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When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 1:40:34 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I got a 14 page letter from my ex Master today. All of the memories that I assumed he had forgotten....laid right out in black and white. The clarity of his memory astounds me. He says I am his first thought when he wakes and the last thought before he sleeps. He wants me to know that he understands the pain he caused and takes the full responsibility for it.....and that he still loves me as much today as ever. He knows that he has no chance of ever being in my life on that level again.....and he wishes only the best for me in wherever life takes me.

Well gosh....it's funny how after so long we both think so often of the other. The memories come despite all of my efforts to keep them away. And now, here today it is....right in my face. Who says life doesn't have a rewind? It surely does.....now if only it had a "redo".

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 1:43:43 PM   
Hisslavedesires


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		I was once told that forgveness means setting somone free from debtors prison.  Why can't there be a redo if truly forgiven?

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 1:45:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Just because you forgive doesn't mean it's the right thing to restart.  You can love someone and not be right for them in a relationship. 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 1:52:03 PM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Just because you forgive doesn't mean it's the right thing to restart.  You can love someone and not be right for them in a relationship. 


Amen

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 1:56:05 PM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline 		When the past just won't stay dead...

You didn't bury it deep enough.


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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 1:56:57 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The cliche forgive but do not forget always applies. Cherish your pleasent memories as they are part of what makes you you just as much and hopefully a lot more then the bad stuff is as well, but let niether cloud your judgement going forward.

For me it was a sign that I was ready to look again when my memories of all the good times and things started to dominate my bad ones.

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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:03:54 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		That must be so hard, erin. *hugs* You already know all the usual answers. You've been reading/writing here for long enough. :-)

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:07:48 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		We learn from the past and have experiences that are always part of us, but all of this can be leading to the present, ultimate knowledge, that surpasses by building on everything that has come before. We can put our past energies into our greater, current relationship. Easy enough for me.  

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:09:56 PM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

The cliche forgive but do not forget always applies. Cherish your pleasent memories as they are part of what makes you you just as much and hopefully a lot more then the bad stuff is as well, but let niether cloud your judgement going forward.

For me it was a sign that I was ready to look again when my memories of all the good times and things started to dominate my bad ones.



I did something stupid to a friend, they didn't speak to me for 3 years then called me one day and asked to meet - they had been afraid for over 2 years that I hated them because they told me to take a long walk on a short pier.

We are friends again and they have forgiven me, but they also wants to forget what happened - but I tell her I'm glad they have forgiven me, but I don't want them to forget.

I made a mistake, I apologized, they forgave - I think if the friendship will last, then they can't forget what I said to them - it is part of who we are and what we will be.

It just seems dishonest to pretend nothing ever happened, that I never said some truly awful things, even if it was a bad time (right after 9/11 and our company downsized) and both of us were messed up because of it.

I feel fortunate that they've accepted me back, but it won't be the same - even with good memories, time changes all.

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These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:15:20 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I think forgiveness goes a long ways. Hubby forgave me for my affair three years ago and said He would never mention it again. Things have been great between us the last 3 years. I know not everyone agrees with this but i don't want this to turn into another cheating thread.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:17:03 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

It just seems dishonest to pretend nothing ever happened, that I never said some truly awful things, even if it was a bad time (right after 9/11 and our company downsized) and both of us were messed up because of it.

I feel fortunate that they've accepted me back, but it won't be the same - even with good memories, time changes all.


The quote that helped me the most is
 
"Forgiveness is nothing more than giving up hope of a different past".
 

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Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:25:40 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The quote that helped me the most is
 
"Forgiveness is nothing more than giving up hope of a different past".
 


Wow! That is just beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. I  am going to write that down and keep it where I will never lose it.

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:38:37 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		erin, i do not know the circumstances, nor is it my business.  However, i am thinking you need a good 'ole fashion hug. 

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 2:58:50 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Erin - All I can say is you have the power here.  The power to consider what is driving his words to you (What is his motivation?  With a 14 page letter, there's got to be something going on in his head).  And you have the power to let the past remain dead.  

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 3:09:39 PM   
Silvermoon


Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline 		Ex's are Ex's for a reason.

I live by that rule. Life's so much simpler!


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 3:16:44 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		The past often has a way of coming back and biting us in the ass.
I find i either take comfort from it or it breaks my heart all over again.
I sincerely hope you took comfort from it Erin.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 3:29:58 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Hopefully it'll put some shit to rest....???? Kinda weird how that stuff seems to work? Had a real grudge against one of my ex's and we bumped into each other at a mutual friends wedding and talked some. Then about a year later she emailed me and we wrote abit....then occasional chats on the phone. She's married now but we still chat from time to time and everything is really cool between us now. Hope it works out that way for you.......

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 3:47:52 PM   
Mistrix


Posts: 186
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		People come in our life for a reason, season or lifetime.  Accept that relationship for what it is. 

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I am a Woman, above everything else.

One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 3:57:10 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I can understand how you feel, I had something like this happen to me just this past weekend.  A person out of my past, has sort of come back to haunt me.  I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it.  Do I just let it all go, now that I have moved on?  Do I finish what was started, so I can feel that it all wasn't in vain?  I am still not sure of the answers, though I am trying to work it out in my head.
 
We can forgive, but forgetting is sometimes impossible.  I have noticed the things I try to forget the most, are the things that fill my dreams.
 
I hope that things work out for you, be well.
 
Akasha

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Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
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RE: When the past just won't stay dead - 10/24/2006 3:58:50 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, old relationships sometimes pop back up like Glenn Close at the end of Fatal Attraction, but one thing I've noticed is that I haven't talked to someone for a long time, and then start talking to him or her for whatever reason, it doesn't take very long for me to remember why I stopped talking to that person in the first place.

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