Sinergy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: justheather
To the OP:
My sig other and I don't really talk in terms of "limits", but there are things that I am less comfortable with than others, and would they come up, the conversation we may have surrounding them may look like a conversation about "limits" but we don't really use that term. When I chose to submit to my dom, I chose to not have the right to say "I won't do this" or "I want to do that". That doesnt mean that internal limits don't exist, we just approach the concept from a different angle. He has not historically been about "pushing limits" for the sake of it, so our orientation toward limits fits one another nicely. We prefer to take things as they come and be present with them in the moment.
I find that as my relationship with my sig other grows and deepens, I don't think in terms of "limits" so much anyway, but rather in terms of continued exploration and creation of deeper intimacy between us. I'm not out to conquer all my fears for the sake of conquering them or for giving up limits in order to prove anything (my love, my submission, my trust) but rather Im just open to the broadening and deepening of "us". If this organically produces limit-stretching experiences, I welcome them --not because they are opportunities to throw off limits but rather opportunities to experience newer and deeper intimacy in my relationship.
There are things that terrify me and I don't know what my response would be if tomorrow he chose to confront me with one of those things. I do know that if he were to do it, it would be in a thoughtful and responsible manner, which is why I can psychologically afford to orient myself toward the idea from an intimacy-building as opposed to a limit-breaking perspective.
Hello A/all,
I suppose my idea has to do with what the limit means to the person. I learned long ago (from other people telling me, as well as my own observations) that I can be extremely persuasive. Let me say for example that I use my powers of persuasion and convince this person to give up her limit. She gives it up because I told her to.. Something I did not foresee happening in her psyche happens because that limit was something which may have been a defense mechanism from her past. Now I have taken something that worked (for whatever reason) which I did not truly understand, and I have broken it. She trusted me to take care of her and keep her safe, and I let her down on a profoundly deep level.
This is not my kink. I know I can convince people of all sorts of things, I really dont need further confirmation of this. julia has a limit she stated. I dont tie up much of my ego in whether or not she has a limit. My kink is closer to being a catalyst for the other person's self discovery. This is why I am not overly interested in the other person's rationalizations for things. I want the other person to look deep within themselves and find out their own answers. They dont even really need to tell me what the answer is. As Trinity said in the Matrix, "It is the question which drives us."
So after asking julia to look into her own thoughts to find her own answer, she had a realization of her own. This eventually resulted in her calling and telling me she no longer had the limit she spoke of, and she explained why. It was not even related to what we were talking about.
I was a bit shocked, but in a good way. She had always felt like her limit was letting me down in some way, which it was not.
Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.
Sinergy
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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
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RE: Letting Go Of Limits - 
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