"Under My protection"

"Under My protection" (Full Version)

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emdoub -> "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 5:06:33 PM)
Yeah, I know this one has been hashed out before - but I keep on tripping over it, and it keeps on wierding me out. Okay - I run across "SubbySue", who looks like a possible - at least, worth exchanging email with, to see if it's even worthwhile for a first F2F meet. Then I find that she's 'Under the Protection of DomlyDan', and I'm expected to email with him for a while, and convince him of my sincerity/integrity/domliness, before I can exchange email with SubbySue. Is it just me, or are these folks missing something? First off, I'm simply not going to submit to some dom's demands, not for the submissive of my dreams - I'm just not gonna. Second - if the sub is not his property, he simply doesn't have any authority to say "you may not" or "you must" negotiate with a third party - myself. If she gives him that authority, why not just let her submit to him and be done with it? Third - now, I'm a father, with a teenage daughter. If some guy wants to check with me before asking her out, well, it's old-fashioned, and kinda charming, but a tad creepy anyway. If some kid asks me for a date with her, I think I'd feel like a pimp saying anything but "hell, go ask her - you're not my type". Doing this for a putatively adult woman? I just don't think so. Now, if an experienced dom wants to watch over her shoulder and give advice if he sees a red herring, that's a different matter - but that doesn't even have to be mentioned to any potential dates. That, I do do with my daughter (and she ignores my advice, steadfastly), and would be fine with doing for a newbie sub, to keep 'em safe until they have enough experience to not need help there. So, can anyone explain the dynamic here? My usual suspicions are that the guy is front for an illusion, and is getting his rocks off getting the other doms to dance to his tune over a sub that doesn't exist, or that the guy is getting his domly kicks and stroking his own ego, being able to pick out the "good ones" and all, while exerting control over a sub he doesn't want to collar. Midnight Writer

RedSavageSlave -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 5:32:41 PM)
For some submissives, it is because they do not trust themselves not to submit to every tom dick and harry. So therefore, the "protector" does the screening for them to give more assurance that the person she does submit to is not a user, abuser, or just plain wanker. Do I agree with this? NO Do I understand this? YES Do I believe that if someone is adult enough to play in this playground, they should be adult enough to choose their own partners maturely? YES Do I see this trend changing anytime soon? NO

KatyLied -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 5:52:48 PM)
Do you really want to be with someone who can't trust her own judgment enough to navigate life? I laugh at those profiles. I'll admit....I don't get it.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 5:57:46 PM)
Exactly. You don't want to get involved with someone who feels a need for a cyber protector. So don't. People can form whatever relationships they want for whatever reasons they want. I agree that I find a cyber protector thing much more of a romanticized way for a chick to feel "involved" and to show off rather than a functional relationship (and usually enabling worse behavior)...but obviously people enjoy what they get from it. Until they come to the boards asking "What does it mean when I'm under protection and still want to date?"

mnottertail -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:02:14 PM)
Well, cyber nothing--- If you ever see a profile that says she is under the protection of cybermaster mnottertail and you must go thru me to prove your worthiness and honor, you can just bet you ain't gonna measure up, 'cause I am copping me some heavy blowjobs and she will never see your mail. Ron But a man behind a curtain---I don't know, I am kinda with everyone else on that one too-------- That may be too fragile a person to live outside the bubble.

goodpet -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:03:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: emdoub Now, if an experienced dom wants to watch over her shoulder and give advice if he sees a red herring, that's a different matter - . Midnight Writer The most successful mentoring or "protection" collars or relationships were for this reasons and designed as such.. the sub going back to the Dom to ask questions, reflect, get advice and run things by him. I do think the sub should tell a potential "date" that she does get advice from someone. The relationships that are more (I'm not your "Dom" but I want total control) don't seem to work out for long. Ann

Lordandmaster -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:12:42 PM)
Yeah, that about sums it up for me too. quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave Do I agree with this? NO Do I understand this? YES Do I believe that if someone is adult enough to play in this playground, they should be adult enough to choose their own partners maturely? YES Do I see this trend changing anytime soon? NO

SlaveAkasha -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:31:21 PM)
I have seen this a bit as of late, and I don't quite get it either. I see these sub/slaves that are even supposed to be owned, yet have online or real-life protectors. I guess for them it makes them feel better, but if I didn't trust myself enough to keep safe online or out in the world, I wouldn't even be here to begin with. It's is someone I would pass by I think.. or at least think twice about. Akasha

happypervert -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:35:53 PM)
quote: Then I find that she's 'Under the Protection of DomlyDan', and I'm expected to email with him for a while, and convince him of my sincerity/integrity/domliness, before I can exchange email with SubbySue. Yup, any sucker who puts up with this shit is getting dommed by some other dom and is probably too dumb to realize it.. I suppose it makes sense to some folks, but anyone involved with it seems pretty weird to me.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:41:03 PM)
If, for whatever reasons, the sub has given a Dom this power over them, then the etiquette is to go through the Protector as they have asked. They've given this power to the Dom; it's then the sub's journey to figure out if it was a good thing to do or not. If this annoys you, then its probably a sign that they aren't a match for you. But, just wait until someone asks YOU to be the protector. It's kinda like you parents telling you that there are somethings that you wouldn't understand until you had children of your own...and you found that they were right. Master Fire

juliaoceania -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 6:57:42 PM)
I do not understand protection collars over the internet. You cannot harm a submissive over the internet via email, you cannot force her to do anything with you. I would understand this at a play party of a dungeon in real life with a submissive that is owned by another dominant wanting a friend to watch out for her, or someone who wanted to go out to a club but did not feel comfortable without a protection collar. In these circumstances the submissive is face-to-face with a dominant, and the more aggressive sorts may back off if they believe a submissive is being escorted. But over the internet it is just odd in my mind, but to each their own... I would not deal with it, and pass these sort of submissives by if I were a dominant... but that is just my opinion As far as the daughter thing, if I had a minor daughter I would be very much impressed by a young man if he asked for permission to court/date her and not find it creepy at all... but I tend to think in an old fashioned way.

Argentopal -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 7:04:04 PM)
We, Argent and myself, met a young lady on a different site sometime ago now. She was very young, eager, determined to "do wiitwd", had no real life (face to face) backup as it were because of the area where she lived, and did I mention determined to "do wiitwd"? When we first met her on line we saw in her a potential to add to our family (poly). By the time we discovered that she was really younger than we were interested in(yeah she fibbed in her profile) we had both developed a real interest in her and felt like she would keep looking for someone to "show her the ropes", and from chatting with her we also knew she was ill equipped t make safe chioces about that. So we explained what a "protector or mentor" would do - in this case our hope was we could keep her chatting and help her learn things by answering questions and giving her book titles and web sights to read. We told her she had to take her profile down and she did and that she was not to ever lie about her age again. It was quite simply our hope that chatting with us would keep her safe(r) for a little while, and help her learn something in order to help her be better equipped to make good decisions. We did continue to chat with her in this way for a few months and she eventually went her own way. Mind you she was young and totally without experience and totally without the chance to join any group at the time. So, obviously, I do not think the "protector" idea is totally without merit in certain circumstances. MsOpal

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 7:09:59 PM)
Online collars strike me as a vicarious BDSM buzz, kind of like little girls dressing up in their mother's clothing and pretending to be grown up. While it seems like a great thing to have an experienced dom (or submissive) to go to with BDSM questions, a collar of protection seems to be of dubious value at best. MSS

LadyHugs -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 7:13:08 PM)
Dear emdoub, Ladies and Gentlemen; Yes, it has been hashed out times before however, it doesn't bother me to repeat myself. I can only speak for my own personal experiences and knowledge, to which a slave/submissive has asked for protection. It usually as been asked when a slave/submissive has had previous problems with ill mannered men and or women, who identify themselves as dominants and don't take 'no' for an answer. In the past, "no" meant something but, with so many wanna-be sorts that think this lifestyle is a big pool of easy lays and giggles and grins, at the expense of a slave and or submissive; has often forced such to ask for protection and let another dominant, if necessary go toe-to-toe with the troublesome sort and make sure that the slave's/submissive's wishes are heard loud and clear. Frankly-- what people have to put up with is tiresome so, I do understand why other dominants are asked to just 'be there.' In another case, a Master-slave couple I was close to; the Master was dying. It was that Master (and friend) who asked me to be a protector and guardian Master to his slave upon his passing. Physically got to the point where he was weak and in hospice. His slave and I were at his side, we had an impromptu uncollaring ceremony, to where he unlocked the collar of his slave, who was an emotional wreck and a friend as well. He knew the end was near, no hope. He transferred ownership to me. It was Old School/Old Guard like protocol that was followed then. Now, that said; the slave and I were never a match and all three of us knew that. However, my ownership was more like a Guardian/Protector until the slave was physically, emotionally and spiritually strong enough to seek out the next Master/Owner in their life. I will protect anybody that request such but, I do not issue a collar of such. I do issue a "collar of consideration," to those I have a personal interest in, to which I like to see how it grows and perhaps into a training collar and then the final stage of 'slave collar.' Slaves earn collars in my personal way of doing things. They aren't passed out like M&Ms. I do understand why there are Protection Collars. I do understand the needs for Protection Collars but, I also wish to say that some dominants need a swift kick in the bumper as to stop their nonsense when they go to far over the line and won't take no for an answer because they say their dominant or whatever authority role they assume. I also feel that any personal issues should not get to the point where both cannot play at parties, dungeons and or gatherings, without getting ugly and or physical. These are some of the reasons why individuals ask others for protection. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

freyjasdottir -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 7:35:22 PM)
One of my best friends IRL is also on this site and I made a promise to him not to get involved with anyone without running it past him first. I have a history of making poor choices so while I am working to improve it and I'm also trying to get his opinion on what choices I do make as I know he has my best interests at heart. I understand some people go overboard with it but I don't see how in the long run its much different than having a friend do a once over for a new vanilla relationship. And yes, the gentleman I have been talking to knows of my promise to my friend and they have talked also.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 7:42:40 PM)
Doesn't suggesting that it's subs and slaves who need protecting fly in the face of the idea that subs are strong and capable, and simply happen to be submissive to the person they choose to? The reality is that MANY people in the scene really thing that subs and slaves are NOT simply capable adults who choose to transfer authority within their relationship- but are in fact people who need extra protection and who can't take care of things like other adults are expected to. If people really took the protection idea seriously- it would be offered as often, if not more so, to the newbie doms, and subs would just as often be the "protectors" as doms- and TO the doms. And IMO in reality it's just romantic fluff to enable people to be ok with not taking the responsibility for themselves which we expect normal adults to have- in fact even to ENJOY and feel GOOD about the process.

Lashra -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 8:11:12 PM)
To me this sounds like a sub who can't or won't do her own interviewing for whatever reason. Maybe she doesn't trust their own judgement. I think this "under my protection" stuff is a bunch of bunk. A grown person should be able to handle their own life and if they can't, would you really want one as a sub? I wouldn't. As for the Dom it probably makes him feel like the big man to be protecting a poor defenseless damsel who is unable to look out for herself. Who knows. I'd steer clear of it myself. ~Lashra

MrRodgers -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 8:22:29 PM)
I have seen this and know for a fact successfully by married men and travelers. It works, so I have sort of a public service announcement for them: You seem to be a new single female sub/slave and will be burried in mail. Take your time and keep all of your options open kiddo. You should know that 'they' will try anything to get you to ignore all others. ADVICE:..........DO NOT go 'under consideration' or 'under the protection' of anyone. They are designed to stash you for booty calls and do not result in a relationship. Those terms are a scam as one sub told me years ago from the net. This is a net gimmick to get you out of circulation and reserve you for a fuck. NO MATTER what any of them say, run away from them. Now if you believe in all that stuff, then I put you under consideration right now and under my protection while we're at it. Let's fix this...I'd like to announce that from this point on...ALL single prospective sub/slaves at collarme are now 'under my consideration' and 'under my protection' and now ALL of your email and of course your libido...will go through me. Now I bet all of you feel better already...hey ?

diamonddreamlove -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 9:22:41 PM)
Never had a protector atleast officially. I did however have a Dom Friend that i talked to about finding the One i wished to be collared by and who i wished to serve. One of the Doms i spoke with during this time objected to my talking with the Friend stating it was just a way to keep me under wraps. I on the other hand thought it was a wonderful way to keep safe. Then i paid more attention to the Friend and realized that He did have 99% of the qualities i was searching for. Fortunately He had been waiting on me to wake up. No He did not tell me what to do but He did listen and make suggestions. Now we have been together for 6 months and are considering a collar in the Spring. If protection were just to keep one under wraps it would really suck but if it is designed to allow someone more experienced to help a newbie learn the ropes and avoid pitfalls that is another thing. He is my friend, my protector, my lover, my Dom and i am grateful to have Him in my life. He did not nor does He do my thinking for me and tells me that would be a bore. Just thinking about what the concept of having a protector is and finding out what it means to the sub would help Dominants keep from missing out on some wonderful subs. And if nothing else it is a learning process can she fly on her own or smart enough to have a safety net in place. Prefer the safety net but was flying solo with wonderful advice.

emdoub -> RE: "Under My protection" (10/24/2006 9:39:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam If, for whatever reasons, the sub has given a Dom this power over them, then the etiquette is to go through the Protector as they have asked. They've given this power to the Dom; it's then the sub's journey to figure out if it was a good thing to do or not. If this annoys you, then its probably a sign that they aren't a match for you. Yup - following the protocol they decide on is just being polite - and no, I prolly won't. quote: But, just wait until someone asks YOU to be the protector. It's kinda like you parents telling you that there are somethings that you wouldn't understand until you had children of your own...and you found that they were right. Um... BTDT. I'm, officially, the 'Protector' for anyone who ever shows up at a TIES event. Fortunately, I haven't had to do a whole lot, over the years - but looking over the shoulder while a nervous sub gets their feet wet - I've done. Nobody's ever asked me to be the first contact point - and I think I'd decline if asked. If they need that - they need more than I can give 'em. Midnight Writer

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