RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant"

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 6:19:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: If one chooses to dominate at a point in time when they are not in control, then there is a definite problem. I agree. I've been there and done that. It was a bad experience. It was almost unbelieveable and it really diminished me (briefly) as a person. But it could've happened in a vanilla relationship as well. If someone is out of control and attempting to conduct any type of relationship it won't work, or it will be very difficult, unless the other person doesn't mind being along for (and enabling) a dysfunctional ride. Being with someone that is out of control, truly out of control, is a frightening experience. And I do not think most people would want to say they have been that out of control with a submissive. There are levels of being out of control. No one is perfect, but I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand. I think about my former dominant and how he would use my fears against me to dominate me because he was out of control over himself, and when I hear someone say "In order to be a dominant you have to have control over yourself".. or a variation thereof, I think of that.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 6:21:19 PM)
Being in control depends on the context of the situation. If I’m pissed about something with someone I deal with often, displaying anger may be a good thing to show my displeasure. If I am dealing with people who are not under my influence in whatever situation such as in business or possibly leading a discussion of some kind, anger would not be a good thing.

mstrjx -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 6:53:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand. What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists.

angelic -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 6:59:48 PM)
~fast reply~ How boring to constantly be in control... and how boring life would be (imvho).

KatyLied -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:03:00 PM)
Well there's all kinds of out of control. Some of it isn't fun and exciting.

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:03:30 PM)
quote: quote: If one chooses to dominate at a point in time when they are not in control, then there is a definite problem. *I am having difficulty wrapping my mind about this from several perspecitives:* 1. We are stating that someone is "out of control" amnd choosing to dominate" - athough I can see this happening, it does not indicate someone being "out of control" in the manner in which we were indicating... they are actively choosing to do something demonstrating 'control' 2. I do not believe that "dominate" may have been the word we were looking for... if someone is dominant, it is not especially a choice in the issue... it just "is" - we you thinking about "topping" instead? ~J

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:05:45 PM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand. What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists. *That is rather reactionary and alarmist of you.* *Is there any basis for this besides prevalent personal feelings?* ~J

RiotGirl -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:07:52 PM)
Well - i'm not a dominant and i had NO clue to the answer you poised so it was very interesting to see what others had to say, especially Jewel. The "arming a bomb" thing.

juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:21:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand. What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists. How could my observation put someone else in the hospital? I was abused in my first marriage, and that is where my observation comes from. Not from anyone posting here... just make that perfectly clear

innatedesire -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:29:25 PM)
i prefer a Dom/Master who is human, not a unfeeling Dombot/Masterbot. We all have our good days and bad, after all we are only human. i would hope that my Sir would be mentally and emotionally stable enough to deal with life (after all we never know what is coming our way). i personally would be terrified of anyone who was not able to show emotion[sm=hair.gif] and certainly could not be in any type of relationship with anyone like that. On the flip side i could also not be with anyone who thrived on drama . Balance please......................

amayos -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:33:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline Do you think that a dominant must be in complete control of themselves at all times in order to be a "good" dominant? I believe a noble dominant being will be in control of his emotional sovereignty. This is not to say he doesn't feel, rather that he is self-actualized and cannot be manipulated away from his better judgment. If reliant, he is made weak and addicted. If wrathful, he is easily unbalanced. If too wanton, he is easily lured. Men who do not exercise ascendancy over their minds and bodies are often easily subverted by a clever female "slave."

mstrjx -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:38:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand. What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists. How could my observation put someone else in the hospital? I was abused in my first marriage, and that is where my observation comes from. Not from anyone posting here... just make that perfectly clear Julia, I wasn't saying 'you' specifically, although I suppose it could happen as a reult of any one of us. None of us know that we might say something directed towards another, even if only in the spirit of debate, that sets them off. They only find so much solace in arguing with the object of their ire 'here', that they need to take that release out on someone real. After all, if the ol' black and white deal (the internet, and words) are enough to set you off, where does the anger end? Rather telling, yes?

FangsNfeet -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:41:15 PM)
Only when I wanted to.

juliaoceania -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 7:52:16 PM)
Well that would not be anything that we cause, that sort of person needs very little "justification" for what they do, I know from experience... I am not worrying about how my words may "make" someone beat another person up... OMG there is enough to worry about without taking the responsibility on for the whole worldwideweb...smiles. Seriously, someone like that invents reasons to be out of control over themselves.

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:02:56 PM)
*So then you are omnipotent and infallible as originally supposed.* *Excellent gig!* (*Just do not let them get you near a tree while they are holding hammer and nails)* ~J

ExSteelAgain -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:04:55 PM)
This discussion reminds me of a recent political occurrence. Does anyone else see the similarity?

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:10:14 PM)
quote: I believe a noble dominant being will be in control of his emotional sovereignty. This is not to say he doesn't feel, rather that he is self-actualized and cannot be manipulated away from his better judgment. If reliant, he is made weak and addicted. If wrathful, he is easily unbalanced. If too wanton, he is easily lured. Men who do not exercise ascendancy over their minds and bodies are often easily subverted by a clever female "slave." So - in this instance and by your definition, someone cannot be dominant unless all of their base and higher needs are fulfilled prior to the time their personality is set (would that be a genetic imprinting or socialization set?) -and- any emotional abheration to the very essence of "cool" is a determination of the individual's inability to continue in a dominant role - and, when he finds himself thussly compromised, he might be swayed from his path for enlightenment by the guiles of a wanton scheming woman? *Or am I completely screwed up and the Sampsonian.Maslow.Buddhist.Jungian angle is being read incorrectly (because I kinda hoping I am).* *Wonderingly:* ~J *PS: Gentlemen - onay aircutshay by the ubmissivesay!!*

LordODiscipline -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:11:54 PM)
quote: This discussion reminds me of a recent political occurrence. Does anyone else see the similarity? *LOL... I was thinking along the same line!* ~J

Sinergy -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 8:13:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterC46910 Control is mostly an objective word. Depending on what you would define as Control. Umm, how a person defines the word "Control" makes it subjective, not objective. Objective is the definition carved on golden tablets and given to Joseph Smith to write the Book of Mo... Wait. Wrong thread. Sinergy

Frank01 -> RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" (9/28/2006 9:14:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline Do you think that a dominant must be in complete control of themselves at all times in order to be a "good" dominant? I believe a noble dominant being will be in control of his emotional sovereignty. This is not to say he doesn't feel, rather that he is self-actualized and cannot be manipulated away from his better judgment. If reliant, he is made weak and addicted. If wrathful, he is easily unbalanced. If too wanton, he is easily lured. Men who do not exercise ascendancy over their minds and bodies are often easily subverted by a clever female "slave." Amen. Those who cannot control themselves, and thier motivations are doomed to be controlled by others.

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