RE: Small frame makes me vain?

RE: Small frame makes me vain? (Full Version)

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allyC -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 1:51:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imtempting That is kinda hypocritical by the overweight people. These obese ppl that say big, bold beautiful yet you cant be skinny.healthy,youthful and pretty. Who says you can't be skinny, healthful, youthful and pretty? No one was telling her she was ugly or repulsive for being thin. They evidently felt that her behavior was questionable. Big difference. quote: Those people are jealous because they know you will live to be a healthy age, you can wear and eat whatever you want.. So on one hand, you say that it is such a great thing to wear and eat whatever you want but that only applies to skinny people? So if you just happen to have a body that stays thin no matter how horrible you eat or how little you exercise, you are better than someone who doesn't stay thin no matter how horrible they eat or how little they exercise? I fail to see the difference here. Unhealthy habits are unhealthy habits period. quote: I'd tell those idiots to shut the hell up and give them $5 to go to McDonalds to get some sympathy food. I cannot even begin to explain how utterly puerile that comment was. --- quote: I still think you should just tell these people to go to McDonalds and have a big mac and get even fatter. smacks forehead Yes! because we all know that fat people live on Big Macs. quote: People say that it is rude to call overweright ppl fat etc. It is just as rude to call thin ppl rude names. And where did any fat person call her names? I don't call thin people names and I don't know any other fat person who does so what the heck does that have to do with anything? She was being called on her behavior. quote: Is it ok for overweight people to wear clothes ten times too small that makes them look ugly as hell yet not ok for a skinny gal to wear clothes a bit too small or skin tight clothes that look sexy? Did anyone say that it wasn't okay for thin people to wear tight clothes? Anyone who wears clothes 10 times too small is going to look silly in my book. Wearing clothes that fit properly is a good thing for people of any size. quote: You people can abuse me all you want but like it or not your all being hypocrites as she said to start with all the bad things she has been getting called is about her weight.. No, she was being called on her behavior. No one said "You have no right to be skinny, your body disgusts me, you are repulsive." They simply said that she appeared vain in her behavior. quote: I also agree with her as I cannot stand being around obese people. It makes me sick to think how people could let their bodies get to such an un-healthy weight. But if a person has the same poor habits and stays skinny, they're just fine in your book? Not all obese people sit around on their asses eating bon bons all day. Funny thing though - it makes me sick that there are people out there who have so little empathy and compassion that they would judge someone with such venom and viciousness based on something so shallow. Before you become the judge and jury on how someone became overweight, walk a mile in their shoes. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a history and a series of events or situations that brought them to where they are and if you're not privy to that information and/or you've not experienced it yourself, then you've got no business speculating in such an uncaring and abrasive manner. quote: And if there is nothing wrong with it then why do doctors tell you to lose weight and why is America and Australia rated as having the most overweight people and the most illness related to being overweight. No one says there is nothing wrong with having poor eating habits and poor exercise habits. Thin or fat, that's not a good thing. But being fat doesn't always mean you're unhealthy and the path to becoming overweight and/or obese is a different one for each person. Funny thing - the people who stand up and beat others down for things like weight, sexual orientation, race, appearance, etc., are usually the ones who need the most fixing and usually the most insecure of them all. -Cav's ally

thisishis -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 5:31:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jewel85 ....................is there something wrong with me being proud of my small frame? When did being unhealthily obese become ideal? i'm sorry if i offend, but i find obesity disgusting, and if someone is very obese, i have a hard time being around them, because i find it so repulsive. What is wrong with wanting a healthy, thin body, as long as you aren't skin and bones? i'm tired of being called out for being beautifully thin. ~jewel @}-;--- Directing equally poor behavior and poor opinions in reply and reaction to the poor behavior and poor opinions offered by others? Either way, it's just not right. Two wrongs don't make a right. Do unto others ...... Pot. Kettle. Black. Glass houses ... and all that crap. [;)] Wouldn't the world be a much nicer place if more people who have nothing nice to say, learned to just shut the fuck up. [;)] By the way, Jewel, you should go read a height/weight proportion and/or BMI chart. At 5'4 and 137 you're on the line between medium and heavy build based on those. You're not quite that small, thin or "skin and bones". i'd know, i'm not even ON the stupid charts. Based on your thoughts posted here, it could seem that you have an issue with anyone who is not the same exact shape and size as yourself. Maybe that's what people pick up on ...

Mavis -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 6:10:27 PM)
Being one who has always felt pretty soft.. even when i was 114 pounds, i know there are tons of well proportioned women around me that don't feel good about their bodies no matter what size. i will definately tell someone, "wow, you look lovely. i sure can tell you've put some thought behind putting yourself together." i can say that to someone who is 98 pounds or someone who is 298 pounds, if there is a good presentation, who cares how large the package is? On the other hand, people who bring up their size or looks first will get NO positive input, they don't need it. If you're pointing out how great you feel and look in comparison, by either your words or your behavior, suck that egg yourself. i find it odd that you have this attitude having recently lost weight yourself. Usually, when people loose a lot of weight, they just keep a personal list of those that rejected them at a bigger weight, and they have the return gong ready to play if that person changes thier tune now that they are of a smaller size. But i've never seen anyone loose weight and then go on the warpath against those who are still on the other side. what gives?

Jewel85 -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 7:28:47 PM)
Ok, first off, please stop the sarcastic and rude remarks, whether against my opinion or against people who don't agree with me. i would not come to these forums if i didn't want opinions, and especially opinions different than mine (i like to see things from the 'other side of the fence'), but people who diss me just because i feel the way i do...that's just wrong. Please stop. The same for people who diss people who don't agree with me, just because they happen to have the same or a similar opinion to me. Don't do it, please? Let's be civilized...(No, i'm not going to call out names) Second, i didn't lose a lot of weight. i have always been small; in fact, i am much bigger now than i have ever been, because of knee problems that keep me from exercising as much as i could (i'm working on a new exercise routine that is helping me lose the weight that i've gained). i never even reached 100 until my Junior year in high school. i was wearing girls' sizes all through high school. i don't like the extra fat that i have, but i'm not beating myself up about it, because i'm not overweight. No, i'm not 'stick thin' or 'skin and bones'. i am working on getting to my ideal weight. Third, i think people misunderstood what i said. i did not mean that the people who called me vain or told me to stop flaunting were just people at the club. In fact, i have only had two people who were there tell me such. But other people in the vanilla world have said such to me. Re-reading what i wrote, i noticed the horrible wording, and i'm very sorry for the misunderstanding there. i'm not really good at expressing myself on a message board. Please forgive this flaw in me; i am trying to learn how better to communcate my feelings and opinions, but i tend to word it in ways that offend or agitate people, and that has been that way for a long time, so i've learned to keep my mouth shut altogether, holding in my feelings. Please be patient with me as i learn to express myself all over again. Finally, i think i worded my opinion wrong. i think it's not the overweight factor that is bothering me about people, but the uncaring obesity. When someone is obviously stuffing themselves at every meal, not exercising/watching tv all day long, and not caring that they look like terrible, it disgusts me. Thinking more closely on it, i realize that my opinions came off as 'If you're overweight, i can't stand you.' i'm sorry it came off as this. i know and am friends with people who are overweight. Some of them, they are that way because of a medical condition, as you kindly pointed out, juliaoceania and beautyImurDaddy. Diabetes, Cushing's Disease, and other conditions are very sad, i think, and i understand the way it can take away from your ability to lose weight or keep it from sneaking up on them. But people who have medical problems, it's obvious that despite their size, they take care of themselves (except for this one person i met who decided that because she couldn't control her weight, she'd let herself go and didn't care about how she looked anymore). They watch their weight best they can, exercise as much as able, and i can definitely tell they care for themselves by their clean, up-kept appearance. am i still turned off by their weight? Yes, but not to the point that i wouldn't socialize with them, and not to the point that i wouldn't be friends with them (this, i think, would go for anyone who is overweight but obviously takes care of themselves).. i don't take it out them, certainly, and i -never- express disgust or offend them about it (Lashra, i think the person who had the AUDACITY to come up to you and ask you 'how could you let yourself get so big?'...it shocked me that anyone could do that. It really did, because that's just horribly, horribly rude, and as you told them, tactless. you go, girl, for standing up to their total lack of couth. i am not one of those people; i would NEVER approach someone and point out their size. i wouldn't assume that it was because they are sloppy in their eating or exercise habits, nor would i want to offend them by pointing out something that they may very well be extremely sensitive about). i am sorry if i have offended people by presenting my opinion. i thought by posting it here i could have understanding and advice without the rudeness or offensiveness. Some of the people (whether they agreed with me or not) who posted did give great advice, and did make me think a lot, and really understand what it is that i find repulsive. The discussions in this thread have helped me realize how many people i do enjoy the company of that are overweight, but that take care of themselves, and that i don't find them repulsive to play with or be friends. i just don't find them sexually attractive. Does this make sense? i think it expresses my feelings a bit better than my first post, after really thinking about my feelings and opinions and really thinking about what people have said. Again, i apologize if my opinion has offended. i was honestly just seeking advice and opinions on how to deal with what people say, and the feelings i have about it. i'll try to ignore people who call me out for what they call flaunting (i have talked to several people who know me irl, and have seen how i behave, and they all agree that i don't flaunt my body, but allow myself to be seen), and not let them bother me or force me to not be me. ~jewel @}-;---

CrappyDom -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 7:45:55 PM)
Sometimes beauty is only skin deep, thanks for reminding me.

juliaoceania -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 7:49:21 PM)
You know, I would not have a friend like you if i was obese or thin... sorry, I just do not have people in my life that are disgusted by how someone looks as opposed to how they act. I do not think my opinion is anymore rude or crude than yours. It is one thing not to be attracted to obese people, it is another to feel the way you do about them... I have had obese friends and family members, but I am more concerned with their capacity to be a good person, not with what the scales say about them. You are very young, life is often cruel, and it has a way of making us deal with our prejudices and judgments... you or someone you love could very well face this problem one day, it is life's way of spanking us for being assholes.

nakedbeaver -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 7:57:35 PM)
i have a very small frame, itty bitty actually. my bones in all of my body are tiny, so i do know what it's like to be small. When i came back from basic training i weighed a little over a hundred lbs and i am pretty tall. i have also been up higher, in the 145 lb range. i have loved those that are smaller, i have loved those that are a lot bigger. It is okay to find certain parts attractive, certain features, certain weights, it's when it all goes to your head that you look so much better than everyone else that it really becomes a problem. Some of the ones i have been with that were bigger, were the sexiest i have known, some of the smaller, the most hateful and smug. You need to look at yourself, and try to see if you are giving off some kind of attitude you aren't aware of. There are a lot of messages in facial language, in body language, you might not even know are there. There is nothing wrong with confidence, there is something wrong with thinking you are better than others. Just search and see which it is for you.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 9:01:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jewel85 i think people misunderstood what i said. i did not mean that the people who called me vain or told me to stop flaunting were just people at the club. In fact, i have only had two people who were there tell me such. But other people in the vanilla world have said such to me. Jewel - I'm glad that you clarified this because I was absolutely stunned when it seemed that Crucible members were hassling you for "flaunting" yourself. I am a member of the Crucible as is my Master. He has been a member there since it opened, as well as a member of BR, BESS, etc. I have found the people at these organizations, and esp. members of the Crucible, are very accepting of people who play there, no matter what size or shape. Whenever I have been there, the only ones who get a prolonged "WTF?" stare from other patrons are the ones who are patently ignorant and immature. I am probably one of those "icky" naked women that squicks you out when tied up to a St. Andrew's cross because I'm heavy. Fortunately, I don't get hung up on what anyone else there thinks, except my Master. And He, invariably, looks at me and tells me that I am a beautiful slave before we begin a scene. So, people who have the opinion that gals like me are "gross" and that their smaller frames are so much nicer to "flaunt," need to remember that personalities (not body type) may be the basis of the attraction or repulsion that they get with other people. Just sayin'... pretty is as pretty does. (And it speaks volumes that vanillas are saying this to you more than lifestylers... Just might be time for a little introspection.) DRH ps ~ The only person that I have ever heard get remotely "bashed" at the Crucible was some girl who constantly shrieks during scenes and distracts other people throughout the club. No one did it out right (to her face) that I am aware of, but everyone knows when the NEEP girl is playing because it's like nails going down a chalkboard. Everyone tends to wonder where they can borrow a gag for her because she is utterly disrespectful of others who are there.

Mavis -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/25/2006 9:49:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jewel85 Second, i didn't lose a lot of weight. i have always been small; in fact, i am much bigger now than i have ever been... i don't like the extra fat that i have, but i'm not beating myself up about it, because i'm not overweight. No, i'm not 'stick thin' or 'skin and bones'. i am working on getting to my ideal weight. i am 5'4" and now 137 lbs (and slowly losing more, trying to get down to 120). Well, damn. Make up your mind, you've ALWAYs been small, or you are bigger than you've ever been, or you're slowly loosing more. Did you loose weight or not? (as "loosing more" seems to imply you have lost some..) you have extra fat, but you're not overweight. It doesn't matter, except that you brought it up. quote: Third, i think people misunderstood what i said. i did not mean that the people who called me vain or told me to stop flaunting were just people at the club. In fact, i have only had two people who were there tell me such. But other people in the vanilla world have said such to me. i am wondering, exactly HOW vain do you have to be before someone will actually say "Gawd, you're vain"... It's got to be pretty drastic for someone to Say so. That would give me pause for sure. quote: Finally, i think i worded my opinion wrong. i think it's not the overweight factor that is bothering me about people, but the uncaring obesity. And if these strangers you are just observing, seem to "care" then it'll all be so much better and you'll be much less willing to feel superior? quote: When someone is obviously stuffing themselves at every meal, not exercising/watching tv all day long, and not caring that they look like terrible, it disgusts me. It's quite an assumption that they are "obviously stuffing themselves" .. is that how YOU got your extra pounds? i honestly think this was much more a way to call attention to your profile and get some solid leads with the "beautifully thin" remark than a real topic you want to discuss. Unless there was a real question or are these rhetorical?.. Is this just their insecurity about their weight, or is there something wrong with me being proud of my small frame? When did being unhealthily obese become ideal? What is wrong with wanting a healthy, thin body, as long as you aren't skin and bones?

Siona -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 12:09:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jewel85 but people who diss me just because i feel the way i do...that's just wrong. Please stop. ).. ,. ~jewel @}-;--- Like someone earlier said... Pot. Kettle. Black

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 7:02:26 AM)
I'm so glad those antidepressants began working, and you're back with a much more positive/pleasant attitude, LMAO... I just know a man this angry ain't gettin' any... Maybe I'm wrong though. Laughing P.S I just wanted to Ditto Julia on AllyC being a gorgeous woman... I'm not bi either, but she is certainly the kind of beauty I'd drool over if I were. M

imtempting -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 7:34:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig I'm so glad those antidepressants began working, and you're back with a much more positive/pleasant attitude, LMAO... I just know a man this angry ain't gettin' any... Maybe I'm wrong though. Laughing P.S I just wanted to Ditto Julia on AllyC being a gorgeous woman... I'm not bi either, but she is certainly the kind of beauty I'd drool over if I were. M Looks like im not the only one that can say offensive posts... Looks like your the pot calling the kettle black now oh blktall(hypocrite)fullfig

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 7:57:41 AM)
Are you going to add "nah nah nah nah nah nah" my thin but very miserable friend? [sm=shake.gif] M

angelic -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 8:20:44 AM)
~fast reply to no one in particular~. Being a small person myself, i get comments from my female friends and acquaintances such as 'i used to be that skinny' or walking down the hall 2 women standing their chatting stop and say 'you're so small', i never know what to say so i always say something stupid like 'clothes hide a lot'... i truly am never sure how to gracefully handle those types of comments. i would never dream of commenting on a person's weight, small or large. Yet, some think it is ok to comment on my size. [&:]

Mavis -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 9:40:38 AM)
angelic, that is every bit as rude and insensitive as those who make similar comments to the overweight. i cannot for the life of me figure why anyone feels they have the right to make any disparaging comments about things like this. Can you even imagine somebody saying "gee, i never liked blue eyes, they creep me out, have you tried brown contacts? " ::: headThump ::

Daddysredhead -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 11:01:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis Can you even imagine somebody saying "gee, i never liked blue eyes, they creep me out, have you tried brown contacts? " ::: headThump :: Mavis - Thanks to you, I choked on my iced tea and snorted so loud, my coworkers thought I was having a seizure... [sm=biggrin.gif] Damn blue eyes! They ARE evil!!! [;)] giggles wildly, coughs up a lung ~ Red

Mercnbeth -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 11:01:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis ...Can you even imagine somebody saying "gee, i never liked blue eyes, they creep me out, have you tried brown contacts? "... ::: headThump :: here's an actual quote made to this slave years ago:"ohmygod, a redhead, make sure you stay away from me you psycho-bitch"...at a "vanilla" party. this one is much worse (and if this slave had a nickel for every time some jerk has felt the need to come up to her out of the blue and say it, oh how rich she would be)..."so tell me, is it true what they say about redheads?" people have wierd reasons some times for the prejudices they have, such as the stereotypes the OP espouses regarding those she considers "overweight" or the ones people have with regards to someone being born with red hair. it is this slave's position that personal preferences are fine, but crossing the line to negative assumption based on stereotyping shows a lack of respect for others and their differences, which, not suprisingly, is also the OP's chief complaint...pot, kettle, black indeed.

behindmirrors -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 11:11:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelic ~fast reply to no one in particular~. Being a small person myself, i get comments from my female friends and acquaintances such as 'i used to be that skinny' or walking down the hall 2 women standing their chatting stop and say 'you're so small', i never know what to say so i always say something stupid like 'clothes hide a lot'... i truly am never sure how to gracefully handle those types of comments. i would never dream of commenting on a person's weight, small or large. Yet, some think it is ok to comment on my size. [&:] Angelic, I hear you. People have just sat there and stared at me, then come up and been like "Have you eaten today?!", and other rude comments- and I am about 15-ish pounds heavier these days than I was before, I think I look normal. Similarly, I don't always know what to say to this kind of thing, too. I find it disrespectful- I guess my opinion is simply that I want people to see beyond my exterior- I'm just as much of a person as they are. I can't help it that I'm tiny, I try but it's almost impossible for me to get bigger. I would love an extra 5-10 pounds! I think then I'd look a bit better, and it would make my doctor beyond happy. A few years ago, I would have relished the comments. I was anorexic for 12 years. I'm that often referred-to example of "thin not always being healthier". I recovered mentally, and don't have that destructive part in my life anymore, but physically, my body has changed so much I will probably never be fully healthy again. I can't gain weight properly, and I would love to look just a bit more filled out- like the healthy, confident, beautiful woman I want to be. I have never been, and never will be disgusted with anyone because of their weight, because I've been there- maybe on the opposite side of the fence than the OP's dislike, but no one really likes the 85-pound stick curled up in the corner trying to stay warm and not pass out, either. Just because of my experience, I can't do it. It's just as miserable for me to do that to someone else as it has been done to me, and I don't want to go there. I think comfort with one's self is the ultimate in beauty, at any size, since if you're happy with who you are, it shows- and because that was the hardest thing I had to achieve in my own recovery. Just some thoughts. behindmirrors.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 11:27:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth "so tell me, is it true what they say about redheads?" Dear Fellow RH, You aren't kidding. Just this afternoon, at the post office, one of the clerk's said the same thing to me. I just leaned over the counter and in a hushed voice said, "What they say doesn't even come close..." and winked at him. He looked totally flustered and turned bright red in the face. As I was leaving, I said, "See? And I didn't even do anything yet." Hmmm.... maybe there is something to be said about that little wicked streak... [;)]

Daddysredhead -> RE: Small frame makes me vain? (10/26/2006 11:47:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: behindmirrors I think comfort with one's self is the ultimate in beauty, at any size, since if you're happy with who you are, it shows- and because that was the hardest thing I had to achieve in my own recovery. I applaud your sensitivity and your post as well as the courage it took to overcome your eating disorder. Be well... [:)]

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