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RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 11:54:55 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

In immature BDSM relationships I think there are some where the submissive runs the show and has the easy role, in others the dominant finds a pliable partner and his role is easier.

In more advanced and healthy relationships I think the work load is more equal but the the burden ultimately falls on the Dominant.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 41

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 12:05:57 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

What do I have to do? Trust. All I have to do is trust that he will guide me to that place that I yearn to be, and do so in a safe, and conscientious manner.

I'd say for a good quality submissive or submission there is much more that has to be done, and many more other skills that are needed than trusting. I think for submitting (not dealing with issues of quality) the only thing that would need to be done is letting the person do whatever they want to do.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 42

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 12:48:19 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

General reply to OP:

Yes. I think the dominant party has it much harder, I mean, as far as a relationship would be concerned. Plus they have no idea what they're missing. heh.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 43

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 12:56:57 PM

subjected2006

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline

Sometimes.
We all know this.
I don't understand the big to do about it.

I have been on both sides.
Simply managing to breathe with a big rubber ball
wedged behind my pearly whites is not easy.
Especially if I happen to be crying and bubbling snot out my nose.
Look..
What's easy for you could be impossible for someone else to manage.
Feel pride in whatever you do.

"That's something to be proud of,
that's a life you can hang your hat on....."
~ Montgomery Gentry~

_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 44

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 12:59:38 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I have no clue. For me, dominance is easier because it is who I am. I am naturally the leader, organizer, planner, keep my cool type of person in almost any situation. I am almost always the person in control whether it is personal, professional or kink situations. Even if the decisions I need to make are difficult, I just see it as part of my every day responsibilities and I do it. Plus, I like the foot rubs.

When things are, for whatever reason, out of my control, I find that much harder to deal with. I don't get the "relax and let someone else take control" for awhile stance. It drives me batty. So, for me submission would be so much harder. I guess in my mind the answer is "if you're dominant, dominance is easier and if you are submissive, submission is easier". But, I could be wrong.

< Message edited by MsKatHouston -- 10/27/2006 1:01:20 PM >

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 45

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 1:00:49 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

oops...hit wrong button

< Message edited by MsKatHouston -- 10/27/2006 1:01:43 PM >

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 46

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 1:13:37 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Personally, I would hope that anyone (Dominant or submissive/slave) would find it relatively easy to be themselves.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 47

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 1:44:39 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I would hope that anyone (Dominant or submissive/slave) would find it relatively easy to be themselves.

John

I agree. If it's too much "work" for one, it's simply not who they are. I know when I even think of submitting.. it catches in my craw..not as a negative act.. it's simply not me. I cannot let go of my power. While I can share it, I never totally surrender.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 10/27/2006 1:53:38 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 48

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 1:50:43 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenrageTheKeeper

In terms of female submissive/male Dom relationships. Yes and no.

First of all, ther are far more Doms than there are submissives. This has its strong points and its weak points. While the submissives pretty much have the pick of the litter when making their choices, they also have to deal with a lot more fakes and they have a greater chance of finding someone abusive.

Then there is the possibility of not finding someone and deciding to go vanilla. A submissive woman, in the arms of a vanilla man, can still give of herself to that man and get some aspects of her desires fulfilled. A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman.

That is a very good observation on these relationships. I have known some submissive women who gave up the BDSM and have settled for vanilla relationships. You are also correct on dominant men in either vanilla relationships or marriages who have to explore the other aspects of BDSM.

It is also hard in selecting and choosing the right dom when I find there are some more flaky doms, which I don't waste my time with them.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 10/27/2006 1:53:30 PM >

(in reply to ZenrageTheKeeper)

Post #: 49

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 3:12:00 PM

subsa

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

i think both partners need to work at the relationship for it to succeed. there is a Rush song that goes:
"philosopher and plowman; each must do his part to mold a new reality, closer to the heart."

i'm not a 'spoiled' submissive. i work outside the home at a stressful job. i do most of the cleaning. i do all the cooking and meal planning. i 'serve' Master in everyway that i can. but still, i think i have it easier. Master sets the pace/tone of our relationship and makes the decisions that affect us in the long term. He is the one that takes responsibility for our composite happiness. so the way i see it is that what i do effects us in the short term. but nothing serious will happen if i burn dinner or don't clean the toilet. but what He does effects us for the long haul and could have serious reprecussion if He does a shoddy job.

as someone else said...i don't understand what the payoff is for Him. it never seems enough to me that he has a clean house, a full belly and a willing sex partner. if i had His responsibilities it would feel like the weight of the world were crushing me.

but such is our dynamic and it makes us both happy to be who we are.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 50

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 3:55:22 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

There are responsbilities and rewards on both sides.
A dominant I used to know always said, "The goal of a D/s relationship is that both people believe they are getting the better part of the bargain."

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 51

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 4:19:46 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

it must take a lot of nerve to give power to someone;I mean what about issues of pride,self respect, at least early on in a relationship. And how about how uncomfortable it must be to be naked and bound tightly while being whipped or caned, or onvolved in some other form of sensation play

That is a very good point HW. When I asked him if he thought we had it easier, his actual answer was no. He pretty much summed it up like you did; that it takes alot more for a person to 'subject' themselves to the whims of another and still maintain pride, and self-respect.

quote:

"I don't know if I'm a bottom or just lazy" :)

LMAO Ma'am. I kind of like that quote.

quote:

First, in my household we use terms a particular way so I'm not sure this will be as clear as I might wish. Let me tell you what Fox always says on this subject. The following is be paraphrasing what he has said to me and to others:

Being a submissive is easy -- I get to just do what I'm told but more often I get to just feel and react.

Being a slave is a lot of work -- I have to be self-motivated often, I have to always have you (me, TammyJo) at the front of my mind, I have to consider what I am doing because what I do and how I behave reflects back on you, and I have to be able to adjust at any moment to your desires and orders.

Those times when I just submit to you those are wonderful, relaxing times when I can just "be".

Being your slave though is well worth the work because of what I get back from myself and from you.
Those

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Ma'am, that is probably the best explanation I have ever heard. Your young man said it perfectly.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 52

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 4:36:26 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

You might find fault with this statement, but I believe that the one thing that CANNOT be taken from a slave is their own sense of self-preservation. They need it if they are ever to need to walk away.

while on one hand, I agree with this statement, I also see the other side as shown by Ownedgirlie:

quote:

It is not that I find fault with this statement. It is that it simply does not apply to some of us. For some, the emotional bond we are in is far too strong to walk away from. For others, the price of walking away is just too high. Some may find fault in that, too, but it is the case, none-the-less.

quote:

As someone that surrenders my personal power in my intimate relationship, I have to say it feels like falling off a log to me, not too hard at all, I asked my Daddy for his input on this and he said I am basically comparing apples to bananas... they are different things and hard and easier does not even compute in his mind. He does not feel it is harder to be dominant than submissive.

I almost started this thread myself Kalira...lol

LOL I thought about this for almost 2 days before actually going ahead and posting it

Now see, that's what it feels like for me. Like falling off a log. Extremely easy to do lol. And yet, to be honest, I have never been on the other end, so I have no concept of how hard it might actually be for the Dominant/Master in the relationship; with exception to heresay.

quote:

Frankly, I do not know why there is this need to compare anyway

I am not really trying to compare; it was more of something that was just driving me crazy thinking about it. Like I said, I was all set to jump down Jeff's throat for his other comment, but then I actually stopped to think about it. I think I am just trying to understand it from both perspectives and I keep coming up short because I have never been on the Dominant side.

Mavis, it was actually your post in the other thread that stopped me from bashing Jeff lol; and caused me to actually stop and think about it for a bit

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 53

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:20:46 PM

ZenrageTheKeeper

Posts: 237
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

A Dominant man can not do this with a vanilla woman.

Ok, this I am now curious about lol. Why would you think that a Dominant man could not be dominant with a woman who is vanilla?

( I only use the word man/woman generally; I know that the roles could be reversed )

quote:

Edited because i just had the thought that sometimes it is not always easy to know how to please your Sir as it is not always made clear straight away how they can be pleased. I do find this part hard at times.

Yes, even after thinking about it, I still am running it through my head. Every time I think I have a handle on it, another question or aspect comes up.

Because unless she is into the occaisional kinky adventure, the Dom can't just decide to tie up the vanilla woman, flog her or expect her to crawl to him on her knees.

This kind of behavior could get a guy arrested or at the very least, a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.

_____________________________

If Men never thought with their penises, all you girls would still have cooties.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 54

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:24:53 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

Because unless she is into the occaisional kinky adventure, the Dom can't just decide to tie up the vanilla woman, flog her or expect her to crawl to him on her knees.

This kind of behavior could get a guy arrested or at the very least, a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.

Ahhh, but see, you are only thinking about dominance from the 'kink' side. I was referring to the personality side

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to ZenrageTheKeeper)

Post #: 55

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:30:49 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

My own personal opinion is that if a person is in a relationship where they can demonstrate behaviors that reflect their inner-self, then it will be easy for them to be in that relationship. If dominance or submission reflects who you are and you are with the best match for you, then it will be easy for the most part. There will be times or moments of difficulty but I find being who you are to be easier in the long run.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 56

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:45:37 PM

ZenrageTheKeeper

Posts: 237
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

Because unless she is into the occaisional kinky adventure, the Dom can't just decide to tie up the vanilla woman, flog her or expect her to crawl to him on her knees.

This kind of behavior could get a guy arrested or at the very least, a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.

Ahhh, but see, you are only thinking about dominance from the 'kink' side. I was referring to the personality side

If Dom men got their rocks off every time they acted Dominant in a social circumstance, they'd never keep their pants clean.

_____________________________

If Men never thought with their penises, all you girls would still have cooties.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 57

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:47:53 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

if subs had it so easy, then we all would have a Dominant and we wouldn't be here looking.

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to ZenrageTheKeeper)

Post #: 58

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:49:46 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

See all the bitching and whining doms have to put up with?

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 59

RE: Do submissives REALLY have it easier? - 10/27/2006 5:51:29 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

about the same as the complaints us subs have to put up with

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 60

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