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CherieP -> RE: Question on tribute (9/23/2006 12:06:11 PM)
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Throwing in my $2 (inflation, don'cha know) on this endlessly discussed subject...
I'm one of those "tribute" dommes that some subguys seem to get so upset about. I have a bunch of reasons for demanding tribute, including:
1) It RAPIDLY weeds out the guys who are only interested in wanking off while chatting and/or exchanging naughty emails with me. My actual job is running my own homemade-(vanilla)porn paysite and in my time in the adult industry (1.5 years now, and counting) I have come across hundreds of these guys. If I took the time to correspond or chat with every guy who messaged me looking for a free wank I would have no time to do anything else...and I would be letting myself be used for their pleasure, which is the complete opposite of what I want as a dominant female. I'll message or email back and forth with a prospective sub for nothing, so long as I don't think they're using me, but I will not chat with anybody without an upfront payment because, in my experience, the guys who plead for chats want to wank.
2) 80% of the men who contact me (especially the ones who are full of wholly unrealistic bs along the lines of "I want to serve you 24/7...I'll do anything you say...yaddayaddayadda) are men who I can't see ever developing a real, long-term relationship of any kind with. Take the most recent one to get huffy with me about the tribute issue (this was on another fetish-dating site, not CM)...he was twice my age, married with no intention of leaving his wife or ever revealing to her that he was playing outside his marriage, had absolutely no experience in BDSM or skills which might be actually useful to me, and really only wanted to be "ordered" to eat my pussy. It's like, hello...I have a husband who'll do that (and do it very well) every night if I want, not to mention guys from my vanilla work offering me $200 an hour for the privilige, why should I let you do it for nothing? He told me it was "an insult to BDSM" to accept tribute, called me names, and accused me of lying (my profile made it quite clear what my requirements are, and I quoted it back to him in case he'd neglected to read it the first time around, as so many of them do - he was the one who repeatedly said "I'll do anything you ask" then got upset when I asked for cash). It's been a week since this exchange, meantime I've got dozens more replies from subguys (including a few promising ones)...good luck to him finding a woman so desperate for cunnilingus that she will put up with his crap.
3) I need money. My paysite probably won't turn a profit for another year or so, meanwhile my family is living on one inadequate income and the cost of living has gone waaay up in Florida over the last year. I would expect anybody who truly cared about me (be they a part-time lover or something more) to do what they could to ease my burdens, whether that be chipping in for my skyrocketing insurance bill or pulling weeds in my negelected garden. Just as I would do my best to ease the burdens of anybody *I* really cared about. Am I not supposed to expect this from a love relationship simply because that relationship involves spanking & bondage? If I wasn't actually in need of money I might be more interested in different sorts of tribute, but I would certainly still insist on some kind of concrete evidence that I was valuable to a sub. Pretty words and the willingness to let me do things that fulfill your fantasies don't prove anything to me.
4) I get a real erotic thrill out of it. I guess this makes me the female counterpart to the subguys who are actually into this as a fetish. Money is a potent symbol of value, most guys hold tighter to their wallets than anything else they have, and I get a huge sense of POWER & of being powerfully desired when a guy forks over his hard-earned $$ to be with me.
There's more, but those are the biggies.
I insist on tribute, but if I think a guy has the potential to develop into a real relationship - friends, lovers, or possibily even, at some point in the future, an addition to my polyamorous family - I am willing to accept tribute in the form of USEFUL service. (Ditto if the guy truly wants to serve me but has no money.) Which means gardening, housework, carpentry, etc and so on, NOT performing cunnilingus or bending over for my strap-on. And yes, I insist on tribute being payed before I play, otherwise how likely do you think it is that I would do my part and deliver the whipping (or whatever) and then be left hanging? (Be honest with yourselves here guys!)
Now with all that said, I will point out that my profile makes it completely clear what I'm after, and I have absolutely no need to go "fishing" by contacting subguys myself. There are certainly women on here who lie about what they're after; I think it's not so hard to spot them if you pay a little bit of attention to their WORDS and not just their enticing pictures. FWIW, there's just as many (if not more) of those women on vanilla dating sites too...you may not have realized it but a big percentage (I'd guess 30-40%, could be higher) of the female profiles on those sites are either "escorts" or women who're looking to sell webcam chats, phone sex, or pornsite memberships. Is this a crappy thing to do? Yes, but there's still fewer of them than men who're looking for a free cyber-wank, so what does that tell you?
It tells me that it's a good idea to actually pay attention to what your prospective Dom/sub says, not only in that first message but also in their profile, in forums, and in any other area you can to learn about the person you're considering meeting. Which is just good, common-sense advice for cyber-dating anyway, isn't it?
-Cherie
*edited to say this is not specifically in reply to Lorelei115, but to the original poster and the community in general
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