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RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 5:42:07 PM   
OhReallyNow


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If he had indeed done anything wrong I'm pretty sure she would have mentioned something over the past several months, then again maybe she dident cause she knows I likely would have hunted the motherfucker down.

IF he had done anything wrong...your own words. Obviously, he has not. Therefore, you can correctly assume that unless she comes crying to you with something else that she is well aware of his telling you to back off. This slave could care less what kind of relationship they have; it still stands that this is the man she has chosen. You have no right to interfer unless SHE MAKES IT YOUR BUSINESS TO DO SO.
quote:

  You have some fucking nerve to think you can give me the "welcome to the real world" speech. Not everyone in the world is someone else's property, not every person who likes BDSM has to be told what to do and how to live. And most importantly, no he DOES NOT have the fucking right to tell me what to do or anyone else unless they actually give themselves to him as a slave which she did not.


Yes, this slave does have the right. You gave her that right when you posted your little piss peeve here. You claim to be an adult. Start acting like one.
 
He does have that right. He has that right as defined by their relationship, and by her acceptance of it.

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 5:48:55 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger
And as for him telling her what to do...in this case I dont know if its the rule of a master telling a sub what to do...more like a dickhead boyfriend telling a girl whats what. Thats how it looks to me, but the circumstances kind of make things a little...blurred.

The only thing you know is that he is neither your friend nor your dominant.  You don't know the full extent of their relationship, discussions, agreements, etc... or how often (or how) she/he discussed you, or if so?  It was mentioned she could have created an impression to him that your friendship was more than a friendship, as well as mentioned that it could be anything.

You had the occasion to discuss or inquire of his comments... if you said fuck off, you might of done better with excuse me, I didn't understand, could you explain what you are saying and why?  Your might is your reserve for defense if needed, it is not an assertive tool for communication... that's simply strong arming or wrestling.  You may still be able to ask the question, and by doing so dispell a stereotype of you which he surely holds... while you hold your stereotype of him.

Should you two gentlemen have a subsequent conversation, I'd advise one soon so that you don't friendshipwise make the situation worse by contacting your friend directly (she knows your number) before your second convo with him. Find out where he's coming from and quit thinking about putting him in his place when you don't even know where he's really at.

Should you gentlemen arise at a total impasse, at least you can each achieve more insight and knowledge of the other... then you can better formulate your position or future strategy.

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 5:54:50 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		The deal is this:

You were right to be incensed by his ordering you to do anything...
He does not have the right to do that.

At the same time, your friend is under this idiots sway.

He should have told her to break off with visiting you if he was going to do this at all...

But (and, this is the interesting part for me) - it is not what you tell us, but what you are not saying:

Why?

You are so upset that he must have gone into detail with you about why he desired that you never talk to her again...

He was so upset with you that he came to you to tell you to cease and desist...

It leaves you dangling out there in "WTF" land with a sincerely pregnant void of explanation.

~J

PS: If the guy is as big an idiot as you believe he is, she will not be with him long and your friendship can recommence - and, if you push this too hard, you will piss her off (as - -if you recall - she is under his sway and you will force her to choose - not something a friend does to a friend)... so, play it cool.. play it slow and for Christ's sake - stop talking about "dropping him"
 
- that will end you up in jail,
 
- justify his life to your friend
and
- simply serve to end your friendship entirely.

Never act from anger.


_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 5:54:52 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OhReallyNow
He does have that right. He has that right as defined by their relationship, and by her acceptance of it.


IF she accepted it, then he has the right to tell HER what to do, not others.
But are you positive she accepted it ad he is not jumping the proverbial gun in assuming she will be OK with it.
Until RumTiger speaks to her and gets it from her that she des know what was said and has made the decision to follow this man, he has no rights to speak for anyone.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to OhReallyNow)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 6:00:38 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne


If you had for a moment kept your cool and asked what was up instead of getting into a pissing contest with him it might could have been easily settled.

K


What can I say? I got a dick and an attitude.

Listen, make me work from 11pm to 5am on a Friday or Saturday in Vegas and i'll keep my cool, Make me have to spend a week with my Mother and i'll keep my cool (barely), Hell, put me in a bar and a guy whacks me with a pool cue and if I got a shot or two of makers in me i'll still keep my cool.

But have an asshole approach me out of nowhere and tell me I'm not allowed to see my friend i've known for years as if he thinks he's king shit then no way in hell i'm staying as cold as the cokes in the next aisle of that market.

I'm afriad I have to agree with Sinergy's advcie though, thank you Sensei...hehe yeah I know, just kidding, but at the very least I have to know her take on all of this, so i'm gonna call her up.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 6:05:59 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I think its important to remember that she's a friend first, before she's a submissive.  More importantly, she's your friend.  Follow your gut, and do what you would normally do if some one came to you and told you to stay away from one of your friends.

I was in a bad relationship with a Dominant that lasted way longer than it should have and was heading towards out and out abuse.  By the time I realised it, I had already become very isolated and withdrawn and was increasingly dependant on him.  I let much of it happen because, well, I thought this was how it was with a Dominant.  Once he had seriously violated my personal space without permission, I got wise and started the process of getting out, very slowly and gradually, the same way I got in.  In this process, I literally scoured all the abuse vs. bd/sm information I could find, taking courage from that information, and using it to fortify myself for what was a harrowing, though low level, struggle that lasted a good year.

My point is, these things start slow.  Abuse isn't an event, its a process.  If you have reason to suspect that you friend is being isolated its a HUGE red flag.

Of course, only you can decide.  We don't know the whole story, and theres no reason why we need to.  The more important thing is to keep your priorities straight and look out for your friends and take the time to make sure whats going on is above board.  Whatever you decide, you have to live with yourself.

Oh, and yeah, it would be wrong to knock him flat.  There's more constructive ways of handling the situation. :)



(in reply to OhReallyNow)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 7:38:33 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Ultimately as the sub she will decide if she wishes to obey or not.  That is if He has told her and of course if she has agreed to submitt completely to HIm.  Lots of ifs, find out the answers first and let her deal with her own Dom.  It must however be nice to have a good friend to look after you as you are trying to look after her.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:02:54 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		Okay so I talked to her, this is the basic coversation after I told her about the incident:

Her: "He did? well shit I dunno why he would go and say that"
Me: "hes an asshole"
Her: "Thats just the way he is David, he cant help that. Listen, dont worry about it okay? I'll go and have a talk with him, just do me a favor and ignore it okay?"
Me: "uhhh..k"

I'm not exactly feeling too....satisfied with this.

Anyway I remembered a few posts on here so I asked some questions, theyre relationship is just boyfriend and girlfirend, and they havent actually played in a while cause hes tired of doing ropework she tells me.

So.....blah...I guess I got no choice but to do as she asks.





_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:08:18 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Rum, you know, when you have friends, sometimes they take up with asshole boyfriends.  Usually we are polite to said assholes because to be otherwise puts our friend in a terribly uncomfortable position of having to choose.   How many people here loathe their brother in law, but don't say a word at Christmas Dinner?  This isn't about BDSM, it'a about a friend who is with a guy you detest. 

Just hang tight and see if she has chosen this guy, what the limit of her power exchange is with him, and try not to make her defend either one of you.  If her friendship with you creates a hardship on her romantic relationship.. fade back and let her follow her heart.  That's what friends do. 

If you do the friend thing properly, she'll come loking for you if she ever needs a friend who put her needs first.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:19:27 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		Unfortunetly I cant say i'm very much the..."polite" type to people like him.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:27:16 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl
Oh, and yeah, it would be wrong to knock him flat.  There's more constructive ways of handling the situation. :)


*Sigh* Why do I keep getting told that? I'm not exactly the most.....articulate person in the world. lol

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:28:15 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Rumtiger, you got a lot of pretty good advice in the "keep cool" realm.  A couple of things --

1.  To all the posters:  Does a friend (not putting it on Rumtiger, but a generic good friend) in this situation have a duty to worry about the potential abuser issue?  We all pretty much know that cutting off contact with family and friends is often an early step an abuser takes.  Do you think there's a legitimate and ethical role for a friend in finding out what exactly is going on between these people?

2.  Wyrdrich and Mavis both got a key point:  This may not be D/s related, this might be the old "I love her as a friend but he's a real asshole" problem.

3.  Wyrdrich, Sinergy -- Good advice, but RT here is 22!  Most of the replies were from women, and they were in the "Oh don't deck him, etc. be cool" (except for MistressTexas who REALLY needs to check the dosage on that new drug!).  Come on guys... "Be cool" was my reply too, initially.  But you remember being 22?   I think it took Me about 10 more years to begin to be able to take that breath and count to 10....I don't know what advice I'd give him (thank GOD I have a daughter) but "be cool" probably doesn't cut it.

E.

(And if all else fails....RT, you are there, in the fruit dept. at the market...come on, man...you KNOW those oranges will fit .... )

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:29:53 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Everyone can respond as your friend because your feelings are hurt that this guy may be contolling (a bad guy because of it) how much access you have to your friend, but Lotus and OhReally have given you some very sound advice.
You say he is her Master, that to me means she signed up to be bossed around by him.  He probably shouldn't have approached you, but rather delegated her limiting your contact/relationship to a comfortable level for them, but that now is neither here nor there.

Like Lotus said, give her the space to do her relationship and if you trully are her friend (and nothing more), you'll be there if she needs a friend in the future.   As OhReally pointed out his being controlling doesn't in any way indicate he is going to abuse her...  I mean if we went by that indicator, the majority of the people on these boards ought to be locked up by men in white coats.  So, you be reasonable, and back off.   Hit him, and you may lose the fight and go to jail.  
Just my thoughts,   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:30:14 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Try doing EXACTLY what she asked.  Obviously, it was from him becasue he wants to start cutting her off.  Since she isnt accepting of it, and has told you not to worry about it, Id say thats good advice.  She doest sound like she is too inthralled with him to keep her wits about her.  Let her handle it from here, and chalk it up to his being a jealous ass and feeling threatened by a close male friend.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:40:07 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Rum, while i was typing my reply, yours posted.  Glad you got to talk to her.   Sounds like she might decide he's not the coolest boyfriend in town. <g>

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: The right thing - 10/3/2006 9:41:58 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		After 6 months, took her long enough...

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: The right thing - 10/4/2006 12:20:49 AM   
Nimkii


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		red flag. 5 mins for being a dick and a 10 minute relationship misconduct for this guy. She needs to get things sorted with this guy. Sound like next she won't be able to talk to her family. Guys like this make me hang my head.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: The right thing - 10/4/2006 2:20:24 AM   
MistressTexas


Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

(except for MistressTexas who REALLY needs to check the dosage on that new drug!). E.

(And if all else fails....RT, you are there, in the fruit dept. at the market...come on, man...you KNOW those oranges will fit .... )


*sigh* sad enough, i'm on the right dosage.. it's just a crappy side effect. at least i'm not humming the mission impossible theme song and somersaulting out from behind planters.  Tiger I know its hard to step back.. but you say shes been your friend for 5 years. trust her to have a discussion with him. You also dont seem the type to suffer a fool, so trust shes intelligent enough to not need a babysitter. even one as cool as you :P.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: The right thing - 10/4/2006 3:24:09 AM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTexas
even one as cool as you :P.


thats the nicest thing someones said to me that I can remember.

Did I mention i'm drunk?

By the way, I've gone back to rum from whisky and bourbon. Whoo! My name shall live on and gain strength!!!

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to MistressTexas)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: The right thing - 10/4/2006 5:30:55 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If being confrontational and angry is your usual state of mind, he may have decided that she needs calmer people around her. I don't know you nor what you are usually like. I am curious as to why, assuming you were a close friend, she hadn't tried to get the two of you together beforehand to insure that you became his friend as well as hers.

However, I suggest you rein in your temper and ask your friend politely why she's been banned from communicating with you. Hopefully she will be permitted to answer.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 60
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