerous and irresponsible to me. Before I move in with someone, I want to be sure that I enjoy their company, that their living style compliments mine, that they have a good solid job history and no recent history of debt, etc. Maybe I'm too much a pragmatist, but these things seem important to me.

I'm also very possessive of my personal space and I have to be pretty much head over heels with someone to tolerate sharing my living space with them.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 14

RE: Things to look out for - 9/7/2006 7:58:39 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Sorry to be the cynical one, but if you're considering moving in with someone you've never even met, I think you're a bit crazy!

I couldn't agree more. Someone on CM did move in with a dom whom she hadn't met beofre and she thought he was perfect for her. It didn't work out for her and she had nothing to go back to. Does anyone remember who that was? I would search for the thread about it if i knew.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Things to look out for - 9/7/2006 8:01:59 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

I remember her also. Can't remember who it was though. I hate when that happens.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 16

RE: Things to look out for - 9/7/2006 8:20:06 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

My personal feelings on this is...is this...You are asking a question as to how to see the true character of this guy, something has triggered it. I trust My gut instincts before any advice I get from anyone.
If I get a feeling of this is moving too fast then I am moving too fast.

You have plenty of time to get to know someone,no time left if you dont and end up dead.
Thats a mistake you cant take back.Trust yourself to know whats right for you.
I have used the quote "If you have to ask for advice,you already know the answer" I think thats how it goes.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 17

RE: Things to look out for - 9/7/2006 8:52:19 PM

alwayshis1

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/1/2006
Status: offline

after looking at your profile, id have to say take your time, you seem open to lots and you are just 18. my advise is take time to know yourself and what you need from a dom. i advise all to take 1-2 yrs alone to find what is best for them,, not who is best, but what is best

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 18

RE: Things to look out for - 9/7/2006 11:36:37 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Here are the threads i was looking for by hisTicia:

Moved without meeting??

followed by:

Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please...

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 19

RE: Things to look out for - 9/7/2006 11:49:30 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on.

You've not yet met him and he wants you to move into his house? That is a rush. I agree with others who are saying what's the hurry? He sounds too desperate to me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Koukei)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Things to look out for

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094