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ORIGINAL: Kalira


Ok, this is driving me crazy. Something was brought up in another thread, and a couple people jumped on it; but, instead of hijacking, I thought I would start a new post about it.

It was mentioned in the other thread, in passing, that 'submissives have it much easier than Dom's"

Now, I know that when the person said this, he was in no way trying to be insulting to the struggle that submissives and slaves have; and I will admit that when I first read this, I was all set to jump down his throat for thinking so callously. Yet, after thinking about it, and actually trying to break it down in my head, I came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, there is some truth in that statement, especially if you look at it from a power exchange POV only.

I broke it down this way after thinking about it a bit:

I know what I want in life. I know what I am in this life. And wanting that, and being that, for myself and by myself, is pretty darn easy. When you bring in another, it’s still pretty darn easy.

Yet, from the other side, he has to build my trust up; take responsibility for any and all that he may say and do in regards to me , he has to guide me to the space that I truely yearn to be, using only my words and actions as reference; he has to set the pace; he has to set the ground rules and adhere to them ; he has to take responsibility, emotionally, physically, mentally; for the well being of his property in regards to the relationship...It could go on

What do I have to do? Trust. All I have to do is trust that he will guide me to that place that I yearn to be, and do so in a safe, and conscientious manner.

Now, I am in no way saying that coming to a spot where you can trust someone unconditionally is easy; I know this to not be true. And yet, when I look at it this way, I can see the truth in the statement that 'submissives have it easier'

I am extremely curious as to how others would view this.

( and yes, I know that this is sure to cause some tempers to flare, all I ask is that you really think about it before you answer )

so...let the flames begin

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ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

See all the bitching and whining doms have to put up with?

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ORIGINAL: Kalira

Ahhh, but see, you are only thinking about dominance from the 'kink' side. I was referring to the personality side

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ORIGINAL: firespunk

Are you kidding me? The life of a submissive is nothing but difficult. You constantly have to be on gaurd and vigilant to your dominant counterpart (Master). Your every action or inaction has to be with Him at the center of it. Dominants have it made...they make the rules, they change the rules at their liesure, they break the rules that never apply to them anyways, they demand 100% all the time with a very narrow margin of error. I mean really, anyone who has ever been a serious submissive knows the dedication and commitment it requires; the pain and frustrations it encompasses. Yet, somehow when the day concludes there is an intense personal satisfation that is felt by the submissive, independant of anything external to her. At the start of every day a submissive has to compose her inner self and constantly regulate and re-regulate herself throughout the day, she has to adjust herself to whatever is going on with her dominant. A submissives life has very little to do with the obeying of rules and carrying out of tasks, it is about what underlies those concepts...an entire psychological mind set. It is about the constant conditioning and re-conditioning of oneself, building tolorance and enhancing self-discipline. Well, I could easily write a ten page essay on this so I will stop here. I was simply taken by surprise and felt compelled to respond to such a question.

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ORIGINAL: mstrjx
Once you understand 'place', you know who you are to your dom/master/mistress/owner/protector/top/whatever, and you understand what is expected from you.  Then the calm sets in.  Not a care in the world, except for whatever expectations are placed.

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ORIGINAL: firespunk

Are you kidding me? The life of a submissive is nothing but difficult. You constantly have to be on gaurd and vigilant to your dominant counterpart (Master). Your every action or inaction has to be with Him at the center of it. Dominants have it made...they make the rules, they change the rules at their liesure, they break the rules that never apply to them anyways, they demand 100% all the time with a very narrow margin of error. I mean really, anyone who has ever been a serious submissive knows the dedication and commitment it requires; the pain and frustrations it encompasses. Yet, somehow when the day concludes there is an intense personal satisfation that is felt by the submissive, independant of anything external to her. At the start of every day a submissive has to compose her inner self and constantly regulate and re-regulate herself throughout the day, she has to adjust herself to whatever is going on with her dominant. A submissives life has very little to do with the obeying of rules and carrying out of tasks, it is about what underlies those concepts...an entire psychological mind set. It is about the constant conditioning and re-conditioning of oneself, building tolorance and enhancing self-discipline. Well, I could easily write a ten page essay on this so I will stop here. I was simply taken by surprise and felt compelled to respond to such a question.

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His response is usually along the lines of "Yes, its a lot of work.  No, you probably can't understand exactly how much it takes in my position.  But I will make sure you make it worth my time."

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  there is a very different kind of "work" involved, perhaps we ourselves aren't even aware how much because its mostly internal:

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Just random ponderings... this has me thinking. 

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  Your every action or inaction has to be with Him at the center of it.

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  they make the rules, they change the rules at their liesure, they break the rules that never apply to them anyways, they demand 100% all the time with a very narrow margin of error

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  I feel relatively confident that I could speak from the dominants perspective though, even given I have never stepped in those shoes

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

to me, it is much harder to be a submissive because the submissive has to give up all hope of a monogomous, romantic relationship.  she needs to learn to accept that the Dom will always have the relationship(s) He desires but she must push back that side of her that wants to be center of someone's life... she must forsake a lot of traditional thinking, learn to accept, adapt and overcome.  she must learn that she will accept what is given and be grateful for it.  

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i can only comment based on my own experience.  i have met many committed couples, but they are seeking a third so i thought this was the normal and natural outcome of D/s relationships.

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ORIGINAL: mstrjx

BUT, I would make an exemplary slave.  How is this so?  Because I would understand 'place'.  I've certainly taught it enough times to know that more than half of understanding submission and slavery boils around this one concept.  Like I said before, I wouldn't have nearly the trust issues that I've heard here, but once you get comfortable with whatever level of trust you require, it's really all about 'knowing your place'.

That alone would prevent the internal headgames that firespunk describes.  Once you understand 'place', you know who you are to your dom/master/mistress/owner/protector/top/whatever, and you understand what is expected from you.  Then the calm sets in.  Not a care in the world, except for whatever expectations are placed.