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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/13/2006 9:02:46 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Exactly.  When I see people stating things like, "Oh I always obey - why wouldn't I?" I wonder if maybe they're just talking about the fetching and stuff.  Bending one's will is hard.  Changing paradigms does not come easily. Letting go can be terrifying.  It's not a matter of willfully disobeying, but of subconsciously clutching on to what we always knew, rather than giving over, and having to release that grip.


Obeying can be hard, but the consequences of repeated failure to obey are not something I would want to deal with... which is eventually not being his submissive. I have had that nonchallant attitude of "why wouldn't I?" Because the alternative is not a good one for me.

The one that leads best leads least, I strongly agree with that. Making rules just to be giving me busy work, or to 'show me' how powerful he is would eventually lead to disobeying on my part because I think I would feel the need to challange that. I have not felt the need to challenge yet, but we do not live together either. He is rather laid back though.

When he exercises his power over me there is no hesitation on my part because he does not exercise his power every second of the day. It is like yelling at someone a lot, if you yell at them all the time they tune you out. I think if he bossed me all the time and kept me in the headspace of being "less" all the time it would be ineffective for me. We just do not interact that way. When he makes a statement as my Dominant I know the difference... his voice is different, and I listen to that.

Just some thoughts, perhaps not even perfectly crystalized yet in our growing dynamic



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/13/2006 6:47:18 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		But that's the thing, Julia.  I'm not talking about bossing, or yelling at someone to do something.  I am talking about changing a person's mindset.  About opening your mind (you is a generalism here, not you personally) to things you never would have fathomed.  About learning to fully let go, and then when you think you have fully let go, realizing there is more to let go of.  I'm talking about the mental aspect of obeying, not the physical.  I'm talking about shifting desires - letting go of some desires and incorporating new ones, of learning that things you thought you needed - well maybe you really don't.  And things you thought you didn't need - well maybe you really do.

I'm probably not making much sense here.  But I find the molding of one's mind to be a form of obedience.  And that is what I was speaking of.  The mind naturally resists certain concepts that are foreign to it, or that have always been considered "wrong" without understanding why they were considered "wrong."  Such adjustments are not automatic.  Resistance does occur.  As does clinging to old concepts and ideas that must be let go of in order to keep moving forward. 

Anyway, I might be off on a tangent that has nothing to do with the OP.  But for me, obedience (my most important rule) incorporates the mental and emotional "redevelopment" of self, when necessary.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/13/2006 9:24:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think I understand, it is letting go of self, which is something I am just beginning to embark upon. It is not like I am giving up my identity, but I am embracing my true  identity.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/13/2006 10:33:12 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Exactly, Julia.  For me this has been frightening at times, and has not always flowed smoothly. Fortunately for me, I belong to someone who sees the process and understands it, yet who will not yield to my difficulties. 

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/15/2006 10:38:52 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		The most important rule for me is to be honest and communicate with one another.   I think trusting enough to be completely honest is the most important thing and more difficult than it sounds.  Trust is important to all healthy relationships, but even more to these types of relationships.  Even more than that, my relationship requires the trust of 4 people, as my Master, his lady (wife), my Love (husband) and myself are all involved.  My Love does not get involved in the s/M, D/s aspect at all, but entrusts me to my Master.  Honesty with both of them is of the utmost importance in our relationship.  I am sure others in relationships with more than one other person understand how complicated that can be at first, though now our communication is as natural as breathing.

With my Master, I obey without hesitation, but we always have space to talk about things later.  Sometimes hard to say that something terrified me or that something was difficult.  I want so much to be perfect for Him that it has taken quite a while to understand that part of doing my best for Him is letting Him see the things I struggle with and letting Him know how I feel.  The hardest part is uncovering when I am not honest with myself and letting that go, to find the truth. 

(in reply to daddysprop247)
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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/15/2006 8:20:52 PM   
niceshyquietone


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		honesty...that He will never lie to me and i will never lie to Him.  If i do lie even as a joke, i immediately tell Him regardless of receiving a punishment or not.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/19/2006 5:20:18 AM   
lesbiangirlslave


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beltainefaerie

The most important rule for me is to be honest and communicate with one another.   I think trusting enough to be completely honest is the most important thing and more difficult than it sounds.  Trust is important to all healthy relationships, but even more to these types of relationships.  Even more than that, my relationship requires the trust of 4 people, as my Master, his lady (wife), my Love (husband) and myself are all involved.  My Love does not get involved in the s/M, D/s aspect at all, but entrusts me to my Master.  Honesty with both of them is of the utmost importance in our relationship.  I am sure others in relationships with more than one other person understand how complicated that can be at first, though now our communication is as natural as breathing.

With my Master, I obey without hesitation, but we always have space to talk about things later.  Sometimes hard to say that something terrified me or that something was difficult.  I want so much to be perfect for Him that it has taken quite a while to understand that part of doing my best for Him is letting Him see the things I struggle with and letting Him know how I feel.  The hardest part is uncovering when I am not honest with myself and letting that go, to find the truth. 


This gilr fully agree with that. Although she think its difficult for you, because you have a husband and a Master. And then, to be honest to both is difficult. Maybe the interest and the what they want is opposite to each other. Maybe it give friction.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .



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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/19/2006 1:10:50 PM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Sir has given me but one rule: We do what he wants, when he wants and how he wants.  That's how we live our life.  Now, I can have input, but as always it's up to Him to decide what the outcome will be.

And I like it that way.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/19/2006 10:38:51 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Mine are simple,  I am to follow the 128 rules that CrappyDom posted on the polls forum.  You all dont know this but it was actually my Master who created that list,  yanno he is quite famous for them.........

Honestly though,  truthfullness,  transarency,  do as ordered and last but not least I am not permitted to cum without permission, either in his presence or by myself.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/19/2006 10:40:11 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, he stole my fucking rule!

quote:

ORIGINAL: afeathr

Sir has given me but one rule: We do what he wants, when he wants and how he wants.

(in reply to afeathr)
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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/20/2006 4:27:18 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Hey, he stole my fucking rule!


Somebody stole rule 29? Quick call the police!

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/20/2006 4:38:22 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline 		Well said bearlee, adding further aside from being ''safe sane and consensual'' its up to the Dominant to set forth rules with respect to limits or lack thereof on the part of the submissive/slave.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/30/2006 6:41:10 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Archer wrote, "Personally I find the writting down of values works much better and is of more use than writting down rules specificly.

If you write down a value then you can almost instantly come up with the rules which will reinforce the value."

Thank you :).  I am submissive to my Dom, but we are D/s with fluctuations.  There are some rules, but what is more important is the BIG PICTURE.  Neither one of us would be happy if He had to outline and regulate every act or non-act.  Being agreeable on values allows for flexibility. 

< Message edited by babysburnin -- 10/30/2006 6:47:29 PM >

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/30/2006 7:06:13 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		i wonder if in the beginning of a D/s relationship , particularly with a novice sub,  rules that continually remind the sub of his or her tie to the dominant might be helpful.  An example might be insisting she wear an anklet everyday to remind her she is owned, or having him silently ask for permission to pee each time before he goes.  i don't know.  When i was brand new and insecure in my role and my bond to my Master, little things like this might have helped; small daily rituals that one can repeat many times throughout the day with no one noticing and can reinforce the bond.  Come to think of it, i still like little rituals that remind me i'm owned, especially since we don't live together.  It's comforting.  But, alas, i am talking about rules to keep the sub happy. 

The rules to keep my Master happy are simple:  respect no matter what, honesty, obedience and do everything i can to keep myself close to Him in heart and spirit.   i am not allowed to detach or move away from Him when i am scared or upset, but need to bring myself and my feelings to Him.  That's been the hardest rule to learn.


< Message edited by darksdesire -- 10/30/2006 7:12:18 PM >

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RE: What D/s rules are important to you? - 10/31/2006 12:43:02 AM   
lesbiangirlslave


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darksdesire

The rules to keep my Master happy are simple:  respect no matter what, honesty, obedience and do everything i can to keep myself close to Him in heart and spirit.   i am not allowed to detach or move away from Him when i am scared or upset, but need to bring myself and my feelings to Him.  That's been the hardest rule to learn.



This girl also think that its hard to learn to bring the feelings of a slave to her Mistress. But when she has learned to do it, it can give a strong connextion to each other. The slave is owned in everything. Body, mind and soul.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .



(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 55
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