quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Teach him all about you.. your body, your buttons etc.  If he wants to serve.. it will be his job to fly you :)
 
There is always that bit of male ego that will be wanting to show you just how good they are....  use it :)  Put him in the position of letting him show you what he knows .

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Yeah...but what does HE want? Expecting him to change who he is for you simply isn't fair. Not only that, it's flat out unlikely to happen...change is hard. Ask him if he wants to do this...and tell him he must be honest because your actions are based on what he says. If he doesn't want to do it, there are options, ranging from ending the relationship to bringing in an additional person. If he does, ask him what would be a better way of teaching him how as your methods obviously aren't working.

Master Fire

quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERRocker

or one who is seeking to be 'refined'? Just a consideration......

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedlyDevine

I thank you thus far for your input.  Adding another person in is not an option for either of us, nor is ending the marriage.  He knows my buttons but refuses to implement them, sexually he is so submisive, he doesnt even get a clue unless I outright get mad and tell him I am bitchy because lack of intimacy.  His problems stem deep, always being told a woman should be coddled, cared for, tended to, with care.  Now I redefine what I consider caring, loving, attentive.  I am very open with him, and very patient.  The problem I am having is getting him to understand that this is not a game to me, it is a NEED.  And furthermore, it is him that I want to fulfill that need.  Keep coming, its helping.

quote:

I thank you thus far for your input.  Adding another person in is not an option for either of us, nor is ending the marriage.  He knows my buttons but refuses to implement them, sexually he is so submisive, he doesnt even get a clue unless I outright get mad and tell him I am bitchy because lack of intimacy.

quote:

His problems stem deep, always being told a woman should be coddled, cared for, tended to, with care.  Now I redefine what I consider caring, loving, attentive.  I am very open with him, and very patient.  The problem I am having is getting him to understand that this is not a game to me, it is a NEED.  And furthermore, it is him that I want to fulfill that need.  Keep coming, its helping

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedlyDevine

I thank you thus far for your input.  Adding another person in is not an option for either of us, nor is ending the marriage.  He knows my buttons but refuses to implement them,

Perhaps "refuse" may not be the right word?  Maybe he CAN'T push them, for if he did (from what you have shared thus far), he would not be real to you or true to himself or his own needs and desires.  Afterall, it would be great if the fulfillment were mutual between the two of you.  when one is unhappy, it throws the balance off, and the mutual enjoyment is, well, no longer mutual, but rather lopsided.  This makes for an unhealthy connection.

sexually he is so submisive, he doesnt even get a clue unless I outright get mad and tell him I am bitchy because lack of intimacy. 

Could be that you each have a different definition of what constitutes intimacy?  His intimacy shows itself quite nicely through his submission in bed...can you accept him for who he is in this regard?  Since poly is out, and ending the marraige is out, all that seems left is for mutual acceptance and understanding.  If you both work together to find ways to fulfill each other, like maybe you thinking about him first, and not yourself, and vice versa.  Maybe taking a break from your quest for your own needs to be met and focusing on his, may help the both of you.  Putting each other first, well, someone has to start it, it may as well be you since you are posting it here.


His problems stem deep, always being told a woman should be coddled, cared for, tended to, with care. 

So he has problems with the way he views the treatment of women.  Maybe he doesn't see this as a problem and only you do?  Hec there are some i know who would enjoy this type of man. *smile  if i were in your shoes, i would try simply enjoying him with no expectations, but with sharing gentle nudges and kind persuasions, etc.  The "in your face approach" does not often yeild high results. 
 
Now I redefine what I consider caring, loving, attentive. 

Why must you redefine something that is a part of him?  He is who he is.  Is he trying to redefine you also in this same regard?  Does he feel the same about himself as you describe him here?  Do you wonder how he would feel if he were to read all of this thread?
 
I am very open with him, and very patient.  The problem I am having is getting him to understand that this is not a game to me, it is a NEED.  And furthermore, it is him that I want to fulfill that need. 

It sounds like you want him to perhaps become someone he is not.  You want him to fulfill all your needs, and sometimes there is no one person who can do all of that.  What does he want?

Keep coming, its helping.