behindmirrors
Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
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Alright, I couldn't leave this one alone. I relate a lot to this topic, mostly because I'm arrogant and confident, and I take both of those things as being very good, indeed.
Like KarbonCopy, I also can take charge, and I do. I consider myself a self-surviving, self-made person. And I don't do anything selflessly to the degree that I dislike the term "selfless". In fact, in my life outside of the lifestyle, I demand the respect I deserve, and take control of the majority of my work life. I'm self-employed, and need to.
I serve and submit selfishly. Very much so. To please my dom makes me happy, because he is happy. I want to be happy. If making him happy with me requires me to perform some sort of service, I do it because it makes me happy to make him happy, and I like to be happy.
In some cases, I don't enjoy doing the service I am asked to do. I hate taking out the garbage, I don't like doing dishes, and I really really dislike vacuuming. It doesn't mean I don't do these things, though. It means I do them with the prevailing thought of my Dom taking pleasure in my following his instructions, of doing what he asks of me. I don't always like to serve, but I like the outcome of serving so I do it, much like how I would do these things when living alone because it pleases me when my living space is clean.
Being selfish and being submissive can coexist without problem, as can being arrogant and confident. I take pride in my accomplishments, both in and out of our relationship. I expect to be respected for what I am capable of and what I have done. I don't sacrifice those things by submitting to my Dom- on the contrary, I further our dynamic through my pride, and he with his. Submissive does not equate to being weak or being a doormat or living selflessly for another. No person is ever the means to another's end- they are a means to an end unto themselves, to borrow heavily from Kant. Thus, my submission is never a means to my Dom's end, nor his dominance a means to mine. It's a complimentary, a trade agreement between us. By standing in this place by means of my own strength, I create my own end, I create my own life, I continue to further my own selfish pursuit of happiness by seeking out submission. It does make me feel complete to serve my Dom, but not for the service itself- for the joy I recieve in exchange for my time and effort when he is pleased with me. When I am pleased with what I have done and the capacity those actions have to please another. Service is an act, but it is not the necessary component that makes me happy or makes me submissive- it is a means to get to the happiness I find in submission when asked of me. Much like liking a clean house and doing the cleaning to get it for one's self. Here, it is simply that joy is derived through another step.
With all this said, my submission does not "complete" me so much as that it adds considerably to the happiness and security I want to find in life. I very much enjoy submission to my Dom, even if it isn't always easy or fun in it's actions. I enjoy the completeness of embracing all of who I am, and not apologizing for it. If serving someone is the key to another's happiness, that's great for them, but I don't work on the principle that it is strictly service that can make me happy. It's finding what I need and not being afraid to seek it, to do what I need to do to make things work out for mutual benefit. I would not submit if I didn't get something adequate to my submission in return. The adequate thing is finding personal joy in submission, in making my Dom happy.
I'm with you, in short. I believe that I don't need to serve to be happy. I need to be open, yes, and I want to submit, and the reciprocity involved with someone pleases me when they are pleased. I like to please myself, and submitting to my Dom is another way I have discovered ways to find that, because of the joy I take submission, I find ways to keep myself feeling happy.
After all, true selflessness is selfish, as my Dom says to me, and as I believe even before he said it. Why else would someone do something, when you get down to the root of it? Why would you feed a homeless person? You know they are hungry, yes- but you also know that it makes them happy to have something to eat that day, and their happiness for this translates directly into that feeling of "doing something good" you get after that action- a feeling that makes you feel happy, as doing good makes a person feel happy. Thus, you have done this out of finding a feeling of satisfaction from it, and you most likely would not should you feel no satisfaction or happiness or righteousness or what-have-you from the action you did.
"The reward of a thing well done is to have done it."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson.
My point of view, take it or leave it-
behindmirrors.
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RE: Submissive but not servant. - 
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