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RE: Digging a hole - 10/3/2006 8:08:57 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Question. Have we all not told a lie and let it go by because no one caught us at it. Wasnt that a Wrong thing to do. The confessional is now open.

Hello A/all,

I teach people to lie. Frequently under adrenalin stress. The rationale is really about not owing some stranger the truth.

For me, the issue comes in relationships where one has entered into a trusting relationship. I dont like the way I feel when I lie to people I care for, so I try
to avoid it.

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/3/2006 8:15:23 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Question. Have we all not told a lie and let it go by because no one caught us at it. Wasnt that a Wrong thing to do. The confessional is now open.

Hello A/all,

I teach people to lie. Frequently under adrenalin stress. The rationale is really about not owing some stranger the truth.

For me, the issue comes in relationships where one has entered into a trusting relationship. I dont like the way I feel when I lie to people I care for, so I try
to avoid it.

Sinergy

My first relationship is the one I have with myself! I don't like the way I have felt when I have lied.... It is something that I take great efforts to avoid.

_____________________________

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/3/2006 8:25:15 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HollyS

Many people feel that apologies "cede ground" or otherwise put them in a "one-down" to the other person's "one-up" position. It's my experience that this isn't true -- apologies can defuse tension and allow everyone to discuss the issues calmly rather than in the heat of emotional anger. And yes, stopping the behaviour from happening again is the best way of demonstrating your committment to both the other person and yourself.

Sometimes words can work wonders and are necessary... but always remember what mom said about which "speaks" louder, actions or words.

~Holly

Great post, Holly, thank you. I don't know if this would be considered a hijack or not, and if so I'll gladly begin a new thread, but along the lines of apologies, how important is it to be apologized to, if you have been wronged?

I am always willing to meet someone halfway, assuming an effort is being made to make ammends. I have been in situations where I have apologized for a perceived wrongdoing toward another, even if I do not fully believe in the accusation, simply because I hate the thought that something I have said or done has inadvertently hurt someone. However, if one I am in conflict with refuses to apologize for his/her part, I typically feel we are at a standstill. Too many times in my life, I have simply "let it go" in regards to the offending party, only to be offended again, and again, and again. I am in a current point in my life where if someone wrongs me, I can not move forward with him/her until some sort of recognition of the offense occurs. My Master is the only acception of this, it seems. I went three years without acknowledging a sister because of the pain she caused me. All it took was to be in a room with her one day and for her to look at me lovingly and say, "I really hurt you, didn't I? I am really sorry for that." I was then able to let it all go, and begin anew. Until then, I coudl not.

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/3/2006 8:33:21 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

My first relationship is the one I have with myself! I don't like the way I have felt when I have lied.... It is something that I take great efforts to avoid.

Hello A/all,

I totally agree with this statement.

However, it is like most other things in life; it depends on the context.

Some random creepy stranger comes up to some woman and asks her where she lives. I would be the first to suggest she not tell the stranger the truth. Telling lies requires a bunch of non-verbal queues be suppressed in order to pull it off.

I would feel remiss if the woman was attacked because the random creepy stranger thought she was lying to him.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/4/2006 10:34:48 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
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i'm always wrong. i'm one of those annoying people who are always apologising for everything. i hear the cat being told off and i cringe and think it's me. "it wasn't me! i didn't do it! nobody saw me do it!"

the worst is when i'm behind the wheel and i do something moronic. i wish there was a gesture that means, "i'm sorry!".

however, there is the odd occasion where i'm right. and i know it. so don't fuck with me

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/4/2006 11:23:07 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Interesting, I find that the most loving of acts is the act of tough love. I have been living this in my life lately. My nature is to give in to those I love... let them have their way... that is not loving thing all the time though. Being truly loving means being tough sometimes and not enabling people.

It does not mean I lack compassion, it means I have a backbone when lacking one can have terrible consequences... you can forgive even when there has been no apology given. I have found that my forgiveness is not dependent on the person who has done me wrong, it is dependent on my resilience as a human being to extend to someone that which they have not even requested of me. Holding grudges is detrimental to my own welfare, why would I injure myself further by grudge holding? I try to live this on a spiritual level.

I like this julia, very much.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/4/2006 11:23:28 AM

WhiteRadiance

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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I say "I fucked up".. or I say, "It's my fault.. I did it."
Owning up to a mistake saves everyone from bitching about it, pointing fingers and trying to find someone to blame. If you can honestly take the blame for things you do wrong, instead of blaming others, it earns some respect.

Works for me anyway.

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Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/4/2006 4:50:54 PM

RiotGirl

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Damn Sinergy, i dun think i've ever seen you type so much.

When i'm wrong, i generally dont have any issue saying it (but i've got to AGREE i'm wrong)

If i'm wrong i'm wrong. What i dont get is why ppl have such issue admitting it??????

Its not like anyone is ALWAYS right.. so whats so bad about being wrong sometimes? Arent we all?

oh and what i do? I own up to it, if i made a mess, i try and clean it up. Tell who ever sorry and go about making ammends.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 10/4/2006 5:09:35 PM >

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/4/2006 5:09:12 PM

RiotGirl

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quote:

My first relationship is the one I have with myself! I don't like the way I have felt when I have lied.... It is something that I take great efforts to avoid.

in general i dont like lying because i find it highly unintelligent. The truth always comes out (in time) therefore the truth can not out run time.. There fore i try and avoid it.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 10/4/2006 5:15:13 PM >

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RE: Digging a hole - 10/4/2006 11:46:38 PM

MistressSassy66

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I can admit I'm wrong.There have been plenty of times I have had to as they say "Eat Crow".I dont have a problem with saying sorry I messed up.Better to do that than try to cover it up.One pet peeve I have is people not taking responsability for themselves.

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In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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