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TreSwank -> Why I'm So Awesome. (The Cold, Hard, Facts) (9/24/2006 6:57:35 AM)
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THERE I WAS, sitting complacently in a "yuppified" Mystic Tex Mex restaurant/bar, while my "then" girlfriend and her work pals were engaged in animated conversation with the token gay hairstylist from a downtown New London salon. What I really mean by "animated conversation" is peurile, Cosmopolitan-type banter, punctuated by whorish giggling.............STUPID WHORISH GIGGLING. Every once in a while, they'd toss in a "You GO Girlfriend!!!!", which really made me want to puke up my Goya-seasoned beef fajita's all over the fucking table.
I really liked the hairstylist - a longtime aquaintance who had quickly won me over with this inveterate negativity, misanthropic wit, and bitchin' fashion sense. But, when you mix gay men, straight women, margaritas, and giddy laughter, it is SURE to culminate in a night of misery for Yours Truly.
I don't want anyone to misconstrue this as a misogynist diatribe. TreSwank absolutely loves to associate with girls on a one-on-one basis............but gather them women-folk into a group and watch me turn into Joseph Stalin with DA' QUICKNESS.
The idea came to me about three fourths of the way through our meal, like a burning bush of sudden inspiration. It was simple, subversive, and utterly brilliant, in that uber-crass white boy kind of way. To really understand the impact of my actions, you'd have to realize that this place had a "family friendly" atmosphere, and that, despite everyone's slight intoxication, there was still a sense of of propriety that dictated what you should, and shouldn't do inside of "Margarita's" of downtown Mystic.
It all happened in a flash of a second, but the desired effect was worth half a dozen sexless nights. Midway through some dumbass, trivial story about her boss, and overtime, I reached up and "accidently" grabbed Lisa's left tit. That's when shit hit the fucking fan. The mood at that table went from lighthearted and giggly, to hellfire and brimstone serious in 0.24 seconds.
"Why did you just grab my fucking tit for no reason?" Lisa asked me. "There are fucking little kids EVERYWHERE in this place"
"I swear to God, it was just an accident! I was trying to put my arm around you", I replied. We both knew better, but I couldn't resist a showdown, to break the monotony of "girl" relations.
"You know, Bruce...........you're such a fucking insensitive moron sometimes. I should have listened to my friend Robin, about you"
For the rest of the night, the spell of shitty "girl" conversation was broken because of my quick thinking in times of danger. That's why I'm so freakin' awesome. It's amazing how something like the grabbing of a tit at an inopportune moment can set someone off.
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