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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 1:42:02 PM

gooddogbenji

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Didja know a joker is best?

Yours,

benji

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 1:42:25 PM

WhyteRavenne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

quote:

WhyteRaven:
I feel like I'm playing poker and holding out for a good hand, but, it's getting more and more tempting to play with what's already there. It's not skill, it's gambling!

As a mildly successful poker player (real life and online), I can tell you that you don't ever go in just because you are frustrated and waiting for some cards. Throw in your hand, cash out, and get up and walk around, miss. That advice is probably good for CM too.

For the record... that is TRUE!!! Poker is a game of skill, but with an element of luck... I'm finding the same lines for poker fit in here....
Of course, my bestfriend was a full time proff player until the headhunters found him... (dang techs!)

LOL... Thanks for the post...

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 1:43:50 PM

WhyteRavenne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If we did'nt settle there would be no relationships.

That's one way of lookin' at it...

Of course, my opinion is that I will not change for anyone, however, I will ALWAYS try to better myself... is settling really accepting?

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 1:47:25 PM

BuxomGoddess714

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Only when they are wild like you, Benji
xoxox

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 1:50:13 PM

BuxomGoddess714

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhyteRavenne

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If we did'nt settle there would be no relationships.

That's one way of lookin' at it...

Of course, my opinion is that I will not change for anyone, however, I will ALWAYS try to better myself... is settling really accepting?

Just don't accept being a loser, hon. Or being with a loser, either. Thats not "accepting" that is losing.

Goddess

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 1:55:49 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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Yes I have found what I am looking for. It wasn't easy and took a long time to do. I had been released from my former Master for about a year before I wanted to look again and took about a year or more to find what I needed and was looking for. I have never been one to just engage in casual play so the waiting was ok. Would rather wait than find a player and waste my time.

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 2:00:05 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Yes, I have at moments, but any further comments would look mean spirited, so am going to go with the remain silent thing.

M

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 2:33:58 PM

agirl

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*What I wanted* didn't find me, but what was *best for me* did. ...lol

agirl

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 2:34:55 PM

justanotheclaire

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Once upon a time I had found all I had ever wanted and needed, but things change and he was no longer able to give me all I needed so we agreed to part. Now I am on my own, unsure if I am able to manage without him. I am not sure which is worse the pain of living wihtout him or the pain of being with him when I know he cant give me all we both need.

BTW how do i set my profile picture so it shows up on this thing?

< Message edited by justanotheclaire -- 9/25/2006 2:50:42 PM >

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 2:38:55 PM

mstrjx

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This is going to come out bad, but (as they say) what the hay!

In my longstanding BDSM relationships, I can say that I settled for 'what I ultimately want' every single time, without fail. Now, having said that, I can also say that I learned my BDSM craft through my partners, so it wasn't entirely empty-handed. The sad part of it is that those partners did not settle for me, which is why the relationships endured as long as they did.

But I, too, as others have said, won't settle again.

The problem is I am probably not a good fit for 'what I ultimately want'. I said it last night in one of the Mistress' thread that, as individuals, we all have tastes, fetishes, perversions, quirks and whatnot that make finding a really good match difficult at best. The more offbeat one is, even the more difficult.

There is one thing I wish to work on before I really 'seek' again. Hopefully, it won't take too long.

I'm prepared to sit the last few dances out if I need to. I was born an only child, after all.

Of course, one can always be tempted.

Jeff

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 3:56:02 PM

MistressSassy66

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I have found plenty of what I want now at this stage in life,here on CM and on some other Alternative Lifestyle sites.

I found what I needed 9 years ago when she walked out of a pizza place to her car.
It was one of those things where I wasnt even looking for love and then I saw her.
It was just a friendship at first,2 years later W/we had a Union Ceremony.
Its true relationships grow and change,but that doesnt mean you have to grow apart.
Our relationship has changed dramatically in the past 5 years.The key for us is to remain committed to making it work no matter what it takes or how hard it gets.I dont see that as settling I see it as being able to get past things said and done and working out a compromise.Our "marriage" comes before O/our bdsm lifestyle choices.Both relationships are important,but for us the foundation of the relationship is our marriage commitment.

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 4:01:00 PM

WhyteRavenne

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You are all wonderful, thank you for your responses and for emailing me... and please, anyone else, write me! lol

Okay, I love emails.

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 4:48:12 PM

Lorelei115

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*Purrrrrrr* I just found four hours of what I really wanted.

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 4:52:24 PM

mstrjx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

*Purrrrrrr* I just found four hours of what I really wanted.

You like those extra-long DVD's too?

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 5:32:27 PM

kyraofMists

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I have, but then I wasn't really looking for it at the time and neither was he. We were both open to the possibilites of a relationship, but not actively seeking. It has been almost two years since we first crossed paths and it just keeps getting better.

Knight's kyra

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 5:33:45 PM

DoctorDubious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhyteRavenne

I feel like I'm playing poker and holding out for a good hand, but, it's getting more and more tempting to play with what's already there. It's not skill, it's gambling!

Dear Whyte.... and all gentle love-gamblers...

Regarding your poker metaphor....
the best players play "tight" and "aggressive".

Tight means you wait for the right hand,
no matter how long you have to wait.
Most poker players settle far too fast for the superficially appealing.

Aggressive means that when.... at long, long last,
a really great hand comes along, you throw all caution to the wind,
and make huge committments with much (but not all) of your resources.

Could this be useful as advice for love? Hmmmmmm.....

DD
Ps... good metaphor you chose.

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 5:54:30 PM

Missokyst

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I come at this from a totally different generation. I can remember DATING.
Not holding out and staying home because I want to find Mr Right. Actual, going out, having fun, dinner, dancing, DATING. That is how we used to find out if the person we were with was someone we wanted to hang out with more than anyone else.

I don't know where the turn came. Maybe it happened when sex was implied if someone went out. I don't view dating as "settling" I view it as a personality gauge. I want to have fun, I want my partner to have fun. Generally, that fun does not include sex until I am ready for it to happen. No one I have dated even the most sadistic guy, has an issue with just getting to know one another first.

For me, the idea of holding back because I don't want to settle, just seems like closing my mind. If I find some kind of interest in a man, I want to explore it and see where it takes me.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhyteRavenne

I feel like I'm playing poker and holding out for a good hand, but, it's getting more and more tempting to play with what's already there. It's not skill, it's gambling!

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 6:00:48 PM

subinside

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Hmmm... i'm not quite sure that i found what i wanted (or thought i wanted), but i've damn well found what i need... Although, before meeting Him, i didn't know what it was that i needed, all i knew is that it felt like i was waiting for my real life to start. Now i know, it's about to happen, and i'm the happiest i've ever been.

Sometimes, what you want is over-rated..

~si

You want me to call You what? Hmm, i'll take it under advisement.

~Prepares for the day He makes me His.

< Message edited by subinside -- 9/25/2006 6:09:48 PM >

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 6:05:11 PM

twicehappy

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Absolutely, in reality i found what i sought and more. It took time, yes, years in fact but i refused to settle.

I found what i desired above all else, what i needed to make my world whole again, what i required to make me be not just living but alive again, and what makes me happy.

And, lol, i found it in double the quantity i was searching for.

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RE: Have you found what you want? - 9/25/2006 6:40:36 PM

losttreasure

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhyteRavenne

...how many have found what they have been REALLY looking for. Not just settling, but, honest to goddess, "this is what I want".

From my journal...

quote:

7/1/2006 7:51:18 AM
When growing up, there were two expressions that I heard quite often; "you don't always get what you want" and "no one said life was fair". While perhaps a tad on the negative side, the result of constant exposure to sentiments such as these was to create in me a sense of realistic expectations to balance out my natural optimism... an attitude that has generally served me well in the past twenty-five years or so.

Though that continues to hold true, what has been driven home for me in the past few months is that it's doubtful you'll get what you want unless you ask for it, but it is certain you'll never get what you want if you settle for less.

My point?

There really isn't one... simply a roundabout way of saying that I'm grateful to have a mindset grounded in reality and for not having settled for less. As a reward, it appears that the "winds of fate and the muses of old" have favored me with my heart's dreams and desires. :)