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RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/12/2006 2:26:14 PM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

It's also a maturity thing - even though I'd like to lick your butt, I'm not going to start the conversation that way.

Oh no it's not love.  You'd be shocked at how many of your 50+ year old peers open up with, or worse, just drop that as their only "compliment" in their message on the other side.


Well, it's best to stay on the gentleman side of things.  If we met and the first thought that came into my mind was about licking your butt, I would hope I would refrain, but after the 3rd or 4th meeting, there would be the possibility of giving into the weakness and actually expressing the desire to mention my fantasy.

At any rate, if we do meet and I do make that particular expression (or any of it's cousins) after the 3rd or 4th meeting, then please don't think too badly of me.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/12/2006 3:36:48 PM   
UnvailedPurpose


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Mis Pandora:
"Guys --  How do you approach?"
Courting is an art form deeply submerged in self-sophistication, polished social grace and unassuming conducts and/or behaviors. Contrary to convenient beliefs, stereotyping and monolithic thinking courting or wooing is not the responsibility of...nor limited to the male. Courting is foreplay and the more elaborate imaginative and creative it is, the more entwined the courtship become. It has little or nothing at all to do with so-called chemistry but the raw raging flames of lustful passion play a monumental roll

Courting is far from one sided; it’s a time of wandering down the corridors of each others mind.


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/12/2006 5:17:22 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I prefer "respectful".. I don't' need the schmoozing complements :)


but your eyes are like shimmering pools in the moonlight.....!!!!!!

still no go huh...????  lmmfao........

PS...like the new avatar Lotus.......!!!!

< Message edited by stockingluvr54 -- 10/12/2006 5:18:03 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/12/2006 6:23:13 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I use pick-up lines! ;-)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_593682/tm.htm

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to stockingluvr54)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/12/2006 9:49:51 PM   
ineedotk


Posts: 109
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I personally approach women in the more gentlemanly fashion.  Do you want to know what its gotten me so far?  NOTHING!!!  Most females I encounter on a daily basis seem to be much more intrigued by your vulgar and dirty males.  Am I historically ignorant or has society's females really changed that much over the years?

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 1:42:40 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Hey Darlin....I mean Hey My Grand Magnificent Highness Mistress, would you like to go to my place for some pizza and candle wax play? What, you don't like pizza?
This is my personal favorite as approaches go.

Seriously Pandora, the approach matters a great deal, but there is a good amount of variation in acceptability to me depending on many factors (such as age, looks, English is his second language, similarity in life outlook, similarity in kink);  for example, I expect an older gentleman to have a more refined approach.  I can be forgiving of the first wrong approach if it looks more like he is awkward rather than a disrespectful one hand typist.   I definitely like a man who simply approaches me as a woman like any other, and while I don't mind his expressing lust for me, it cannot be in a way that I feel like an object and nothing more.     M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 3:14:25 AM   
needstheOne


Posts: 44
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline 		Well I'm new to O/L so I took the approch I would at a play party if I didn't have a Mistress with me. I entered the room knelt and asked permission to send my intro. The intro was long and I knew that the Mistresses on this site get a ton of mail. No it wasn't a one liner either. Got permission to send, so I sent but no reply. O well better luck next time.:)

< Message edited by needstheOne -- 10/13/2006 3:16:36 AM >

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 3:51:30 AM   
maledave777


Posts: 67
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I think the answer is in your question MisP!?

A guy who approaches with talk of his sexual fantasies is not going to go very far in convincing anyone he wants a relationship - he'll come across as someone who wants to fulfil his fantasies, and you'll do, basically, or anyone else who's willing will do too. It suggests a man who thinks all women are of a kind, and has little or no interest in them as people.

On the other hand, a guy who approaches all gentlemanly wouldnt necessarily interest me either. It would come across to me as a lack of the "charge" that would interest me.

I think ideal would be a guy who can mix the two together, without being obscene and without being boring! But then I realise not all men are of a kind either, so its difficult to say that anything in particular would work for all men? Just too many variables.




I believe in approaching a woman as a gentleman. I do agree with LadyEllen on the approach. I think sometimes that I fail to attract a woman because I was too much the gentleman. I do have fantasies and thoughts. I feel as I get to know her, I could reveal more of my thoughts to her. I always want to treat her as a lady. I know she has fantasies and thoughts too.

< Message edited by maledave777 -- 10/13/2006 3:54:29 AM >

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 5:11:31 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
Ladies --  Do you prefer a gentleman or a pig on his approach to you?  In other words, would you rather him be respectful, complimentary and more interested in you as a person up front, or is him being crude, bluntly talking about pussylicking and crack worship and neanderthal-like in his manner ok (or even sexy) to you?


All I can say is that when a submissive male intitally approaches Me, he had better behave as a gentleman, being respectful and interested in Me as a person upfront.  Compliments are nice, too, if they are sincere and not overdone.  If he behaves in any other way, I will delete his e-mail, hang up on him, or walk off.
 
I actually did hang up on a submissive male recently who was crude and talked like a pig in the initial phone conversation.   I found it disgusting and revolting and wanted no part of him.  A shame, too, because he only lives about two miles from Me and W/we had gotten on well in e-mail.
 
Once I have gotten to know a person and a relationship has been established, it's a different story.  I don't mind the sub being crude and gruff on occasion then.  It can be kind of fun at times.
 
Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 10/13/2006 5:22:51 AM >

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 7:22:00 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

There’s definitely a very provocative / gruff side to my masculinity….so it’s fair to say while I'm definitely a well-mannered gentleman, you won’t find me drinking tea and eating finger sandwiches with the boys who have hundred dollar haircuts and silk scarfs from Hong Kong in their breast pockets.

As my sister said to me back in April {After she hadn’t seen me in three years} – ''You still look the same ...Your clean look would let you work on Wall Street, but with your demeanor and mannerisms, you belong on the Sopranos''


I've heard you're a cock wagglin, cock-size braggin, schwashbucklin, heavy drinkin, Harley ridin, robo-submissive studster who has to beat the Dommes off with a stick.

On top of that, Mzfantazma described you as, "Laird Hamilton meets Jonathan Franzen crossed by Johnny Depp."

My only question is, When's American Express Ad comming out, before or after your book publication?

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 10/13/2006 7:37:51 AM >

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 9:11:31 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:


My only question is, When's American Express Ad comming out, before or after your book publication?


.....You missed me a long time back, Cloudboy. I was the guy who wrote, directed and acted in Visa's ''No cry babies allowed'' commercials.



 - R



_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 10:20:39 AM   
MochaMistress


Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline 		He should approach as a gentleman. Just becaus he is submissive/slave doesnt excuse him from providing the respect and common courtesy I am due as a person let alone what I demand as a Domme.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 11:09:06 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needstheOne

Well I'm new to O/L so I took the approch I would at a play party if I didn't have a Mistress with me. I entered the room knelt and asked permission to send my intro. The intro was long and I knew that the Mistresses on this site get a ton of mail. No it wasn't a one liner either. Got permission to send, so I sent but no reply. O well better luck next time.:)


Could be you're making  a mistake.  If you get this *permission*, then you are sending along what you deem to be the right letter, and perhaps you have ignored specific requests for certain information in her profile?  I think this is a common mistake.  A boy is taken with a profile, so he sends along his copy and paste of what he feels in a good intro, rather than taking he time to create something personal that will follow the instructions and impress the Domina who caught his interest.  Or worse..he just states his interest and says he is available for chat or a phone call...all in 25 words or less.  Shortcuts!  This does not impress....
I am not one to respond to someone asking for permission to introduce themselves.  I already lay out pretty clearly what I expect in a letter of introduction.  So change up your long intro to meet the criteria of the Lady in whom you are interested.  And we can tell if it is a basic copy and paste.  You should make it personal.
But I have to tell ya...I am not pleased with a one liner asking *permission* to write.  I have an ad out there.  So unless the Lady has specifically stated that she expects a note asking for permission, just write and make sure you follow the instructions many of us lay out in our profiles to begin with.   Otherwise I consider you to be wasting My time with false humility and pretend submission.  For god's sake, boys!...I can't tell you how many 2 line emails per day I receive that tell Me how impressed they were with My profile and how they are ready to serve Me.  How impressed can they be, if they are so impressed they fail to follow through and write a decent letter according to what I want to see.   I even give an outline! 
Just do it!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/13/2006 11:11:20 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to needstheOne)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 11:23:13 AM   
strob


Posts: 100
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Guys --  How do you approach?  What do you think works or doesn't work?  Why?  For those who have secured a relationship, how did you approach and why did it work?


Whenever I approach, I really do my best to be polite, respectful, complimentary, etc...the best gentleman I can be.
However, from my experience, that kind of approach doesn't work good for me...really don't know why. Still, that's the way I am and, when I am around a woman, domme or not, I just can't be a crude pig. I don't think such men are real subs...

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 2:10:09 PM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		First and foremost I expect to be approached with basic courtesy and as a person. Being a dominant female is an intrinstic part of my persona but not all that I am.  No matter how the good scenes or kink play might be if their aren't  built on a foundation of mutual respect and friendship then they are ultimately unsatisfying to me.

My husband and I have talked about this and he agrees that he wishes to be seen as a person first so he always uses a mannerly approach to any potential partners.  I also use a respectful approach and seek something to comment favorably about with just a touch of flirting thrown in if I feel that person would appreciate it.

Even if I am going to approach someone at a public play party I still spend some time getting to know a little about them first.  I can bring more fire to the scene if I "know" who I am dealing with and I want them to know who is on the wielding end of the flogger.  Without the groundwork established by basic manners and appreciation for the individuality of each other the scene loses any meaning to me.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 2:22:19 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Oh no it's not love.  You'd be shocked at how many of your 50+ year old peers open up with, or worse, just drop that as their only "compliment" in their message on the other side.


I'm not shocked, MisP... I get several many per week from 'doms'.  I just wonder if they are the same guys who whine that submissives fail to answer mail. 
 
Like so many things online...I just don't understand what they get out of such nonsense!  I hardly think it's old-fashioned to just want to be approached as politely as you might approach someone in person...
 
bearlee

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 6:58:21 PM   
degradess


Posts: 68
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline 		I don't mind discussing sexual interests but if thats all I get day in and day out from subs I get so I don't even want to talk about sex.  That is unfortunate as I do happen to like sex but all the mindless chatter kind of kills my idea of it being fun.  Sometimes lately I'd love to have someone talk about bug, mummies, movies..anything but fantasies and sex.  

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 7:01:13 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I prefer "respectful".. I don't' need the schmoozing complements :)


but your eyes are like shimmering pools in the moonlight.....!!!!!!

still no go huh...????  lmmfao........

PS...like the new avatar Lotus.......!!!!


Oh you know what I mean!  I just like to get to the issue at hand :)
 
RE: avitar..  A candle in the wind :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to stockingluvr54)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 7:05:47 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Ladies --  Do you prefer a gentleman or a pig on his approach to you?  In other words, would you rather him be respectful, complimentary and more interested in you as a person up front, or is him being crude, bluntly talking about pussylicking and crack worship and neanderthal-like in his manner ok (or even sexy) to you?


I like a down to Earth approach that's coupled with an obvious sense of humor. Something which tells a bit about themselves outside of their kink and a reason they contacted 'me' in the first place. Not too long, not too short, not cut and pasted and sent to 1000 other people, but unique, individual and mostly tasteful is always good. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: His Demeanor on Approach - 10/13/2006 10:49:31 PM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		I prefer not to feel targeted really, that coralled feeling is non event! .If they can make speed with less haste, that is preferable. After all, there is no rush is there?

Allie

edited to add a 't'

< Message edited by SaintAllie -- 10/13/2006 10:50:38 PM >

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 40
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