RE: One Older Man's View on Age

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RE: One Older Man's View on Age - 10/17/2006 6:05:45 AM

DommeChains

Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
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I can only speak from my own experience here. Age does have some impact but it is not the determining factor in whether or not I choose someone. There is a considerable age difference between my husband and myself: I am 52 and he is 28. Ask anyone who knows us in real life and I feel safe in saying that they will tell you we work, that we were made for each other. Yes, age did come up as we discussed the future of our relationship and, bottom line, what attracted us to one another and what binds us together, is greater than any numbers on a page or any outsiders perception.
For the record, we have never heard any negative comments about us when we are together, no strange looks or snide remarks. Probably doesn't hurt that I don't "look my age". Thank heavens for good genetics, using sunscreen and moisturizers faithfully lol.

And on a humorous note I bet I am one of few people who can say they are the same age as their mother in law and a year older than their father in law :-)

(in reply to MasterC46910)

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RE: One Older Man's View on Age - 10/17/2006 6:47:16 AM

Contesaluv

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
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My ex-husband (not in the lifestyle at the time but neither was I, although we did dabble in things that smacked of BDSM) were 6 years apart. He was 22 going on 23 when we started dating and I was 28 gonna be 29 that same year. I don't think it made a bit of difference to either one of us. What broke us up was that he wanted to have many woman on the side and make babies with them too, irresponsibly and it was during the time that AIDS was the illness of the decade and I didn't want to have him contract that. Then we both die and leave our boys without parents so I divorced him. He thought I was crazy though when I told him to bring those "bitches" home and let them do me too if they were doing him so good. Little did he know how open I really was because I really meant it at the time.

Anyway, I digress. Age doesn't matter but maturity level does. I can't see myself with someone whose so close in age to m y almost 19 year old son. Also, wth someon younger you do need to worry about whether they're truly mature enough or not as I thought he was and later found out not to be the case. He put on a good show initially. Couldn't sustain it overtime though.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

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RE: One Older Man's View on Age - 10/17/2006 3:23:18 PM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
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My only thoughts on age is that 1) I respect the legal demarcation of 18 in terms of sexual relations between adults and minors--and I see no reason to change it so that increasingly younger people are "fair game". I realize 18 is a completely arbitrary line drawn in the sands of time, but as a parent and a domme I'm familiar with drawing arbitrary lines and I understand why such lines have to be drawn somewhere. 2) I definitely feel a gap between myself and most men under 30, and an even larger gap between myself and men under 23. However, this gap has less to do with music and other pop cultural markers and a lot more to do with formative life experiences. Having had far more relationships of far greater depth and duration, having given birth to and raised children, having experienced far more sexually and professionally...really does make an enormous amount of difference in a human being's outlook and understanding of the world.

The reason why some people are uncomfortable with large age differences between partners is because at least in the vanilla world, it is assumed that full equality between sexual partners is desirable. If you have already accepted a large power disparity between partners--one will be enormously more powerful than another--I think it probably seems like much less of an issue.

I never have a problem with someone's age during play: if a sub is over 18 and man/woman enough to approach me and clearly express their wants and needs, I see nothing wrong in playing with them. I do have a problem getting into broader relationships with very young people, however--or I would, unless they were very extraordinary for their age. It's not about whether his/her ass is spankable, it's about whether I can have a great conversation with them afterward--and older people sometimes have a big advantage in that regard.

--M

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RE: One Older Man's View on Age - 10/17/2006 4:21:05 PM

mgdartist

Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
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quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Annoying music aside, I did go to your blog. I'm sorry... but I don't think age is your problem.

i have to agree with this. As for me, i would never even think about talking with someone who would not disclose their age (or their weight, or their marital status...perhaps amongst other things). It's bad enough that you have to weed through the ones that lie about such things, but to not even have that information available when somone first contacts you? Then to ask such things and get shit about it? To me, that would be the ultimate waste of time. i would never have continued that discussion as long as those subs did

Daddysgirl

Firstly, thank you for your insightful replies ladies (albeit tongue in cheek in your case lost treasure...lol). I did finally manage to remove the annoying music from my blog I hope...sorry about that.
Well while having some misgivings about choosing not to say my age, I think I'll "stick to my guns" so to speak, I suppose out of stubborness and curiousity as much as my original premise, which I had to state repeatedly in the blog, as all the women i chatted kept trying to point at other character flaws they presumed me to have as the true issue. While I suspect why, I cannot be sure why none of them wished to defend their "right to know" arguements, but as I stated in the blog:

Original pretext (bearing in mind this peticular girl had me on her hotlist, and instigated contact, yet was ever so quick to get her "number tag" out of me before proceeding, and who I later learned, kept her mxspace page private/unviewable by anyone but her chosen friends...lol):

quote:

So many times in my life, a relationship or friendship I wanted to be in was made unavailable because someone decided my or their age, or both wasnt right, acceptable or beneficial(usually to everyone but me). Most of the time, I felt it a contrivance, and a ploy, and in reality a numbers game, where I would always be loser. Recently, i realized I'd grown tired of playing, and stopped for all intents and purposes. While I doubt this will remedy anything, and I'll still lose in default, by virtue of not playing, at least I wont have to feel like the fool who had to ante up the very info which caused him to lose to begin with.

then again:

quote:

Im not trying for anything but retaining a small piece of privacy. Of all the unmitigated gall to expect a man to supply the very information you'll use to stereotype or reject him with.

amazingly, again:

quote:

subfriend : second was to wonder if you had a hang up about aging?
me: 2. NO. Its just as i said, why should i screw myself by providing the info they use to do it. How hard is that to grasp?..thats it. And I guarantee you many a woman wouldnt either.

..and incredible as it seems, yet again:

quote:

It's... "mostly that, i dont want to have to divulge any info to be used to categorize or reject me in any way shape or form. I don't mind them having "limits" per se, or wishing to keep their lives free of "bullshit", as long as I'm free to do the same, as I feel their focus on age before anything else, no matter how fine a person I might be, is bullshit I don't wish to deal with in my life, and sorry, but my limit here must take priority over theirs. I don't care if they know my age, but damned if I'm gonna tell 'em.
me: that i think its hypocritical
me: and its my right to keep my privacy

Once I got called bitter, rude, unfair, childish, and several other things for just saying no, I was mystified. I realize the difficulty daddysgirl speaks of when getting to know someone online, and agree up to a point, but when it's always the second or third question, if not the first, and then there seems to be no good answer, personally I just get tired of the same old nonsense. Especially in this lifestyle, where i firmly believe it takes a good decade beyond his 20's, before any dom is in fact truly (imho) credible and self-aware. So I think daddysgirl's reply quoted above is similar in essense to this part of the blog after the chattee had several times inferred I was rude, and we get to the echo of daddysgirls "i don't need this" sentiment...lol:

quote:

SubWithAgeLimits : Rude.
me :Sorry, but that would be you, not i.
me : you have no idea how age is constantly used by women as a defense mechanism, when i was young, i was "too young", when i was in my 20's she was "lookin for someone in his thirties"...when I hit thirty, all a sudden the preoccupation with older men had vanished. im just removing the variable..let them figure it out. Its women who play this game, cleverly diguised as "I have a right to know". I just dont wish to play...so I don't say. And fyi you have no right to even ask, much less know.
me : and ooooh they dont like it do they?
SubWithAgeLimits : But we are just friends, because of distance, thats the first thing you told me. So what would age even matter???
me : it doesnt matter, thats my whole point.
SubWithAgeLimits : You are so rude.
SubWithAgeLimits : Seriously.

???...jeez, which part of no was rude?

quote:

SubWithAgeLimits : I dont need this.
me : i dont either
me : i have not been rude girl, saying no isnt rude, but last time I checked, what youre doing here was.
me : god, i just dont want to be defined by time, or years or anything i dont choose to be, can you allow me that small freedom?

I guess my feeling is; If any woman I talked to said she didnt want to reveal her age, being brought up in the south, I'd first not really mind her saying that, and respect her wish, and 2nd, apologize for asking. If you wish to question me ethically, (since I'm actually not 35), I do reveal my true age in my profile, and one merely has to be perceptive to find it.

Online, women rarely seem to want to not say their age, knowing that gives the man a reason to do the same I guess...I dont know... For me, the crux of the debate comes here:

quote:

SubWithAgeLimits : I'm worth much more than that... If you're THAT insistant on punishing ME for the betrayal others have done to you, then you're right, we shouldn't be friends.
me : Worth? so your wishes outweigh my preference in a choice I have every right to make? Sorry, you arent worth more than that whatsoever, and how is it punishing you?..its a quirk..like most artists, i have many. While its considered impolite to even ask a woman her age socially, a woman thinks she has the inalienable, god given human right to know a mans age as tho it were part of the constitution?..i think not, and that smacks of hippocrysy.
me : dowanna be my friend girl?, just say so...poof.

I think it's important to respect another's self worth, but isnt respect a 2 way street?
So I'm still wondering...why should she have the "right" to know?
batter up...lol.
MGD

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