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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/10/2006 9:36:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
The second one being that I can always ask Him anything about things in the lifestyle, or in general, that I have questions about, and He will always be open to answer them without belittling me in the process.

(I knew what I wanted to say, but my fingers didn't cooperate with the typing process.)

I figured you knew what you meant and I appreciate you playing along enough to elaborate the point that so many novice subs get tripped up on- they need to ask questions but they constantly get told that "real subs" simply trust and obey- which they WANT to do...but can't really do well UNTIL they trust, which means asking questions and well....a great catch 22 that leaves the novices running around with their heads completely unlevel and then wonder why its so hard to find decent doms...

And it can be doubly hard for a novice listening to all these great established Ds and Ms relationships which have REACHED their point in security and training such that distinguishing between "obey" and "reasonably question" is as natural as breathing and fully incorporated into the relationship- who don't see all the time, anguish, work and practice it took for the relationship to get to that point.

I'm not suggesting the novices get a free pass on knowing their common sense- but I do sympathize with their plight. I've been on that edge of yearning so painful that you'll say and do anything just to be affirmed that you're a "good girl."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 21

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/10/2006 9:56:46 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Dang, LA...you never cease to amaze me! First...with this last post of yours, and then with this little gem:

"I've been on that edge of yearning so painful that you'll say and do anything just to be affirmed that you're a "good girl." God, me too...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 22

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/10/2006 10:06:37 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

And it can be doubly hard for a novice listening to all these great established Ds and Ms relationships which have REACHED their point in security and training such that distinguishing between "obey" and "reasonably question" is as natural as breathing and fully incorporated into the relationship- who don't see all the time, anguish, work and practice it took for the relationship to get to that point.

This is an outstanding point and from now on I'm going to be adding a disclaimer to my posts in regard to this issue: it took me two years to earn the collar I wear and about 4 years after that before I actually got the 'obedience without hesitation' down pat.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 10/10/2006 10:25:38 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 23

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/10/2006 10:15:27 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Whatever rules we agree on to begin with are the ones that are important. If i don't consent then we have a problem that must be worked out.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 24

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/11/2006 12:45:45 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
And it can be doubly hard for a novice listening to all these great established Ds and Ms relationships which have REACHED their point in security and training such that distinguishing between "obey" and "reasonably question" is as natural as breathing and fully incorporated into the relationship- who don't see all the time, anguish, work and practice it took for the relationship to get to that point.

Hooray for that point (emphasis by me). Over two years into this relationship and I still have things to figure out. The further along we go, the deeper we delve into me, the more challenging some of the issues and discoveries may be.

My very first rules early on were tailored to what he knew of me, in order to protect me from myself. My current rule of "Obey me" is really quite simple, yet those two little words are so loaded. It's not just a matter of sitting when told to sit, or staying away from chocolate (gasp!). "Obey me" can mean completely splaying my heart and mind open for him and becoming intensely vulnerable. It can mean facing and exploring dark truths about myself which have been covered up for years. It can be learning to be courageous, or sacraficing something I wanted for the sake of someone else whose needs are greater than mine at the time. Like I said... it's loaded, lol.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 25

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/11/2006 4:19:22 AM

maledave777

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I am still looking for a dominant woman. I do feel all her rules would be important to follow. I feel her rules would give me a sense of direction. They would help me to understand what she expects out of me. I feel rules would help to guide me to be a better servant to her.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 26

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/11/2006 6:15:53 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I am just curious to find out what rules subs/slaves feel are important in a D/s relationship. I have a sub who is very new to the experience and was a Master previously. I am establishing rules for him and he is doing very well. I had him write down what rules he felt were important for him and I was curious as to what other subs here on the forum might come up with.

Thanks!
~Lashra

i was asked to do a similar thing. my list was more about what i wanted from a D/s relationship. anyway, you might find it interesting...

i) To have my feminine, receptive side valued and honoured rather than seen as a weakness that is to be taken advantage of.
ii) To safely relinquish the feeling that I must control my partner, knowing that my needs and wants will be understood without having to continually fight in order to get them met.
iii) To eliminate the power struggles that plague so many relationships.
iv) To experience a state of trust and mutual respect which enables me to let down the many defensive layers I have built up to stop myself from getting hurt.
v) To develop a healthy and strong sexual relationship in which I feel comfortable enough to let down my inhibitions and reach places that have remained untouched.

Obviously this was a very generalised list and we basically sent it back and forth, with Him adding His thoughts so as to establish some kind of ground rules and make sure we weren't coming from totally different mindsets re D/s.

gypsy.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 27

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/11/2006 9:01:00 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My rules are really very simple what ever he sets for me but the ones he has set for me are not meany but are to be followed be followed. One that i really don't like is when he tickles me i cannot pull away but it is all fun, of course ther are others.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 28

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/11/2006 7:35:12 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
I can always ask Him anything... and He will always be open to answer them without belittling me in the process.

I figured you knew what you meant and I appreciate you playing along enough to elaborate the point that so many novice subs get tripped up on- they need to ask questions...

I'm glad you caught my "opposing" statements so I had a chance to clarify them. (Typing while tired can be such a "dangerous" thing... lol)

Questions are warmly embraced in my relationship with Daddy, from the time that we started out as friends until now.

quote:

And it can be doubly hard for a novice listening to all these great established Ds and Ms relationships which have REACHED their point in security and training such that distinguishing between "obey" and "reasonably question" is as natural as breathing and fully incorporated into the relationship- who don't see all the time, anguish, work and practice it took for the relationship to get to that point.

This is so true... It has taken over three years to get to the place I am with Daddy, and I still feel like we have so much room for growth. I didn't even get my collar until 6 months ago. It takes a while to "learn" one another, it certainly doesn't happen overnight.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 5:14:33 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I am just curious to find out what rules subs/slaves feel are important in a D/s relationship. I have a sub who is very new to the experience and was a Master previously. I am establishing rules for him and he is doing very well. I had him write down what rules he felt were important for him and I was curious as to what other subs here on the forum might come up with.

Thanks!
~Lashra

In the past, the rules have always been very simple and very easy to understand. Obey, and do it quickly. If there is a question about it, ask, and do it quickly.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 30

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 5:56:01 AM

jimbo747

Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline

House duty rules!!

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 31

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 5:57:39 AM

CuteIrishM4F

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/19/2004
Status: offline

Lashra, i would do anything for YOU, regardless of rules. XXX
althalus.

(in reply to jimbo747)

Post #: 32

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 6:27:32 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I remember the first time I experienced anything close to D/s. I remember walking into his front room and he handed me a piece of folded paper. As he handed it to me he said "These are the new terms there is nothing on this list that you haven't already done." At the top of the sheet in bold print: "Rules of Engagement". Then a list of what was expected and how I was to greet him every time we were together. I melted. That one act did so much for me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 33

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 11:33:43 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My current rule of "Obey me" is really quite simple, yet those two little words are so loaded. It's not just a matter of sitting when told to sit, or staying away from chocolate (gasp!).

Amen, preach it. so many good comments on this point that i didn't know who to quote!     i was just mentioning this in another thread..   if only life were so easy as just fetching or not fetching.. obedience is more a matter of the mind, will, and emotions than the performance of specific tasks.

When looking, i used this as my measure of a man..
"wisdom is the correct application of knowledge."
i wanted, above all, a wise man.

NOW i find that i have to apply that to ME..   as i know more about the Hims, how do i apply that knowledge? am i a wise slave?   i think the "relationship maturity" of you ladies with more time in grade speaks to just that, wisdom.

important rules? my personal fav is still "obey first, understand later".. but it's the filling in of the blank spots that makes this one intrigueing.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 34

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 3:26:48 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

Lashra, Master has several rules that i have been taught to live by. Number one is to always obey Him, do as i am told when i am told with no hesitation or argument.
To show Him the respect He deserves as my Master

There are other rules He expects me to follow but those two are the most important in my eyes.

_____________________________

Property of Master Deid

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 35

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 5:14:27 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

well i told you the rule i do not like but i orgot to tll you the one i love Whenever i leave his side and return to it i have to kiss him. If we lived together it might seem a bit much but since we don't i think it is a really great rule and i love doing it.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 36

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 6:34:09 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

(quick reply)

Of all the little rules I have the most important one to me is do not lie to me.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 37

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 7:11:14 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Yes that was one of the first things we discussed. I told him lies destroy the foundation onto which a relationship is built upon. I won't put it up with it. Cheating is another thing that is out. One a more positive note I insist he get a yearly medical exam, 2 dental exams a year and have his eyes examined. Those are things he never did before as he felt they weren't high on the list of priorities. Well they are a priority to ME and now are also with him. Obedience is at the very top of the list along with communcation. Its the communication part that he is having to work on as before he never related his feelings to anyone.

One thing he put on his list that he respectfully requested as a rule was for Me to pickout every day his underwear for him and what he wears when we go out. I thought that rather odd for a male sub but I could be mistaken. Its actually fun, like dressing up my own Ken doll

Thanks!
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 38

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/12/2006 10:49:41 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
... if only life were so easy as just fetching or not fetching.. obedience is more a matter of the mind, will, and emotions than the performance of specific tasks.

Exactly. When I see people stating things like, "Oh I always obey - why wouldn't I?" I wonder if maybe they're just talking about the fetching and stuff. Bending one's will is hard. Changing paradigms does not come easily. Letting go can be terrifying. It's not a matter of willfully disobeying, but of subconsciously clutching on to what we always knew, rather than giving over, and having to release that grip.

As for "obey first, understand later," sometimes understanding does not always come. Sometimes it is just a matter of "obey and trust."

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 39

RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/13/2006 8:48:22 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

my Master's no. 1 rule from day one has been, "always obey, without question or hesitation". He (or anyone he has told me to serve) tells me to jump, i jump...don't think about it, don't hesitate, don't ask how high, just do it. so far i have never disobeyed this rule, and hopefully never will.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 40

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