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Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 5:11:20 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline 		Are forums good for owned Submissives/Slaves?

As being new the the lifestyle, I must say the forums have been great for me, but it has come into question, If a person is in a D/s or M/s relationship, should the submissive come to forums for advice, sharing thoughts and insight....or should she totally give that focus to her owner? Relying on His wisdom and sharing feelings.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 5:31:53 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I am of the opinion that too many people leap into the status of slave long before they have really gained any experience in the lifestyle. Much as with my opinion that a great many declair themselves dominant or submissive without having taken the time to truly examine the issue from every angle, I think that a newcomer must seriously study the scene from every possible angle before fixating on one way or one person.

A forum is a place for debate on opinions and the exchange of safety information regarding techniques. It's a great way to learn about things you might have never tried, and its a good place to learn of perspectives other than your own.

If you are a slave in the sm context, it is because it is a role you have chosen to accept. No one can correctly make an uninformed choice, and no amount of opinion mongering can really change your mind once you have made an informed choice. Therefore, if a problem comes up in a master-slave dynamic because of the slave reading and interacting on a forum like this one, it is logical to surmise that the problem existed already, and the slave has only now become aware of it.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 5:33:18 PM   
TahoeSadist


Posts: 176
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not sure that's an either/or situation, as I can't see that the choices are mutually exclusive. Both would be good sources of info and communication, depending on the subjects I reckon.

Eric

_____________________________

As long as one of us enjoys it, it's not a total waste

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 5:40:06 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I am of the opinion that too many people leap into the status of slave long before they have really gained any experience in the lifestyle.


I agree with you totally Suleiman, I spent 2 years as a bottom going through self discovery. I am on my submissive journey now and just until recently feel like I am ready to delve in and mature in a D/s relationship. I do eventually want to see if I have a slave's heart, but it is all a desired progression, not a blind leap.

This was one of those "what if" questions while sitting around drinking a cup of coffee...

Respectfully,
Willing2serve

(in reply to TahoeSadist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 5:44:19 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Them's some of my favoritest kinds of questions

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 5:46:10 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Are forums good for owned Submissives/Slaves?


My Dom doesn't have the time to read online like i do. He appreciates me learning all i can on my own and bringing it to the relationship, and we have tried a lot of the ideas i've gotten from these forums.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 6:34:51 PM   
Socrateaser


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		More information is almost always a good thing.

If what you read here matches what you know, thats good.

If it doesn't, you should be able to explain why. If you can't, its time to put on the thinking blindfold.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 7:15:37 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I can only speak for myself. Doug loves it that I am educated and getting more so everyday.
He loves to sit silently and watch me in discussions, especially with other Doms.
He say's those are his proudest moments.

So, I'd have to say the forums are good. In all aspects.

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 8:05:18 PM   
DreamWeaverAz


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I believe that a submissive/slave can benifit from reading and participating in forums as it can broaden the discussions that they then have with their Doms/Masters and can actually spur more growth in the C/couple. now should they take everything they read to heart? no! reading something and taking it to heart as gospel from a forum treads on the Toes of the relationship and takes the discussion and learning growth away from the couple. growth from reading and learning is good, but it has to be discussed with in the C/couple to find how it works best for it.

clear as Mud? yea...I thought so too...teach Me to start rambling..lol

_____________________________

Honor and Trust and Respect before anything other

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 8:20:04 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamWeaverAz
clear as Mud? yea...I thought so too...teach Me to start rambling..lol


Well, if you insist...

The first thing you need to understand is that you must never say in a single paragraph what could be drawn out into several pages of text. I mean, after all, there must be a couple thousand ideas going through your head now, right? And they all relate to the topic in one way or another, so you might as well use them.

I remember this one time I thought I was way off topic, but then it turned out that everyone agreed with me. I was totally surprised, especially since I was a newcomer to the board and came in late on the discussion. Since then I've decided that rambling isn't nessisarily a bad thing, as long as you only segue through those ideas that have something to do with what you were talking about.

Any way, once you've got the whole digression thing down, the next part is trying to come up with some semblance of order. Anybody can just sit here and type up a constant stream of consciousness, but it takes a little discipline to stay on topic when you do that. I like to start a new paragraph about where I'd normally pause for breath when I'm talking, because that's usually when I stop and think again (you can't talk and think at the same time you know, or at least I can't I guess you can if you're a decent multi-tasker but that's not one of my talents. I can't top and bottom at the same time either - I'm either real uppity or totally obedient, you know what I mean?)

So where was I? Oh yeah. Rambling.

The thing to remember about rambling is that getting there is the entire point. Anybody can just talk and talk and talk until thei're blue in the face, you have to have something to say to be really effective as a rambler. There was this one time I was arguing about babylon five, but the guy I was talking about kept going on about dune, he just wouldn't shut up, and it was very annoying for me to have to listen to him going on and on and on and on....

holy shit! Are you stil reading this? What the heck's wrong with you? By now all I'm doing is filling up space because I thought it would be funnier this way. Go home. Read something else. Seriously, I don't have anything else to say. Are you still here? Go away, I said!

There. That got rid of them. Now for a few of my favorite show tunes.

If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer...

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to DreamWeaverAz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/26/2005 8:26:29 PM   
DreamWeaverAz


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		fair enough and point well made. so next time I ramble I will keep a spare set of fingers handy for when I wear the first set down...lol

_____________________________

Honor and Trust and Respect before anything other

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 6:25:22 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		I am in a D/s relationship. Before hand, i had learned all that i could about what i was to embark upon, what was considered submissive, what was not from reading threads such as this. So for my personal growth, reading was a must.

Finding that my Dom and our relationship followed what id learned would considered usual was also a comfort.

One of the few pitfalls i saw at the beginning, was that i 'knew' where things were heading before hand, things were to a certain extent predictable. Some of this came from reading sights like this, some from topping in past. But once a trust was built on the relationship side of things, then the D/s took off naturally into a path that was ours, that fits us, that is not predicatable now.

I can only see benefit from reading. It may from time to time, have you wanting to top from the bottom in suggesting things that you've 'read', but if your wanting to submit, there seems little to be gained from this, so avoid that if you can.

Also, this plus other forums i belong to are a wealth of 'tips' that are worth a try at least. Coming up with new ideas to either D or s can be helped along by others. You will never have the same experience that is posted, but you can enjoy how the two of you experience or interpret anothers tip.

Goodluck to you
pandoravampire

(in reply to DreamWeaverAz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 6:34:48 AM   
GreyStorm


Posts: 423
Joined: 1/26/2005
From: Cheeseheadland
Status: offline
quote:

Well, if you insist...

The first thing you need to understand is that you must never say in a single paragraph what could be drawn out into several pages of text. I mean, after all, there must be a couple thousand ideas going through your head now, right? And they all relate to the topic in one way or another, so you might as well use them.

I remember this one time I thought I was way off topic, but then it turned out that everyone agreed with me. I was totally surprised, especially since I was a newcomer to the board and came in late on the discussion. Since then I've decided that rambling isn't nessisarily a bad thing, as long as you only segue through those ideas that have something to do with what you were talking about.

Any way, once you've got the whole digression thing down, the next part is trying to come up with some semblance of order. Anybody can just sit here and type up a constant stream of consciousness, but it takes a little discipline to stay on topic when you do that. I like to start a new paragraph about where I'd normally pause for breath when I'm talking, because that's usually when I stop and think again (you can't talk and think at the same time you know, or at least I can't I guess you can if you're a decent multi-tasker but that's not one of my talents. I can't top and bottom at the same time either - I'm either real uppity or totally obedient, you know what I mean?)

So where was I? Oh yeah. Rambling.

The thing to remember about rambling is that getting there is the entire point. Anybody can just talk and talk and talk until thei're blue in the face, you have to have something to say to be really effective as a rambler. There was this one time I was arguing about babylon five, but the guy I was talking about kept going on about dune, he just wouldn't shut up, and it was very annoying for me to have to listen to him going on and on and on and on....

holy shit! Are you stil reading this? What the heck's wrong with you? By now all I'm doing is filling up space because I thought it would be funnier this way. Go home. Read something else. Seriously, I don't have anything else to say. Are you still here? Go away, I said!

There. That got rid of them. Now for a few of my favorite show tunes.

If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer...



Now that is just plain enlightening, I would love to learn how to mutter better in the future......


funny stuff

< Message edited by GreyStorm -- 1/27/2005 6:35:24 AM >

_____________________________

Ahhh temptation, I have named thee and thy name is woman.

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 7:16:17 AM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

One of the few pitfalls i saw at the beginning, was that i 'knew' where things were heading before hand, things were to a certain extent predictable. Some of this came from reading sights like this, some from topping in past. But once a trust was built on the relationship side of things, then the D/s took off naturally into a path that was ours, that fits us, that is not predicatable now


This is an interesting observation, One would think the opposite would be true.

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 7:35:54 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		One of the things that I always do, whether with my girl or one I am merely mentoring, is give her a list of things i want her to read and discussion groups I want her to remain current with. I think this serves at least three purposes.
First, I find that some basic questions recur and while some variation of answers is to be expected, they generally fall into set categories. Understanding that these patterns continually cycle reinforces what I teach my girls about the different schools of thought commonly found in online discussion groups.
Secondly, I like to take advantage of interesting threads for the purpose of instruction. I will often use a thread to illustrate some point or other, and use the various positions as debating points.
Thirdly, I encourage my girls to bring topics to me for discussion. I want them to have exposure to topics that I might not think to bring to the table.
I don't encourage my girl to sit at the puter 24/7 but i do encourage her to set aside time in her day to attend to her education. In situations where I set a strict schedule, I have always allotted specific discussion group time. I will sometime require a girl to keep a notes on threads of particular interest, also.
Timothy

quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2serve

Are forums good for owned Submissives/Slaves?

As being new the the lifestyle, I must say the forums have been great for me, but it has come into question, If a person is in a D/s or M/s relationship, should the submissive come to forums for advice, sharing thoughts and insight....or should she totally give that focus to her owner? Relying on His wisdom and sharing feelings.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve


(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 7:44:27 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Just for the sake of being the devil's advocate, I'll say there are some pitfalls with using the boards. Some folks get all this information and get confused worrying about insignificant nuances in definitions like "am I sub or a slave" instead of just letting the relationship take it's natural course.

Another problem is that we see plenty of examples of folks asking for relationship advice. The responses are often to improve communicationand of course that is right. However responses can be honest opinions about what to do but may be based on faulty information because the questions often leave out critical facts or are of self serving sort as in "master did something so bad and I'm such an adorable innocent angel". So, garbage in garbage out.

Ok, that's all I can come up with right now. Obviously I wouldn't be here if I thought it was a bad thing, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 8:27:35 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The responses are often to improve communicationand of course that is right.


Does relying on forums and other people's advice sometime prohibit communication in the relationship?

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 10:10:35 PM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		When Owner says X is the right way, friends say Y is the right way, the books say Z is the right and then the forums have the rest of the alphabet in opinions. I would think it could get a tad confusing for a new or even a not so new person

(in reply to willing2serve)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 10:41:21 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

Seriously, I don't have anything else to say. Are you still here? Go away, I said!

There. That got rid of them. Now for a few of my favorite show tunes.

If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer...


Tell us another story! We love story time.


_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Master Versus Forum - 1/27/2005 10:44:20 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LdyAuburn

When Owner says X is the right way, friends say Y is the right way, the books say Z is the right and then the forums have the rest of the alphabet in opinions. I would think it could get a tad confusing for a new or even a not so new person



It could be confusing... but it might offer them a new way of looking at an issue... a way that they like or agree with more so than with their prior idea.

Or sometimes they hear the horror stories of other people and learn from the experiences. I think one must be selective about what they take in as truth and what they take in as opinion and what they observe to be a load of whooey.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to LdyAuburn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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