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confused - 9/24/2006 3:36:06 AM

patina

Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
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confused on a lot of issues but will just pick out a few. the first Dom I had told me all sub/slaves were to always walk behind the Dom to stand behind him in his presence, not speak unless spoken too, to crawl to him when approaching,, to always call him Master in private Sir in public.

Now my confusion: a guy I was starting to talk to on here told me that the True Lifestyle did not have you do any of those things only fakes and players did that shit. That those of the True Life have you called them honey ot sweetheart or other such endearments.

That a real Master did not need to have you bow or degrade yourself to him, that a woman was to be beside the master in all ways. He was the Master she the sub, but always at his side.

Now is this two diff lifestyles or just these guys beliefs? Either way does a sub have to crawl to her master or is that each Dom's preference.

a newbie trying to learn correctly.

Patina

Post #: 1

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 3:57:42 AM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline

I guess that all depends on who you serve. My late Master's only main rule was that I address him as "Sir" or "Daddy" depending on the situation/ where we were, etc...

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 2

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 4:02:27 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Ok guys like the first one you mentioned piss me off they stike me as chest beating im better then everyone els type people and i dont view them as Doms but that is MY opinion. If they can find a sub to buy into all that "Im better then you because Im a Dom" thing then they are lucky though Id venture to guess they have never had real life because the subs I know dont go for that and also view that as not desirable behavior.

The way I see it is if they really need to prove there Domanance with that kind of sub degredation then well they arent really Doms... If you have to try so hard to prove something most likely you dont have the very thing you are trying to prove. I tend to be on the same page as the secent guy you spoke to...

Master has always treated me with nothign but total love and respect he has never made me crawl but i would gladly crawl to him should he ask it. I know he would never degrade me in asking me to walk behind him or keep my head down. he never makes me hold my tongue always wants to know what I have to say while he may spank me iffin I dont word it politley he will always defend my right to say what I beleave. The crawling as I said isnt really a big deal type thing it can really inhance a scene and is good when apropriate.

The stuff the first guy was asking for was like he wanted to flout to the entire venilla world his self apointed seupiriarity to a sub. Though Master is always Master he is very carfull in mixed company not to make the venillas or me feel uncomfertable...

Honestly I dont think that first guy ever steped into the real world but again this is my opinion this may just be a case of my kink is not your kink but honestly it sounds like a dilutional fantasy to me...

What you need to do is think what you want seems the first guiy led you to beleave how he said things was the only real way to go and that simply isnt true. However if you want what he has to offer there is nothing wrong with that eather but dont think of yourself as less then a sub just because you dont like what that guy was saying there is nothing wrong with that!!!

I dont like what the first guy said eather but then I dont owe him my submition and there for it makes me no less of a slave because i dont do the things HE says a real sub should do. those are his fantasies and wants nothing more. So now what you need to do is start defineing yourself what you want and what you dont want. do you want the degredation the first giy offers or the respect the secent guy offers.. if you have an idea what you want it can help you weed out the ones you want no part of... I really hope I made sence

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 9/24/2006 4:07:02 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 3

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 4:22:48 AM

MasterStoney442

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

In my opinion by reading your profile and looking at your pic , you need not be in this life style .But it is what you have in your profile that gets me to say this . Again just my opinion

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 4

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 4:32:54 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

hi patina,

my D and i get ideas from more experienced lifestylers, books, films etc and we take what we like and leave the rest. while sceneing we use certain protocol (again, we discuss this before and after) but day-to-day we generally play it by ear. there is always a D/s vibe to the relationship and He just needs to use a certain tone of voice or look at me in a certain way and i know the drill.

if a Dom told me 'all subs have to do this or that' i'd question his ability to think for himself and probably tell him to kiss my sorry arse.

gypsy xxx

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 5

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 4:38:47 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Each Dom/Master will have His own preferences and those preferences or rules don't make One more "real" than another and as many "wannabes" will tell you that everything you heard is wrong and THEIR way is the only right way.

Walking slightly behind is not a bad thing. In pack animals like wolves, the Dominate animal is always the lead animal. We aren't animals but i don't think it's degrading to feel our animal roots.

A newbie would do well to listen, read, hear other's opinions but find who they are first before trying to figure out everyone else.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 6

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 5:00:19 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

In my opinion by reading your profile and looking at your pic , you need not be in this life style. But it is what you have in your profile that gets me to say this. Again just my opinion

I have read her profile and seen her pic as well. I see a well balanced sub. The profile is interesting and may draw the attention of a perceptive, loving dom.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 7

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 5:00:48 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

In my opinion by reading your profile and looking at your pic , you need not be in this life style .But it is what you have in your profile that gets me to say this . Again just my opinion

Hmm I wish for enlightenment here... why do you say that???

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 8

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 5:05:42 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

confused on a lot of issues but will just pick out a few. the first Dom I had told me all sub/slaves were to always walk behind the Dom to stand behind him in his presence, not speak unless spoken too, to crawl to him when approaching,, to always call him Master in private Sir in public.

If you take out the absolutes in this statement, "all" and "always" then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. He is just stating his preference of what he wants in his relationhip. Frankly there is nothing wrong with the things he wants either. I walk a step behind my Lord, I ask permission to speak and if he wanted me to crawl to him, I would do it happily. I can't think of anyone who would consider him to be a fake, wannabe or insecure. It is how we like to relate. It isn't for everyone but we love it.

quote:

Now my confusion: a guy I was starting to talk to on here told me that the True Lifestyle did not have you do any of those things only fakes and players did that shit. That those of the True Life have you called them honey ot sweetheart or other such endearments.

That a real Master did not need to have you bow or degrade yourself to him, that a woman was to be beside the master in all ways. He was the Master she the sub, but always at his side.

Now this guy sounds like a guy with the insecurity issues to me. He has to build himself up by tearing other people down. He is making negative value judgments of something it is clear he knows little about. Those who have to elevate their preferences by calling it "true" or "real" and degrade others who make different choices are people I seek to avoid.

quote:

Now is this two diff lifestyles or just these guys beliefs? Either way does a sub have to crawl to her master or is that each Dom's preference.

a newbie trying to learn correctly.

Don't let people try to convince you that there is a "one true way" to BDSM and M/s or D/s relationships. People are different and enjoy different things. There are some who enjoy high protocol and different ways of interacting that is not typical to others. There are others who enjoy the more mainstream interactions in the relationship and only want to have the kinky sex. There is not one right way only one way that is best for you.

I would also recommend that you don't make assumptions about how others feel doing things based on how you might feel doing them. As an example, some people might find it highly degrading to be lead around on a leash. I find it highly comforting and provides me a sense of security and connection to him.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 9

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 5:11:56 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

That those of the True Life

Does he actually call it those of the True Life? He may be a fake who doesn't know what he's talking about. It sounds like he wants to start a religion.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 10

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 5:17:34 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

MagiksSlave,

In my opinion, you are attaching a lot of personal value judgments and emotions to a simple list of actions. Just because a dominant may like the submissive to do these things does not mean they are trying to "flout" their superiority. Just because you may feel degraded or as if you are inferior in doing these things, does not mean that other's do. We do many of these things in my relationship and as many people know, my Lord is very much in love with me and alandra and has a deep respect for us both.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 6:12:41 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

That those of the True Life

Does he actually call it those of the True Life? He may be a fake who doesn't know what he's talking about. It sounds like he wants to start a religion.

LOL Katy! man, if he does wanna start a religion, you won't be seeing *me* at church.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 6:19:46 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Does he actually call it those of the True Life? He may be a fake who doesn't know what he's talking about. It sounds like he wants to start a religion.

I talked with someone from C-me who went on about those of the True Life. It was interesting but he didn't convince me he was any different or better than anyone else in the lifestyle. He had it all related to genetics and generations of people who were a part of the "True Life". Interesting story, but not someone I felt was safe to continue talking to.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 13

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 6:51:34 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

All Doms have different kinks just like all subs do. Oh there are similarities between most of us. But our ranking if we did such a thing of favorite things to do would be different person to person. Personally my kink is not the first Doms kink and therefore He would not be my choice any more than i would be His. The second Dom appears to have just as definite ideas as the first only bit different. His kink does not necessarily equal mine either. Keep looking untilyou find the Dom that shares your kinks. LOL sounds a bit weird to me to put it that way but is actually the truth for my life.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 14

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 6:58:42 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

There is no "One True Way" to do this. It's what fits for you. You have to find the one(s) who fits with you. Everyone is unique and individual. Keeps boredom down <grin>.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 15

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 7:22:51 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

MagiksSlave,

In my opinion, you are attaching a lot of personal value judgments and emotions to a simple list of actions. Just because a dominant may like the submissive to do these things does not mean they are trying to "flout" their superiority. Just because you may feel degraded or as if you are inferior in doing these things, does not mean that other's do. We do many of these things in my relationship and as many people know, my Lord is very much in love with me and alandra and has a deep respect for us both.

Knight's kyra

Yes I know this and notice I said it was MY opinion and how I feel... also said to each their own. Its wonderfull if it works for you and great when you can find another that agrees with you.. My problem lied it the fact that she stated it as the way it was stated to her and the way it was said was if that one way was the only way... There is no one way.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 8:24:21 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
My problem lied it the fact that she stated it as the way it was stated to her and the way it was said was if that one way was the only way... There is no one way.

Magik's slave

Then I am having a problem reconciling how you think the first dominant offers degradation and the second offers respect. Both dominants delivered their opinion as if there was one true way, but in the second he had to pass negative judgments on those who didn't agree with his way of doing things by calling them fakes and players. If the one true way attitude is the issue then how can you have a negative opinion of one and not the other?

Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 8:51:44 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
Now is this two diff lifestyles or just these guys beliefs?

it is both..... they likely both live their lifestyle in the manner they described... and they live it that way because that is part of their beliefs. Also... Both are projecting a "one-true" way on to others. Both are closed-minded in their beliefs and lifestyle. They don't seem to acknowledge that others can and do live differently. The second one seems to be very judgemental towards those that live in a different manner than themself.

quote:

Either way does a sub have to crawl to her master or is that each Dom's preference.

It is just a personal preference to those in the relationship. A sub may or may not crawl to master... it really depends on how the individual dynamics of the relationship work. It is not just the Dom's preference! As sub... you choose this Dominant and in so choosing this Dominant you are accepting certain preferences as well.

IE... you choose to be with a sadistic Master over a sensual Master. it shows a preference for you. If you not masocistic then choosing to be with a sadistic Master might be considered reckless.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 18

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 9:01:10 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Every Domininant has his/her preferences as to how they wish to be served. Whether the submissive crawls or not is part of that preference. I crawl to my Master often. It is one of the many ways I give him reverence. I walk behind him in public. I kiss his feet. These are heartfelt expressions of my submission and adoration and respect. He enjoys them. There is no game playing. I know of other Dominants who would not enjoy that type of dynamic so their submissives do not do that.

In my case, my very real Master knows that my bowing down to him is one of the many ways I passionately express my affection to him. How sad I would be if he did not allow me that.

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 19

RE: confused - 9/24/2006 9:09:43 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

the first Dom I had told me all sub/slaves were to always...

Patina

The answer to statements like this is always BULLSHIT. The Dominant that said a slave did these things was as wrong as the Dominant who said they didn't. Even in lifetyles with predetermined structures like Gorean, one can always change stuff. What it boils down to is that the relationship is set up however that particular Dominant wants the relationship set up. You'll find that no two are alike, simply because no two people are alike. So, what you have to do as a sub/slave is decide just what kinds of things are going to work for you, then look for someone who offers that style.Simply ask questions. If the Dominant doesn't want to answer questions, its usually an indicator that they're either an asshole, a player or they simply don't know what they want.

For the record, I'd rather have my girl anne walk in front and to the left. The funny thing is, this puts me in the "usual" position of a slave walking one step behind and to the right, in relation to her. I ended up changing it, not because of that, but because she walks faster than me and often left me in the dust. It was easier to back her up two steps than it was for me to have a hand on her all the time.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to patina)

Post #: 20

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