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RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:02:25 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

It is such a personal thing between the two of us.

That is it; as I said in the other thread, it is a private agreement within the context of a relationship. What anyone else does or does not do has no impact on my brand of BDSM (ummm, pun sort of intended).
Master and I live the lifestyle somewhere in the middle of the continuum. I ask myself; 'is this what I thought the lifestyle would be?' and 'are we happy?' The answer is YES to both, and that is good enough for me!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 21

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:11:54 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Usually the sub wants to be dominated physically with whippings

Are you speaking about your relationships in specific?
Not all subs are masochistic and in need to whippings as a display of domination. I prefer to be dominated mentally. Many Doms can't do that though, probably because it's easier to whip a girl than to try and get inside her mind.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 22

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:18:36 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Usually the sub wants to be dominated physically with whippings

Are you speaking about your relationships in specific?
Not all subs are masochistic and in need to whippings as a display of domination. I prefer to be dominated mentally. Many Doms can't do that though, probably because it's easier to whip a girl than to try and get inside her mind.

Now see... I don't get that. I can't even imagine trying to dominate someone if I haven't first gotten into their mind. To me that's where the actual dominantion begins.

But I do understand where ExSteelAgain is coming from... so many that I've talked to have stated that they want to be whipped or spanked daily... yeah, right... or they need some sort of captivity on a regular basis. It's really very common.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 23

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:18:59 AM

SirLordTrainer

Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline

I pretty much started studying BDSM in 1994, long before munchs started up here in Indiana. Then in 98 once they showed up with all their 'organized' views, I took a chance and ultimately became a reg. 5 years later I found as I grew further in My own knowledge and experience that while they do have some good ground rules for folks, newbies in particular to be aware of.

I found that their methods and views were not for everyone, at least IMO. Not knocking them as they do have their place. W/we all have our own ways we do things, whether its tying a knot or views on rituals, punishments, training or whatnot. Ive learned to just simply do My own thing, safely and as best I can, and while I may not like someone elses method or kink, Im not here to pass judgement on them nor would I want them to do so upon Me.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 24

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:21:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I have always maintained that people should try a few different events every now and then so that they can at least SEE what it's like in reality, and possibly to make some offline friends and connections.

I also find immeasurable benefits in the classes/roundtables/demos/play spaces that I'd never get on my own- but again that's not necessarily what everyone wants or needs.

And I do say to give it a few tries. Every group has politics and I can tell you I've been to a few places where if I only had one impression of a group, it would have been all bad. Sometimes groups have a bad night, and sometimes they really are just not the right group for you.

Certainly no one in the scene needs to go to group events in order to be true to who they are, but if one plans to participate on any sort of forum, it's extremely beneficial to have some comparison and experience, and so that you can make an INFORMED choice of what you think works best for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 25

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:29:45 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

whipped or spanked daily... yeah, right... or they need some sort of captivity on a regular basis. It's really very common.

Yep, I know what you are saying. I've seen people talk about wanting to be caged 24/7, but I'm left thinking that they are living it out in their fantasy and it's not real. I can't imagine the fun in daily whippings and that sort of captivity. But of course, if we can think it, there's gotta be someone who will get off on it!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 26

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:30:16 AM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not give much thought to the Old Ways, because they are not reflective of my cultural upbringing, but more importantly, they are not reflective of how my dominant chooses to live.

This is a really good post. My own practice and views are similar. Being a Dominant is kind of like being a benevolent dictator: I make the rules in my own little kingdom for my benefit and that of the subjects. What people are doing in the neighboring kingdoms is of no consequence.

I feel the most dominant when I am alone with my boy, I tune in to what I want and how I want things to go, and then make that happen. The last thing I am thinking about at such times is someone else's rules.

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 27

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:35:40 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Archer

This thread has nothing to do with those definitions, nor was I offended by others using those definition.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 28

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:36:06 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Yet another interesting topic, julia; thanks.

I discovered BDSM over a kiss; I immediately went online to research what it was, what it was about, and how could I learn more. I do not believe everything I read.

For a time, I even got caught up online in the MSN boards where there is a BUNCH of roll-playing (which I have little to no interest in). Still…I learned a lot. There were idiots there (like everywhere) and there were also real-timers who offered hope to finding WIITWD real-time. And I did!

I discovered Alt, (much better for me than was Match for my pervie interests), and a whole group up in Denver where I used to live. I went to munches …some of which were boring and idiotic; some of which were really fun and interesting (same ‘group’, I might add).

The point is, I met some really interesting, experienced people and through them met others. Some have remained my dear friends with whom I play now and then, others have remained acquaintances, a few others I have come to avoid. <shrugs> It’s the real world, afterall. Doesn’t everybody pretty much pick and choose their interests, their battles, their loves; WIIT They D? Yup, I think its just like the real world; everybody's a little different. I like it that way.

beverly

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 29

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:43:56 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

Julia -

A couple of things:

As far as the coidification and standardization that is referred to by many people as "The Old Ways" - there was and is no such beast... the groups in "the old days" were too scattered and diverse and not associated with or standardized to one another.

That is a common misoncenption and HUGE myth in our communities.

2. Screw what anyone thinks about your relational dynamic relative to public issues... just be true to WIIT YOU D

~J

Hence I said that people who tell the stories have much power in the community. All cultures develop myths, like George Washington chopped down a cherry tree because he could not tell a lie. These stories are interspersed with truths, but they are not based soley on objective reality. There is something about a tea ceremony, or a formal dinner with graceful submissives serving all that is dominant and the earning of that title that I have read more than once. Do I believe it? I believe the subculture of BDSMers believe it, so therefore it becomes this standard by which people judge themselves whether online or in reality.

I do not know how many people I have heard use the terms Old Guard, Old Ways, and Formal Protocol... I am sure these individuals believe in what they are doing.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 30

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 6:54:04 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Hello juliaoceania,

Much of what you wrote resonated with me especially as I don't fall into any particular *category*.

*What it is that I do* defines me, not *What it is that others do*.

There certainly ARE people that tend to think that if you're in a D/s or M/s relationship, that you aren't *quite proper* if you don't insert yourself somewhere into a social scene. Some people desire affiliation, affirmation and gain a lot from attending munches and the like. Personally, I've found that being in a TPE relationship was a VERY tenuous link to the people I've met in the *lifestyle*.

I agree with almost all of your sentiments.......as my relationship is directed in the way HE directs it. What other people may or may not desire to see doesn't matter a jot. The only significant thing is THE relationship and whether it's satisfying those involved. As you say, how YOUR dominant chooses to live will matter to you.

I'm not sure that people have found my relationship offensive but I get questioned on it quite a lot...I think it's probably more that it's misunderstood.

The way my relationship is structured is one of dominance and submission....anything else surrounding that or included in that, is not up for public definition........ It's not required or necessary.

agirl

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 31

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 7:11:20 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Yet another interesting topic, julia; thanks.

I discovered BDSM over a kiss; I immediately went online to research what it was, what it was about, and how could I learn more. I do not believe everything I read.

For a time, I even got caught up online in the MSN boards where there is a BUNCH of roll-playing (which I have little to no interest in). Still…I learned a lot. There were idiots there (like everywhere) and there were also real-timers who offered hope to finding WIITWD real-time. And I did!

I discovered Alt, (much better for me than was Match for my pervie interests), and a whole group up in Denver where I used to live. I went to munches …some of which were boring and idiotic; some of which were really fun and interesting (same ‘group’, I might add).

The point is, I met some really interesting, experienced people and through them met others. Some have remained my dear friends with whom I play now and then, others have remained acquaintances, a few others I have come to avoid. <shrugs> It’s the real world, afterall. Doesn’t everybody pretty much pick and choose their interests, their battles, their loves; WIIT They D? Yup, I think its just like the real world; everybody's a little different. I like it that way.

beverly

Unfortunately the world is filled with the same people offline as there are in real time. There have been a few things that my Daddy has related to me that have given me pause and some trepidation about doing the whole "lifestyle" thing with others. It is like any other group unfortunately, and there are mean spirited and bossy people in every group, I think this is why groups fracture often, because backbiting, ego difficulties, and that sort of thing happen in every group. I remember the things that my former dominant related to me about groups in Atlanta that would break off before they would even really start. He also told me there was this attitude that others did not do it the "right" way type of thing.

About alt, I have heard much negative about it, but there were several people that emailed me from the real time community from there, seemingly nice people. I will say that the community in my area has a good reputation for being accepting and they have been going for almost 10 years, so there have been groups that were able to keep going despite politics.

Do not misunderstand my point, which is not that all lifestylers are mean or non-accepting, or whatever... it is just that I hear a lot of negativity from people that find out about WIITWD on the internet, and how these people have changed things.
There have been several people that I would like to meet from CM and not even on a lifestyle basis, but because I really like them from their post and they live fairly close.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 32

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 7:12:16 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Angel and I do not really worry much about how anyone else would view our relatonship. I am in charge, he is mine, and we are happy. If someone from the outside thinks I'm "too soft" or our D/s relationship is watered down... then they are welcome to their opinion. However the likelihood that that is going to change how he and I opt to live out lives is slim. I respect how people choose to change the lifestyle to fit their needs. Once you find your comfy dynamic, what everyone else thinks is ratehr immaterial. In my humble opinion of course *smirk*

DV

Yeah i sorta agree.. especially with like my dog. Ya know the damn dog is mine and i'll let the dog do as i please. AND if my neighbors have a problem they can suck it! If they dun like the dog, they can stay in their houses and shut the hell up. Course now they're trying to be slick and call animal control on me.. but the dog is voice commanded. Sheesh. Which means i just have to become smarter then them and their tricks. If i want the dog to wander the neighborhood and scare the bejee's out of everyone she dun likes.. then i WILL. Its not my fault if she thinks the neighbors on the corner are bad ppl and when ever they walk outside she has the tendency to try and scare em back inside. Tell me i have to keep my dog leashed.... damn ppl who are always thinking their right and they can tell others what to do.

yeah and if you didnt actually read in right to that - i agree with Vamp. Other's opionons dont change how ppl act inside of their life.. might give food for thought.. but ultimetly we all do as we wish no matter what another says. Trilly who cares what half the world says? Its not like THEY are living it, is it? Though i must say, its always interesting to see how others view things.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 33

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 7:15:23 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

There certainly ARE people that tend to think that if you're in a D/s or M/s relationship, that you aren't *quite proper* if you don't insert yourself somewhere into a social scene. *.

Well I am not quite proper in many ways...smiles. Thanks for your insights

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 34

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 7:44:32 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

There certainly ARE people that tend to think that if you're in a D/s or M/s relationship, that you aren't *quite proper* if you don't insert yourself somewhere into a social scene. *.

Well I am not quite proper in many ways...smiles. Thanks for your insights

lol........me neither. I can live with that.

agirl

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 35

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 8:17:11 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

<winces> Gee, I'm happy not to be your neighbor, riotgirl.

Ya know, for the most part, I'm a law-abiding citizen. I sorta think we have rules/laws so that the people of a Society can co-exist together as a whole.

Where I live there is a leash law, too. When I moved down from my cabin, I put up a good fence, all the way around my home...so that my dog had plenty of room. He is a huge, lifestock guardian dog and 'alerts' when there are bears, lions or loose dogs about. LOL I call him Sir Barksalot; and now he sleeps inside at night because I want to get along with my neighbors. Neither he nor I enjoy him being inside all night; he's just too big; but I choose to live in town, now; I'm part of the Society around me. It galls me when I walk him on-leash and loose dogs approach us stiff-legged and straight-tailed; or some tiny little thing races up and jumps at his face. My dog is huge and wouldn't back down; someday it may get messy and it won't be me with the hefty vet-bill or lawsuit to worry about.

I think, in Society, one needs to pick their battles carefully. Loose dogs are a danger to themselves, to other dogs, sometimes to people (like yours it sounds like) and surely are to livestock and wildlife when they pack-up and chase critters; which they are wont to do, yanno.

I also don't pee in my front yard, walk around nakid where people could accidently see me, advertise that I like to get beaten or beat people and pretty much keep my private life private. What I do in the privacy of my own home is my business; well, as long as I'm not brewing up some meth, that is.

Again, I think we gotta pick our battles in order to take our rightful place in Society. REALLY don't like something? Change it; but change it first.

But then this is NOT what the thread was about, is it? Okay, I'll end hijack...

Just my opinion,
bearlee

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 8:21:31 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think she was making an analogy that people that claim to do it their way are treading on others in some way.

I would agree with that as far as including others in my kink nonconsensually, but not that my relationship dynamic that I do in private is analogous to letting my dog run around biting other people and peeing all over them...smiles

I will say you brought up a good point, manners and social conventions ease relations (as my Dady says), so good manners should not be a lifestyle concept, but a life concept....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 37

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 8:34:10 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

... letting my dog run around ...peeing all over them...smiles

I will say you brought up a good point, manners and social conventions ease relations (as my Dady says), so good manners should not be a lifestyle concept, but a life concept....

<snips & italics are mine>

<looks around for benjie...> LOL

I would agree. Kind of like a guy approaching me and expecting me to defer to him automatically; cuz he's DOM; talk about raising hackles!

Yup, I like manners, too.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 38

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 8:34:28 AM

amuzingtoyou

Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline

this is a topic near and dear to me. Its something i deal with quite often. My Master/Daddy/Dom and i have have a relationship and power dynamic that works for us. However, people looking from the outside don't quite get it. The people in our local community see me as a strong person. In fact i am often "accused" of being a switch or a dom myself. I say accused because that is how they say it. What people don't know if my backround. So yes i do say "no" to my Daddy. He encourages it. We have fun with it. I know when to push it and when to not. He says he loves the challenge of trying to get me to surrender. I love the struggle. Some may not undertand or agree. But this works for us. We play in public, and i have said from the beginning that no i didn't want to have oral sex at our local dungeon. He didn't demand it, but was patient. And not to be too graphic, but recently during a scene it happened, and i was all for it. So his creating an enviornment when i feel comfy and am able to give more of myself than i have before. But people on the outside wouldn't understand how hard that was for me. For many in the lifestyle, i think they believe their way is the right way. I have encountered many who believe that a 24/7 is the only true way and if you live your life any other way..you are just a player. Im a firm believer that there is room for everyone in this lifestyle.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 39

RE: Different Ways Of Expressing WIITWD - 9/25/2006 8:40:57 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amuzingtoyou

this is a topic near and dear to me. Its something i deal with quite often. My Master/Daddy/Dom and i have have a relationship and power dynamic that works for us. However, people looking from the outside don't quite get it. The people in our local community see me as a strong person. In fact i am often "accused" of being a switch or a dom myself. I say accused because that is how they say it. What people don't know if my backround. So yes i do say "no" to my Daddy. He encourages it. We have fun with it. I know when to push it and when to not. He says he loves the challenge of trying to get me to surrender. I love the struggle. Some may not undertand or agree. But this works for us. We play in public, and i have said from the beginning that no i didn't want to have oral sex at our local dungeon. He didn't demand it, but was patient. And not to be too graphic, but recently during a scene it happened, and i was all for it. So his creating an enviornment when i feel comfy and am able to give more of myself than i have before. But people on the outside wouldn't understand how hard that was for me. For many in the lifestyle, i think they believe their way is the right way. I have encountered many who believe that a 24/7 is the only true way and if you live your life any other way..you are just a player. Im a firm believer that there is room for everyone in this lifestyle.

Very lovely and thanks for sharing. I am a strong personality too, and the kicker is this, my Daddy does not have me kneel for him. I wouldn't mind kneeling if he wanted me to, but he doesn't. I know that this seems unsubmissive to some, but it is what he wants. It seems like kneeling in different positions is BDSM D/s 101, yet my kneeling at his feet does nothing for him unless I am doing it to pleasure him orally (weg)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)

Post #: 40

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