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Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:11:55 AM   
slve2MastersWill


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		I need some input on this one.. in a discussion this subject came up... A Master is a Master not ones boyfriend. Now i do understand that there are married D/s couples out there. Is there a different meaning beween Master and husband for you? Should there be a difference? Is a D/s relationship not like a marriage in some point of view even without stepping into a church and saying I do!!! Should one not care for a Master in the same aspect as she/he would in a vanilla relationship?

I am curious of your thoughts ...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:31:56 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		This is something my Master and I discuss alot. I have come to this conclusion and perhaps his varies some.
 
Being Dominate and submissive can not be seperated from being his best friend, fiance' , life partner or general pain in the butt, because they are all part of who I am to him. If we only focus on one aspect of who we are then we tend to neglect the rest.
 
As far as marriage vs the relationship between a dominate and submissive. In many ways they are the same but in many ways they are not.
 
In the end you have to be true to yourself and to all that you are to your partner. I think far to many people get stuck on labels and how others define those labels, thus loosing themselves.



_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:32:14 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
A Master is whatever he/she wants to be to their significant other.
What other people think does not matter.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:35:21 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I refer to my 24/7 Dominant, with whom I live, as my partner to my family, friends and to the world.  Even though I get sassy at time, nag him to take care of himself and other such mundane things, we are ALWAYS D/s.  It is always present.

For other couples, it may not be the same.  It may be more of an equal partnership most of the time with Top/bottom kink thrown in at special times.  Now, I've only mentioned two examples of how the dynamic may play out.  There are as many options as their are couples.

Is this the question you are asking?


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:40:22 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		I honestly don't see why someone -can't- be both to someone.  Why anyone would think that "it just doesn't work" is crazy in my eyes.

I'm not saying that that is the way I think everyone should be, because I don't.  I am referring to those that think that it "doesn't work" and everyone who sees their relationship that way is doomed to have a shitty relationship and eventually will break up.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:41:09 AM   
slve2MastersWill


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you sunshine,

Yes, that is part of my question. Sometimes things are said in a discussion that don't quite make sense to me...lol.. i like posing questions that i feel i missed somewhere in the translation.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:43:16 AM   
slve2MastersWill


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I honestly don't see why someone -can't- be both to someone.  Why anyone would think that "it just doesn't work" is crazy in my eyes.

I'm not saying that that is the way I think everyone should be, because I don't.  I am referring to those that think that it "doesn't work" and everyone who sees their relationship that way is doomed to have a shitty relationship and eventually will break up.



I agree. I also think it depends on the situation in the relationship. Sometimes as as slave/sub hard to understand a Dom/mes meaning. They do thend to think on a complete different level

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:45:46 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		They might think on a completely different level, but the key is communication.  Even to the point of ad nauseum.  There is no replacement for communication.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:48:41 AM   
slve2MastersWill


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		I agree..

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:52:54 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Master Archer owns me as he has for almost 8 years now. We also happen to be married and will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary in a few weeks.

Regardless, the Master/slave dynamic is primary in our relationship.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 5:56:41 AM   
slve2MastersWill


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Congratulations Elegant

and thank you for your thoughts

(in reply to Elegant)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 6:04:25 AM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I can not speak for others, but as my profile states I believe the only abnormality is the inability to love, love and loving relationships are an important part of human interaction. Personally I was married to my first slave, I was his Mistress and for the most part we were friends as well. I did not find that there was confusion in the roles each of us chose this lifetime, I do not feel that our love weakened or undermined our M/s relationship. After completing my grieving process, I have entered into a newer relationship (almost a year in length) and I sincerely hope that love will continue to grow in it, and I proudly state  that friendship and shared interests were the foundation for it.

I took a minute to evaluate some of my close friends long term relationships, as they are a diverse lot I will just present a few rough dynamics for your consdieration

D/s gay couple...open sexual relationship...partners for 23 years..married for the last two of them

M/s hetero monogamous couple..married 25 years

D/s poly family..Male head..primary couple married 18 years with family additions of 12 and 4 years

M/s poly...female head...primary couple female dominant/male switch 9 years...family additions 5 years and 6 months.

D/s leather....female Master and boi...monogamous maintain independant homes..relationship duration 17 years.

So it really is whatever works for you and yours, but love and commitment and all those weird old things can and have succeeded in BDSM relationships, and I would argue strengthen them.

*edited to add

o for the days when I could call a male a boyfriend, but I think over the age of about 25 that terminology just draws a giggles or odd look, I have found that most of the younger couples I know refer to their "partners" more often than not.




< Message edited by MistressWolfen -- 9/8/2006 6:08:38 AM >

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 6:34:12 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill

I need some input on this one.. in a discussion this subject came up... A Master is a Master not ones boyfriend. Now i do understand that there are married D/s couples out there. Is there a different meaning beween Master and husband for you? Should there be a difference? Is a D/s relationship not like a marriage in some point of view even without stepping into a church and saying I do!!! Should one not care for a Master in the same aspect as she/he would in a vanilla relationship?

I am curious of your thoughts ...


I just journaled about this very subject this morning. Under no circumstances could I enter or find fulfillment in a one dimensional relationship. I believe there's a reason why we call them such. In my opinion the Master/slave aspect is merely one component of the whole, not the basis for the pairing in its entirety. Companionship and all the things that go in tandem with sharing your life with someone are not less important than the power dynamic. Love is the cement that binds, yields, and sustains. I see little reason to submit to someone who's heart and hand can never be attained or touched. The master is partner, owner, friend, and confidant.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 6:52:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill
I need some input on this one.. in a discussion this subject came up... A Master is a Master not ones boyfriend. Now i do understand that there are married D/s couples out there. Is there a different meaning beween Master and husband for you?

For me absolutely.  IMO while the same person can be both a master and a husband, one of those needs to take priority over the other.

quote:

 Is a D/s relationship not like a marriage in some point of view even without stepping into a church and saying I do

It's like a marriage in the long term life commitment (normally) sort of thing, but it's based on very different expectations of behavior for the most part and entered into for different reasons.

quote:

Should one not care for a Master in the same aspect as she/he would in a vanilla relationship?

Depends on the relationship.  None of my previous masters wanted me to treat them as a husband.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_83805/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#83805
Ds love and marriage

http://www.collarchat.com/m_132827/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#132827
bdsm and marriage

http://www.collarchat.com/m_239723/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#239723
Marriage and Ds

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247668
Ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291606/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#291606
Marriage and bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_455701/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#455701
Marriage and bdsm lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_466530/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#466530
Marriage and femdom




_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 6:52:37 AM   
Kahri


Posts: 70
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		There are all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships.  You will find relationship that range from the Totally committed 24/7 to the casual once a month meeting type, all using the terms Master, Mistress, or whatever.  Some will say the 24/7 take things too far.  Others will say the once a month types aren't "real" D/s relationships.  None of that matters.  All that matters is that the relationships work for the people who are in them.

So if you find someone that you are happy with, screw whether a Master is "supposed" to be a boyfriend or husband.  All that matters is that the dynamics of the relationship meet your needs and desires.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 6:58:42 AM   
slve2MastersWill


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you LA and Khari,

Its beginning to make sense.I am happy in the relationship i have i am just trying to make sense of some of the wording used in discussions i had with others. I am naturally a very caring and emotional person..lol so its hard for me not to care or worry about someone. I don't think that i can ever change that..

(in reply to Kahri)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 8:27:34 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill

I need some input on this one.. in a discussion this subject came up... A Master is a Master not ones boyfriend.

Should one not care for a Master in the same aspect as she/he would in a vanilla relationship?

I am curious of your thoughts ...

For me I would say it's a very different energy exchange living with a Dom/Master than with a vanilla boyfriend. Ideally it means the energy flows from him to you in ways that he chooses to lead you with as a  Master. A boyfriend is more considered your equal and often the power exchange of who's in control right at this moment is more prevalent.
You are owned by your Master, you still own yourself that you share as you choose with a vanilla boyfriend.

When you blend the two in my opinion they compliment each other well. For some it does not work for them at all.

For me, I seek one who can me Master, Dom, Father, Boyfriend, Mentor & Lover in balanced ways. I think if you focus on only one of the areas it's like going in public with some clothing on but not all. It can leave you open in places you don't want to be viewed in.
Most of the Masters that only want to be your Master & not lover or friends I think sell both of the individuals short of the full glory a D/s relationship can have.
Suzanne

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 8:32:19 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill

I need some input on this one.. in a discussion this subject came up... A Master is a Master not ones boyfriend. Now i do understand that there are married D/s couples out there. Is there a different meaning beween Master and husband for you?

Yes, for me, there is a difference between being a wife (even one that's "in charge") and being a Master. There are similarities, too, but these are those things that are relevant to ANY relationship, such as affection, communication, unconditional love and such. In being a Master, I do not feel that I have to be sexually attracted to those that are called to serve me. It's nice if that happens, though! If I'm a wife, that attraction MUST be there for me. As a Master, I make the final decision. As a wife, I might defer. It's subtle things like this that make it difference for me.

quote:

Should there be a difference?

That's totally a matter of opinion. I would answer yes.


quote:

Is a D/s relationship not like a marriage in some point of view even without stepping into a church and saying I do!!!

Again, a matter of opinion. I think there are similarities, but there are also differences. Perhaps the biggest common thing for me is the level of commitment. Collaring a slave is serious business for me.

quote:

Should one not care for a Master in the same aspect as she/he would in a vanilla relationship?

The answer to your question here depends on what you mean by "care for".

I think, perhaps, your basic question is: should there be romantic love in an Ms relationship? Some will answer "it cannot be any other way", some, like me, will answer "not necessarily". I have a female collared slave who is het. she is married to a male, has a male sexual Dominant (not her husband), a lesbian female SM Dominant (not me) and a bi female Master (me). Romantic love is rather hard when there is no sexual attraction. The whole issue is about what works for YOU and YOUR relationship.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
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RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 8:34:52 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill

Thank you LA and Khari,

Its beginning to make sense.I am happy in the relationship i have i am just trying to make sense of some of the wording used in discussions i had with others. I am naturally a very caring and emotional person..lol so its hard for me not to care or worry about someone. I don't think that i can ever change that..


Caring and worrying about someone doesn't have anything to do with whether they are your Master or husband. You care and worry about bio family members, right? Pets, too? How about your children, if you have any? You even should care and worry about yourself! These things are a basic part of ANY relationship. Although, excessive worrying can drive you crazy.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 9/8/2006 8:36:32 AM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Master, boyfriend, husband - 9/8/2006 8:55:37 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill

I need some input on this one.. in a discussion this subject came up... A Master is a Master not ones boyfriend. Now i do understand that there are married D/s couples out there. Is there a different meaning beween Master and husband for you? Should there be a difference? Is a D/s relationship not like a marriage in some point of view even without stepping into a church and saying I do!!! Should one not care for a Master in the same aspect as she/he would in a vanilla relationship?

I am curious of your thoughts ...

 
My personal thought is that M/s, D/s and the like are nothing more or less than personal preferences based on desires, just like the desires i have in any other area of life.  It is a form of expression.  i am who i am, and to seperate myself into parts, is not healthy in promoting wholeness within.  My preferences are only a part of the whole of my being.
 
i do not base the whole of who i am , on the way i prefer to interact and express my intimacy within my relationships.  i base who i am on my line of integrity, and self value and what i have achieved in my life, personal goals, aspirations and dreams.
 
For me, a Man is a Man is a Man...regardless of what label he chooses for himself.  He can be a Master, a husband, a pilot, a teacher, a sensei, an artist, whatever, but underneath it all, there is just a man...or just a woman...each seeking to live a fulfilling life in whatever area suits them and brings the most contentment and satisfaction..  Nothing more or less as i see it.
 
So while there is a difference in labels and their significant meanings, and of course being a husband legally secures a financial connection with a wife and personal holdings between them, it is just another title set in place for sake of discussion and clarity.   The title of husband is different because it has nothing to do with personal preferences of intimate expressions, it is a legal term. 
 
Labeling personal preferences is just an adjective to reduce lengthy explanations of who we are to one another, and how we wish to relate in certain areas of our expressions.  Just my view. *smile  There is no difference in how i treat, love and respect a person with multiple labels.  i am the same way with all those in my life whom i love and care about.  i show my friends, children and family the same level of respect that i show to the Masters i serve.  The only differences are that the labels describe the distinct nature of each relationship and give it clarity. 
 
i am the same person with or without the label. *smile

(in reply to slve2MastersWill)
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