quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Interesting questions. I read this then went out to walk the dogs and thought about it.

Most of my acceptance and exploration of who I am in relation to BDSM, WIIWD, whatever the hell you want to call it....has been without a significant other. Here is the kicker, it is by choice. I won't even go into those reasons because it does not apply in the context of this thread.

For me, feeding that beast has been done in a miriad of ways. Education, communicating with others with r/t experience that I respect, taking positive control of aspects in my own life. In essense, dominating myself. I knew I wanted specific things and needed to determine, was I ready for that, then what did I need to do to be ready.

I see too many relationships regardless of the individuals situation, bdsm or otherwise, that one or both parties are expecting the other person to fullfil them, fix all their problems, fill their empty holes. I saw the potential in myself to jump too quickly into that, both wanting someone to do it for me but more dangerously wanting to do it for someone else. I knew that was a slippery slope headed for an ugly crash and wanted to avoid it. I felt that I needed to be whole and fulfilled by myself. Then I would be able to have the sucessful relationship that would enrich and compliment my life rather than make it.

Feeding my beast is as simple as stopping myself from buying those beautiful earrings I would have jumped all over last year. Stopping my mouth when my adult son calls me crying at the end of his emotional rope and just listening rather than telling him how to "fix" it. Giving advice only when asked for and just being there without trying to force my "way" on him. So many small seemingly vanilla things but for me it is all about taking control of my life in a positive way, then acknowledging my accomplishments. I used to NEVER be able to think I was good enough. Someone would compliment me on something well done and I would just kinda "yeah, thanks" while my inner voice would nag me "pfffttt, good job! you know you only did half ass and could have done so much better!you have no right to be proud of yourself" Stopping the negative habits of 44 years and focusing on growth. Things a dominant can do for a submissive/slave, I am doing for myself. If and when someone special comes along I know I can "walk the walk, not just talk the talk".

Alot of my nurturing and guiding urges also get fed by my work with animals. You cannot lie to a dog or horse, you cannot productively force your will on either and get a healthy result. I enjoy seeing them blossom and find themselves with their training. Introducing a horse to a new concept, seeing their confusion, reassuring them, encouraging them, pushing them, watching that you do not push them past their limitations, then seeing them finally "get it" and gain confidence. Knowing that you accomplished this without damaging them. That is just pure joy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
On the flip side, how does a Master feed the beast without a slave? Does a Master look to the slave to feed him? How does one feed themselves when they have no slave? Do they starve? Do you define your beast as a dynamic of authority of one over the other, as a power exchange.. do you even believe you have a beast which needs must be fed?

Ever curious,

Celeste

quote:

I've been trying to wrap my brains around the posts of slaves who write that they are not being given the dominance they require from their Masters, so their solution and the advice I see most often given (outside of communicate) tends towards 'leave' and it's just very hard for me to grasp leaving as a solution. I read these posts and most of them indicate that communication has been attempted and failed and I wonder if it's because the communication which is taking place isn't addressing the real issues of the relationship, but rather the superficial aspects of it. I see a lot of those same sorts of issues in vanilla marriages and as an excuse for cheating on your spouse.