RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant"

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:52:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline The question: Do you think that a dominant must be in complete control of themselves at all times in order to be a "good" dominant? If so, why? I think the best dominants have more control over themselves than not. In other word, no one is in complete control over themselves 24-7 365, but the more control someone has over their own behavior the more I would trust them to dominate me. I think this because I do not want a dominant that will easily anger or be vindictive, secretive, and display jealous tirades. To me this is what people who are out of control do. I do not want someone that yells at me. I do not want someone that is so out of control within his life that he makes mine miserable. We are not robots, so we will all have bad moments, but people that know how to handle their emotional states are better at having relationships. It does not mean that my Dom does not have emotions, it means he does not allow them to control his behavior. If he did then he could be manipulated by me and anyone else that he cared for... and I do not want to be with someone who lacks the wherewithall to be manipulated by me. It does not mean he doesn't care or feel things, it means he does not allow that to control what he does. So far I haven't seen him out of control ever. My former dominant was out of control and emotionally abusive. My exhusband was so out of control he became physically abusive with me. Is that the kinda concrete you were looking for?

Frank01 -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:06:34 AM)
This comes from submissive insecurity over the use of power. They would like to imagine that a dominant is a godlike creature who will never lose thier temper or make mistakes. Who will always love, honor, respect, cherish, yadda ydadda yadda..........even when the sub behaves like a total git. All they REALLY can expect, is for a partner to have a reasonable amount of control of thier life and emotions. Get a blow up doll if you want total stability-don't forget the patch kit.[;)]

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:09:39 AM)
*I believe that your press rep[orts are far more accurate that that allowed in admission/causal postings* *And, I agree with you to a great extent... we are not robots... we do display emotion and it is good... it is well... and, natural.* *The rhetoric of "In control" does not play well when it is being defined in the "abssolutist" mantra so often seen on line by people who have little life experience and less in WIITWD...* *When it comes to mean "does not demonstrate normal human responses" - there is little truth in that allusion...* *Well- unless they are autistic - but, that is not about self control.* *And, 'Bouncer's Guide' or not (I hope I am not insulting someone's religion/bible) - it is a fallacy to imagine such a thing would indicate complete abdication of all response -* after all - a good defense (which one would imagine the "Guide" is about) requires an understanding of humanity and the ability to observe and act on human traits... one does not get that by being "outside" of the normal human responses/emotion, but by being part of them - but, taking an impersonal persective (some times call momentary dissociative behavior)... and, touting a complete abdication/relinquishment of all earthly/humanstic response (and, therefore eventually understanding) in favor of pladcidity of poise reaching towards godhood is contrary to that ability.<---sorry... that is a bit estoteric for such a posting in general~! *Unless of course the person we are speaking of is the Buddha...* *But, then - he would not be posting on this board as he would be above the fray entirely [;)]* ~J PS: I had a friend who when first learning about BDSM (etc) got involved with an accolyte of the great Lord Colm (all praise his name)... This partner of his believed in absolute personal control... When his mother unfortunately died three months into this thing, he wept inconsolably... She went to the funeral with him, returned him, packed her bag and left stating: "A dominant has control of himself at all times" At least she had the decency to go to the funeral.... 10 years later and he is doing well with a girl of his own and is well thought of in the community up north.. She has not been heard from since (she is probably back on line somewhere looking for the perfection of the perfect human being/master.... else what's a heaven for?) Sally - if you are out here, I was really very mean to you at the club!! (and, you deserved it)

tade -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:12:26 AM)
The people at the red light that stopped when it was yellow don't care that I consider myself to be a dominant. Neither does the 15 year old that screws up my order at McDonalds. When it comes to our slave my Wife and I are in complete control and that's all she knows or cares to know. If I get angry sometime in the day, stub my toe or lose my car keys I don't become less dominant to her because these things have nothing to do with our relationship. You can master yourself through years of organization and discipline and still get shit on by a bird while walking the measured paces to the car. Control that. BTW I don't believe that being angry means you have lost control. Being angry and climbing a watertower with a rifle means you have lost control. Big difference.

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:16:13 AM)
quote: BTW I don't believe that being angry means you have lost control. Being angry and climbing a watertower with a rifle means you have lost control. Big difference. *Thank you for that lucid clarification.... I now have coffee all over the screen and am putting the Remington away....* ~J

Sinergy -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:21:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline quote: You can't be a dominant if you can't dominate yourself. *OK - this is a great sound bite if you were a politican or played on on TV* *- but -* *Are you in control of yourself at all times in all ways to the extent that you never get annoyed, upset, or frazzled?* Hello A/all, The problem here lies in the fact that you consider what he said a sound bite, rather than considering what was meant by the term "dominate yourself." He said you cannot be a Dominant if you cannot dominate yourself. I get tense, grumpy, angry, frazzled, whatever. Dominance is not a complete absence of a rich emotional inner life. Words like vacuous or disconnected or brain-dead come closer to describing that mental state I believe that dominance is is the ability to control what one does with what one feels. There is a line from the movie Batman Begins which is applicable: "It is not who you are inside that matters, it is what you do that defines you." Just me, could be wrong, but there you go. Sinergy

juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:21:42 AM)
My Daddy uses that line, and he is not speaking in infinitives. He is saying that he does not allow casual people in his life to affect his emotional states to the point that he will alter his behavior. Perhaps you do not see the difference in quoting a wise saying and ALWAYS following it. I often say "do unto others as you would have them to unto you", do I live it 24-7-365. no, do I try to? Yes, I do Perhaps it is best not to be a literalist when looking at everything someone posts and as though they mean it in the infinitive.

tade -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:29:57 AM)
;) That one was for free...

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:31:24 AM)
quote: Perhaps you do not see the difference in quoting a wise saying and ALWAYS following it. I often say "do unto others as you would have them to unto you", do I live it 24-7-365. no, do I try to? Yes, I do *When it is phrased to diminish another (insult by denegration) and it is phrased as an absolute - then yes - I see it being poised in that way - hence the posting at all...* I believe in using a "wise quote" to make a point - I do not belive in using it to make myself look quasi-omnipotent and then refuse to allow that it was (indeed) absolutist rhetoric and insult others to create a smoke screen... *Rather a reactionary method used in that instance ;)* *But, that is just me - I could be wrong.* ~J

juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:38:21 AM)
Well you have your opinion that you are using in the infinitive as we post on this topic... so I suppose that means you are saying your opinion is fact. Firstly, you do not know if a poster is trying to denigrate someone, you are assuming it Secondly, it is still a saying, a quote if you will... I say "An eye for an eye makes the world blind" I always believe that is true even if I do not live up to it, it does not change the truth of it... And I will stick with what I find to be out of control.... hitting me, yelling at me, denigrating me, abusing me... If a dominant cannot control his behavior to his submissive he has no business being one... and I think that is valid. I have been with out of control people. Getting snarky on a message board doesn't count.

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:42:04 AM)
quote: The problem here lies in the fact that you consider what he said a sound bite, rather than considering what was meant by the term "dominate yourself." He said you cannot be a Dominant if you cannot dominate yourself. *Yes - I read that, but thank you for the restatement for clarification.* *And, without explanation, it is a 'sound bite' without contextual application apparently designed to be dismissive of the question.* *Otherwise known as "A Platitude".* *Otherwise, you would find it necessary to allow a crack in the facade and become influenced into playing 'apologist'.* *And, on the subject of the quote (You do get some from the most arcane literature)* "It is not who you are inside that matters, it is what you do that defines you." *My belief -* *Paraphrasing:* It is who you are inside - your thoughts, your feelings, your innermost workings - that shall define what you do - that will definitively portray to the world 'who' you are.... ~Michael Montague<---this guy was an intelligent kicker fer suah *We do not have thoughts in a vacuum... and we are always influenced by what we think and who we think we are.* *Of course, delusion is always an issue....* *But, having an accurate approximate self image is the first sign of mental stability.* ~J

Frank01 -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:42:49 AM)
It's also interesting, on two other points. Firstly,if someone really isn't getting to you in a place like this-why reply to them? The hypocrasy shines quite brightly when one becomes defensive. If someone really bugs me, I shut them out. Ignoring is the ultimate way to stop a button pusher. Secondly, some people use thier anger TO control. Some people use love a a lever, we do all sorts of manipulative things-all the time. Often, without even realizing that we are.

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:44:06 AM)
*Actually - the consistent derission shown is rather indicative of intent..* *And second off - you need to brush up on the Bouncer's Guide a bit -* *I was not speaking of your issues in the past or your emotional state on the subject.* ~J

juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:48:30 AM)
You know, sometimes silence is deafening I find that I think I am going to dominate myself right off this thread the way I dominate my responses to unwanted mail

MasterFireMaam -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:50:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline Do you think that a dominant must be in complete control of themselves at all times in order to be a "good" dominant? No one can be in complete control of anything at all times, themselves included. We falter or sometimes, simply choose to let go. However, I feel that a Dominant/Master when deciding to indulge themselves and/or their egos, they should do it mindfully. This is what I try to follow. Master Skip Chasey's Qualities of a Realized Master. Master Fire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 9:30:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I do think this is a worthy ideal to aspire to, but not just for dominants. I think it is a worthy ideal for people in general no matter what type of relationship they like to be in. Knight's kyra Agreed. It takes strong stable secure people to make strong stable secure relationships- no matter what dynamic it's about.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 11:43:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Fast Reply: I think dominants are human and are not always in control of every emotion, just like anyone else. However, I will not involve myself with someone who seems like they are typically out of control of their behavior or anger. Here,here, a sub/slave needs to know that they are safe from volatile or otherwise unpredictable forms of behavior. HalloweenWhite.

mstrjx -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 4:03:59 PM)
I think I answered much of this in a thread a few minutes ago, so I won't belabor how I see myself. But I'll leave here with a couple of thoughts. If one chooses to dominate at a point in time when they are not in control, then there is a definite problem. If you believe you're not in control at a moment in time when action is required, it is best to wait. Also, sometimes we choose to take action to illustrate that others don't understand their own control point. Certainly one of the examples given here is 'road rage'. It's risky to push someone else's buttons, but at times it's just impossible to resist. Enjoy. Jeff

Sinergy -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 6:08:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline *When it is phrased to diminish another (insult by denegration) and it is phrased as an absolute - then yes - I see it being poised in that way - hence the posting at all...* I believe in using a "wise quote" to make a point - I do not belive in using it to make myself look quasi-omnipotent and then refuse to allow that it was (indeed) absolutist rhetoric and insult others to create a smoke screen... Hello A/all, I seldom make posts to denigrate other people. I was under the impression that this was a message board where people could post their own opinions and discuss them like mature adults. I find myself fascinated by the opinions of others, whether I agree with them or not, and tend to go through life with the idea that there is something else out there which I can learn. One method of learning new things involves having discussions with other people. I apologize for my part in any misunderstanding any of the posters on this board might have, if they chose to take what I posted as being a personal attack directed at them. But that is just me, and I could be wrong. Sinergy

KatyLied -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 6:14:33 PM)
quote: If one chooses to dominate at a point in time when they are not in control, then there is a definite problem. I agree. I've been there and done that. It was a bad experience. It was almost unbelieveable and it really diminished me (briefly) as a person. But it could've happened in a vanilla relationship as well. If someone is out of control and attempting to conduct any type of relationship it won't work, or it will be very difficult, unless the other person doesn't mind being along for (and enabling) a dysfunctional ride.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875