How do You call Him out on cheating?

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How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:01:14 AM

naughtygeisha

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

i had the unfortunate experience of playing with someone who stated that He did not have others and requested the same from me as We/we were looking at a 24/7 relationship, so to show my committment to the possibility i agreed, Needless to say i found out it was all lies., So herein lies the question , do i call Him out on it or do i just walk away and take it as a lesson in trust and honesty and most importantly to i let others know?Any advice would be appreciated, Thank You .

Post #: 1

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:04:01 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

Actually , it's pretty simple. You say 'I found out that you are seeing others. How come when we agreed that we would not?"

Simple, to the point, and without drama.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to naughtygeisha)

Post #: 2

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:06:41 AM

sassiefire

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline

Yes, call him on it. Be respectful. If you just walk away you may never know what could have been.

(in reply to naughtygeisha)

Post #: 3

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:09:12 AM

naughtygeisha

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

i realize that walking away without confronting Him on it would be the chicken way out it's just going to be a bit hard to trust Him and We/we all know just how important that is in this lifestyle and in life in general.

(in reply to sassiefire)

Post #: 4

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:44:22 AM

MistressCopia

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Good morning, dear.
First of all, please accept My condolences. Any time you have your hopes dashed in such a fashion, you're going to be quite hurt by the knowledge you have acquired.
Walking away may remove the thing that is causing you the most grief- but it's not going to help you to heal any faster.
Let Me preface these remarks to follow by saying that having a promise broken is a betrayal of trust. If you were promised exclusivity by a Dom and he did not keep up his end of that promise, he has betrayed your trust and you have every reason in the world to feel angry, hurt and devastated. Feel your emotions....be royally pissed off....cry if you want to! But then DO something for yourself. Ask the question that you really want the answer to....politely but firmly.
Although I don't agree with the position, some Doms/Dommes believe that playing with another sub before a full collar is offered is "ok". If they didn't promise absolute exclusivity to you - not just sexual exclusivity - they may believe that there isn't a problem in engaging in D/s or BDSM activity with another person. The problem is if the expectation they set up in their sub is that she or he is the only one in their Dominants life, the subs heart is broken if they don't have the courage to examine the "fine print" of the agreement....
Ask your Dom if this was the case here. The answer will certainly tell you if there was some "non-disclosure" in your agreement....(ie: If the Dom with whom you were negotiating honestly did not understand what your perception of things was or if he knew what your expectations were and chose to knowingly break your agreement ) Either answer will give you a basis to move on with. If he broke your agreement and knowingly caused you heartache, you know what to look for the next time you are setting expectations during an agreement. If this was the result of mis-matched understandings of an agreement, you then have the option of clarifying things and moving forward. Either way, it brings you the closure you need and validates the fact that you need to understand what happened before you can mourn what you've already lost - that first blush of absolute trust.
Blessings as you move closer to understanding the truth. Trust your own instincts and use the knowledge you gain to build the realtionship you crave with a loving, trustworthy Dominant partner.
Copia

(in reply to sassiefire)

Post #: 5

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:47:38 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Sounds like to me you get to do what you want. If you want to just walk away do so. If you want to scream and yell do so. Personally for me, I would want to give a reason to a person I stop seeing even if it was a simple direct and unemotional response.

Obviously someone lying in this nature is a huge blow to trust which is so important in any relationship let alone a D/s one. I am sure he will have some excuse and it may just not be because he has a penis one, but no matter what the excuse trust and honesty was clearly broken and it is what you can live with if you do consider still seeing him.

(in reply to naughtygeisha)

Post #: 6

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:51:04 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

tell him he's a lying fuctard and move on....fuckin cheaters (grrrrr)

(in reply to naughtygeisha)

Post #: 7

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:51:25 AM

naughtygeisha

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

again Your words of wisdom are astounding. i am going to end it with Him and advise Him that i know about the others, i deserve more than that, thank You all and hopefully this forum will help others in similar situations. i cannot submit completely to someone who i cannot trust.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 8

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:52:18 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

tell him he's a lying fuctard and move on....fuckin cheaters (grrrrr)

ROFL - if you read between the lines of what toservez said, this is what you see

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 9

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:56:00 AM

naughtygeisha

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

lmao, it was what i thought but She put it so eloquently.

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

Post #: 10

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 8:56:02 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Although I don't agree with the position, some Doms/Dommes believe that playing with another sub before a full collar is offered is "ok". If they didn't promise absolute exclusivity to you - not just sexual exclusivity - they may believe that there isn't a problem in engaging in D/s or BDSM activity with another person. The problem is if the expectation they set up in their sub is that she or he is the only one in their Dominants life, the subs heart is broken if they don't have the courage to examine the "fine print" of the agreement....

Having fine print on some agreement with someone on this level to make the agreement seem different than it originally was is even more disgusting than outright lying. It is like asking what "is" means, and it is a dirty rotten trick...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MistressCopia)

Post #: 11

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:10:46 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Why do you choose men who cheat on you?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:16:17 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

Did you miss the part where she said "he lied"?

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 13

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:27:30 AM

MistressCopia

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Which is why I said I don't agree with it ! LOL
I'm a rather firm believer in getting ALL of the expectations out on the table in an agreement such as this. Understanding that people have a tendency to hear what they want to hear in emotional discussions can be used by unscrupulous people on both sides of the power-exchange aisle to make an agreement that can later be used to manipulate. Be clear in what you expect of your partner ( be they Dom or dub), stick to the letter of your agreement as well as it's spirit, and act like an honorable person worthy of someone's trust and respect.
Oh....and keep your pants zipped if you've promised to do so ! It's so much less work than cleaning up your messes after the fact....

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:27:49 AM

naughtygeisha

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

lol thanks i did not realize He was going to be a cheat and liar but i'm glad i found out so quickly, i just pity the poor girls He is playing with now, So should i tell them?

_____________________________

Submission is the greatest gift there is , Why throw it away, cherish it and be cherished

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

Post #: 15

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:31:10 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtygeisha

lol thanks i did not realize He was going to be a cheat and liar but i'm glad i found out so quickly, i just pity the poor girls He is playing with now, So should i tell them?

That's a whole other topic - there are pros and cons in doing what you suggest.

One thing that I've seen stressed in these forums over and over is to be sane and safe - look before you leap - work the muscles between your ears first.

If you do decide to say something to the other ladies, make sure your safety is ensured before doing so.

(in reply to naughtygeisha)

Post #: 16

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:52:54 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

tell him he's a lying fuctard and move on....fuckin cheaters (grrrrr)

ROFL - if you read between the lines of what toservez said, this is what you see

YES....toservs always has well thought out posts!....mine are just abit more to the point...lol

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

Post #: 17

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:56:50 AM

eroticangel

Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

CrappyDom Sir...are you kidding???? do you think she picked a liar and cheater on purpose???? He lied, did you miss that part??? Sometimes we search and we do everything by the book...we meet, talk, get to "know" people and they turn out to be skunks.....i just spent 8 weeks learning about someone...meeting, talking, having a good tome...finally we played and had sex and spent the night...and pooooof! He was gone...not another word......
i think i picked Him because i wanted something to post about. truthfully sometimes Crappy Dom...you make me want to scream....All the "learning" in the world doesn't always protect you from a liar!!!!!

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 18

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 9:58:46 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Most definately call him out and be blunt..
Then dump him. any relationship is based on trust. a M/s one especially so.
no matter what he says the trust you have in him is damaged and in my opinion will never fully recover... time to move on

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to naughtygeisha)

Post #: 19

RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? - 10/20/2006 10:02:23 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticangel

CrappyDom Sir...are you kidding???? do you think she picked a liar and cheater on purpose???? He lied, did you miss that part??? Sometimes we search and we do everything by the book...we meet, talk, get to "know" people and they turn out to be skunks.....i just spent 8 weeks learning about someone...meeting, talking, having a good tome...finally we played and had sex and spent the night...and pooooof! He was gone...not another word......
i think i picked Him because i wanted something to post about. truthfully sometimes Crappy Dom...you make me want to scream....All the "learning" in the world doesn't always protect you from a liar!!!!!

It is only a probably very small percentage of women who have had more then a couple of boyfriends that have not had that wonderful experience of being cheated on. Trust us if there was a way to figure out who will and who will not, we would post it on billboards all over the world.

(in reply to eroticangel)

Post #: 20

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