A Father's Reaction (Full Version)

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ownedgirlie -> A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 10:58:17 AM)

I have been pondering this question in my mind for awhile.  We often read about mothers whose daughters come to them, professing their submission.  In such cases, it seems most daughters are supported by their mothers in this situation.

My question, however, is about fathers.  Even in the “vanilla” world, we hear the phrase “No man is good enough for my daughter.”  But what about the world of D/s?  If you are a Master, how would you feel if your adult daughter approached you and told you she is a slave?  How would you respond if the very things you enjoy with your slave, she was enjoying with a Master?   Would it cause you to view your activity with your slave/submissive differently? 

If you are a submissive or a slave, would it be more difficult for you to approach your father with this revelation than your mother?  It would have been difficult to approach my Dad with this.  He once told me no one was good enough for me.  I asked if he preferred me to be alone, then?  He laughed, and did not respond. 

Your thoughts?



Mavis -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 12:24:35 PM)

i have to do this, it's too funny.    when my daughter came out as a lesbian.. (like we didn't know? )  but anyway..

Hubby wasn't too shocked.  He just kinda grunted and said "Well.. no man is good enough for you anyway, so that solves THAT."

[end hijack]



juliaoceania -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 12:30:19 PM)

My former dominant often commented that he thought people were predisposed to be one orientation or the other predominantly, at least in their personality (now that is debatable...smiles). The reason why I bring this up is because he has two adult daughters, one he thought was more on the submissive side, and one that he thought was more on the domme side. He would not be shocked if his daughters were into this since he was not shocked they both had bisexual tendencies.. he was of the mindset that we are all sexual beings... even his daughters, which he tried not to think about ...lol



Phoenixandnika -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 12:33:40 PM)

When I told my uncle (whom raised me through my teens) that I wanted him to come to my collaring he looked at me, looked at one of the guys in his club and said "this is all your guys fault all that joking about branding her property of such and such." Then he told my Dom, " you know she is not weak or timid right?"
 
I laughed so hard I cried.
 
He came to my formal collaring and afterwards told me he didn't care who I was in a relationship or with  or how I lived my life as long me and my children where healthy and happy.








Lashra -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 1:00:40 PM)

My Father knows that I am Dominant and that in my relationships that I am clearly the leader. He agrees with this lifestyle for me as he knows I would be perfectly miserable trying to live as something that I clearly am not. So when I came out to him he just nodded and said Do what makes you happy. So I do.
My Mother on the other hand doesn't understand me at all, she has a constant internal battle going with the conditioning she recieved as a child to believe all women should be submissive. She also believes anything outside of the missionary position is perverted and sick. Oral sex is disgusting and anal sex, well lets not even discuss that! It is difficult for her since she herself is very clearly quite Dominant as well. I think she has a bit of daughter envy going on to be honest.

So Dad was alot easier than Mom

~Lashra



marieToo -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 1:27:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

If you are a submissive or a slave, would it be more difficult for you to approach your father with this revelation than your mother? 


I had a talk with my dad and his then girlfriend,  years ago about Ds without knowing what it was. I was probably around the age of 20 or so. 

My parents were divorced when I was about 5 and I was raised by my father, who was dominant, chauvanistic and borderlining on mysogenist (sp?).  He had alot of females in and out of his life, but this one in particular that I refered to above was clearly a submissive to him.  At the time, I didnt recognize it, but in retrospect, its very clear.  She used to see him on weekends only.  She was absolutely crazy about him, but he remained more detached than she.  She used to call him Sir and I didnt know why, but never really thought much of it.  I can remember having a conversation with them, as a young adult, where she was telling me how much easier it is and how necessary it is for there to be only one 'boss' in a relationship.   I was insistant and adamant that this was completely wrong, and that both partners should be 'equal'.  And my father said to me  "thats good, thats exactly what you should think".  In other words, although he was dominant, I think he was relieved to see that being the submissive party in a relationship didnt fit into my line of thinking (of course back then I was still deeply in denial). 

This was some twenty something years ago.  Neither of them had a computer, there was no crops and whips laying around the house and Im not sure either of them knew there were words for this.  But they were as dom and sub as it gets. 

My mother wouldnt really understand.  I think she has an inkling that Im kinky, but  she'd be clueless as to the depth that it goes.  I have no need to share it with her. My dad is no longer living.  He died when I was 24.  I didnt face and accept my submission until I was in my mid thirties.  He wouldve understood the Ds part.  Im not sure he wouldve understood the S and M part. Either way,  I wouldnt have the need to 'come out' to him either. 

 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 2:26:46 PM)

One would hope that they would be confident in the raising of their child and respect the concepts of adulthood and consent to be able to extend it towards their children and use their common bonds as a way to foster a closer connection between eachother.

But I realize this is the real world I live in.

The few parents I know who have children who came out as being in the scene were almost all supportive.  There was usually a bit of a shock followed by some discussion of boundaries and compromises, but life went on pretty much as normal.

There are a few who simply cut out communication altogether and everyone pretends that everyone’s really vanilla, and I guess that works for them.



SadistCpl4fslv -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 4:50:39 PM)

When I saw this thread, I knew I had to respond because our story concearning my Father-in-law and his introduction to the lifestyle is a very interesting one.  My wife and I first met on a bdsm chat channel, and while she was an adult, she still lived at home.  There was only one computer in the house, so she knew she had to be very descreat (don't even lecture me about my spelling....lol) because she knew that it would be shared with her parents.  She thought she was very very careful, and a couple of years later, after we had met, lived together and married, we were visiting her parents in Florida.  One night we decided to go to a bdsm club in the area, and ofcourse to maintain our "air" of discretion, we told her parents we were going to dinner.  We dressed as if we were doing so, and then changed into more appropriate atire for the club.  Quite by accident  my wife left a brochure of the club in her Father's car, which we had borrowed for the evening.  A few days latter while he was driving us to the airport, my Father-in-law asked us about the club.  Ofcourse it was ackward and we kind of stammered and studdered and made up an excuse.  Much to our dismay he admitted that he had been there himself a couple of times.  Well, it didn't end there.  The next year, while once again visiting my wife's parents, my Father-in-law confided in us that he had become involved in the lifestyle and that we were the ones that introduced him.  How was that possible?  It wasn't the brochure that we had accidently left in his car.  It was the fact that years before he had found our chats on his computer and they sparked a curiosity that he had never known!!  The downside of it was the fact that my wife's mother was vanilla and had no interest in the lifestyle and ultimately it led to their divorce.  However, my Father-in-law met another Dominant online and they now live the lifestyle along with two submissives that they have living with them  24/7.  You know, I was very nervous of my wife's Father ever finding out about our lifestyle in fear that he would "beat the crap" out of me for laying a hand on his daughter.  But now as things have turned out, we have a bond and commonality with him that never exhisted before we knew that "he knew".  I wonder how many are out there that have had similar experiences.



Caitriona -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 4:59:13 PM)

I would feel much more comfortable "coming out" to my father than my mother, although I don't talk to either very often.  My mother equates any kind of submission as an unhealthy thing.  I don't blame her for it, as her history has brought her to that conclusion.  But I doubt she would ever understand or accept why I chose this for myself.



missturbation -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 5:42:40 PM)

If you are a submissive or a slave, would it be more difficult for you to approach your father with this revelation than your mother? 
No, it would be easier to approach my dad than it would my mum. Im closer to my dad. Having said that i would not approach either of them and tell them i am a slave because no amount of explaining would enable them to understand.



lesliee -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 5:58:03 PM)

I came out to my dad and my stepmom about three years ago. Then i ran into them at an event and then another event. My dad was upset about me being in the lifestyle at first, my stepmom was thrilled. However, with us being in two different cities albeit close together we made boundaries so that we would not run into each other at a party again. It is awkward but we do speak about it once in awhile. My mom and stepdad would never understand and i would never tell them. So i suppose for me my situation is a bit different since my parents one set is in the lifestyle. Now, we just call each other to make sure they are not going to the same events. ~l~

Always,
leslie



mynded -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 6:12:32 PM)

I would never tell either...they're not even comfortable with the vanilla side of sex when it comes to their daughter.



Kahri -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 6:18:42 PM)

 
My parents are both from traditional mid-west families, about as plain vanilla, white bread as it gets.  I don't know anything about their sex life, and I don't want to.  They don't know anything about mine, and I'd like to keep it that way.  I can't even imagine telling either parent.  That's just not the type of conversation we have.  Fortunately, they live several states away so it doesn't come up. 



popeye1250 -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 6:43:44 PM)

Why not, I taught my daughter how to "French Kiss."



NastyDaddy -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 6:56:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Why not, I taught my daughter how to "French Kiss."



No popeye, you can't pick my daughter up at the bdsm club for me... I'll do her myself.  [:D] 



popeye1250 -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 7:14:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Why not, I taught my daughter how to "French Kiss."



No popeye, you can't pick my daughter up at the bdsm club for me... I'll do her myself.  [:D] 


Selfish Bastard!



amayos -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 8:49:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

If you are a Master, how would you feel if your adult daughter approached you and told you she is a slave? How would you respond if the very things you enjoy with your slave, she was enjoying with a Master?


If I were to have a daughter to raise under my wing, she would have an understanding of Master and slave, just as she would have an understanding of male and female, or night and day. If she were to become a slave, it is perhaps a show of my vanity that I would hope my instruction would aid in guiding her to the feet of a strong and noble male worthy of that adoration.

Would I recoil, knowing what is being done with my daughter mirrors what I do with my females? No. I would, in fact, encourage it.

Of course, I say this entirely in hypothesis. I do not have, nor do I ever plan on having a daughter—one that I keep, that is.



goodboyjake -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 9:22:43 PM)

havent and have no intention of telling either of them



DiurnalVampire -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 9:26:58 PM)

I've always been the dominant party in my relationships, so i doubt very much that my father would be terribly surprised to learn that I was a Domme. Mom would be shocked and appaled to learn that I thought about the s word when I wasnt married (yeah, moms like that) but Dad would not care.

I still have no intention on telling eitehr of them.  They are going to ahv a hard enough time comprehending that Angel and I are involved in the first place, finding out what our involvement IS might kill them.

DV



angielouwhos -> RE: A Father's Reaction (9/19/2006 10:06:59 PM)

I am out to both of my parents. They think we are whacky but can appreciate the longevity of our marriage and our happiness. Telling my father was no harder than telling mom, but then again my father was not overly protective of me.




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