Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a message?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a message? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a message? - 10/25/2006 7:56:10 PM   
tosubmit2u


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		I'd like to ask the dominant ladies, what type of letter on introduction from a sub would interest you to reply? I have been searching for a domme and have been writing to dommes in my local area where I introduce myself and what I feel I have to offer and ask if you would like to get to know each other better. I rarely get a response, even if to say, no not interested. Do most dominant women on this site get submerged with messages and just don't have the time or patience to respond to all of them. Or am I doing something wrong? Your advice would be most appreciated.

< Message edited by tosubmit2u -- 10/25/2006 8:06:25 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/25/2006 9:06:42 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		Anyone who writes me in a friendly, intelligent, literate manner to initiate a good conversation on subjects of mutual real life interest gets it.  That's what I'm here for, and that's what it says on my profile.  And that's a mighty good start to making me want to get to know someone better.

Unfortunately it's bloody rare for me to get the kind of emails I specifically ask for in my profile.  Instead, 95% of the emails I get are of the type that I specifically ask people not to send.  Eg, wannabe subs who call me "Mistress" right off the bat.  Major annoyance.  Those get blocked and deleted immediately, as anyone who can't be bothered to take the time to read my profile or pay attention to my preferences is no one I can be bothered to talk to. 

I won't talk to anyone who makes it obvious that he could care less about what I want, he's strictly in selfish pursuit of his own kinky fantasies with no respect for his partner's needs or desires.  Hell, he's not even vaguely interested in what I need or want since it's right there in my profile and he totally ignored it.   Lousy sub material for sure, and not anyone I'd want as a friend either.  So, block/delete/ignore.

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/25/2006 10:39:27 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear tosubmit2u, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I would be inclined to reply to a message if; 1. They read my profile and saw my preferences, such as age and location, etc,; as I am very specific.  2.  If they write that they understand they do not qualify in the specifics on my profile but, request to be considered with the things they may feel is worthy of consideration as well as why they're head and shoulders above any other canidate.  3.  If they spell out the words and give me more than a one liner or ask to chat.  4.  Being civil is a big plus.  Even when rejected, don't do like some whacky wanker from Woodbridge, and start name calling, profanity, didn't want to serve anyway, etc.  If civil, it might be I have contact with someone that might be looking for 'you.'--Its called networking.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/25/2006 10:47:51 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Personally, I do not bother with Sorry, not interested emails simply becasue of the number of emails I do recieve.  Or, did, until I had someone collared.
When I was still entertaining suitors, I would respond to any email that fit my most basic of requirements:
a) it was in readable english. It was not littered with unnecessary abbreviations for simple words, web slang and smiley faces.
b) It showed some sort of actual effort had been put into showing that the letter was actualy aimed at me, and not a cut and paste form of some sort.
c) It was NOT simply a repetition of the profile text, verbatim.
d) There were actual points of similarity that we shared, and not simply someone who desired to serve me simply becasue they liked my pictures
e) The idea of sex was not mentioned in the introductory email

Anyone wo met those 5 would at the very least get a response and I would see were it might lead.  Sadly, very few managed all of these.

If you are not having much luck in your local area, maybe you might want to broaden your search space.  I had the same problem, initialy, with finding a suitable submissive.  I eventually looked far out of state and found my angel.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/25/2006 11:35:33 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We respond if they:
1 - do not send an obvious form letter.  This means personalize it.  I don't mind a relatively generic e-mail as long as they follow the few guidelines set in the profile to show us that they have actually read the profile.
2 - are not obviously illiterate and/or lazy.  If there are so many typos that it looks like gibberish, I'm not going to bother trying to translate it into English because it will just give me a headache.  I happen to have mild dyslexia and my posts and e-mails are readable.  I have friends who have severe dyslexia and their e-mails to me are readable.  Handicaps can be overcome and/or compensated for.  I'm also not a fan of 'net-speak' - it's annoying, obnoxious, and is a sign of someone who will take shortcuts in more than just typing.
3 - show that they are not just someone looking for wank material (which goes along with reading the profile) or trying to force their ideals and fantasies on us.  We don't want someone who's intro includes a scene that they have done in the past or that they want to do - we don't want someone who goes into detail about their sexual history (or lack thereof) or lists all of their fetishes.

We want to get to know a person - so a relatively brief (the equivalent of a page or less) introduction, that shows they read the profile and tells us a little bit about him is going to get a reply, even if it's "I'm really sorry but I don't feel that we're compatable."  I mentioned in another thread that things like hobbies are good to mention, especially if it's something time consuming that your PYL will need to know about (a new potential for us travels out of the country at least every other month ... this is important for us to know, so he let us know early in talking - mega points for him), or if it's something that could benifit him or her (i.e. you built your own greenhouse and grow exatic flowers or took chef's courses or something).  If you have a particular interest that you think you might share, mention it ... if they have on their list of interests 'renassance faires' and you make chainmaile or something - tell them.  Be yourself, but be the best "yourself" that you can be.  Read their profile, make sure that you proofread, etc.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 10/25/2006 11:37:25 PM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 12:47:40 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Respectful/gentleman like approach, including information about himself, and reading the profile (to which you were responding) and mentioning something about it in his note.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 1:49:44 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer
Unfortunately it's bloody rare for me to get the kind of emails I specifically ask for in my profile.  Instead, 95% of the emails I get are of the type that I specifically ask people not to send. 

My sentiments exactly.  I'll reply when it meets what I am looking for, and it's been done even close to the way I've requested it be done.  I can't possibly waste my time and efforts replying to every fool who types ridiculous things in out of desperation, hoping for a reply from anyone.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 1:53:25 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I think it depends on what you're putting out there in your email, and whether you're paying close attention to what she's said in her profile for instructions.

Just from a quick glance of your profile, it all looks good.  You appear to me to be a service submissive who seeks a femdom authority and you're a believer in FemSup.  While that last part generally doesn't suit me personally, I'm certain that there are women out there who seek exactly what you are and desire to be for someone.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 2:31:02 AM   
mam


Posts: 54
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		First, really read my profile. Journal entries too. Then tell me in a polite way how we are compatible with each other. Show me that you are a real, caring person with other interests outside BDSM.

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 4:16:25 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		Like some of the others who have posted, I have specific requirements as to what I am looking for with regard to age, marital status, and location.  There are also certain kinks that are hard limits for Me and these are clearly stated.  So the first determinant of whether or not I respond is if the person meets the requirements stated in My profile.
 
The second thing I look for are the pieces of information I specifically request be included in the letter of introduction.  If those are present, it shows Me the submissive read My profile, respects My wishes, and can follow instructions.
 
Beyond that, I look for a well-constructed letter that does not contain excessive typos.  I also do not care for people using abbreviations for short words (u for you, r for are, etc.).  How lazy can one be?  I also don't respond to subs whose intro letter is a list of what they want done to them, or who sound like all they are looking for is sex. 
 
Another thing that has annoyed Me lately is subs who send a mass-mailing to every single Domme in the same town on the same day.  Some of these people really need to slow down.  Several of the local Dommes know each other, and if all of us got the same thing at the same time, it is a HUGE turnoff and I discontinue communication with the sub when I found out he has done this. 
 
So what it boils down to is that I respond to perhaps 10% of the e-mail I receive.  Much of it goes into the bulk mail folder and I don't even see it.
 
Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 10/26/2006 4:17:13 AM >

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 7:07:28 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		It isn't a "ladies" or a "type of letter" thing really that determines whether or not you'll get a response but whether or not the "lady" in question is interested in your "type of letter".

I respond to every note I get ever just to say "not interested" or "wow your language is crude; not interested". Heck I probably send out a note or two a week just to say "I liked this post" or "nice new profile" or "nice picture" -- but I don't expect any reply frankly.

Things that personally get a "not interested" from me are:
1) rude notes that insult me in some fashion (very rare)

2) notes from someone who is incapable of writing in complete words (I have dyslexia but at least I try people)

3) notes focused on sex or even BDSM right away

4) notes that clearly show the person has not read my profile or any of my posts

5) notes from tops/doms who want to be my "owner" (see #4)

6) notes from too far away (if it would take you more than a three hour drive, I'm going to really question not only how much you've read my profile but how much you are living in reality of what I expect from my training program)

7) notes from anyone I've read on the forums who shows a sexist, racist, or even a political philosophy I can't abide by

People who write to me should also know that I'm far more likely to ask questions than I am to give answers simply because in my experience a person seeking me will often change their answers based on what I say and I want to know their true answers. How else can I get to know him/her?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 7:59:38 AM   
urpunk


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah right you are not even a dom.  Nice outfit it is sexy but that is just Vegas baby. 

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 8:11:25 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Except for the rude lil twit punk, I have to agree with what everyone else said. If a letter shows that someone is interested in communicating with me as a human being I will reply.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to urpunk)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 8:45:22 AM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		Hi tosubmit2u,

I, unlike some (most) who have replied already, reply to each and every email I recieve.   I will admit to the fact that there have been a couple of one line replies that went something like "Did you actually read my profile?".  There have been a couple where I just said "no thank you".  If their note sounds the least bit interesting, literate, at least like they read some of my profile then I will go read theirs.   If their profile is blank, or has no interests listed, they get a no thanks.

I want to know the man is truely interested in ME and what I want and what I have to offer.  I want to know he is capable of reading a (long) profile and thinking about whether or not it has any possibility of being a good fit.  Then I want to know WHY he thinks it might be agood fit - not just "because i want to serve you" kind of thing.  Tell me WHY you are worth getting to know, what in my profile appealed to you, I want to know you are a real person who has more to offer than "groveling at my feet".

Be interesting and interested in her and what she wants/likes.  Be intelligent.  Have a sense of humor. Be honest.  Do not write her a book the first time, but send her something that will make you a real person, an interesting person to her.

Good luck - do not be in a hurry, it takes a long time unless you are extreamly fortunate.  Also, go out in real life and go to a munch.  You could even go into the city and meet folks at a munch or event there.

MsOpal




(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 9:37:13 AM   
Legman1


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		One common denominator I'm seeing here guys is all the ladies above have  a considerable amount of information in they're profiles. They've taken the effort to show themselves and some of they're wants, needs, likes and dislikes. So I'm thinking take they're advice and you'll probably have a fair chance. 
What I'm not seeing is anything from the ones with little to go on in they're profiles. What are they thinking? A few tidbits of info and a coy additude is hardly enough for me to find to find the words to impress them. It's quite frustrating.

(in reply to Argentopal)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 9:45:37 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		This is honestly hysterical to me ... your one and only post is to insult me - which means that you are someone whom I've dealt with under another screen name, and you created another to insult me.  You don't bother me one little bit - but you did give me a nice laugh to start my day with, so thanks.

(in reply to urpunk)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 9:56:33 AM   
LadyMarmalade1


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not looking for another sub, which is why my profile may not seem to say much about me.  I reply to every message I recieve as long as it isn't rude or insulting, even just to say "sorry I'm not looking, but have a nice day."  If you acknowledge that you understand that I'm not looking for a sub, but you ask intelligent questions, I will definately reply and even give advice if I think it could help. 
Just be friendly and interesting, and try to write something that will make her remember you apart from all the other subs out there (without saying the same things that are in your profile, since I always check a profile after reading a message.  If the profile is the same as the email, I feel like there is no point spending a lot of time writing a personal response.)

Good luck and have a nice day.

Lady Marmalade

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 10:06:08 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I try to reply to every email and most are a thanks but no thanks.  The reason for this is usually simple location.  What interests me in a person is when they have obviously read my profile and have found a common ground, prefereably not one that involves their fetish, for which to initiate a conversation.  I do not mind those who talk about their desires in a relationship when it is something like building a rapport, ultimate goals, etc.  But anyone who starts off with, "I see you like X.  I do too.  It is my fantasy to blah blah blah and would you be interested?" usually will get a "No thanks" in response. 

Know what it is you want and narrow your search to just those people who seem to fit.  Get involved in the forums so you get exposure and can have some fun and learn at the same time.  Be respectful and polite but do not do chat speak.  *this worthless slave kneels before you and requests permission to approach* First, if you are worthless then why would I want you?  Next, that just screams cyber to me and I will pass it by.  Just be real. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LadyMarmalade1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 10:13:06 AM   
MissBabydoll


Posts: 62
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with with what Najakcharmer, Ladyhugs, Pandora, Topaz, and Tammyjo have said, minus the part about being local in some of Their posts since I also work online. Show Us you have read Our profiles and journals, present yourself as a human being and not just a collection of kinks, be respectful, never spam Us. I will reply to any message that meets these criteria.

(in reply to tosubmit2u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a mes... - 10/26/2006 10:16:43 AM   
MissBabydoll


Posts: 62
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: urpunk

Yeah right you are not even a dom.  Nice outfit it is sexy but that is just Vegas baby. 


Umm--so street clothes and glasses are "sexy but just Vegas"?? I think you're so out of it that you replied to the wrong Domme! And who the f*** are you to be telling a Woman whether she is a "dom" [sic]? This sort of post, plus the ones from arrogant right-wing maledoms, are what keep Me from participating more on these boards...

(in reply to urpunk)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> What makes dominant ladies decide to reply to a message? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094